Month: October 2002

SMOKY MOUNTAIN HIGH

Post author By Chris Davis
Post date October 31, 2002

This may turn out to be the most boneheaded stunt in the history of the black market. Randy Raines, 45, of Jamestown, tenenssee, was artrested in a Chattanooga convenience store after a police officer caught him drying marijuana in one of the store’s microwave ovens. According to the AP story, when arresting officer David Ashley,who was enjoying a spot of coffee at the Fast Food and Fuel, approached Raines and asked what he was cooking, Raines answered in typical stoner fashion, “A Twinkie.”

We Recommend We Recommend

thursday, 31

Post author By Tim Sampson
Post date October 31, 2002

First of all, I d like to profusely thank Rob Sanders, Director of Market Expansion for Merry Maids, for his wonderful letter to the editor last week thanking me for my participation in his convention, referring to the night I sat in said convention by accident for one hour and had dinner thinking I was at the Blues Ball. And a nice, merry convention it was. He said in the letter that the cost of my dinner was the best money they d ever paid for accidental press coverage. But let s call a halt to that. Rob, I ll mention Merry Maids every week from now on if you ll send some of those Merry Maids over to clean up my house. Right now, there s no light bulb in the bathroom, they are out in two bedrooms, I have piles and piles of yard sale purchases that need to be priced to sell at a yard sale of my own, my 15-year-old cat just pees and poops any place she sees fit, there s a small village growing underneath my sofa, if I turn on my oven it erupts in flames, and there s something in the refrigerator that resembles a chinchilla muff. I NEED HELP! And I know your maids could do it. But onto other matters, historical matters, if you will. I just found out that Hitler never drank tequila. Why? Because it said it made him mean! (Okay, okay, I just had to get that one out of my system.) And I see Dr. Gott is at it again. The syndicated health columnist whose advice appears here in The Commercial Appeal seems to be obsessed with old people having sex and sexual problems. A few weeks ago, his column was about a woman who had some kind of surgery that made her vagina fall into her rectum, or vice versa, I can t and refuse to remember. Now, here s a more recent headline: STEROID CREAM CAN CAUSE SHRINKAGE OF GENITALS. This was in reference to a 74-year-old man who had some dermatitis problems and applied steroid cream to his penis, which resulted in shrinkage and curvature. Well, gross. No offense to my elders and having curvature must mean something still works at that age, but really. Must we constantly be being primed to carry around in our heads mental images of 70-something-year-old sagging vaginas/rectums and old shrinking curved penises? Can t people write in saying something like, Dear Dr. Gott: I am a 32-year-old Italian male model and I worry that my 43-inch chest and broad shoulders could be more defined. What do you think I should do? Much better than the shrinking penis. Oh, well. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? A) What the hell does chuck mean?; B) Who cares?: and C) Who came up with that idiotic question anyway? I went to a funeral over the weekend where my friend Widder accused my friend Granny (these are men in their 40s) of knocking an elderly man out of his chair during the service. I have learned how to hallucinate without taking any kind of drugs. When I was little, I set up a veterinary practice on our back porch and poured alcohol into a BB gun hole in a turtle and never saw it again. It s obvious that that some part of my brain is very disturbed right now, so I think I d better get on to what s going on around town this week. Today, of course, is Halloween, my favorite time to wrap up ice cubes in aluminum foil and hand them out as treats. And there some parties going on around town. At Clayworks Studios on Vinton, there s an opening reception/costume party for works by Niel Hora and Leandra Urrutia. There s a Dash Rip Rock Halloween Party at The Lounge. At the Full Moon Club upstairs from Zinnie s East there s a Halloween Bash with Yamagata and Rabid Villain. At the Hi-Tone there s a Marked Flesh Tattoos Halloween Bash featuring Hammerfight, Manbird, and 3 Guys That Hate You. And at Young Avenue Deli there s a Lucero Halloween Bash.

Politics Politics Beat Blog

WILLIE HERENTON SPEAKS OUT LOUD

Post author By Jackson Baker
Post date October 30, 2002

DO DEMOCRATS HEED MAYOR HERENTON?

Scarcely a month after the Lamar Alexander campaign began to feature him as an all-but-formally declared surrogate and supporter and in the same week that his son Rodney Herenton co-hosted a Memphis reception for Alexander, Memphis Mayor Willie Herenton taped a Get-Out-the-Vote telephone message, apparently on behalf of the whole Democratic ticket, to be called into households, especially African-American ones, in Memphis and elsewhere.

