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News The Fly-By

9/11/01: THE DAY THE MALL STOOD STILL IV (conclusion)

(continued)

“You don’t have permission to be here,” the secuerity guard said quietly but sternly.

“Has there been a threat?”

“I’m not going to answer any qestions,” he said, kindly referring me to the mall offices.They too were closed. On the way out, I asked another security guard, “Why exactly is the mall closing?”

“I’d tell you,but I could lose my job,” he answered with a nervous stammer. “Are you a reporter?” I thought about lying. I sensed he would tell me if I said no.

“Yes,” I said. “I’m a reporter.” Silence.

“They evacuated Disney World,” a voice on the radio said as I pulled away. Score one for the terrorists. They even brought our dreams to a grinding halt. For a moment anyway.

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News News Feature

NEW GENERATION OF CLUB KIDS

<Marcus Haley was up to no good. With bad grades and an even worse attitude, he was headed for destruction. “I took school as a joke,” says Haley. “I almost flunked out of ninth grade. If it hadn’t been for Griff, I’d probably be in jail right now.” Griff, or Charles Griffin, 28, smiles as he remembers his first encounter with Haley, now 18, and others whose lives he has reversed.

Griff, as he is affectionately known, is the director of the new Downtown Porter Boys and Girls Club, 620 Lauderdale Street. Situated between Booker T. Washington High School and the public housing residences of William A. Foote and Edward O. Cleaborn Homes, the Downtown Porter club is in prime location to serve more than 150 kids each day. The club was opened just 8 months ago, the second week of February, in the renovated Porter gymnasium. In its short existence, it has already become the most populated club.

Marcus Ward, 17, is a longtime club member, having been involved with the organization since age 5.His main reason for coming to the Downtown Porter club is the staff. “Since I’ve been coming here my whole personality has changed. The (staff) here has been a big influence in my life. They will help you in any situation,” says Ward.

“We’re just dangling carrots for them to come. Once relationships are established with the staff, the kids will come back no matter what the activity,” says Griffin.

Bernal Smith, vice president and chief operating officer of the Memphis clubs, says the Downtown Porter location started as a “survival of the fittest” club. “Other agencies had started and stopped services and youth programs in the location, but none ever stayed. The Memphis Housing Authority (MHA) asked us to put a club here,” says Smith. With grants from the State of Tennessee and the MHA for operating funds, the club has been a success.

Each of the six clubs in the Memphis area has its own board of directors. The Downtown Porter board, chaired by businessman Robert Williams, has big plans for the club and its members. With a focus on computer training and job placement programs, the club, through a collaborative effort with the Work Place, will offer computer proficiency and skills training, office skills, work effectiveness and job placement.

The club’s 20-station computer lab clearly demonstrates the community support of the Boys and Girls Club. Hardware and connectors were donated by Sysco, computers were donated by several individual firms, and Lan One Inc. provided and setup software. Early next year, Downtown Porter will kick off a national Boys and Girls Clubs computer pilot program. Members will be given their own personal computers for home use. Again, the computers will be donated and come complete with Internet service, also donated for the 20 to 40 participants.

In addition to the computer programs at the Downtown Porter club, several other programs are offered to members in efforts to fulfill the mission of inspiring and enabling all young people to reach their full potential. A Power Hour of homework help is set aside for younger members after school for help in all subjects.

The Job Ready programs, for ages 15 and older, teaches job skills, resume preparation, and interview skills. From here they are placed with partnering companies for on-the-job vocational training and employment. A Chef Club teaches etiquette and meal preparation; and older club members are taught the meaning of community by helping younger kids in the Keystone Club. And, of course, athletic activities are provided.

Working with children can be challenging and staff members do not take their responsibilities for granted. “Our job is not like other jobs,” says Griffin. “If we mislead a child terrible things could happen. They (members) depend on us, and sometimes we are all they’ve got.”

Almost 85 percent of kids served come from single parent homes, usually with no male in the household. Because of this, Downtown Porter staff member and former “club kid” Marcus Taylor believes in his job. “What these kids need is to see young African-American men making a positive move in this area. These kids are the future and if they don’t see positive male role models now, by the time they grow up, it’s too late. We try to instill in them that all black men are not bad.”

