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We Recommend We Recommend

saturday, 31

One more art opening tonight; this one is at the Clip Joint Galleryon Walker for Now and Then, paintings, sculpture, and pottery by Leslie Canon. Today s free Jazz-A-Fire Performathon at the Memphis College of Art is a fund-raiser for the Memphis Black Arts Alliances, whose Firehouse Community Arts Academy students will sing, dance, play instruments, and perform dramatic presentations. The Gamble Brothers Band is playing at Blues City CafÇ tonight. Back at The Lounge it s Pay The Girl. Los Cantadores are at the Blue Monkey. Contagious Beatz & The Relapse are at the Full Moon Club. Lamar Sorento & The Mod Stains are at Young Avenue Deli. And at the new CafÇ Soul on S. Main, the Greater Foundation of Memphis World Class Jazz Series presents Calvin Newborn s Jazz Guitar All-Stars featuring Calvin Newborn, Charlton Johnson, Gerard Harris, and Ed Finney.

Sunday, 1

Categories
Politics Politics Beat Blog

One More for the 5th

The field of candidates for the 5th District city council seat being vacated by John Vergos has grown by one more well-known political name.

State Rep. Carol Chumney, who represents Midtown in the Tennessee legislature and who unsuccessfully sought the Democratic nomination for Shelby County mayor last year, picked up a petition for the race on Tuesday morning, making the trip downtown in the company of activist Mary Wilder, a close Chumney friend who had previously indicated her own intention to run. After her stop at the Election Commission, Chumney then headed to Nashville, where the legislature is expected to adjourn this week.

“There are a lot of good candidates in the race,” Chumney said Monday night, “but I’m the only one with experience in some of the most important issues the council will be dealing with.” Others who have declared for the seat include lawyer Jim Strickland, businessman/physician George Flinn, and frequent candidate Joe Cooper.

Chumney said that she felt her 13 years in the state House have been successful and that she wanted to “come home and work every day in the community,” applying her expertise. She said that she already represented “40 percent” of the council district as a legislator and knew the rest of the district well, having grown up in the East Memphis portion of it, where she now also maintains her law office.

She named child care, an issue on which she led reform efforts in Nashville, and “smart growth” as significant local issues.

If successful, Chumney said, she would finish out her legislative term but would not seek reelection to it next year. Meanwhile, any overlap in state pay would be donated to “neighborhood groups,” she said.

Chumney’s entry into the race — coupled with the presence of Cooper, who has run several times for various offices as a Democrat — became an instant red flag to the campaign of lawyer Jim Strickland, a former local Democratic chairman who has been actively running for several weeks and has a major fund-raiser scheduled for early next month.

“She’s got more name recognition, but I’ll raise more money and I have broader support,” maintained Strickland, who said further, “I’m supported by Democrats, Republicans, independents, neighborhood leaders, and business leaders.” (The list of sponsors for his forthcoming fund-raiser ranges from Democrats like Shelby County commissioner Joe Ford and Bartlett banker Harold Byrd, a major Strickland ally, to former local Republican chairman Alan Crone.) Strickland said his campaign would emphasize the issues of “good schools, safe streets, and strong neighborhoods.”

™ It has been just under 63 years since the 19th Amendment, or women’s suffrage, became law, thanks to a narrow 49-47 vote in the Tennessee state House, and it’s been almost exactly five years since a priceless text commemorating that moment was published in the state that made the franchise gender-neutral.

Both moments were commemorated Tuesday in a moving presentation before members of the downtown Memphis Rotary Club at the group’s weekly luncheon at the Convention Center. Janann Sherman, who with the late Carol Lynn Yellin was a co-author of the 1998 book The Perfect 36: Tennessee Delivers Women’s Suffrage, and Paula Casey, a close friend of both authors who is widely credited with being the moving force behind the publication, made the presentation.

