Categories
News News Feature

FALLING INTO DISGRACELAND

I was raised a Catholic. I went to church every Sunday, religious education every Wednesday, and ice cream socials every summer. These days I’m lapsed, which basically means that I can’t get out of bed on Sundays. I want to, I do, but it is just physically impossible.

This, I’ve found, makes me more open to other religions. For instance, a couple of weeks ago I was out in Overton Square doing my best to look available but not desperate. Unfortunately, I wasn’t doing a very good job; because I was starving and sometimes looking hungry and looking desperate look a lot a like. My friend and I were hopping from restaurant to restaurant, looking for a place with a wait of less than three hours. Eventually, we were seated so far in a corner that our waitress had to use a mirror on a stick to take our orders. Needless to say (as I did not have said mirror on stick), scoping out the other diners for possible dates was out of the question. So my friend and I had to resort to talking instead.

After an hour or so, our food was still lost in the kitchen somewhere and we had run out of her gossip, my gossip, celebrity gossip, and political gossip, and had resorted to talking about spiritual matters: in particular, dating karma. If you cheat, love too much, love too little, or lie, does it come back to you in kind?

Now, if that’s the rule of the universe, I’m in trouble. It’s not that I’ve been a raging bitch to my past likes, loves, and lusts, it’s just that, well, I have ice water in my veins. And that can’t bode well with karma.

After dinner, my friend headed off to hang out with her boyfriend (obviously her karma is much better than mine. But what can I say? She’s Hindu, so it’s more her bag.) and I sauntered off to the Hi-Tone to drink a beer and listen to a band. I was ignoring everyone in the crowd (like I said, veins, ice water) until a man directly behind me tried to get my attention. I turned and raised my hand (I don’t know why) and hit him in the face.

(Which, sadly, I’ve done before. Of course the last time it happened was at Young Avenue Deli and it made a little more sense. The guy trying to talk to me was rather intoxicated, the music was rather loud, and as he came in close to yell some witty something in my ear, the bill of his cap hit me in the eye. And it hurt, so I raised my hand, ostensibly to keep my eyeball from falling out, and instead slapped him across the face. Or . . . geez, I might have stuck my finger up his nose. Or both. I can’t really remember. At any rate, that was the end of that.)

But this guy wasn’t fazed by my lack of grace and offered to buy me a drink. I could say it was a nice gesture, but I would just be saying that to make myself look good. He looked a bit older than me, and he had that smooth sort of veneer that, I’m sorry, makes me cringe. Plus, I already had a beer. So I shook my head and turned back to the music.

Then he asked where I was from. “Here,” I said, the lie rolling off my tongue like silk. Where are you from?

“Here,” he said.

I could have asked what he did or if he liked the band, but I wasn’t interested and I had to go to the bathroom. So I excused myself. Okay, I didn’t really excuse myself; I just turned around and walked away (I told you, ice water).

The next day I was out walking my dog around my apartment building’s parking lot. Now there happens to be this cute guy who lives in the building. And let me just say for the record, I am not stalking him. I haven’t changed my daily routine or used binoculars or gone through his trash.

I’m not stalking him, but I am keeping an eye on him. You have to be ready for that magical moment when the lighting is perfect and you’re both looking fabulous, and your eyes meet and it all falls into place. And the importance of face time should never be underestimated. If someone doesn’t know you’re alive, it’s very difficult to get busy with said person (unless they’re necrophiliacs, but that’s something entirely different and not altogether what I’m into).

So I’m in the parking lot with little Fluffy and she’s chasing sycamore balls and I’m dancing around. And then I look up and there he is, cute apartment guy, bearing down upon us.

“Can I pet your puppy?” he asked.

Now, my puppy is friendlier than Kathie Lee Gifford on speed. She regularly throws her entire body upon my neighbors; she has french kissed my postman; she has french kissed me.

There was no way he was getting out of petting her, not when he was within leash range. But I couldn’t tell him that.

I couldn’t tell him that, because suddenly I had forgotten how to speak. Nothing would come out. Not, “She’d love that.” Not, “Go right ahead.” Not, “Yes.”

No, I just stood there, in my sweatshirt and early Saturday morning makeup (read: makeup left over from Friday night) and smiled weakly.

