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Film Features Film/TV

‘ACADEMY BOYZ’ DEBUTS HERE

Memphis has been chosen to host the national premiere of the coming-of-age film Academy Boyz this Friday, August 24th at area theaters. The film, set in Connecticut, chronicles the high school relationship between three teenagers attending a college preparatory boarding school and the scholarship program that brought them together. Written and directed by Dennis Cooper (Chicago Hope, Miami Vice), the movie is a semi-autobiographical look at authentic friendship.

Donald Faison (Remember the Titans) and Jeffrey Sams (Soul Food) play inner-city African-American boys sent to Loomis Chaffee School as part of the ?A Better Chance? program. Justin Whalin (Dungeons & Dragons) plays a white student (representing Cooper himself) sent to the school to improve his chances of being admitted to an Ivy League college.

Although Cooper says he was not part of the scholarship program at Loomis Chafee, he still felt alienated from the school?s wealthy students and therefore aligned himself with the scholarship participants. From that relationship, he says his life was forever enriched and one of the main reasons for his success.

?This is a unique project because some people didn?t believe the story, and I had the opportunity to portray credible inner-city kids and not the usual stereotypes,? says Cooper. Academy Boyz will be premiered at Malco?s Majestic, Bartlett, and DeSoto theaters, Muvico at Peabody Place, and Hollywood 20 theaters.

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We Recommend We Recommend

friday, 24

Two art-openings tonight: at Rhodes College’s Clough-Hanson Gallery, for an exhibition of works by Amanda McKnight, Solomon Livingston, Jenean Morrison, and Gable Martin; and at the Buckman Center, for works by Leigh O’Rourke. Also opening tonight is Art at Playhouse on the Square. If you want to wish Miss Cordelia Turley a happy 90th birthday this evening, there’s a big party for her on the porch of the Harbor Town grocery store named after her; features live music by Eddy & the Rockers, cake and ice cream, appetizers from the deli,free Cokes and beer; and more (5:30-8 P.M.) And last but certainly not least, today kicks off the Great Southern Beer Fest, three days of live music (including B.B. King and ex-Rolling Stoner Bill Wyman) and beer-swillin’ at Mud Island.How can you not love Memphis?

Categories
Music Record Reviews

Short Cuts

Overdub

Davíd Garza

(Lava/Atlantic)

On his first two albums, Texas singer-songwriter Davíd Garza played a brand of caffeinated, highly danceable pop music built on infectious Latin rhythms and intelligent, heartfelt lyrics. But on his third album, 1995’s Blind Hips In Motion, he opted for a drastically different sound that relied on lots of production quirks and drum loops and severely downplayed live instrumentation. A transitional record, Blind Hips was thudding and lifeless, its songs overburdened with weighty sonics. Garza’s follow-up, the inconsistent This Euphoria, opened up his sound a little more, with a few songs like the effervescent “Discoball World” (a big hit in another universe) and the reggae-flavored “Slave” recalling the energy and liveliness of his earlier work.

Overdub, his fifth album, takes Garza one step further in this evolution, combining the rhythmic delights of his first two albums with the studio experimentation of his last two. It’s his most cohesive and musically adventurous album to date, and it shakes and rocks down unpredictable avenues. The opener, “Drone,” is no such thing: It bounces around as Garza sings in his rubbery voice about how the newness and excitement of being a musician have worn off. Elsewhere, “Blow My Mind” pogos about until it hits an instrumental coda that takes on a life of its own, and “Easter Lily” contains one of his best pop hooks yet.

Curious, though, is the attitude of many of Garza’s lyrics, in which bitterness contrasts the songs’ lightheaded pleasures. The catchy-as-hell first single, “Say Baby,” laments his inability to get his songs played on the radio: “If they ain’t down with your dublingo/If they don’t hear no single deejays won’t play your jam unless you say ‘baby, baby, baby.'”

Such cynicism can be jarring, especially on an album that sounds this lively and upbeat. How unfortunate that Garza is so pessimistic about his career when his music has never sounded so good. — Stephen Deusner

Grade: B+

Bait and Switch

Andre Williams

(Norton Records)

Raised by an aunt in one of the worst housing projects in Detroit, R&B singer Andre Williams hustled his way into the music biz while still a teenager. Best known for his work at the Fortune label in the mid-1950s (“Bacon Fat” and “Jail Bait” were his biggest singles), Williams forged new ground as a front man. Fully aware that his vocal abilities weren’t up to par with the leading talents of the day, he talked or rapped his lyrics over a tight backup band. Unfortunately, Williams eventually faded from the scene after an 18-month stint with Ike Turner’s band left him a full-blown junkie.