Once again, Sherman and Casey relived the story of how the mother of a 24-year-old obscure Tennessean named Harry Burn wrote her son, advising him to be a “good boy” and do the right thing, in a letter received by Rep. Burn the very day of the vote, on August 18, 1920, that made Tennessee the 36th state to ratify the 19th Amendment, giving women the vote.

Burn’s aye vote made it 49-47, but, as Casey pointed out, much credit for the final result was due to the preliminary work of Memphis’ Joe Hanover, the floor leader who carefully shepherded the pro-suffrage votes. (Unmentioned from the dais Tuesday and amply credited in the book was the total support given the suffrage cause by Ed “Boss” Crump, whose control of the Shelby County delegation was virtually complete.

“It was the greatest bloodless revolution in Tennessee history,” noted Casey, who added, tongue presumably in cheek, “The suffragists didn’t kill anybody — but they could have.” Casey told the Rotarians about the determination of herself and Sherman to make sure the book was published when it was, on May 21, 1998, so that Yellin, who would die in 1999 from the effects of breast cancer, would have a chance to see her handiwork received by the world.

“When Paula Casey makes up her mind, get out of the way,” said industrialist Jim Fri to his fellow Rotarians.

Amen to that, and to the efforts of Sherman and Yellin, and to the anniversary.

™ An achievement which, in its own way, was as impressive, was also noted to the Rotarians Tuesday, with the announcement on the group’s annual Teacher Initiative Grant, given this year to Dawn LaFon, a Latin teacher at White Station High School.

LaFon, who is a first cousin of former Vice President Al Gore, used the grant — of some $240, awarded to her project on “Ancient Coins in Education” — to expand her students’ knowledge of Roman history, as she put it, “through all 400 years of the Empire.” That, as someone noted, was enormously cost-efficient, at less than a dollar a year.

™ Shelby County mayor A C Wharton‘s efforts — noted here last week — to downsize his budget proposals to the level of an anticipated 25-cent property tax increase, may not be thorough enough, in the opinion of several Shelby County Commission members who met last week, as they meet every week, to pare the county’s fiscal commitments down to manageable size.

“I want to see if we can lower that 25 to zero,” said Commissioner David Lillard, who was promptly seconded across the committee-room table by Commissioner Tom Moss, who made a “0” with the thumb and fingers of his right hand.

The mood was bipartisan. Democrat Deidre Malone joined her Republican colleagues in the wish that such economies could be effected.

Whether they can or not remains to be seen. But, as Lillard pointed out, if cuts of that magnitude are to be found, they are most likely to be found in personnel lists. Confirmation of a sort came from General Sessions Court clerk Chris Turner, who was one of several clerks and judges to testify last week on behalf of holding on to as much of their prerogatives as possible.

“I’ve got some folks,” Turner said frankly, “that I wouldn’t miss if they stopped showing up.”

Ironically, Lillard defended the recent expansion of the commission’s own support staff, now consisting of director Grace Hutchinson and aides Clay Perry and Steve Summerall. “It’s going to take all those folks to really look behind the budget and see what we can cut out of it,” Lillard said.

Correction and amplification: The Politics column (May 15) reporting on state Rep. Kathryn Bowers‘ election as new Shelby County Democratic chairman, should have referred to one of the Bowers supporters mentioned as Randle Catron, not Darrell Catron, a cousin and former staffer at Juvenile Court who has pleaded guilty to charges of embezzlement.

Randle Catron, who has no relationship to that legal action, is involved in a challenge of another sort. He recently picked up a petition at the Election Commission to run for mayor of Memphis against incumbent Willie Herenton. ™

A Clinton Revival (of sorts)

He came, he saw, he schmoozed. And he even offered qualified praise for his successor in the presidency, George W. Bush, did former President Bill Clinton. Clinton appeared Friday night at a fund-raiser at the East Memphis home of Gwen and John Montague for fellow Arkansas Democrat Jimmie Lou Fisher, last year’s unsuccessful gubernatorial candidate in the state next door.