Finally, after an unusually long silence (I’m not kidding about this; he probably thought I was mute) I blurt out, “Didn’t you used to drive a blue car?” Immediately I thought, Damn. Now he’s going to think I’m stalking him. Which, as I have said before, I’m not.

“Yeah, I just bought that one last week,” he says and gestured behind him. Meanwhile my mind is racing: Tell him you’re a journalist. Tell him you’re trained in observation. Tell him you have a photographic memory. Tell him something!

But what do I say? “Oh, I thought you had just repainted it.”

Well, that pretty much ruined the moment, not like it had even been magical, and he went his way and I went mine. It might have just been my own ineptitude. But there’s that other option: should I take this as a sign that karma does exist? Because he’s cute, but he isn’t that cute. Certainly not speechless, tongue-swollen-in-mouth cute.

I guess from here on in I’m going to try an experiment: I’m going to actually try and be nice to people. It’s going to take a lot of work, but it’s been something my mother has been saying I need to do for years. And if it comes back to me in kind, well, I might think about converting. Then again, would that mean I’d have to get up on Sundays? Because like I said, I just can’t do it.

Mary Cashiola writes about life every Friday @ memphisflyer.com. You’re invited to come along.

Categories
News The Fly-By

SO THIS IS WHAT THEY MEAN BY FREE PUBLICITY

Next season the team will almost certainly play in Memphis, where Federal Express will reportedly pay $125 million to call the club the Express, to festoon the players in FedEx colors (orange and blue) and to retain naming rights to a $250 million arena financed largely by taxpayers, who would have no say in the matter. Now that s basketball.

— Steve Rushin in his Sports Illustrated column this week which argues that the Vancouver Grizzlies’ fans deserved better than they got from the NBA.

Categories
We Recommend We Recommend

saturday, april 21st

If you re shopping for art, check out tonight s 24th Annual Original Art Auction at Playhouse on the Square, which includes a dinner buffet and a live and silent auction of works by more than 100 artists. Today begins the big, two-day Earth Day Celebration at the Shell, a weekend of food, music, environmental information, and other shenanigans. Classical guitarist Lily Afshar is at the Bartlett Performing Arts and Conference Center tonight. One of the most popular parties of the year in Memphis, the Architects Midtown Rhythm & Blues Party at Askew Nixon Ferguson Architects, features Tumblin Sneakers, Billy Gibson, Gerald Stephens, and Ashley Wieronski; proceeds benefit Senior Services. Porch Ghouls with Syrup and The Go Fast are at Young Avenue Deli. And there s a Monster Rock Fest at Newby s.

Categories
News News Feature

WE RECOMMEND (THE GOOD PART)

When I was at the Piggly Wiggly in Frayser buying a big sack of turnips the other day . . . Well, I’m not really sure where that one is going, but I just had to say it because it is true. I have found myself in some pretty strange places in the past few days. Yes, I was in Frayser at the grocery store buying turnips. They were for a beloved family member who lives out in the country in a lovely bucolic setting with a lake and bluebirds and a forest full of wild violets and a creek and a garden and flowers and peach trees. It was beautiful. I was in the midst of a full-blown panic attack the entire time I was there (this is taking over my life, like I need more problems). Maybe it was because I had also tried to buy her some fresh asparagus at said grocery store, but it was so old and dry it looked like Thai stick. I did, while driving through the countryside listening to my new Train tape, shout the words, “I’ll not leave this place without a goat!” And I do intend to go back and get one for my backyard. And then there was the Saturday-morning yard-sale shopping spree. While trying to follow some signs and track one down, my friend and I happened upon an automobile accident. A fresh one. Woman laid out on the ground, next to her smashed-up car, on a stretcher, in a neck brace. It was horrifying, and I kept shielding my eyes from the sight while stopped at a red light. Naturally, I couldn’t help it and began to stare, only to become even more horrified– because as she lay there, me thinking she was dying or in some kind of agony, she got one arm free from the stretcher restraints and pulled out a cell phone and began chatting. The good person in me kept thinking she was probably notifying a family member that she’d been injured and was on her way to the hospital, but something else in me could only hear her calling a friend to check on a certain outfit she’d seen at the mall. It was scary. Not as scary as a few hours later. It seems that during an early-morning foggy (my head, not the air) stop at one of said sales, I had purchased a really beautiful print of a Native American sitting on a horse, both of their heads lowered as if they were praying together against an intense turquoise-blue sky. Tossed it into the car, thinking it would be great for a good friend’s young kids’ bedroom. You know, the praying Indian and horse. Very spiritual. When I showed it to my friend, very enthusiastically saying, “Don’t you think the kids will just love this?!,” a look of horror and confusion appeared on his face, followed by laughter. Confused myself, I looked at the print more closely. It seems that they were indeed not praying but had been impaled by a spear. It was sticking through the Indian’s back into the horse’s neck. The Indian was dead and the horse was going down and about to be. Blood all over the place. Lovely. And then I ended up eating tamales and dancing in a parking lot at midnight in the rain on Highway 61 near Mississippi, and that’s the end of this stupid story.