Here’s what the mayor said. CLICK HERE AND HEAR IT NOW before it starts to be played into homes via robo-calls during the next few days. (There may be a slight delay while the sound file loads on your computer.)

The text: “Hello, this is Mayor Willie Herenton. We are facing an election that is critical to this great state and our nation. You must vote. If you don’t vote, we lose. It’s that simple. Your vote for the Democratic family will decide these elections. Your vote will get our state moving in the right direction — for better schools, affordable health care, and secure jobs. Take the lead for your family and your community. Please vote.”

Back in September Herenton had scandalized local Democrats by appearing at an Alexander campaign function in Memphis alongside the Republican U.S. Senate candidate and former governor, whom he called “ a very good friend, one I’ve known for 20 years, and who supported educational reform when I was superintendent [of Memphis schools].”

Herenton avoided any direct comment, pro or con, about the Senate campaign of Democratic nominee Bob Clement.

Defending his participation at the event, which co-billed Alexander and himself and at which the mayor talked broadly about a “coalition” with the GOP candidate but avoided any variation on the word “endorse,” Herenton said, “As the mayor of Memphis, I hold a non-partisan position,” and he recalled that prominent Democrats, like members of the locally influential Farris family, had in 1991 supported his mayoral opponent, then incumbent Dick Hackett, who was presumed to be a Republican. “And you have the fact that the local Democratic Party has always been controlled by the Ford family,”

Democrats were privately furious but tried to look the other way and paid no formal note, so as to avoid the kind of intra-party strife that has so often dogged active Democrats in the Memphis area. Subsequently, though, both Herenton’s son Rodney and his close aide Reginald French, who had briefly held the title of Shelby County chairman of the Democratic Coordinating Committee, actively joined the Alexander campaign effort.

Clement and his supporters were hurt but bravely set about soldiering on in the Memphis area, buoyed by the continued support of U.S. Rep. Harold Ford Jr., his father Harold Ford Sr.. the former 9th District congressman, and other members of the Ford family, Herenton’s historical rivals for power among African-American Democrats in

Memphis.

“He’s covering his tracks with this recorded message,” noted one prominent Democrat Tuesday. “If Bob wins, he can cite it as proof that he really gave him valuable support. If Lamar wins, he’ll come right out and claim to have been part of the campaign all along.”

During the 1994 gubernatorial campaign, Herenton kept a conspicuous silence concerning then-Democratic nominee Bredesen and announced publicly that he had “supported” home-town Republican winner Don Sundquist after the election. The mayor has been vocal on Bredresen’s behalf this time around — a decided contrast to his attitude toward Clement.

Politics Politics Beat Blog

CAN THE DEMS GET ON THEIR FEET?

Post author By Jackson Baker
Post date October 30, 2002

NASHVILLE — When we go to the polls on Nov. 5 (earlier than that for many of us), Tennesseans will decide more than who will be our next governor, U.S. senator, members of Congress and whether we want a state lottery.

We will determine the philosophical direction of Tennessee, which turned decidedly Republican in 1994 and continues along that path. That brings us to today’s topic: the future of the Democratic Party in Tennessee.

Political experts largely agree that Tennessee is one-third Democratic,

one-third Republican and one-third independent. Exit polls show the percentage for the major parties to be a bit higher, up to 40 percent each.

University of Virginia political scientist Larry Sabato says Republicans have an edge, based on recent voter trends.

“Tennessee leans Republican, but that’s about it,” Sabato said.

“It’s the independents that make the difference. When you push them, they lean Republican and conservative. It produces about a 53-47 percent edge for Republicans in Tennessee. That’s not overwhelming.”

In the gubernatorial race, former Nashville Mayor Phil Bredesen could

benefit from the public’s disdain for Republican Gov. Don Sundquist, who pushed hard during his second term for a Tennessee income tax. Republican Van Hilleary has distanced himself from fellow Republican Sundquist.

“Independents are not firm Republicans. If the Republicans mess up, independents have no hesitation about voting Democratic,” Sabato said

It appears that Tennessee has more Republicans than Democrats, whose top candidates kicked off a statewide bus tour two weeks ago in the Republican stronghold of East Tennessee. Democratic strategists recognize the growing

disparity between party allegiances and are reaching out to moderate Republicans as well as independents.