Addressing a full house — overwhelmingly composed of Arkies, with a scattering of Memphis Democrats — Clinton skated over the recent Iraqi war and in general commended Bush’s conduct of the war on terrorism, cautioning that Americans should maintain vigilance against future terrorist attacks like that of 9/11. “They’ll hit us again, but they’ll never beat us,” Clinton said.

The former president, who in his remarks to the crowd at large did not mention either his vice president, Al Gore, or any of the current crop of Democratic presidential candidates, said the economy and the growing national debt would be and should be major issues against Bush in next year’s presidential election.

“The national debt doesn’t mean anything to the average person because the recession has kept interest rates low,” Clinton elaborated to an attendee, adding, “but if and when the economy picks up, rates will go sky-high. When that happens, people will focus on it and see that the national government is competing with the private sector in the money market.”

Earlier, Clinton had boasted to the crowd that he had actually been “more conservative” on fiscal matters than Bush and recalled that he had balanced the budget and actually had a surplus.

Prominent Tennessee Democrats in attendance included former Governor Ned McWherter and state Senator Roy Herron, both of Dresden. Among the Memphians on hand were Strickland, Janice Lucas, and Sarah Hohenberg. ™

Categories
News News Feature

THE MUSIC GOES ON AND ON…

“…Subj: Germantown Democratic Club

Date: 5/28/2003 11:24:59 PM Central Standard Time

From: galecarson@peoplepc.com

To: RobnNet@aol.com

Sent from the Internet (Details)

Jeanette, thank you so very much for sending me the invitation below. This is the absolute first that I have heard of this event. No one has called me to tell me anything or ask about my availability.

This Saturday, Commissioner Deidre Malone and I are scheduled to conduct a workshop on Government at a Parent/Youth Summit. Afterwards, I have a very important meeting that begins at 4 p.m. — this meeting was scheduled at least three weeks ago.

I have received NO calls from anyone other than Randle Catron who called me at work last Friday when I was off work planning my class reunion. When I returned to work Tuesday, May 27, Randle had left a message stating that Tulut El-Amin wanted copies of the Party records. I immediately called Shirley Mason, the former secretary for the Party, and asked her to give him copies of the minutes for the last two years. Afterwards, Randle made it clear to Shirley that Tulut wanted the financial records, not the minutes. Well, needless to say, Matt Kuhn had worked out getting the financial records to Chairman Bowers more than two weeks ago.

Anyway, I can not believe that I am only learning of this event three days prior to it happening and that an e-mail invitation is going out with my name on it and no one has contacted me to see if I would be available.

Gale Jones Carson

—– Original Message —–

From: RobnNet@aol.com

To: RobnNet@aol.com

Sent: Wednesday, May 28, 2003 3:46 PM

Subject: Germantown Democratic Club

You are invited to attend

Saturday, May 31, 2003

4 p.m. – 6 p.m.

at the

The Racquet Club Walnut Room

Democratic Roundup 2003!

Hosted By

Congressman Harold Ford Û Mayor A.C. Wharton

To Honor

New Democratic Party Chair

Kathryn Bowers and the incoming 2003-2005 Executive Committee

and Party Chair Emeritus

Gale Jones Carson and the 2001-2003 Executive Committee

Co-Hosted By:

State Senators Steve Cohen, Roscoe Dixon, John Ford and Jim Kyle

State Representatives Henri Brooks, Carol Chumney, Barbara Cooper, John DeBerry, Lois DeBerry, Ulysses Jones, Mike Kernell, Larry Miller, Joe Towns and Larry Turner

Assessor Rita Clark

County Commissioners Walter Bailey, Jr., Julian Bolton, Joe Ford, Michael Hooks,

Dr. Cleo Kirk and Deidre Malone

and

Felicia Boyd, President, Shelby County Democratic Women

Dick Klenz, President, Germantown Democratic Club

Melvin Burgess III, President, Midtown Democratic Club

Oran Quintrell

Secretary

Shelby County Democratic ExecCom

901.327.8655

shelbycountyexecutivecomm@earthlink.net

Memphis, Tennessee

ADDENDUM

Subj: Re: Germantown Democratic Club

Date: 5/29/2003 5:42:45 AM Central Standard Time

From: galecarson@peoplepc.com

To: hamm_rex@msn.com

Sent from the Internet (Details)

Rex, you, and I guess some others, were privy to the event before me even though I am on listed on the e-mail invitation. After reading the invitation last night, I called Deidre to ask her about it since she is listed as a co-host. She said she only learned of the event late Wednesday afternoon. Deidre said she specifically asked them not to put her name on the invite but they did so anyway. This is all very interesting.