And what about the girls? They too are provided with role models and staff members, , including program director Charley Braswell, who talk to them about their own issues and lifestyles. “We make sure to provide workshops and programs just for the girls. We also have individual sporting events for them. We want to make sure the girls don’t get lost,” says Braswell. (Full-time, paid staff members of all Boys and Girls Clubs must be out of high school and pursuing higher education and have taken professional training.)

Memphis Boys Club started in 1962, and changed its name to Boys and Girls Club of Greater Memphis to incorporate girls, who have a 40 percent membership rate in area clubs. The organization currently serves more than 6,000 kids. Individual club operating costs each year total more than $330,000, with a majority of funds coming from fund raisers and individual donations. During the school year, Memphis Clubs are open Tuesday through Friday, from 2:00 to 9:00 p.m. and 10:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. on Saturdays. Membership is open to kids ages 7-17 and must be registered by a parent.

The Downtown Porter club held its grand opening Tuesday, September 11th. Family Day will be held Saturday, September 15 at the club with guest appearances by Congressman Harold Ford, Jr., and other government officials

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News News Feature

A STOP TO THE LAUGHTER

Stewart Bailey, the 35-year-old supervising editor of the Comedy Central channel sendup The Daily Show, knew that his world had changed as soon as he learned that the first plane had slammed into the first World Trade Center tower — only blocks from the Greenwich Village apartment he shares with his wife Jen, a Vogue editor.

Even before he got the word from the star of the cutting-edge show, Jon Stewart, that all production would cease for the time being — until, at least, the next week — Bailey knew that he had likely heard the death knell of an ironically distanced view of the world which had held sway in his end of the media since the advent of David Letterman.

“We’ll meet on Monday and take stock, but Jon made it clear that we’ll have to seriously evaluate what it is that we can do — and ought to do — going forward.”

A show whose bread and butter was tongue-in-cheek scorn of all convention and established authority and mockery of ongoing news events and the way they were covered in the media would now have no appropriate targets.

“We know we can’t say anything critical about the president or anybody in government. We never talked about Columbine or JFK Jr., and this beats all of them by an incomparable margin. We’ve always made fun of the pomposity or pretentiousness of the news business, but how can you criticize anybody for covering this? Or the way they’re covering this? We might have a show on Tuesday, but we just don’t know what kind of a show we can do.”

Noting that CNN had broadcast an erroneous early report Tuesday that American bombs were falling in Afghanistan in retaliation for the New York and Pentagon disasters, Bailey said, “The bombs-on- Afghanistan thing, normally we could play with something like that, but I think we’d be thrown off the air if we tried something that was in such bad taste. And we should be. We’re owned, ultimately, by Time-Warner, but we’ve always had virtual self-governance. No limits. I think if we went too far, we might find out we aren’t as autonomous as we think we are.

“Reality has always been the subject of satire for us. Now the nature of reality has changed. Even Howard Stern is doing straight news!”

As Bailey noted, “A lot of our jokes and other people’s jokes were based on the fact that people don’t really care about politics — that nobody really cared about Bush or Gore, for example. Now people have to care.”

The pervading “sense of irony” that may have overnight achieved its obsolescence derived from cutup Letterman, Bailey said. “What he was saying was that ‘all of this is phony, all of this is fake.’ Things were pretend-important, self-important, not really important. They didn’t really matter. Now things do matter.

“Early in the last century we had two world wars and a depression. Then we had a long period in which things didn’t seem as important. Already, that’s gone. Things are significant again, things are important. We’re going into a long, deadly serious period. To pretend that things don’t matter any more or to laugh at people who are serious won’t fly any more … .”

One of Bailey’s duties is to supervise the preparation of The Daily Show‘s performance tapes that were entered in competition for the prestigious Peabody Award, won by the show this year. The show was up for further honors at the Emmy Awards, which were scheduled for Sunday and have now been postponed indefinitely.

“Comedy will have to adapt to all that has happened. It won’t be the same again,” Bailey said.

Even as Bailey was commenting on Thursday about what would or wouldn’t “fly any more,” F-14s had been soaring conspicuously over his head and over the whole of Manhattan all day.

“This used to be the most secure place in the world,” he said. “Now we have surveillance aircraft full-time.” Bailey observed one practical way in which the two twin towers of the World Trade Center will be missed: “When some of us would be out at night walking in the Village we might wander into some corner of a strange neighborhood and lose our way. We could always get our bearings by looking at the Empire State Building for due north and at the towers for due south. Now we can’t do that.”

