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KICKING BACK

This is the story of a famous — some say, infamous — Explorer.

In the course of more than a decade and of innumerable voyages, this Explorer went more places, with more apparent success and resultant reknown, both in North and South America as well as abroad, than any supposed peer — only to end up being charged with complicity in countless cases of death and maiming of the innocent.

What Explorer is this? And what does all this have to do with me?

Well, it ain’t Hernando Cortez or Vasco de Gama, of course. It’s the Ford Explorer — as the giveaway capital ‘E’ would indicate (even if the transparently hokey rhetoric, a la Paul Harvey, hadn’t).

And I just became the owner of one — a used ’99 2-door Sport model colored a dark gunmetal blue and boasting low mileage.

It’s mine courtesy of a trade-in whereby I chose to dispose of two vehicles — a ’94 Oldsmobile Cutlass Ciera, which had given almost 100,000 miles of faithful, mostly trouble-free service; and a ’97 Kia Sephia, against which I had no strong complaints, other than that I was woefully upside down with it (i.e., owed considerably more than its book value) and that it possessed no holders for drinks and no place to put them.

My acquisition of the car — or “truck,” as it’s sometimes called in the trade press; or ‘SUV,’ (for “sport utility vehicle”), as it and its competitors are known generically — comes at a time when the Explorer is widely considered complicit with its former tire supplier, Firestone, in a number of disturbing incidents in which tires blew out and the vehicle rolled over, with more resultant fatalities and serious injuries than could easily be ignored.

Venezuela has just banned the sale of the Explorer. The Ford Motor Company, for its part, has just banished Firestone tires from all of its S.U.V.’s — a follow-up to a partial purging of selected tire models last year and a move which Firestone has countered by refusing to supply tires for any Ford Motor Co. vehicle any longer.

The finger-pointing and/or scapegoating will eventually be resolved both in Congressional hearings and in the settlement of judicial proceedings, one of which asks the Ford Motor Co. to recall all Explorer models (except for the 2002 version) and to compensate all owners of the vehicle accordingly.

For obvious reasons, I am keenly interested in the outcome of this latter suit. In the meantime, I should hasten to say that I grant to the American-made vehicle the same presumption of innocence taken for granted in courtroom situations by its native-born drivers.

I mean, lookit, if it’s good enough for O.J. it’s good enough for my S.U.V.

So far, the car drives well and I love its interior appointments, a lush CD/cassette sound system, in particular. As for its bad rap, let me offer this extenuation, the result of a tire-kicking epiphany.

When I bought my Explorer, it still had a set of its original Firestone Wilderness A/T (the letters standing, presumably, for all-terrain) tires on it. Although these appeared to be unusually stout, even handsomely so, I would end up replacing them with Goodyear equivalents — gratis, thanks to the recent emergency edict from Ford president Jacques Nasser.

But at some point the irony of the name “Wilderness A/T” occurred to me. Nobody, but nobody, buys an Explorer (or a Jeep Cherokee or a Honda Passport or any other of the S.U.V. species) with the intent of roaming the “wilderness.” Bottom line: the only dangerous terrain they are ever asked to negotiate is that of the commuter lane — and, not to minimize the problem, it was in such places that the late, unlamented Wilderness tires and the Explorer itself first became suspect.

Let’s face it: Your average S.U.V. driver is macho in the same way that wearers of Tommy Hilfiger blue jeans are: i.e., cosmetically so. Simply put, the true distinction of S.U.V’s is their extra height, which lets you see over and around all those other vehicles on the road with you.

This higher-than-usual center of gravity, together with the vehicle’s relatively narrow wheelbase, is what constitutes the potential rollover problem, of course — one aggravated by the blowout specter. It thereby also mandates more than the usual watchfulness on the part of the driver. One is challenged to be more or less constantly checking such variables as the condition and air pressure of tires and the general upkeep of the vehicle’s motor and drive train.

All of that is to the good, and it partly compensates for the virtual disappearance, in our time, of the manual stick drive and other appurtenances that once coaxed drivers into actual attentive communion with their own and others’ vehicles and with the open road.

For some years, the tendency has been for motorists to become mere passive passengers in their own vehicles. The advent of the S.U.V. has served to amend that neglect and to force people to become more directly involved with the process of driving.

More than arguably, this recent Explorer scare has been a little more of an incentive than was called for. The irony is that driving an S.U.V. has become a true adventure — in ways beyond all the pretense and the packaging of the advertising fraternity.

In the long run, that may lead the auto barons to make sweeping changes in their lines. In the short run, it behooves us S.U.V. owners to look for the silver lining — and, in the process, to make sure that we look after those brake linings, too.