Gale Jones Carson

—– Original Message —–

From: hamm_rex

To: RobnNet@aol.com ; Gale Carson

Cc: David Upton

Sent: Thursday, May 29, 2003 3:41 AM

Subject: Re: Germantown Democratic Club

***Date Correction*** (i.e. today being 5/28/03)

Hi Gale,

I only received a call from David Upton regarding this event yesterday morning

between ~1000-1100.

He was trying to obtain our Midtown/Downtown Democratic Club President’s

ageement to be a member of the host committee.

I know that he mentioned that he hoped that you would attend.

Apparently this event was only finalized and put together yesterday, Wednesday 5/28.

Rex

P.S.

You may note that I have CC’d David so hopefully he can fill you in further.

Sorry about the duplication, I forgot that it was already 0330 5/29 when I sent the

first response.

Categories
News News Feature

TOM JONES PLEADS GUILTY TO EMBEZZLEMENT — TWICE

Former Shelby County mayoral aide Tom Jones pleaded guilty Wednesday in federal court to embezzlement. He subsequently made another guilty plea to similar charges in state court.

Jones, head of public affairs for Shelby County under three mayors in four decades, waived his right to indictment and pleaded guilty to information submitted by federal prosecutor Tim Discenza. U.S. Magistrate Judge Daniel Breen accepted the plea in a hearing that lasted about 25 minutes.

The single count to which Jones admitted guilt states that from 1999 to 2002 Jones embezzled at least $5000 each year in federal funds. Shelby County gets federal funds, and that is why the case was in federal court.

The amount of money that Jones used for personal instead of county expenses is in dispute. The federal government contends it is over $100,000, while Jones and his attorneys, Kemper Durand and Al Harvey, say it is less than that.

Sentencing was set for August 28th. Jones was released on his recognizance with no conditions or travel restrictions. Discenza said the government would recommend a sentence at the lower end of the federal sentencing guidelines. He said that could include imprisonment and supervised release, but he did not indicate how long the sentence might be.

Discenza said the government was prepared to show that Jones used funds channeled through the Memphis Regional Chamber of Commerce for personal use while submitting payment requests that indicated they were for business travel or other county expenses. Credit card receipts show that Jones bought CDs, diet products, gifts, and a honeymoon trip for his daughter with a county credit card.

The story broke nearly a year ago in the final weeks of the administration of Mayor Jim Rout. In addition to being head of public affairs, Jones was a top special assistant to the mayor and served on several boards. Rout suspended Jones in the final week of his term.

Jones pleaded guilty to one count of theft of property between $10,000 and $60,000 and official misconduct following an investigation by the Tennessee Bureau of Investigation in coordination with the FBI.

Jones made his guilty plea in state court after he pleaded guilty to the related charge in federal court.

Jones will be sentenced in state court after he is sentenced in federal court.

Categories
Music Music Features

Sound Advice

Perhaps more so than most other musical types, downbeat singer-songwriters are a pretty individual taste. In terms of sound and mood, I should probably compare Haley Bonar, a precocious 19-year-old from South Dakota, to performers such as Cat Power, Gillian Welch, and Shannonwright. The problem is that I don’t much care for any of those artists, and I love Bonar’s recent debut album, The Size of Planets, to pieces.