It took several decades, but Williams managed to clean up and get back to business. Much in the music world had changed in the years since he’d been gone, but “Mr. Rhythm,” as he was known in his early days, soon carved himself a niche — in the punk arena fronting garage-rock bands. Over the past four years, Williams has released three albums, performing with indie-rock bands such as the Jon Spencer Blues Explosion, the Demolition Doll Rods, and the Sadies. His own indie debut, Silky, turned a whole new generation on to his risqué — but rhythmic — vocal delivery.

With his latest release, Bait and Switch, it’s clear that Williams’ raunchy rap has only gotten dirtier over the years, and when backed by the all-star band producer Billy Miller assembled for this project, the results are, ahem, spicy — and rated triple-X.

Williams speaks with authority on the autobiographical “Soul Brother In Heaven and Hell”: “If you stick it in/You gotta take it out/Everybody knows what life is about.” Cool snaps and a bent guitar riff hold the track together as Williams falls apart, screaming “Get off your ass,” then recovers nicely for the next song, a duet with Ronnie Spector. The two breathe new life into Ike and Tina Turner’s “It’s Gonna Work Out Fine,” while labelmate Rudy Ray lends his talents to a sleazy version of the Crawford Brothers’ “I Ain’t Guilty.” Lonnie Youngblood holds down the sax duties as Robert Quine (ex-Voidoid) provides searing guitar licks that punctuate Williams’ vocals with power and panache.

Sassy, boozy, and extremely fun, Bait and Switch puts Andre Williams right back on top. R&B ain’t dead yet! — Andria Lisle

Grade: A-

AM Gold

Zero Zero

(Jade Tree)

Former emo musicians deciding to make electro-pop is as common as a stand-up comedian deciding to take a drink of water onstage. Throw in an unhealthy dose of poorly utilized humor and you have a mini-movement on your hands. Take Zero Zero as a prime example: Half of revered hardcore/emo (or “screamo”) movers Lifetime take off to the land of kitchen-sink studio wizardry and fill an album with bouncy, exotica-sprinkled sounds and cutesy adolescents-in-their-20s vocals. They use their Irony 101 skills and newly discovered dollar-bin laughs (including the backbone to Hall and Oates’ “She’s Gone”) to make it sampler-unsafe for everything in sight. Fittingly, the whole package is wrapped in eye-popping album art that looks exactly like a Looking Glass greatest hits album.

While I don’t find this approach amusing, I do find the music to be enjoyable. I derive extreme pleasure from a great big silly hook in pop music. These particular songwriters have hooks and chops to burn, along with enough energy to keep the album from lapsing into the pointless noodle-noise danger zone. If you are going to be a flash in the pan, the least you can do is sound as fun as Zero Zero.

Andrew Earles

Grade: B-

Laser Beam Next Door

The Silos

(Checkered Past)

What happens when a touring/bar band unexpectedly makes a highly listenable record that invites repeated plays and more than casual appreciation? The Silos probably would disagree with the bar-band label and the unexpected part, but that is what seems to have happened on their latest, Laser Beam Next Door. The band’s previous recordings never sounded this straightforward and rocking. The Silos are down to a three-piece now, based once again in New York City, with guitarist/singer Walter Salas-Humara penning most of the tunes and contributing lead vocals on all selections.

The record is a compendium of familiar-sounding riffs and choruses from mid-’70s to early ’80s rock radio which somehow avoids sounding clichéd and cheesy due to the band’s strong performances and Salas-Humara’s songwriting chops. The band seems sincere without being stupid about proudly playing this brand of lumpen rock, a kind of thinking man’s Bachman-Turner Overdrive (not that the world needs something like that just right now). Even on the two Spanish-language songs there is no weary whiff of world beat, just a couple of rock tunes sung in a different language. The Silos aren’t arty minimalists, but they do prove that paring down and simplifying can sometimes be a good commercial — as well as artistic — strategy. — Ross Johnson

Grade: B+

Categories
Music Music Features

local beat

The annual Helena, Arkansas, King Biscuit Blues Festival has long been one of the jewels of the region’s blues preservation efforts.

This fall, parent organization Main Street Helena will hold its first festival since severing ties with Memphis-based King Biscuit Management earlier this year. Here’s an early look at the lineup for this year’s festival, which will be held October 4th through 6th.