(Jackson Baker KICKS BACK whenever the mood strikes on whatever topic interests him. In other words, watch this space.)

Categories
News The Fly-By

THE UGLY DUCK

Last week Dallas sportswriter Tim Cowlishaw, in a full-fledged fit of cantankerousness, whipped out a column dedicated to a few things [he] could do without. One of the things he finds so unnecessary in the ever-tasteful world of professional athletics is the relocation of the Vancouver Grizzlies to our own Bluff City.

Is anyone who has ever been to these two cities really in favor of this move? he writes, adding, Ducks in a hotel lobby, that s the attraction? Poor Tim. He has no idea that we only show those ducks to assholes, while all the really cool people sneak away to party with booty-girls at, um, an undisclosed location.

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We Recommend We Recommend

tuesday, june 5th

Create your own cartoons with Danny Tennial at the Raleigh Branch Library. Also, “All Pears,” paintings by Barbara Lieberman, are showing at Playhouse on the Square.

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News The Fly-By

B.S. I01

We re always amazed at the continuing education classes that teach the fine art of writing, because they always make it look so fun, so easy. Case in point: the latest catalog from the University of Memphis, offering a six-session class called The Craft of Magazine Writing. For just $89, participants can turn yourdreams into bylines and help yourself to a bright future as a magazine writer. Among other tips, you ll learn plenty of brainstorming techniques designed to practically write every article for you.

Heck, we just bought one of those newfangled computers, and it even came with a handy word processor program. What else could we possibly need?

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We Recommend We Recommend

monday, lune 4th

Black light Karaoke at Bennigans

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News News Feature

ASK VANCE

Curious Carving

Dear Vance: I know you like odd tombstones, and I’ve discovered a strange one in the Edmondson Cemetery on State Line Road in Southaven (below, right). Who is this fellow who claims he has “no flag or country since 1865”? — G.V., Memphis.

Dear G.V.: This is indeed an odd marker, with the inscription wrapped completely around it. My own imposing monument, though currently in the works and being revised and updated semi-monthly – will hardly be as wordy.

The fellow’s name is Robert Bruce Bowe, and the inscription on the front reads: “Born in Petersburg, Va., Feb. 29, 1836. Raised in Hanover Co. Moved to Miss. Feb. 1, 1860. Died Oct. 11, 1907.”

Now comes the interesting part, on a second panel: “I have no Flag or Country since 1865, an Alien in the land that my forefathers defended in war since 1624. Providence taking side with the strong and oppressive against the weak and just has caused me to live in doubt the past forty years and fear I will die so.”Ê

The next panel reads, “Company A, 7th Tenn. Cavalry CSA, July 1861 – April 1865. We rode from Vicksburg to Nashville, from Atlanta to Corinth, to Fort Pillow and to Belmont, Mo. Many a day and night nothing to eat, our bed the cold sod. The Stars and Bars and dear Mal were the idols of my heart.” The last panel is inscribed, “My aim through life was to do unto others as would have them do unto me, though sometimes had to fight old Nick with fire.”

It’s apparent that Bowe was a Confederate cavalry rider, who took part in many battles and who ultimately “lived in doubt” when Providence let those damn yankees win the Civil War. Beyond that, though, I couldn’t have told you more about Bowe and his family until I discovered a handy book called Mississippi Back Roads by retired professor Elmo Howell, part of a series that includes Mississippi Home-Places and Mississippi Scenes.Ê

“Robert Bruce Bowe’s tombstone has long been an object of wonder,” writes Howell. “An expression of religious doubt, as some have imagined; or only grief at loss of the war?” Howell discovered that Bowe came from an old Virginia family and met his future wife, Malvina (the “dear Mal” of the inscription), while visiting relatives in Mississippi. Although not much is known of his life after the war, Howell reports that Bowe retired to a farm near Plum Point, Mississippi, where he died in 1907. His wife had died two years before, and the old soldier’s will decreed that his property be divided among his nine heirs, with his longtime servant getting “a fifty-dollar horse.”

Diamond Days

Dear Vance: My dad played baseball years ago in Memphis and Mississippi, and I’m sending you a tattered photo of him with the Orgill Brothers company team. He’s at the bottom left in the picture, and was a pitcher for the team. What kind of company was it? — P.J., Dothan, Alabama.