Bonar is now based in Duluth, Minnesota — a slightly less unlikely musical source — and is a protégé of sorts of that town’s trademark act, the seminal quiet band Low. Bonar’s album was recorded at Low’s Sacred Heart Studio in Duluth and released on Low leader Alan Sparhawk’s Chairkickers’ Music label. And Low is probably a better comparison, Bonar’s acoustic guitar- or piano-driven songs slow, clear, emotional yet understated, and almost unnervingly pretty. She also, like her benefactors, takes religion seriously, though she has a far more combative relationship with it. (On “Bless This Mess,” she’s the mess, and she seems pretty happy that way.) Bonar plays the Hi-Tone Café Tuesday, June 3rd, with fellow Duluthians The Rivulets.

Would you want to see Led Zeppelin without Jimmy Page? The Rolling Stones without Keith Richards? Well, on Wednesday, June 4th, you can see Black Flag without founding guitarist Greg Ginn. Sort of. The Rollins Band, with original Black Flag singer Keith Morris, will be performing Black Flag songs at the New Daisy Theatre in a West Memphis Three benefit concert. —Chris Herrington

Outsider artist James Eddie Campbell (secret identity: Lamar Sorrento) is a guitar chameleon, and his skills seem to get better with age. One second he’s jazzing it up like Django, then he’s tearing it up like Townshend, then he’s tripping it up like George Harrison. He makes it all seem so effortless and casual you might have to see him more than once for it all to sink in. And guess what? He’s playing twice this week. James Eddie’s playing an early show at Neil’s on Saturday, May 31st, with Bruce Barham. Later that same night, Lamar Sorrento & The Mod Saints will be at the Young Avenue Deli, with The Glass.

The Supersuckers are a clichÇ with the volume turned up to 11. At some point, somebody, maybe Eddie Spaghetti himself, said, “Dude, this band’s not going to take any prisoners,” and they became obnoxious rock-and-roll assassins. When they released The Evil Powers of Rock and Roll in 1999, I was ready to proclaim that the Supersuckers are the greatest bar band in the world. But with the release of their latest album, Motherfuckers Be Trippin’, it looks like they are slouching toward ordinary clichÇ. Taken for what it’s worth, Trippin’ is silly. Taken ironically, it’s not. That’s a lose-lose situation. (C’mon, the only band in America that can really get away with lyrics like “Grab a drink and chug-a-lug/Have some sex and take some drugs,” is Memphis’ own Joint Chiefs.) The good news is that the Supersuckers have been playing together since high school, and they have a back catalog that can more than make up for recent failings. They’ll be at the Hi-Tone on Monday, June 2nd, with The Subteens and Throw Rag. — Chris Davis

Categories
News

People of the Road

Somebody mentioned the town of Kamloops, British Columbia, to me the other day, and it sent my mind back to an Ireland afternoon when I met a charming and beautiful young woman from that town. I was standing outside the pub where I had just enjoyed a Guinness or two, and after I had taken a picture of the place — I was feeling quite attached to that pub in that moment — I looked around to see two big, blue eyes looking at me from under a wave of blond hair and below that a big smile that still makes me feel a little cuddly.

“Do you always take pictures of pubs?” That was the first thing she ever said to me. The last thing she said to me was “Have a great trip!” That was sometime the next day, after we’d spent most of the night in the hostel talking about life and adventure and travel and the folks back home. I was 23 and completely in love for about 17 hours. We never kissed and never communicated again, and while I’m tempted to say that’s too bad, perhaps a more realistic view is that without such complications as physical contact and ongoing communication, those 17 hours can stay just like they are: unedited, unspoiled, perfect.

The person who mentioned Kamloops this week is going on a cross-Canada train trip, and there’s a stop in Kamloops. Part of me thought I should send along a message — I still have that girl’s name in my address book — because it would be interesting to hear how her life has come out. Did she stick to her visions of travel and adventure that we talked about in Dublin? Did she put her art first, ahead of money and career, like she said she would? Maybe I don’t want to know. Maybe the answer would lead me to a tough question: Have I?