Bredesen is a good example. He is a conservative Democrat who, philosophically, could have been considered either a “D” or an “R” 20 years ago. He is a successful businessman who wants to keep a lid on state spending and taxation, two strong Republican themes.

There is no question about the Republican credentials of Hilleary, Bredesen’s opponent in the gubernatorial race. If anything, Hilleary is

swinging more and more to the right, and that appears to be what many Tennesseans want in a governor.

That brings us to a Vanderbilt University lecture by Democrat Artur Davis,

34, a Harvard-educated former U.S. attorney who defeated a five-term incumbent Democrat in Alabama’s 7th U.S. House District.

Davis, who like his former opponent is black, has become a student of the eroding Democratic Party in the South. He has perspective: he comes from

modest means and, should he defeat his Libertarian opponent as expected on Nov. 5, will represent one of the poorest districts in the country.

The Democratic Party in the South must work with both ends of the

socioeconomic spectrum, Davis noted. That means working with business leaders while retaining the traditional support of organized labor. It means

meeting the needs of the poor while realizing the limitations of government

spending.

Jobs and education get the attention of those who feel disenfranchised from

the political process. Educate them, and the poorest of the poor can find

work in skilled or high-tech industries. Unskilled jobs those workers once

filled have gone offshore or disappeared altogether.

According to Davis, the Democratic Party also must “recognize that elections

are about very large consequences and values in our society. TV commercials

don’t win elections, values do. And when I say values, what I mean is a

sense of what is important, a sense of what matters.”

He added: “I think the Democratic Party has to always be É the party that

preaches and speaks to compassion in our society. It has to be the party

that Robert Kennedy tried to build in 1968.”

Tennessee’s Democratic Party appears to be working on those themes. We’ll

know on Nov. 5 how well it has succeeded.

News News Feature

TRAIN WRECK II

Post author By Frank Murtaugh
Post date October 30, 2002

“”Well?” said the Flyer editor, bright and early Monday morning.

“Well, what, sir?” I replied, slightly puzzled at my normally even-keeled editor’s unusually brusque demeanor.

“Well, smart fellow, tell me what you think about that horrible 48-10 loss to Cincinnati.”

“What do you mean, boss, what do I think? Gad, it was awful. Bob Rush said it best on the post-game show. He didn’t call it a football game. He called it “a downright embarrassment.”

“Right,” said the editor. “Rush isn’t stupid, is he? An embarrassment, that’s sure what I’d call it. What about you, Neill?”

“Well…” I replied.

“”Don’t “well” me, you moron. What did YOU think? We’re paying you big bucks to cover Tiger football, and all you can say is ‘Well’?”

An editor on deadline is a fearsome sight. I could see that my sometimes-friend was having a bad day. Perhaps the ‘N Synch cover profile was running late.

“Well, sir, I don’t think I’ll be writing a Tiger football column this week,” I said, as quietly as I could possibly say the words.

“You what!?” I could see I had hit all the wrong buttons on my editor’s console, making his already-bad day considerably worse.

“No, sir, I cannot — will not — write a column this week.”

“Why, you ————-!” At this point he bolted from his chair, and began using language even I considered inappropriate.

“Well, boss,” I stammered as he wearily sat down, “it’s like this: I’m stuck on the horns of a dilemma, if you know what I mean. If I write one more of my Tiger “train wreck” columns, I’ll be merely repeating myself. How many times, sir, can you talk about the U of M’s non-existent kicking game, its offensive “plan” that would make the Polish army proud, and a defense that makes a sponge look like a block of concrete? How often, sir, can I do that, without repeating myself, and boring our readers to death?”

The Flyer editor was silent for about 20 seconds, a long time in his universe. He heaved a long, contemplative sigh, then took a long, contemplative swig of his coffee. He seemed more relaxed; I could tell I was getting through.

“Then again, sir, I could take a more upbeat approach. I could do a column that focused upon the silver linings, you know. Like, I could talk about how it’s still possible that the Tigers could finish at .500; after all, all they have to do is beat Houston, South Florida, Army, and TCU. Piece of cake, boss, right?”

“Wrong. What else did you have in mind?”

“Well, I was thinking about focusing upon how the U of M is single-handedly engineering a revolution in Division One football by going with this remarkable quarterbacks-as-floating-punters strategy that no one has EVER seen, and maybe putting a call into Bobby Bowden, and…”

“Stop. Stop right there. What else?”