2001 King Biscuit Blues Festival:

Thursday, October 4th

Main Stage

2:00 – 2:45 Bruce Page & The Blues Heavyweights

3:00 – 4:00 Johnny Moeller

4:15 – 5:20 Billy Lee Riley

5:45 – 6:50 The Rockin’ Highliners

7:15 – 8:20 Janiva Magness

8:50 – 9:55 Larry McCray

10:25 – 11:40 Anson & The Rockets w/ Sam Myers

Friday, October 5th

Main Stage

Noon – 1:00 Eddie Cotton

1:20 – 2:20 Sam Carr w/ Fred James & Dave Riley

2:40 – 3:40 Guitar Shorty

4:00 – 5:10 Billy Branch & The SOBs

5:35 – 6:40 Pinetop Perkins w/ Rusty Zinn

7:10 – 8:20 Lou Pride

8:50 – 10:00 Brian Lee

10:30 – 11:45 Marcia Ball

Houston Stackhouse Acoustic Stage

Noon – 1:00 Richard Johnston

1:20 – 2:20 Karen Tyler & Valerie Johnson

2:40 – 3:40 Robert Jones

4:00 – 5:00 Jimmie Lee Robinson

Robert Lockwood Heritage Stage

5:30 – 6:30 Eb Davis

7:00 – 8:10 Sam Lay

8:40 – 9:50 Alvin Youngblood Hart

10:00 – 11:30 John Primer

Saturday, October 6th

Main Stage

Noon – 12:45 Larry Garner

1:00 – 2:00 Jimmy Johnson

3:45 – 5:00 Robert Lockwood Jr.

5:20 – 6:30 Levon Helm & The Barnburners

7:00 – 8:10 Snooks Eaglin

8:30 – 10:30 Special guests to be announced

10:45 – 11:55 Bobby Rush

Houston Stackhouse Acoustic Stage

Noon – 1 Otha Turner

1:20 – 2:20 Paul Geremia

2:40 – 3:40 Eddie Cusic

4:00 – 5:00 Paul Oscher

Robert Lockwood Heritage Stage

5:30 – 6:30 Abu Talib & Gary “Alaska” Sloan

7:00 – 8:10 Jody Williams

8:40 – 9:50 Wallace Coleman

10:20 – 11:30 John Weston

Gospel Stage (1:00 – 8:00)

Central High School Chorus

Apostolic Church Choir

Queen Elizabeth & Christian Harmonizers

Dixie Wonders

New Life Singers

Judge L.T. Simes Spiritual Seven

Shining Stars

Jordan Wonders

Bro. Cooks & Hughes Singers

Salem Harmonizers

Sons of Wonders

Spirit of Memphis

Fantastic Sounds

Categories
News The Fly-By

CONTINUING EDUCATION I

As that hot new singer-songwriter Bob Dylan (you just have to hear this guy) sings in a tune that is certain to become an instant classic, ?Oh, the times they are a? changin?.? Lest there be any doubt as to the veracity of this soon-to-be superstar?s lyrics, one need only turn to the University of Memphis Continuing Education catalog. Therein one will find a number of classes that reflect our changing times. One little seven-session class daintily titled ?Feminine Finances? is described as follows: ?Women are becoming increasingly involved in finances today either by choice, or sometimes by inappropriate or unfortunate necessity.? Next thing you know, they?ll be allowed to vote.

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We Recommend We Recommend

Lone Stone

I just got bored with doing the same things over and over again,” Bill Wyman says, explaining why he left the “World’s Greatest Rock-and-Roll Band” a decade ago. “There was nothing more to achieve with the Stones, really.”

Wyman took a couple of years off after leaving the Stones before returning to active work with music and photography. Now Wyman is back in the States for the first time since the Stones’ U.S. tour in 1989 and will spend a week in Memphis in what will amount to a total immersion in blues culture. Wyman’s post-Stones roots band, the Rhythm Kings, will headline opening night of the Great Southern Beer Festival on Friday, August 24th. Wyman will then make three area appearances to promote his new book on blues history, Bill Wyman’s Blues Odyssey: A Journey To Music’s Heart & Soul (DK Publishing): at Davis-Kidd Booksellers on Tuesday, August 28th; at Tower Records on Thursday, August 30th; and at Square Books in Oxford, Mississippi, on Friday, August 31st.