How many people are there on the backroads of our memory? How many snippets of conversation, how many inspired moments (or embarrassing ones) have we shared with complete strangers? It makes me think of a cynical speech that William Hurt gave in The Big Chill. He admonished his classmates that, in reality, they had only known each other for a brief time a long time ago, a time not worth holding onto. He was arguing that they weren’t really friends, but I think there’s lots of ways to be friends, one of which is to meet each other on a level field of innocence, bringing nothing to the situation and taking nothing from it — simply being, in a time and place, and asking for nothing more.

Times like that are among the gems we fetch from travel. I still trade Christmas cards with a brother and sister who run a restaurant in Turkey, where I had a few meals almost 15 years ago. I’ve heard, at a rate of a couple dozen words per year, about marriages, children, deaths, and journeys. I probably wouldn’t recognize those people if I saw them today, though.

Another one who “got away” was a fellow Deadhead who, while waiting for a show to start in some far-off theater, told me about his first Dead show back in 1971. It turned out I had a bootleg tape of that entire show, and he gave me his address, excited to hear it again. I lost that address and still feel a twinge of regret whenever I see that tape.

I came across another old friend in John Krakauer’s book Into Thin Air. Jim happened to be my guide on a trip to China — I remember one afternoon, while wandering some ancient ruins, he laid out his career ambitions as an adventure guide — and then he happened to be guiding on Mount Everest when all those people died.

Wouldn’t it be something to track all these people down again? I remember the first recovering alcoholic I ever spoke with, who blew my young mind by talking about having fun without getting loaded. He was from California but we met in Switzerland; I wonder if he’s sober today.

There was a guy that I teamed up with for some billiards one night in Osaka. There was much drinking and laughter and high-fives as we chalked up one improbable victory after another. We hugged when it was over, and now I don’t even remember his name. I think he was an architect from Maine.

There was a family in China that invited me into their home for tea; I took pictures of them with their new baby — they all put on nice clothes for the event — and then I had them write down their address on a scrap of paper. I wrote “CHINA” at the bottom, taped it to an envelope containing the photos, said a prayer, and mailed it. Never heard back, of course. That kid is probably in high school by now.

I remember a girl I met at a hostel in Austria. I had just come in on the train from Switzerland, and she got me so excited talking about it, we decided to go back there together. Madeleine, I think her name was; we made it as far as Italy together.

There was a South African art student who took me to some obscure galleries in Paris; a Texan who spent 15 hours on a Greyhound sneaking sips from a bottle and sharing stories from the road; a ranger at Mount Saint Helens who told me about the airplane he was building in his garage; an English guy who badgered the Mormons at the Salt Lake Temple; the two beautiful sisters I spent a day sledding with

I don’t know where, or even who, any of these people are. And while I am curious and I certainly wish them the best, what matters to me is that at some time, in some place, and for some reason, we were together. I look forward to meeting more of them.

Categories
We Recommend We Recommend

friday, 30

It s the last Friday of the month again, which means it s time for tonight s South Main Art Trolley Tour, with free trolley rides the arts district s numerous galleries and shops. Opening receptions in the district tonight include: D Edge Art & Unique Treasures for blues and music by Mark Kingfish Conklin; Durden Gallery for works by mother and daughter Jean Turley and Lisa Funderburg; and at 517 S. Main for works by Meikle Gardner, including Iraq war-inspired art. There s also an opening reception tonight at Memphis Botanic Garden for this weekend s annual Memphis Potters Guild Spring Show and Sale. Tonight s Opera Memphis Benefit Concert at the Cannon Center features our own soprano Kallen Esperian performing a concert of arias and Broadway favorites. Today kicks off the Memphis Italian Festival in Marquette Park with an Italian mass, food, games, and more. T. Model Ford & Robert Balfourare at The Lounge tonight. The Melvins, Tomahawk, and Dalek are at the New Daisy. There s a concert by Sonny Landreth at The Peabody tonight, courtesy of FM 97.1 The Pig. The Wailers are at Newby s. And, as always, The Chris Scott Band is at Poplar Lounge.