Categories
News The Fly-By

KNOXVILLE LAW

While Fly on the Wall tries to focus on issues pertaining to Memphis and the Mid-South, certain important stories occur beyond our fortified borders that just cannot be ignored. Veronica Martin sued McDonald s claiming that she was scarred after an extra-hot pickle slipped out from between her buns and landed on her chin. Martin s suit claimed that it was the pickle that was defective and dangerous. There was no known attempt to prove that the incident was actually the fault of the slippery buns.

Categories
We Recommend We Recommend

friday, april 20th

Two more plays opening tonight: Shadowlands the love story of C.S. Lewis and Joy Davidman at Germantown Community Theatre; and the comedy Hay Fever at Playhouse on the Square. Tonight s art openings are at Jubilee Gallery, for Frank Frazier, Africa in April s honorary artist; Cooper-Young Gallery, for an exhibit of paintings by Chuck Zimmer; and at the University of Memphis for The Waiting Room, an installation of paintings, photos, poems, videos, and sculpture by Richard Kamler, all done to recreate the environment of a death-row waiting room. On a much lighter note, good ol REO Speedwagon is at the Horseshoe Casino tonight, while Wynonna is at Sam s Town. Here at home, the wonderful, wandering mariachi band Los Cantadores is at Automatic Slim s. Ashville, North Carolina, country punk band Unholy Trio is at Hi-Tone. The Reba Russell Band is at Patrick s. Yamagata and those civilized hellions Accidental Mersh are at The New Daisy. And last but certainly not least, today s biggest, most historic event is the Stax Ground Shakin Ground Breakin ceremony at the original site of Stax Records at College and McLemore. This is, of course, the ground-breaking for the new Stax Museum of American Soul Music, Music Academy, and Performing Arts Center. This has been a long time coming, and one of the best things that s ever happened to this city. A large number of former Stax artists will be performing, and it s all free and open to the public. Starts at 9 a.m.

Categories
Politics Politics Beat Blog

Gabrielle’s Tale

When the U.S. census of 2000 was taken stock of recently, it turned out to be considerably more than a numbers game. For the first time, people interviewed by the head-counters were allowed wide liberty in how they chose to identify themselves ethnically.

Unlike the census of 10 years earlier or of any previous time, one could slip the narrow boundaries of racial classification and claim to be a member of more than one race and, for that matter, of more than one ethnic group.

This was more than an exercise in P.C. In a time of increased intermarriage and disaffection with old hand-me-down identities, it is simply becoming less and less realistic to confine Americans to the simple categories of the past.

Take, for example, the case of Gabrielle Elise Buring. She is a pert 12-year-old who has done all her growing up so far in Memphis — which, almost by definition (and certainly by reputation), is as racially polarized a place as you can find in North America — or anywhere else, for that matter. Memphis is also one of the better-known capitals of the Bible Belt.

The city has its share of aspiring young thespians, of course, and though Gabrielle wants to join their ranks someday, she shares with most other citizens of Greater Memphis a preference for some of the verbal distinctions now under challenge. She shuns the unisex word “actor,” for example, preferring to be known as a future “actress.” Why? She shrugs. “It’s more feminine. It just sounds better. It conveys the right image.”

Typically Southern and conservative, she is. And an object lesson of a new way the 21st century may come to regard the question of ethnic origin.

For Gabrielle doesn’t see anything especially needful in other familiar ways of categorizing people. When asked on the occasional form to designate herself by race, for instance, this child of the 21st century avoids the two main and accustomed possibilities and opts for the category “Other.”

In that, she is like a growing number of other children of the middle class, restless with labels that are, both literally and symbolically, black and white. When the categories are broader or less fixed, she inclines toward the designation “racially mixed.”