When Bailey first heard of the ongoing tragedy Tuesday, he knew he could climb to the roof of his building and see it firsthand, and many people did. But he couldn’t. “I’ve always had trouble dealing with that kind of pain. I don’t have the ability to deal with real tragedy,” he said. So he watched on TV and apprised himself of things via a weird form of stereophonic imagery. On screen terrible things were happening, while he heard the real, live moans and groans of people reacting outside his very window.

“It was so hard to deal with. I was physically paralyzed. The same thing happened a month ago when I was in a theater and somebody collapsed. I knew I should go get help or try to provide it, but I couldn’t move.”

Ultimately, Bailey was able to galvanize himself. “Instinctively, before I heard anything about it, I knew I wanted to give blood. I felt so helpless.”

Bailey spent the next several hours Tuesday being shuttled from one place to another and waiting, just waiting, to do something helpful. His itinerary started at St. Vincent’s hospital in the Village, where he joined the masses of victims and people like himself, New Yorkers of all stripes conscripted into the common human support service, people bearing signs with their blood types on them.

Next stop was the New York Blood Center, up near Lincoln Center, where, some 10 hours after he had volunteered himself, he was ultimately able to get accepted as a Red Cross auxiliary, to give such aid as he was allowed to. He busied himself at first bringing food and juice to survivors and people waiting in line either for help or to give help.

Because he had once provided some backup help for his mother, a psychiatric head nurse back home in Topeka, Kansas, Bailey is slated to be a Red Cross adjunct for mental-health services related to the anguish of the catastrophe and its aftermath.

In such a way have the talents of a young professional in the American comedic industry been adapted. So it was, in one form or another, this week.

(For the record, Stewart Bailey is my sister’s son and my oldest nephew. When I was in New Hampshire early in 2000 covering the presidential primary there, he and the Daily Show crew played host to me for a memorable day spent shadowing the candidates. —JB)

Categories
News The Fly-By

9/11/01: THE DAY THE MALL STOOD STILL III

(continued)

The steadily mounting combination of terror and sickness, which had begun shortly after my typically peaceful moerning coffee had been interrupted by the day’s awful news, began to escalate. This time all the paranoia was real. the mall was indeed closing.I toured both floors and found that, wih the lone exception of a nail salon, every metal screen had been pulled down. Most shops were empty, though some employees stood behind their cages staring out like prisoners, faces as blank as the front page of the daily news on the day after the end of the world. A helpful mall employee escorted me to the security office. As we walked through the empty, echoing expanse, my concern peaked. Terrorism that leads to the mass closing of our public spaces is mighty effective terrorism….

(To be continued)

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We Recommend We Recommend

saturday, 15

The week’s two big parties are today: the Southern Heritage Classic Football Game baetween Tennessee State and Jackson State at Liberty Bowl Stadium and one of the best bashes of the year in Memphis, the Cooper-Young Festival. There’s also Greekfest 2001 at St. George Greek Orthodox Church, with Greek music and cuisine. The Memphis Symphony Orchestra is performing at The Dixon Gallery and Gardens. The Kentucky Headhunters are playing at Gold Strike Casino. Nora Burns & Lucky Strike are at Kudzu’s. Back at Young Avenue Deli there’s a show by Rev. Horton Heat and Lucero. And at the Blue Monkey, it’s a reunion show of sorts by The Mudflaps.

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News News Feature

THE NAMES OF AMERICANS

In the wake of tragedy, I’ve fallen in love– with my country and my fellow Americans.

Last night I found an American flag T-shirt, given to me years ago by a relative. I’ve never worn the shirt because it always seemed so quaint, so hokey. But I’m going to wear it tomorrow.

When I read the accounts of the remarkably brave passengers on that flight doomed to destruction in a remote Pennsylvania field, I want to hug and thank every single one of them. They truly are heroes.

When I see the bravery of the rescue workers, putting their own lives on the line ÐÐ some losing them– just to help strangers, I remember why we stand to salute our flag.

Even news reporters– and people in my profession are rarely called “honorable”– have covered this story with dignity and sensitivity. They’ve kept all of us informed without forgetting our common humanity and horror. I’m proud of every single one of them.

