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Bianca Knows Best …

and Says Goodbye!

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Opinion

Bianca Knows Best … And Says Goodbye!

Dear readers,

As you may have read on our website (or, ahem, in that other newspaper), our dear senior editor Mary Cashiola has taken a job in Mayor A C Wharton’s office. That means your advice goddess (that would be me) will be taking on some editing duties for the Flyer’s Fly-By section. For the time being, I’ll also be maintaining my events editor duties, and that means I simply don’t have time to solve your problems anymore. I care about your problems. I really do. But you’ll have to look elsewhere for advice. I will, however, take some precious time to answer one last plea for help.

Dear Bianca,
 

Admittedly, I am not “girlfriend” material. I am bipolar, and it has taken a long time to find the right combination of medications that work for me. When I get too stressed and hyper, I stop taking my meds and escape with a few bottles of alcohol.  
 

I have no clue why my boyfriend has stayed with me. I have put him through hell with my mental illness every day. We have been together for over two years and have lived together for a year.  

He has never been affectionate towards me, and he never compliments me on my looks. I wait for him to initiate sex because when I try, he says he is tired. We very rarely have sex. He says it’s because when we do, he wants it to be special. He will only tell me he loves me if I ask him directly.
 

The most disturbing part is that he spends all his time online. He gets up in the morning and goes straight to the computer. He comes home from work, goes straight to the computer, and stays online until he goes to bed. He is a member of fourteen dating websites. He goes to live cam sex sites and porn sites. He tries to hide this activity from me, but the history is on his computer. I don’t understand why he is staying with me.

— Lonely in a Relationship

Dear Lonely,

The real question is, why are you staying with him? You may have some mental health issues, but that’s no excuse for his lack of affection or his whoring around online. It sounds like he’s just not that into you, but he’s too much of a wussy to break up. Or maybe he relies on you for something, like a roof over his head or a car. Maybe he likes the comfort of knowing he can have sex whenever he wants but only when he wants. It sounds like he’s either a wimp or he’s using you, and neither is acceptable.

This situation is not fair for you, and it’s no way for you to live your life. I’m no psychiatrist, but I’d bet your happiness in the relationship has an effect on your mental well-being too.

I have no problem with people in relationships enjoying a little porn. But the fact that he’s on dating sites is really messed up. Why would he be on dating sites unless he’s cheating or planning to?

You need to ditch this guy. And then you need to work on yourself. When you say you’re not “girlfriend” material, it sounds like you’re blaming your selfish asshat boyfriend’s lack of affection on yourself. You need to spend a little time being single and learning to love yourself and all your little eccentricities.

You should also seek out help from a substance-abuse group on how to maintain your meds without turning to alcohol. Once that issue is under control, you may be ready to date again. Next time, I hope you end up with someone who actually cares about you.

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Food & Drink Hungry Memphis

Neelys Contest Winners

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We’ve got winners for our Thanksgiving Contest with the Neelys.

Congrats to MamaSquirrel, daniel, and SalemGazette.

E-mail me for details on how to claim your prize.

Updated to add: Winners have until 5 p.m. Friday, December 3rd to claim their prizes.

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Opinion The BruceV Blog

Volkswagen to Bob Corker: Back Off

Senator Bob Corker has inserted himself in the issue of whether a Chattanooga Volkswagen plant’s workers should unionize. Corker, not surprisingly, is against it, and wrote Volkswagen management to tell them he thought it would be a “highly detrimental” idea to allow its workers to organize.

Their response, in so many words, “Stay out of it, Bobbo.”

More at Daily Kos.

The laborious song stylings of Bob Corker. Hell be here all week. And next.

  • The laborious song stylings of Bob Corker. He’ll be here all week. And next.
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News

The Pyramid and the Skull

Indiana Branston and the Mystery of the Crystal Skull at City Beat Blog.

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Opinion

Flashback: Pyramid’s Crystal Skull

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An alert reader wondered what I was talking about in reference to The Pyramid and Isaac Tigrett’s crystal skull in a story I wrote about Bass Pro Shops a couple of weeks ago. He thought it sounded pretty cool and kind of Indiana Jones-ish.

Such overwhelming response demands an answer. Old fogey reporters have an annoying habit of dropping obscure information into columns and stories. Occupational hazard. Here’s the back story, mined from our pre-Internet archives by the Flyer’s crack research department, also known as the guy at the front desk.

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Food & Drink Hungry Memphis

All About Broccoli Rabe

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Oh how I love my rabe!

When the temperatures drop, most folks start thinking about pies and stews, but for me, cold weather is all about Van Cheeseman’s broccoli rabe. It’s my ultimate comfort food.

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Memphis Gaydar News

World AIDS Day Events

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Driving through the intersection of Poplar Avenue and East Parkway in Midtown, you’ve likely noticed the thousands of white sticks topped with red ribbons on the lawns of both First Baptist Church and Greater Lewis Street Missionary Baptist. The 2,499 markers represent people from Shelby County who have lost their battle to HIV/AIDS since 1985.