After all, Gabrielle has a mother who is, by the old vocabulary, “white.” She has a stepfather who would still be considered by most people to be “black.” As it happens, her birth father was also of African-American descent. Being a child of divorce who hasn’t seen her father since the age of 2 is a more important fact to her, though, than anybody’s racial identity.

She has searched her memory for any incident that might be considered racially troubling, for any slighting treatment, for any overheard insensitive remark directed at either her or her mother and stepfather (an LPN and a restaurant supervisor, respectively) and can’t find one.

“It’s never been a problem for me at all,” she says. In Memphis, Tennessee? “Oh, I know there are supposed to be problems. I’ve seen it on TV and read about it in magazines and the papers. But I’ve never experienced any of it. I honestly can’t recall a single thing.”

All that comes to her mind are the advantages of having had mixed parentage. She attends Campus School, a laboratory facility attached to the Education Department of the University of Memphis. The school accepts only a limited number of applicants, and she knows that she got in because she was considered “biracial,” a category — considered a necessary component of the school’s goal of diversity — that was in short supply at Campus.

She reflects. “And another nice thing about being racially mixed is that nobody would ever possibly consider me a racist.” (One must bear in mind that the term itself is one she knows only as an abstraction.)

As if having had two black fathers and a white mother weren’t enough potential complication, Gabrielle also considers herself — without ever having been to a temple or synagogue — Jewish. She knows that her mother (the daughter of a Jewish father and a mother converted from Christianity) was Jewish and grasps the tradition that in Judaism one’s maternal line is the determining factor.

But this, too, is of no great moment. She has been to her stepfather’s Baptist church many times but, unlike her mother, who is on the verge of accepting Baptism (in both the upper-case and lower-case sense of the word), will keep to the Old Testament faith.

It is only, oddly enough, in matters pertaining to race that Gabrielle sees no reason for accepting brackets or categories or delimiting terminologies. “I fit in anywhere I am, basically,” she says. “When I’m around blacks, I probably act ‘black.’ When I’m with whites, I probably do ‘white’ things. That’s what my friends tell me, anyhow. I’d never noticed it myself.”

“Plain” With Blacks, “Preppy” With Whites

How would she describe the difference between acting black and acting white? “Well, I think I act plainer around black people, and more ‘preppy’ around whites. I know that’s true because a black friend and a white friend both told me something like that. Independently of each other.” She tries to avoid thinking in stereotypes, though, pointing out that “some blacks act like whites, some whites act like blacks.”

In any case, Gabrielle feels at home, as she says, in virtually any kind of company. She divides her time, on an almost 50-50 basis, between her own home and a nearby one occupied by maternal grandmother Jerry Cocke, a fifth-grade schoolteacher and a convert to Judaism who still keeps kosher and whom Gabrielle calls “Bubby.”

Bubby’s husband, David — “Day-Day” to Gabrielle — is a lawyer, an Episcopalian, and the recent past chairman of the local Democratic Party. He dotes on his step-granddaughter. It is an open secret that one reason for Gabrielle’s spending as much time as she does at the Cockes’ home is that it is, unlike her own, a smoke-free environment.

Again, she is not without firm preferences and strong convictions on some matters. It is just that race in the familiar black-and-white sense is not one of them.

An all-A student and member of one of the city school system’s CLUE classes for the academically gifted, Gabrielle, whose life has clearly given her broad chameleon-like experience, expects to do well at her chosen career of acting.

“My teacher thinks I have a lot of potential. He thinks I could be a writer, too.” The one thing she has little experience at, racial distinctiveness, is something she has to try to understand intuitively. “I sort of understand what life must have been like for my parents. Even after Civil Rights, I’m told, everything didn’t work just right.They were able to be together, but they were around some people who were still …” She looks for the right word. “… headstrong.”

The only racial profiling Gabrielle countenances is one that she and her peers at school, the racially mixed and the racially unmixed alike, indulge in. “Whenever one of us is telling the others about a new friend they’ve met, the rest of us want to know, ‘Are they black or white?’ You know, just so we can form the image.”

It is something of an irony, of course, that Gabrielle may typify a new kind of future American, who — both by example and by stated preference — makes the task of forming a defining “image” more and more difficult. And perhaps beside the point.