But mostly, when I read the names of the dead, the only names we know right now, I want to put my arms around their families and raise my fist to the enemy. It just isn’t right. Like the San Francisco Examiner‘s simple, poignant headline on Wednesday, “BASTARDS!” I want to scream at these perpetrators.

Though I’m a lifelong pacifist and opponent of the death penalty, I want to personally pull the trigger in a firing squad, I want to drop the bomb on the enemy. I want to shoot now and ask questions later. I want the swiftest, harshest punishment for anyone who even had thoughts of helping these evil men commit this unthinkable act. I want medieval justice== I want someone’s head on a spike. How dare they use our people as weapons against us!? How dare they kill innocent Americans quietly working at their desks!?

But then I read those names again. Doug Stone, Wilson and Darlene Flagg, Joe Lopez, Lisa Frost– names as American-sounding as any I’ve ever heard. Ruben Ornedo, Dora Menchaca, Yenench Betru, Mark Bingham, Lauren Grandcolas– these are all “American” names too. Alona Abraham, Touvri Bolourchi, Dorothy Dearaujo, Tim Ward, James Roux– these people might have been our neighbors, might have thumped melons in the grocery store with us, might have coached our children’s soccer teams. Carolyn Beug, James and Mary Trentini, Kris Bishundat, Daniel Caballero, Patrick Dunn, Jamie Fallon, Matthew Flocco, Daniel Getzfred, Martin Panik, Joseph Pycior Jr., Allan Schlegel, Dianah Ratchford. There are many more names that should be here and thousands more that we don’t even know yet.

My point here is simple. In our haste for revenge, let’s not turn knives on ourselves. There is no “American” identity, no “American” look. Not one of us is any more or less “American” than any other. That’s what makes us so lovable. We are everyone. We come from everywhere. We look like people all over the world. We have names derived from every nation. My own name is of mixed ancestry, as are the names of most of my friends. In our bloodthirst, let’s not victimize any more Americans.

In America we assimilate and congregate. Yes, assimilate. We open our arms to welcome and hug neighbors we joke about being “fresh off the boat.” If those of us not of Arab descent are shocked and angry at this week’s attacks, those of Arab descent are that much more shocked and angry. Unlike many of us, they also feel shame for their heritage and, some, for their religion. They too have lost loved ones. They too are scared. They too feel vulnerable.

How much stronger can we be against our enemy if we welcome all of our brothers into the fight? Consider the most basic of facts: Many of the Arab Americans now being targeted in instances of racist backlash left their homelands so that they could become Americans. They abandoned all that was familiar so that they could join with us. Now is not the time to harm our own countrymen, now is the time to unite against the enemy.

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News News Feature

FALLING INTO DISGRACELAND

How silly everything else seems right now. All our day-to-day concerns over traffic jams, long lines at the grocery store, whether Britney and Justin are really dating or whether it’s just an act.

Who cares?

It doesn’t matter.

I won’t tell you what does matter; I can’t purport to really know. All my friends and family are fine. Most of my friends’ friends and families are okay, too. And like everyone in the country, I’ve never had to deal with anything like this before.

I usually try not to talk about the Flyer newsroom. I have a vested interest in preserving the newsweekly’s mystique, and, honestly, it’s not that interesting. We basically just sit at our computers, typing and talking on the phone. (That’s what it looks like anyway.)

But I’ll let you in on a little secret. People magazine wasn’t the only publication that tore up its cover story on shark attacks and scrambled to find something that would analyze, commemorate, elucidate the horrible events of September 11th.

We stopped the presses. And then everyone on our staff went into full reporter mode.

Being in the media during an event like this is saddening, maddening, and just plain frustrating. Especially when you’re away from the epicenter. I hesitate to compare it to what the victims’ families are going through, but there’s that same sense of searching. Trying to find out exactly what’s going on. Needing to know everything. And getting virtually no answers. One ear is glued to the radio, the other is perked to find out something new, to hear something that will make everything make sense or a story that will make your readers experience some strong emotion.

For 24 hours, I went down with this information. It was all I listened to, all I talked about, all I wrote about, all I thought about. I forgot to eat. I forgot to sleep. I called my parents and my sister to make sure everyone was okay, and we watched the news together. I was entirely wrapped up in everything that was taking place. I listened to Peter Jennings more in one day than I probably have in my entire life.