Wednesday, December 1st is World AIDS Day, and the names of those victims will be read in the annual NAMES Ceremony at First Baptist from 10 a.m. to 1 p.m.

Additionally, the [choice] Life Over AIDS project at Caritas Village is sponsoring a film premiere of Love Choice, about a former corporate playboy who contracts HIV and then meets the love of his life. The film screens on Wednesday at 7 p.m. and 9 p.m. at Malco’s Studio on the Square. A short Q&A with the people behind the film will follow.

And finally, World AIDS Day is the perfect excuse to get tested. The Memphis Gay & Lesbian Community Center (MGLCC) offers free testing on Wednesday from 6 to 9 p.m.

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Politics Politics Beat Blog

A New County Commission Endorsement of Consolidation? Mulroy Proposes Just That

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  • Mulroy (l); Guleff

Back in October, a coalition of Shelby County commissioners — newly elected ones in the van — combined to put the county commission on record as opposing the then pending November 2nd referendum on city/county consolidation.

This was the same county commission which (though differently constituted) had combined with the Memphis City Council a year earlier to create and subsidize the Metro Charter Commission which developed and proposed the referendum in the first place.

And, of course, the voters on November 2nd pretty much obliterated the consolidation concept. The referendum lost by a majority of 85 percent in the outer county, and though it passed muster in the city, it was only by the barest of margins, 51 percent. Decisive? Enough to put the issue on hold for the generation that usually passes before wiped-out consolidation proponents decide to try again?

Nah! Not by Steve Mulroy, the intrepid and decidedly un-bashful commissioner from District 5, an East Memphis-based swing district on the seam of city and county. Mulroy believes that what was defeated so badly on November 2nd was not consolidation per se but only the somewhat feckless variety that was proposed by the 2009-2010 version of a charter commission, one that was basically put together by Memphis Mayor A C Wharton, who transitioned from county mayor to city mayor during its formation and thereby was able to name all its members.

So Mulroy, less than a month after consolidation was rejected, has a brand-new resolution proposing that the county commission (yep, the same county commission that said no in October) give its approval to — are you sitting down? — a “Resolution In Support of the Concept of Consolidation,” which would provide for a new charter commission.

The measure was scheduled for discussion in committee this Wednesday and, presumably, will be taken to the county commission’s regular biweekly public meeting on Monday for a vote.

Mulroy professes to believe that the commission will be open-minded, particularly his fellow Democrats — several of whom joined the majority of the commission’s Republicans in October to reject consolidation.

At the time there was an ongoing backlash against the referendum among African Americans in the inner city, and both Sidney Chism, the current commission chairman, and James Harvey joined newcomer Justin Ford in voting no to consolidation, along with GOP members Wyatt Bunker, Terry Roland, Heidi Shafer and Chris Thomas — the latter three being new members representing suburban areas outside the city.

Mulroy’s resolution suggests that the commission’s October vote, like that of the voters on November 2nd, “could be misinterpreted as opposition to metro consolidation generally,” which is described as “appropriate and inevitable.”, .

The resolution proposes that “the City Council and County Commission have greater input into the selection of members of any appointed Metro Charter Commission;” that “[g]reater efforts are made to achieve racial, ethnic, and socioeconomic diversity among any Charter Commission appointees;” and that “[a]ppropriate efforts are made to avoid any undue influence of corporate interests on the process.”

Lastly, the resolution declares, “The issue of school consolidation, if still applicable, should be given weight equal to that of any other major issue in Charter Commission deliberations.”

That, of course, is an allusion to the currently raging controversy between the city and county school boards, who seem locked in a race to transform the relationship between the two school systems of Shelby County. The Shelby County School Board may seek legislative approval in January for a separate county school district for county schools, while the city Board is considering a proposal to surrender its charter, a move which, if approved by city voters in a referendum, would automatically consolidate the two systems.

One of the ironies of the current situation is that the issue of school consolidation, carefully sundered from the November 2nd vote, is now front and center, and Mulroy’s more inclusive resolution clearly acknowledges the issue as relevant to his proposal — which, at very minimum, is that the county commission formally withdraw its prior renunciation of consolidation and underwrite his suggestions for how a new Metro Charter commission might be composed.

Mulroy’s resolution had already prompted a response by one prominent opponent of consolidation, Tom Guleff of Save Shelby County, an organization formed last spring to combat the consolidation effort.

Guleff has emailed his network of consolidation foes, alerting them to Wednesday’s committee meeting and proclaiming the following:

“The pro-consolidation forces are back. To be honest, the cult-like fascination with Consolidation is creepy. After being soundly defeated by an 85% margin in the county, the losing side wants to re-write the narrative of its demise and bring it back to life. I could understand the current effort, if the vote was close, but it wasn’t. This small group appears disconnected from political reality. This is just plain weird.”

The fat, as they say, is once again in the fire.