· More info on the developing race for Shelby County sheriff in 2002:

A candidate who promises to be a formidable competitor for Republican votes in the suburban heartland of Shelby County is longtime Bartlett alderman Mike Jewell, who is also a veteran member of the Sheriff’s Department, serving currently as a field commander in the department’s fugitive-transport unit. Jewell, a former vice chair of the Shelby County GOP, plans a formal announcement sometime in May.

Another rumored candidate is former Memphis police director James Ivey. (One of his successors in that job, former director Melvin Burgess, now director of security at Horseshoe Casino in Tunica, is still being talked up for a race, too.) Also still thinking about it is Memphis city council chairman E.C. Jones.

· The gubernatorial trial balloon sent up recently by state Rep. Larry Scroggs, R-Germantown, took a hit of sorts last week when U.S. Representative Van Hilleary of Tennessee’s 4th District, generally considered the Republican front-runner for his party’s 2002 nomination for governor, released a list showing him to own endorsements from a majority of the state’s Republican legislators.

Of the 33 signatories from both chambers, four were Shelby Countians. They were state Senator Mark Norris of Collierville and state Representatives Tre Hargett, Bubba Pleasant, and Paul Stanley. Hargett and Pleasant are from Bartlett; Stanley is from Germantown.

In a release sent out by Hilleary, it is noted that Norris was elected a county commissioner in 1994, the same year Hilleary was first elected to Congress. “We were elected to public office at the same time, so we have that in common,” the freshman senator is quoted. “But our friendship grew when I became a Senator and saw Van in action. He has momentum because he understands Tennessee.”

Standard endorsement boilerplate, but it still translates into the fact that Norris, who has been handed several significant tasks by his party, including the office of caucus parliamentarian, had been sewed up quickly and firmly by the fast-moving Hilleary, who followed up the release of his endorsement list with a fiery speech attacking a state income tax, teachers’ unions, and TennCare and with yet another release this week, claiming to have raised half a million dollars for his campaign.

Scroggs, who hopes to appeal to the same ideological base of conservatives as does Hilleary (and who broke publicly and somewhat bluntly with his early patron, Governor Don Sundquist, on the issue of the governor’s tax-reform proposals), will be hard put to catch up.

Said Stanley, one of Hilleary’s sign-ups: “This has got nothing to do with Larry. Van, whom I’ve known for a while, just asked me for a commitment way back when it first looked like he was running.” ·

Memphis, Nashville Rank High in Governmental Efficiency

It is no secret that Memphis and Nashville engage in a rivalry that often reflects credit on neither city. And the question of which one is up and which one is down can be argued either way, depending on the yardstick used.

The newest measure, performed by the Reason Public Policy Institute, in conjunction with the Nashville-based Tennessee Institute for Public Policy (TIPP), shows both cities ranking high in a study of (are you sitting down?) efficient use of government services.

And, for the record, Memphis is a notch ahead of Nashville, standing fourth among the nation’s 50 largest cities with the state capital coming in a step behind, at fifth.

TIPP is the think tank — alternately considered libertarian or conservative in its sympathies — whose heavily researched rankings of Tennessee’s school systems recently made so many waves. And the Reason Institute is indisputably libertarian in its orientation.

TIPP president Michael Gilstrap hopes in the near future to arrange an appropriate ceremony in Memphis commemorating the new rankings and involving principals in the Herenton administration. · — JB

Categories
Editorial Opinion

Feeling the Heat

In case anybody wonders why so many people are suspicious about the

public burdens to be borne in the case of a proposed new NBA arena, all we need do

is remind them that the citizens of Shelby County have been had, and had

quite recently, by a large entity that supposedly exists for their welfare.

And this is no private enterprise that would supposedly benefit everyone

by catering to the entertainment appetites of a relative few. This is a public

agency that is, quite literally, responsible for the comfort, safety, and even survival

of the entire community.

We mean, of course, Memphis Light, Gas & Water, better known as

MLGW. The Flyer‘s Rebekah Gleaves has looked behind the numbers doled out to

the media by the giant utility after the astronomical rate hikes of the winter

and found them superficial and misleading. Indeed, MLGW seems to have

misled not only its customers but perhaps itself in its efforts to justify the squeeze

it imposed on the consumer.