Categories
News The Fly-By

MAY THE SOURCE BE WITH YOU

Last week, Fly on the Wall commented on Memphis’ Party Source Magazine, which we described as Elite Memphis retooled for the common man. Well, that comparison isn’t altogether true. You see, Party Source contains some useful information. Our favorite bit was a clip & save listing the rights of a person accused of DUI. The card has been designed to be handed over to the police in case of a traffic stop in lieu of all that troublesome conversation. It should come in handy for all those times when its bearer is too drunk to talk.

Categories
Opinion Viewpoint

Play It Off!

I’ve got a solution for poor Mike Tranghese, the soon-to-be-spurned Big East commissioner who has whined that the pending departure of football powerhouse Miami for the ACC would be “disastrous” and “wrong.” (One can only imagine his stance on the potential flight of original Big East member Syracuse, the current men’s basketball national champ.) If college football’s powers-that-be continue to forsake a national playoff — the most ludicrous oversight in organized sports — why not get rid of the entire conference football system as we know it? It can and should be done.

The fact is, a conference title in college football doesn’t mean a thing anymore. (And stand down, ye proponents of the Bowl Championship Series and its rotating “bids” to major bowls for prominent conference champs. That system only compounds — even mocks — the systemic problem college football has.) With television money falling off trees, Division I-A programs are no longer restricted to regional play. So open up the scheduling process so that we can follow a legitimate, if de facto, playoff-caliber regular season.

My system retains the sport’s big rivalries, which are built more on geography and history than conference affiliation. The system will rotate opponents — again, based primarily on geographic regions — so that the game becomes what it should be: a national enterprise. Finally, this new system would force teams to play others of similar strength. I don’t know about you, but I’ve seen enough of the annual Florida State-Wake Forest clash, to say nothing of Tennessee-Vanderbilt or Michigan-Indiana.

With the regular season now made up of 12 games, each school’s football schedule would be drawn up in three tiers of four games each. A school would retain four permanent “rivalry games.” For instance, Tennessee would continue to face Alabama, Florida, Georgia, and Arkansas year after glorious year. Memphis fans would see Louisville, Southern Miss, Arkansas, and Ole Miss every fall. Fully one third of a team’s schedule would be built around animosity. College football like it oughta be.

The second schedule tier would borrow from the NFL’s rotating interdivisional play. Schools would continue to be loosely affiliated with their “home” conferences. (After all, the conference system is still invaluable to sports like baseball, basketball, and hockey, where often three games are played each week.) One season, Memphis would play four members of the Big 10; the next season, four ACC opponents; the next, four from the Big 12. This approach would level the playing field for the have-nots (read: Memphis), allowing fans in Tiger Nation to see big-name opposition year after year, as opposed to annual schedule-fillers like Arkansas State or Southwestern Louisiana.

Finally, a team’s schedule would be rounded out with four teams that finished within 10 ranking positions (higher or lower) from the previous season. Why shouldn’t the defending national champion have to play other top-10 teams? And why should the likes of Vanderbilt have to deal with UT and Florida every fall? (These match-ups are less competitive than intrasquad spring games and they’re ruinous to college football on a “macro” level.) I can’t stand the subjective ranking system college football has built as its foundation for determining a champion. But as long as it exists, utilize it to balance schedules for all 117 Division I-A programs.

At worst, this system would leave us with precisely what we have now at season’s end: two teams based on statistical data playing for a mythical national championship. At best, the new system would broaden the competitive impact of “mid-major” programs like Memphis (and thereby boost recruiting hopes), all the while sharing the lucrative comet tail that follows glamorous programs like Miami’s wherever it takes the field.

College football is a worthwhile institution, and it can be saved. So dry your tears, Mike.

Frank Murtaugh is managing editor of Memphis magazine and writes a regular column on sports for the Flyer Web site.

Categories
We Recommend We Recommend

Hot Wheels

A few weeks ago, I beheld an extraordinary sight — a magic car that could move on three wheels. While sitting at a red light, I noticed an up-and-down motion to my right. I turned my head with slight interest, only to see that bouncing next to me was an old, shiny powder-blue custom car complete with hydraulics and big-ass rims.