This week-long Memphis stay will afford Wyman a bit of rest after a solid month of touring the Northeast and Canada with the Rhythm Kings (the Memphis appearance marks the beginning of Wyman’s book tour). According to Wyman, his wife and three children (all girls, ages 6, 5, and 3) will be flying out for the Memphis stay, which will lead to the rock-and-roll legend’s first-ever visit to Graceland.

“I [had offers] to go whenever we came through on Stones tours,” Wyman says, “but I never really had any desire — but I think my children will like it. They know all about Elvis. Whenever they see him on TV, they say, ‘Elvis!'”

Wyman’s most memorable previous Memphis visit was during a Stones tour in 1975 when the band brought Memphis blues icon the late Furry Lewis out on stage during a performance at Memorial Stadium (later renamed the Liberty Bowl). This meeting of blues legend and blues worshiper is documented in Wyman’s book, but Wyman says he still doesn’t know how the meeting came about.

“We just arrived and there he was. We didn’t know anything about it until we stepped off the plane and there he was on the tarmac,” Wyman says. “Maybe the promoter lined it up. I don’t really know. But he came backstage during the show and we all rapped and he was very nice. Then he appeared at the show. I had actually tried to meet Furry earlier, maybe it was ’72. I came over and was staying with [Booker T. and the MGs bassist] Duck Dunn for a weekend and they asked if we wanted to go see Furry, and of course we did. But as we started to drive into Memphis there was this tremendous thunderstorm with torrential rains, so we had to switch plans and I didn’t get to meet him on that trip.”

This pursuit of Lewis was natural for blues fanatics like the Stones, who, before they were crowned “World’s Greatest Rock-and-Roll Band,” earned the crown of World’s Greatest (White) Blues Band with early albums like 1964’s The Rolling Stones: England’s Newest Hitmakers and 1965’s still-incendiary The Rolling Stones Now!, which were composed entirely of blues covers.

This life-long love of the blues is clearly manifest in Blues Odyssey, a 400-page, coffee-table-style tome that brims with accessible, well-written, and wide-ranging information on America’s signature art, encompassing bits of jazz, ragtime, gospel, jug bands, and rock-and-roll in addition to the lone-guy-with-guitar vision of the blues that has become standard in the public imagination. Wyman’s book also bears the imprint of modern-day Memphis, quoting or referencing local music and tourism figures such as the Memphis and Shelby County Music Commission’s Jerry Schilling, the Memphis Convention and Visitors Bureau’s Kevin Kane, the Blues Foundation’s Howard Stovall, and local performers Mose Vinson, Blind Mississippi Morris, and Brad Webb, in addition to such obvious sources as Sam Phillips and Rufus Thomas.

Wyman says he was driven to create a reliable introduction to the blues that was accessible to average fans. “I’ve got a lot of blues books in my collection but they’re all a bit heavy reading if you’re not a blues fanatic,” Wyman says. “I like the historical books, especially the Samuel Charters books, but I wanted a book that introduces the blues to people [and] would be interesting to anyone.” The book will be followed by a companion, two-part television special, which will be broadcast on Bravo in November.

Wyman’s personal blues odyssey will take another interesting twist this weekend, when he shares billing with signature bluesmen B.B. King and Buddy Guy, who will be closing the Great Southern Beer Festival on Sunday night. It won’t be the first time Wyman has crossed paths with what are likely the two most important living bluesmen. King toured America with the Stones and Chuck Berry in 1969. Guy toured Europe with the Stones, Junior Wells, and Bonnie Raitt in 1970.

For those hoping that these longstanding friendships might result in some shared stage time this weekend, Wyman is coy.

“Well, B.B. did ask me at one of the festivals in Europe recently if I’d come up and do a song,” Wyman admits. “But it’s a bit difficult for me. If you’re a guitarist or piano player you can do it. You can just hang around and drop in and out where you feel necessary. But if you’re a bass player you’re part of the rhythm section and you’ve got to know the song inside-out, the arrangement and the timings, otherwise you’re gonna knock people off. But you never know. Buddy could come up and play with us. That would be more manageable.”

Categories
Opinion Viewpoint

Dave Black

Memphis lost one of its outstanding citizens this week. Dave Black, who for the last 15 years had done the early-morning Farm Report on WMC Radio — and last did so on Friday of last week, sounding as good as ever — spent much of Saturday supervising some yard work, then underwent a dialysis treatment.

His heart stopped during the dialysis, which was part of the extensive treatment he required during the last several years, when he suffered from various cancers and the concurrent effects of them. Though doctors were able through technology to revive his heart, he never recovered consciousness and died Monday night. He was 69.