As Gleaves pointed out last week in an exhaustive study of the matter

(updated in the current issue of the Flyer), MLGW ignored its own expert’s

advance estimates of the winter’s drastically higher natural gas prices, lulled

rate-payers (and, again, perhaps itself as well) into complacency with

announcements of a relative rate decrease that would theoretically offset the price

increases, then slapped them hard on their frostbitten cheeks with bills that

were literal budget-busters to most households.

Rates would have gone up astronomically in any case because of the

free-market factors that drove gas prices up. But, in the end, local rate-payers were

charged a full 25 percent more than the national average for December and January.

Why? Because of MLGW’s poor estimates, followed by its willingness to be

disingenuous and to overcompensate itself at the expense of its customers. Readers

interested in just how local rates were manipulated by MLGW are advised to

consult Gleaves’ article, “A ‘Perfect’ Storm,” in the

Flyer‘s April 12th issue. Her cost-accounting is far more revealing than anything the utility itself ever released.

All this is bad enough, but MLGW then made promises to the public it

could not, or would not, fulfill. It offered a variety of rate-payment and

rate-reduction plans, one of which did not take effect until the natural gas emergency was over

— a fact that greatly minimized its impact. Worse, many customers were told

by MLGW office employees that certain plans did not exist.

Worst of all, while it was still officially winter and with cold days potentially

yet to come, MLGW sent technicians around to households throughout its

service area threatening immediate cutoff unless the company’s extravagant and

unexpected winter bills were paid on the spot, to the penny.

Many factors went into this sad performance, including a documented

lack of gas futures purchasing experience on the part of MLGW’s current

leaders. But perhaps the foremost one was the utility’s willingness to leave its

customers in the dark, so to speak, even after it had caught on to its own

mistakes. There has been a Newtonian result of sorts: MLGW’s cold-blooded

behavior has produced a seething response in its customer base, and it is no

wonder that other professed benefactors — such as the city’s NBA arena proponents

— are feeling the heat.

Categories
Opinion Viewpoint

An Arsenic Era

The new administration’s intention to mine for arsenic in Yellowstone National Park, first reported here last week (what, you didn’t notice?), may well be reversed before it makes it to the president’s desk, should he be there and not in the gym, working out. I have this on the best of all possible sources, an irrepressible imagination.

The fact that you might have accepted just a bit of the first sentence tells you something about the George W. Bush administration and how it is not as smart as it, for one, thinks it is. Nothing could illustrate this better than the new standard for arsenic in drinking water.

The Cheney administration, as it is sometimes called, finds itself on the wrong side of the arsenic issue. That takes some work, since nothing makes the average American shudder more quickly than the word “arsenic.” It is, after all, the poison used in the movie Arsenic and Old Lace by those kindly spinsters, the Brewster sisters, who dispatched lonely old men to a better place. They offered their guests homemade elderberry wine with only a teaspoon of arsenic. It does the trick.

I have no idea, really, whether a teaspoon is sufficient. And I do not know whether the arsenic standards the Cheney administration rescinded are too stringent, as it maintains, or simply prudent. But I do know that an administration about to embark on the wholesale rape and pillage of the land (and the skies) should have waited a bit before becoming pro-arsenic.

It would have been one thing if the administration had rescinded the arsenic standard and done nothing else. Then we all could have debated the standard and listened to one expert call another expert a fool. But the new standard was really part of a package — an environmental approach that would make Smokey the Bear weep.

The administration wants to open the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge to oil drilling. It is considering opening vast areas of the Rocky Mountain West for oil and gas drilling. It has dropped the Kyoto treaty on global warming into the wastebasket and will not, as George W. Bush himself once promised, reduce the amount of CO2 in the air. Much of this is to solve an energy crisis that many experts say simply does not exist.

It is EPA director Christie Whitman’s task to explain this or that bright idea from the brain of some conservative ideologue. Even though she argued for the United States not to renounce the Kyoto treaty, she later tried to explain why doing so was just a dandy idea. The other day, she said the administration was working hard to develop more balanced arsenic and CO2 standards than the ones scuttled. The new standard for arsenic may even be tougher than the old one, she said.

We are now beginning to understand the meaning of the phrase “compassionate conservative.” It refers to the attempt to lull most Americans into believing that George W. Bush is, at most, a millimeter right of center. In this sense only is the administration compassionate. By all means, the people should be comforted.