“Well, there’s always the probability-theory angle, sir. Like the Tigers had six turnovers in Cincinnati, and five last week against Mississippi State, so they’re on course next week against Houston to have, say, 5.5? And that, my friends at the U of M math department tell me, is just about impossible, given the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle and all, and…”

“Stop. And this time I mean it.” His voice was very stern.

“Don’t write your damn column this week, Neill. Just get to the Houston game Saturday afternoon, early, and stay late. Come up with something fresh and different, damn it, something, anything. Find something worthwhile to say about this god-forsaken team, will you, please?”

“Yessir, I mean, yes. And thanks for being so understanding, boss.”

“Don’t give me that ‘peerless leader’ crap, you idiot. Just do your damn job. And while you’re at it, drop that stupid “train wreck” image, will you? It’s not getting us or the football team anywhere. Use your imagination, Neill, for god’s sake!”

“Trust me, sir; I’ll do my best.”

“See you next Monday. And it had better be good!” The N’Synch profile writer was standing in his doorway; I could tell I was getting out of the office in the nick of time.

I walked down the hallway, and down the outdoors stairway from our second-story office. That’s when I noticed it was a cool late October morning, realizing that the summer had long ago fled, and that winter was hard upon us.

News The Fly-By

HEY, BIG SPENDER

Post author By Chris Davis
Post date October 30, 2002

Former county mayor Jim Rout, as well as several other county officials, are being investigated for what appear to be extravagant wastes of the taxpayers’ money. According to recent findings, officials spent at least $73,000 in NYC on limos, Broadway shows, and fine dining. An article in the CA singles out one $168 tip on a $1,100 meal at Central Park’s famous Tavern on the Green. The article failed to point out that at the ritzy Tavern on the Green, the tip in question (a mere 15 percent) is considered rather chintzy.

Opinion Viewpoint

TRANSLATION: MEMPHIS:Confessions of an Honorary ‘Arkie’

Post author By Jenn Hall
Post date October 30, 2002

I have a small confession to make. Before I moved to Memphis, I don’t think I believed that Arkansas actually existed.

Perhaps this sounds silly, and of course it’s a mild exaggeration, but the “natural wonder” was always a strange concept to me–something I knew little, if anything, about.

And then there was Wal-Mart. The horrors of I-40 and I-55 in the land of the monster rig truck stop. Rumors of gypsy girls that wandered the state’s less traveled byways. A reported preponderance of circus folk.

This, I heard, was not Arkansas, or at least not the real Arkansas.

But I lived with my ignorance up until this past weekend, when I was introduced to the state in all its colorful splendor.

Tagging along with a friend who was traveling to Newton County, I found that the journey revealed more and more of the state’s beauty with each passing mile.

For there, in the Western region of the state, I saw fall like I remember it when I was a child.

Blazing oranges, hellfire reds and purples come to life along the rolling hills of the Ozarks. Crisp, clean air. And the most beautiful skyscape imaginable. I had forgotten, I think, that there are so many stars in those heavens of ours.

The trip was made for a wedding scheduled for Saturday in Ben Hur, which is less a town than a region with a church and a few cabins. But by God, it was beautiful. As to why the town is called Ben Hur, I couldn’t find the answer. One person commented that perhaps it’s because the founder of the area proclaimed, “I been ‘her,” but don’t quote me on that one.

That, however, raises a strange similarity between Arkansas and New Jersey that I had never before considered. In Jersey, of course, there are thousands of stereotypes centered around the supposed mafia culture that people think cloaks the entire state in drama and danger.

Then there’s the bad first impression factor, courtesy of Newark airport. Oh the illustrious backdrop of industrial refineries.

If you’ve been to Jersey, though, you know there is a whole lot more to it. Even beauty, gasp, gasp!

The same goes for the poor impression that I formerly held based on the introduction to the state via the West Memphis truck stop.

So we in Jersey have the Tony Soprano stereotype, vis a vis a hillbilly stereotype that Arkansans are faced with. And sure, there are hit men in Jersey, and I’m sure there’s a hillbilly or two in our Western neighbor.

However, that only skims the surface of either state, and the parallel that I discovered involves a certain self-humor that is forged in response to the assumption that these things are the only prevalent elements of culture to be found in either. Obviously, this just isn’t true. Furthermore, there’s nothing wrong with the people who fit those characterizations anyway.

Aside from the illegality factor for my home state’s mafiosos. But anyhow…

As we neared the region, I was reminded of the hills of San Francisco. Meaning we were ass deep in fog. Somehow, though, it only made the ascent more awe inspiring. And what did I find there?