Dave was a widower, having four years ago lost his remarkable wife, Kay Pittman Black, who had been a star reporter for the old Memphis Press-Scimitar, an able spokesperson for the last two sheriffs of Shelby County, and a nurturing presence for a whole flock of people in local government and media.

Dave Black had that kind of importance to people, too — not least during the last several years, when he was reliably said to be gravely ill with this or that recurrence of his highly metastasized cancer but insisted on going about in the world looking no older than 35, and a cheerful, sprightly 35 at that. One of his last public appearances came late last month at a local reception for gubernatorial candidate Phil Bredesen of Nashville. Dave looked all of 40 on that occasion — which his friends took as an ominous signal.

Still, he was the kind of man who — in the words of his devoted daughter Maura, the director of research and planning for Shelby County schools and a celebrated Democratic activist — “just insisted on keeping on going.” His last job was a case in point. He had already retired from broadcasting twice and was talked back into it some 15 more years by WMC’s Mason Granger, who needed a short-term replacement for his early-morning farm reporter.

Dave, who knew very little about agriculture to start with, sat in and was still sitting in through last week. In the meantime, he had become an authority to Mid-South farmers, a soothing presence who started their days off with reliable information mixed with wit and insight.

David Dotson Black Jr., as he was named at birth, was a fixture in the community. That was by his own choice. He had a chance back in his 20s to be a roving national reporter for CBS radio. It was an opportunity that would doubtless have made him as famous as the late Charles Kuralt, but he took a job at WMC-AM instead, as a deejay. Rock- and-roll was, after all, one of his passions, and he was one of its earliest and most authentic exponents, having begun his broadcasting career as a 16-year-old deejay serving up rhythm-and-blues on WDIA-AM, then as now a black-oriented station.

Dave quit school to take that first job, finishing up his education much later on with a G.E.D. He had started life as a member of the Memphis establishment and was educated at Miss Lee’s School (later Grace-St. Luke’s) and at Memphis University School. A pioneer by nature, he just decided to take the road less traveled, one that, in terms of the music he helped popularize, much of the known world has trod on since.

Dave was always a helper. During the last several years, he seemed as little preoccupied with himself and his own problems as a human being could possibly be. To others, he was a source of advice, encouragement, benevolent energy — you name it.

Besides Maura, his survivors include his mother, 93-year-old Edith E. Black; his stepdaughter, Susan Pittman, who is principal of Dogwood Elementary School in Germantown; a brother, Bob Black of Little Rock; and, of course, all the rest of us, who couldn’t help but take heart from a man who didn’t go gentle into that good night but slipped into it quickly, still a youth at heart.

Jackson Baker is a senior editor of the Flyer.

Categories
Politics Politics Beat Blog

FRIST: FRED’S RUN ’70 PERCENT’ CERTAIN

U.S. Senator Bill Frist, who acknowledges that his Tennessee Republican colleague, Senator Fred Thompson goes “up and down” on his willingness to pursue a reelection race in 2002, said in an interview Thursday that there is “a 70 percent probability” that Thompson will run next year.

Frist was in Memphis as guest of honor at a fund-raiser at the downtown Plaza Club for U.S. Rep. Ed Bryant, who has senatorial ambitions that can be shelved in favor of a congressional reelection race.

In apparent response to what many took to be a senatorial-race trial ballon floated by former Governor Lamar Alexander last week, Frist said, “In the event that Senator Thompson does not run for reelection, I have no doubt that Ed Bryant has far and away more support to succeed him than anyone else.”

Frist’s presence, coupled with his interview statement, had to be regarded as a huge boost for Bryant, who expressed some annoyance last week with Alexander’s collaboration with former Vice President Al Gore in a Nashville-based political seminar and said of an item in the Wall Street Journal on Alexander’s potential Senate candidacy, “I wondered what he [Lamar] was doing giving all that free publicity to Al Gore. Now it seems obvious he had another motive.”

Any statement about senatorial prospects counts especially heavy coming from Frist, who is considered as close to President George W. Bush as any member of Congress and is both the president’s liaison with the Senate and chairman of the Senate Republican Campaign Committee.

Another prospective Senate candidate who could take heart from Frist’s remarks is Elizabeth Dole, who is the subject of a boom in North Carolina now that incumbent Sen. Jesse Helms has announced retirement plans. Other Republicans have expressed interest in Helms’ seat, including former U.S. Senator Lauch Faircloth, U.S. Rep. Richard Burr, ex-Charlotte Mayor Richard Vinroot, and attorney Jim Snyder.