Dear P.J.: Before my parents enrolled me in the finest private schools in Belgium, my athletic endeavors (in this country at least) were mainly confined to shrieking like a banshee as my thuggish classmates pelted me with Dodge-balls on the dusty playgrounds of Memphis. And those were the girls. So, reluctant to dredge up those horrible memories again, I asked one of my capable assistants to investigate the old baseball leagues that your father played for.Ê

Here’s what she found out. According to Johnny Rudd at the Memphis Division of Park Services (formerly the Park Commission), the All-Memphis Baseball League was organized here in the 1940s, composed of “mostly former college and ex-pro players, and guys who just wanted to play ball.” The teams were sponsored by local firms, including Orgill Brothers, a hardware company founded in 1847 that is still in business today – in fact, it’s the oldest family-owned firm in town. In the early days, Orgill sold hardware, cutlery, and guns – everything a pioneer town would need. By the 1900s, the company branched out with Tettenborn refrigerators, Jewel gas ranges, Radiant home heating stoves, Yale locks, and all sorts of other stuff. Today, Orgill, Inc., is a hardware wholesaler.

The All-Memphis Baseball League played its last inning in 1997. Now, Rudd says that adult amateur baseball is organized into several leagues around here, which are affiliated with the American Amateur Baseball Congress, the National Amateur Baseball Federation, and the United States Baseball Congress. Some of the teams playing today are the Memphis Royals, Memphis Blues, and DeSoto Giants, who play in leagues named after veteran baseball players – Stan Musial, Mickey Mantle, Connie Mack, and others. If you want to learn more, visit the Royals Web site(www.eteamz.com/memphisroyals) or call Rudd himself at 454-5200. It’s way too complicated to go into here, and I’m still smarting from all those terrifying days of Dodgeball.

Submarine Sighting

Dear Vance: While at Mr. Pride Car Wash on Poplar, I looked to the east. Painted on the back of the facade of a building on Mendenhall is “1967.” I know that building once housed a store called the Yellow Submarine, where one could buy a waterbed, albums, incense, and other things that I was too young to know about. Correct? — R.B., Memphis.

Dear R.B.: Yes and no. The little brick store you’ve noticed did indeed house an interesting “alternative” establishment called the Yellow Submarine, which had a magnificent mural across the facade painted by a talented artist named LeRoy Best, if I remember correctly. But that establishment didn’t open on Mendenhall until late 1970 or early 1971, several years after the date you spied on the bricks.Ê

In 1967, the little building actually housed a lawn mower repair shop, owned and operated by a fellow named Joseph Bianchi, who had started his business there in the early 1960s. When Bianchi moved out in 1968, a Coleman-Taylor transmission repair joint moved in, and remained there until the Yellow Submarine took over.Ê

It’s funny that quite a few people remember the Yellow Submarine, but it stayed there only about five years. After that came Vic’s Auto Repair – the building seemed destined to be a repair shop for something or other – though today it’s used for storage. I stuck my little face up to the mail slot in the front door and tried to peer in. I swear I caught a whiff of patchouli and thought I could make out an old Blue Cheer poster, dimly fluorescent under the flickering glow of a black light – nah, must have been my imagination.Ê

[“Ask Vance” appears every month in Memphis magazine. Got a question for Vance? Send it to ÒAsk VanceÓ at Memphis magazine, P.O. Box 1738, Memphis, TN 38101, or e-mail him at askvance@memphismagazine.com]

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Sports Sports Feature

DRAFT DAY DELIRIUM

Since we’re on the topic of the NBA, as if there are any other topics at the moment, let’s talk about the upcoming draft.

This, of course, assumes that Memphis indeed agrees to build an arena and does, indeed, get the team.

The Grizzlies came up with the lucky number six in the 2001 NBA draft lottery. It’s actually not all that lucky of a number. The Grizz should have gotten — numerically based on their abysmal record — at least the number-four pick. However, the ping-pong ball gods frowned on the Grizz and poof, there’s you a number six. It’s not such a bad number, but with so few outstanding choices in this year’s draft, it makes choosing hard.

Another factor influencing the Grizzlies choice is a deal that brought Otis Thorpe from the Detroit Pistons in exchange for, among other things, a first-round draft pick from the Grizzlies. The upside is that pick must fall between the sixth and eighteenth slots. The downside is that the Grizzlies must either give the Pistons the pick this year or give it away next year.

The really mean trick by Piston executive VP Rick Sund, the fellow who brokered this deal and who just this week was named GM of Seattle, is that the decision had to be made by June 1st. And in case you haven’t heard, the NBA draft ain’t until June 27th. That means that the Grizzlies have no idea how much of a steal they might get. Or how much of a loser they could give to the Pistons. They also have only a minimum amount of time to check out talent in individual workouts. In a recent Detroit News article, Grizzlies GM Billy Knight said, “It’s terribly unreasonable to have a June 1st deadline. No one has had the opportunity to evaluate the talent in the draft yet.”