Aside from the aforementioned autumnal wonder, I encountered some of the friendliest people that I have ever met in my life.

Following the wedding, the bride’s family hosted on the most involved Halloween party that I have ever seen, complete with a hayride down a dirt road to a “spook house,” lovingly and elaborately created on an abandoned property.

But the food! We’re talking smoked meats, casseroles and side dishes of every kind, and a frightening drink called “grunch,” which involved a fair amount of grain alcohol.

That was dangerous, and damn good.

I also had the opportunity to wander around those fascinating cabins, to meet a man who used to play with Jerry Lee and Willy back in the day, and to talk to some refreshingly laid back people who made me feel welcome from the moment of my arrival.

By the end, I was so caught up in the euphoria of the place that I was ready to drop everything and move there.

But the best part?

Perhaps it was a measure of solidarity, but I don’t think a single person responded with “JOISEY,” when I told them where I was from.

Now those are some great people!

News News Feature

FROM MY SEAT

Post author By Frank Murtaugh
Post date October 29, 2002

THE ABC’S OF ROUNDBALL (PART TWO)

We continue last week’s lesson on Memphis basketball. Your test will come at season’s end, so pay attention.

N is for NBA . . . now! When the Grizzlies tipped off the 2001-02 season, Memphis joined Portland, San Antonio, Salt Lake City, Sacramento, and Orlando as NBA cities with one, and only one, big league franchise. Nothing wrong with a one-horse town.

O is for Oscar, the middle name of Mr. Charles O. Finley. The colorful (and rather outlandish) owner of baseball’s mighty Oakland A’s of the

early ‘70s purchased the Memphis ABA franchise in 1972. During his two years of ownership, the Tams became better known for the likes of green-and-yellow uniforms and ÒMustache NightÓ promotions than for their performance on the court.

P is for Penny. Has there ever been a more electrifying player in the Mid-South than Anfernee ‘Penny’ Hardaway? Having led the U of M to the NCAA regional finals in his first year as a Tiger, Hardaway was named first-team All-America as a junior (1992-93). After twice being named All-NBA with the Orlando Magic, Penny’s career has dwindled as a member of the Phoenix Suns.

Q is for quadruped. An animal, esp. a mammal, having four feet. In other words . . . a Grizzly! Or a Tiger! (Gimme a break. Where’s Quentin Richardson when you need him?)

R is for Ronnie (and Robinson). Larry Finch’s partner in crime for both Melrose High School and the 1972-73 NCAA finalists, Robinson is one of eight former Tigers to have their number retired.

S is for Snapper. Long before he became Bill Walton’s foil as an NBA analyst for NBC, Steve Jones was a star in the ABA, first with the New Orleans Buccaneers and later, upon the Bucs’ move to the Bluff City in 1970, with the Memphis Pros.

T is for Tams. What the heck is a Tam, you ask? Tennessee. Arkansas. Mississippi. Think about it. Gotta love the ABA.

U is for U of M. Memphis State University officially changed its name to the University of Memphis in 1994. It had previously been known as West Tennessee State Normal School (1912-25), West Tennessee State Teachers College (1925-41), and Memphis State College (1941-57).

V is for Vanatta. Head coach of the Tigers from 1956-62, Bob Vanatta led Memphis State College to the finals of the 1957 NIT, where the Tigers lost a squeaker to Bradley, 84-83.

W is for West. His silhouette is the NBA’s logo, for crying out loud. A Hall of Famer, voted among the 50 greatest players of all time, a member of the 1971-72 world champion Laker club that won a record 33 consecutive games, and still the Lakers’ all-time leading scorer (25,192 points). There’s only one Jerry West. And he’s now president of basketball operations for your Memphis Grizzlies.

X is for Xavier McDaniel. Member of the 1982-83 Wichita State team that Memphis whipped, 85-73, at the Mid-South Coliseum. NCAA scoring leader in 1984-85.

Y is for Yates. Between the more highly acclaimed U of M coaching eras of Gene Bartow and Dana Kirk came the Wayne Yates years (1974-79). Yates’ teams compiled an overall record of 93-49 but only reached one NCAA tournament (1976).

Z is for Zach. As in Curlin. Longest tenured coach in U of M history, ran the Tiger program from 1924-48, accumulating 173 wins. Street on Memphis campus named after him.