Frist confirmed that “serious” conversations have begun between Dole and the president’s inner circle, a fact which is bound to be galling to the other hopefuls.. “These [the talks] didn’t happen as early as some reports indicated, ” Frist said, “but for the last day or so, they’ve been going on in earnest.”

Categories
News News Feature

PLAN ‘C’ FOR ARENA SITE

Mayors Willie Herenton of Memphis and Jim Rout of Shelby County strained mightily to present what looked like a compromise arena-site selection at their sweltering mid-afternoon press conference Wednesday atop the Rock & Soul Museum downtown.

The very choice of a venue for the announcement, of course, gave the game away. The winner was Mayor Herenton’s choice — Site B, the Linden Avenue site which he’d held to stubbornly for more than two months despite the insistence of Mayor Rout and an official site-selection committee that Site A, on Union Avenue opposite AutoZone Park, was to be preferred.

On Wednesday afternoon, the two mayors tried to pass off the ultimate locaton as a brand-new “Site C,” but clearly it was the Linden site with modifications — notably the turning of the building on its axis so as to present a north front toward Union Avenue, and a tree-lined mini-parkway which will open the arena, visually and access-wise, to Union.

The letter ‘C’ might,in one sense, stand for “cosmetic,” but the changes will probably have a larger impact than that suggests.

An unspoken context for the tug-of-war between the mayors was both racial and political.

Mayor Herenton was determined to locate the arena close to southern, blighted areas of the central downtown area (including a newly built cluster of public housing units), so as to give the area a developmental momentum and a gloss more consistent with neighboring areas to the north.

Mayor Rout and most members of the city establishment wanted the site further north, for the same reasons in reverse. The amendments to the Linden site, which establish both a north and a south entrance point, in effect are designed to give both sides the essence of what they wanted.

GENERAL AREA OF THE ARENA

CLOSEUP: SITE OF THE ARENA

Categories
News News Feature

FALLING INTO DISGRACELAND

I say this every day, but I think I’m going to have to get a new look. Of course, that is going to require a new body, and of course, that is going to require a lot of lipo. Or that surgery Carnie Wilson had to shrink her stomach the size of a thumb.

Maybe I’ve mentioned this before, but if I wasn’t going to be a reporter, I was going to be a fashion designer. Or a personal shopper. You know, help people find clothes they really love, and that they look really good in. Because different styles look better on different sized and shaped people.

I happen to be a little bigger on top, so most of the shirts I wear are fitted. Tailored. Tight. Because if they weren’t, it’d look like I had on a muumuu. Or a circus tent, take your pick.

Unfortunately, it seems the reporting life has taken its toll on my personal appearance. Some days I wake up and say, “Can I wear sweat pants today?” The answer is always no, mostly because this is Memphis, and we’re in a heat wave as I write this and have been ever since I moved here.

The intention is there (One of my friends says that people have given up on life when they wear sweat pants out of the house. I’m not sure that is completely true), but most of the time I just end up wearing clothes. Nothing special. Just comfortable. Pants, a sleeveless top. Something I can work in all day long, fielding calls, writing (you’d never guess how strenuous it is to type all day), reporting. But perhaps I’ve gotten too comfortable.

The other day I was being a reporter, so I walked into a local high school to get a copy of their dress code. I was wearing — and this is important so pay attention — black hipster flares and a purple sleeveless blouse with a tie at the top (which I bought at a mainly teeny bopper store in the mall).

Walking in to the main office, I identified myself, told the staff I had called earlier, and asked for the dress code. A bit of confusion ensued: the new dress code hadn’t been printed; no one had a copy of the old one.

Long story short, I was directed to another office, but not before one of the women — who had walked in after I did — pointed towards my outfit and said, “Well, you can’t wear that.”

Ouch.

It was nice to be mistaken for a high school student, no doubt about that (she was across the room so I’m sure she didn’t see all my already forming wrinkles), but to be mistaken for a scantily clad high school student … well, that was less nice.

You see how a new look might be in order. Looking at a Vogue, though, I only saw things I couldn’t wear to high school. Not what I was looking for at all. Just movie stars and rockers wearing little bitty tops and tight little pants. All the regular schlubs have to wear bulky sweaters and unflattering pants and pantyhose.

Perhaps with my new look, I will get a new career. Not personal shopper or fashion designer, but “rocker” or “popular movie actress.” Then I can wear whatever I want whenever I want to. First, though, I think I’ve got some research to do on that stomach-thumb surgery.