This is a deal by former Grizzlies GM Stu Jackson, by the way. Not Knight, who really has only three choices. He could just give the Pistons the pick this year and become unfettered. However, according to Grizzlies owner Michael Heisley in his brief press-conference in Memphis on Tuesday, the Grizzlies have no cap room with which to make any free-agent acquisitions over the summer. Without the draft, they will have to rely on a mid-level exception (like the Larry Bird exception, only much smaller) or on trades. That limits their off-season choices and changes. Remember, the idea is to get better after the season ends.

Oh, and then there is the small matter of the team moving to Memphis. If that happens, this summer’s draft will be the first big party for the franchise. The first time the people can meet their very own Memphis Grizzlies player, one who didn’t play “up north” before all this went down.

Another option for the Grizzlies is to wait this year and give their pick to the Pistons next year. However, that might be even more of a gamble since they don’t know how they’ll do in 2002-2003, which pick they might get, who is in the draft, etc. And next year will mean that the Grizzlies will have their back against a wall and will be forced to give up their pick, be it a 6 or an 18. If the Grizzlies don’t have a pick from 6 to 18, then the deal goes to the next year. And so on. That’s just not fun.

A final option, the one the Grizzlies are doing their best to make happen, is to find themselves a second dip in this year’s draft and hand that over to the Pistons. Currently, the Grizzlies could upgrade their second pick of the first round (spot 27 via the Lakers via New York) with a trade. The Grizzlies have plenty of deadweight in the form of Bryant Reeves and his fat contract. There’s also the young but talented shooting guard Mike Dickerson and point guard Mike Bibby. While both of these players are big-time, they didn’t exactly help the team win many games. For a team looking to overhaul, the Grizzlies could do worse than to drop some salaries, get cap room for a free-agent or two, and pay the Pistons their due. AND the team would be able to keep their number six spot this year.

And idea along the same lines is to trade Grizzlies star power forward Shareef Abdur-Rahim. But this guy is a franchise player and the loss of his scoring and rebounding would hurt far worse than a giving up a draft pick. Besides, ‘Reef has already said he wanted some Riverfront property. Good thing Memphis has itself a river.

All this doesn’t address, of course, who the Grizzlies will pick if they get the chance. Your guess is as good as any this writer could put up.

The Grizzlies are said to be interested in Michigan State Shooting guard Jason Richardson. According to espn.com, Richardson is an improving shooter, moves to the basket well, and defends well. However, there is some question about his passing and ball-handling skills. Not such a great thing to say about a shooting guard. He’s also supposed to be a phenomenal athlete, a good complement to Grizz coach Sydney Lowe’s interest in running and gunning. Most pertinently, he’s probably the best player that won’t be chosen in the top five.

The Grizzlies also might have a shot at Shane Battier, who could be a real steal if the top five teams choose teeny-boppers … I mean underclassmen. Battier doesn’t have the most incredible physical presence for a forward, but he handles and shoots the ball like a guard. He understands team basketball, sees the floor very well, has a killer (if streaky) mid-range jumper, and defends extremely well. He is arguably the most mature player in the draft, having played four years in college and could be perhaps a terrific role player in the future. That said, he’s probably going to go within the top five picks.

Past that … well it all just depends, don’t it? If the Grizz come to Memphis. If they keep their pick. If they don’t trade their pick up or down or whatever other funny things can happen on draft day. If they can sign who they pick. If. Only time will tell, obviously, but isn’t it fun nottalking about the arena for five minutes?

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News The Fly-By

EGYPT vs. THE NBA

Taxpayers are funny when they re angry. Shortly after NBA supporters began their NBA NOW yard-sign campaign, clever naysayers began defacing said signs so that they read NBA NO. A recent copycat campaign by Memphis Wonders Series has met with similar results. Yard signs declaring Eternal Egypt NOW have been changed to read Eternal Egypt NO and, inexplicably, Eternal Egypt OW.

Categories
News The Fly-By

EGYPT vs. THE NBA

Taxpayers are funny when they re angry. Shortly after NBA supporters began their NBA NOW yard-sign campaign, clever naysayers began defacing said signs so that they read NBA NO. A recent copycat campaign by Memphis Wonders Series has met with similar results. Yard signs declaring Eternal Egypt NOW have been changed to read Eternal Egypt NO and, inexplicably, Eternal Egypt OW.

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We Recommend We Recommend

sunday, june 3rd

FedEx and St. Jude kick off their Classic Golf Tournament with the Southwind Family Festival at 3 p.m. at Southwind.