The driver was bumping some rap song on what sounded like a decent system, maneuvering his lively ride to match the beat. Of course, this is Memphis, and hydraulics are nothing new. My attention quickly turned from the driver as the light turned green. But when the driver sped up, pulled a U-turn, and turned his ride up on three wheels, I was all eyes. This was the stuff of rap videos and movies, not real life.

What was it? How could it? And, most importantly, could my little Cavalier ever achieve such glory? My queries were answered by Karl Ward, the manager of Exotic Kustoms in Whitehaven, a year-old custom auto shop that’s sponsoring a custom car show at The Pyramid on Saturday, May 31st.

According to Ward, those probably weren’t hydraulics at all but a new trend in customizing called the air-bag system. It works like hydraulics but doesn’t require as much maintenance or battery power.

“Airbags do what hydraulics do without all the batteries in the trunk,” he explains. “They even have remotes so you can stand outside the car and make it dance. It’s the big thing right now.”

Ward says three-wheel motion is the proper name for the amazing feat I witnessed. The shocks are dropped on one side and the others are raised, leaving one front tire off the ground. He told me that my car (a smaller-sized vehicle) would be better off with a system that raises one of the back tires, resulting in something that, as he explained, “looks like a little dog doing his thing.”

But fancy car tricks aside, cosmetic modifications such as custom rims are all the rage in Memphis, and they’re the top seller at Exotic Kustoms. Rims range in size, but they’re always shiny and can actually double as a mirror when you need to get that annoying speck of pepper out of your teeth. The popular spinner rims are designed to continue moving even while the car is stopped. In fact, the latest Three 6 Mafia hit, “Ridin Spinners,” encourages drivers to stop in the middle of the highway and let them spin freely.

The spinning part can be added on, and Ward says they can also be custom-made with whatever shape you’d like. After demonstrating the motion of a spinner with one of the many gleaming styles on display in the Exotic Kustoms showroom, he told me of a recent customer who requested his spinners be shaped like dollar signs.

And these days, the rims keep getting larger and larger. At one time, 20-inch rims, also known as “dubz” or “twankies,” were top-of-the-line equipment, sported only by rappers and pro-sports stars. But in the age of bling-bling, 20s are considered the norm, and those wishing to stand out have to shell out big bucks (around $7,000) for the large 26-inch rims.

“There’s nothing extravagant about a 20, unless you put it on a small car. They’re an old fad. Rims for these large SUVs like Avalanches and Suburbans are popular,” says Ward. “The biggest thing out there right now is a 26, but they’re supposed to be coming out with a 27.”

Exotic Kustoms can do pretty much anything you can imagine to a car. Wish you had a sunroof? They can install one. Want to feel the wind in your hair as you cruise down the freeway? They can turn your hardtop into a convertible. They can also turn your square ride into the phattest in your ‘hood by dropping it down to a lowrider so low “that you can’t get paper underneath.”

Ward says they install woodgrain, which they design in-house (apparently a rarity in the custom auto shop world); turn analog dash dials into digital ones; personalize grills with names or symbols; install vanity mirrors in the ceiling the possibilities are endless. One customer even had a mini-chandelier installed in his Mustang.

“There are some things we’d just rather not do because it’d be too dangerous, like putting huge rims on little cars. When they get too wild and radical, we kind of step away, but we can do most things without a problem. We bring ideas to life,” says Ward.

Exotic Kustoms is expecting around 500 custom cars to be on display at The Pyramid for their second annual show, and 150 prizes will be given away. There’s even a prize for the best drivable, run-down old hoopty. Cars from all over the South will get their chance to shine, and who knows? Maybe that guy with the old, powder-blue car will be on hand to demonstrate his magical three-wheel motion.

Memphis Kustom Auto Show, Saturday, May 31st, at The Pyramid. For more information, check out Exotic-Kustoms.com.