But now, by dint of some knuckleheaded thinking, the administration stands revealed as deeply, passionately, and insanely conservative. It talks about an energy crisis without mentioning conservation. It argues for the repeal of the estate tax for farmers who have lost their land to the IRS — only these don’t exist. It has a reason du jour to justify a huge tax cut, but, really, it just wants to starve the government. As always, it’s your money but not, for some reason, your government or your national debt.

I sincerely doubt the administration will mine for arsenic in Yellowstone. This feeling, I have to tell you, is hardly based on the Bush administration’s reverence for the environment but rather on my guess that there’s no money in it. If, however, there is a buck to be made in arsenic, Old Faithful will have to go. Poor Christie Whitman will explain why.

Richard Cohen is a member of the Washington Post Writers Group. His columns frequently appear in the Flyer.

Categories
Sports Sports Feature

A Fan’s Notes

If Memphis has a sister city, it’s not Nashville, it’s Detroit.

Two cities scarred forever by racial violence in the 1960s — the 1967 riots in Detroit and the King assassination in 1968.

Two cities with increasingly black populations and white flight.

Two cities with large, underperforming public school systems that were both, coincidentally, searching for superintendents last year and employing the services of the Barton Malow consulting firm to oversee massive construction projects.

Two cities always battling morale problems.

Two cities where casinos are a significant part of the economy.

Two cities trying to make their downtowns work.

Whether it’s significant or not I don’t know, but three of the current top editors of The Commercial Appeal and two former top editors came here from Detroit papers. I suspect it has some influence on the way they view Memphis, but I don’t know for sure.

I do know that the 20 years I spent in Michigan, part of it near Detroit, had a lasting influence on me. I can’t get the Tigers, Lions, Pistons, and Red Wings out of my system no matter how bad they are. I’m a Detroit fan for life.

I read the two Detroit daily papers every day to see what’s going on in sports, politics, schools, and downtown development. It’s uncanny how similar the stories are in Detroit and Memphis sometimes.

So of course I’ve been following the NBA’s Detroit Pistons, who are having a bad season and are about to fire their coach once again. Detroit Free Press columnist Drew Sharp wrote this week, “The Pistons aren’t just a bad team, but a bad product as well wallowing in the public’s apathetic oblivion.”

That’s the downside of the NBA, a team that gives you a regular dose of depression, not inspiration. The news, more often than not, is about losses, disgruntled players, coaches getting fired, demands for trades, declining attendance figures, and demands for a new arena. That’s been the Detroit NBA story for the past decade or so.

But it wasn’t that way 10 to 15 years ago, and that’s why I can’t make up my mind about the NBA and Memphis. In 1987 I screamed and threw something at my television for the only time in my life because the Pistons’ star guard, Isaiah Thomas, threw an in-bounds pass right to Larry Bird in the final seconds of a semifinal playoff game that the Pistons had in the bag in Boston Garden. Bird fed Dennis Johnson for a layup, and the Celtics won the game and eventually the series. If Thomas simply throws the ball to the opposite end of the court, the Pistons win and go home to finish the series.

I’ve never been so caught up in a pro sports team in my life, before or since. When the Pistons won back-to-back NBA championships in 1989 and 1990, I think I actually slept better. I know I couldn’t get enough of the Pistons and I hadn’t lived in Michigan for almost 20 years.

That’s the power of sport. At some point in your life, you become a fan. And even if you don’t stay a fan for life, it’s a hell of a lot of fun to be a fan, to care, and, especially, to follow a championship team.

It’s not rational. I know ex-Pistons coach Chuck Daly was right when he said a pro basketball team is 12 individual, selfish corporations, often run by 22-year-olds who can do only one thing well, and that is play basketball. ESPN has been running a revealing series lately about the lifestyles of NBA millionaires, a dozen of whom we propose to bring to our city. I know it can get ugly and probably will.

But I remember throwing that shoe at my television 14 years ago when Thomas passed the damn ball to Bird. God, that was fun.

I’m not much of a fan of spectator sports anymore, but I understand those who are and I wouldn’t begrudge them the opportunity to cheer for a Memphis team, even if it means you have to bitch at the team eight years out of 10. That’s the bargain.

And I fully understand the problems of our schools and all that. But I can’t get Detroit and Kaline and Howe and Thomas out of my system, and I suspect people in Detroit can’t either, and that’s why they put up with their teams, for better and for worse.

You can e-mail John Branston at branston@memphismagazine.com.