During that entire time, I never stopped thinking about it for a second. I’m not sure whether to attribute this to being a reporter or being an American. Because I’m not sure how much people who had phones to answer, patients to see, payroll to get out thought about it. All I know is that there was nothing I had to do that would take my mind off the horror of it all; my job was to keep my mind on the horror of it all.

Not until Wednesday afternoon did I realize I had more people I needed to call to make sure they were okay, psychologically. It was like I had been underwater and suddenly I remembered to breathe.

As of this writing, it has been a little over 48 hours since the whole thing began. And please understand when I say I don’t want to think about it anymore. I want to remember it, I want to do something about it, but, for right now, just for a little while, I want to think about something else.

I want things to go back to normal.

And I know normal can never be. Not for the victims, the victims’ families, or anyone else in America.

Categories
News News Feature

A STOP TO THE LAUGHTER

Stewart Bailey, the 35-year-old supervising editor of the Comedy Central channel sendup The Daily Show, knew that his world had changed as soon as he learned that the first plane had slammed into the first World Trade Center tower — only blocks from the Greenwich Village apartment he shares with his wife Jen, a Vogue editor.

Even before he got the word from the star of the cutting-edge show, Jon Stewart, that all production would cease for the time being — until, at least, the next week — Bailey knew that he had likely heard the death knell of an ironically distanced view of the world which had held sway in his end of the media since the advent of David Letterman.

“We’ll meet on Monday and take stock, but Jon made it clear that we’ll have to seriously evaluate what it is that we can do — and ought to do — going forward.”

A show whose bread and butter was tongue-in-cheek scorn of all convention and established authority and mockery of ongoing news events and the way they were covered in the media would now have no appropriate targets.

“We know we can’t say anything critical about the president or anybody in government. We never talked about Columbine or JFK Jr., and this beats all of them by an incomparable margin. We’ve always made fun of the pomposity or pretentiousness of the news business, but how can you criticize anybody for covering this? Or the way they’re covering this? We might have a show on Tuesday, but we just don’t know what kind of a show we can do.”

Noting that CNN had broadcast an erroneous early report Tuesday that American bombs were falling in Afghanistan in retaliation for the New York and Pentagon disasters, Bailey said, “The bombs-on- Afghanistan thing, normally we could play with something like that, but I think we’d be thrown off the air if we tried something that was in such bad taste. And we should be. We’re owned, ultimately, by Time-Warner, but we’ve always had virtual self-governance. No limits. I think if we went too far, we might find out we aren’t as autonomous as we think we are.

“Reality has always been the subject of satire for us. Now the nature of reality has changed. Even Howard Stern is doing straight news!”

As Bailey noted, “A lot of our jokes and other people’s jokes were based on the fact that people don’t really care about politics -Ñ that nobody really cared about Bush or Gore, for example. Now people have to care.”

The pervading “sense of irony” that may have overnight achieved its obsolescence derived from cutup Letterman, Bailey said. “What he was saying was that ‘all of this is phony, all of this is fake.’ Things were pretend-important, self-important, not really important. They didn’t really matter. Now things do matter.

“Early in the last century we had two world wars and a depression. Then we had a long period in which things didn’t seem as important. Already, that’s gone. Things are significant again, things are important. We’re going into a long, deadly serious period. To pretend that things don’t matter any more or to laugh at people who are serious won’t fly any more … .”

One of Bailey’s duties is to supervise the preparation of The Daily Show‘s performance tapes that were entered in competition for the prestigious Peabody Award, won by the show this year. The show was up for further honors at the Emmy Awards, which were scheduled for Sunday and have now been postponed indefinitely.

“Comedy will have to adapt to all that has happened. It won’t be the same again,” Bailey said.

Even as Bailey was commenting on Thursday about what would or wouldn’t “fly any more,” F-14s had been soaring conspicuously over his head and over the whole of Manhattan all day.

“This used to be the most secure place in the world,” he said. “Now we have surveillance aircraft full-time.” Bailey observed one practical way in which the two twin towers of the World Trade Center will be missed: “When some of us would be out at night walking in the Village we might wander into some corner of a strange neighborhood and lose our way. We could always get our bearings by looking at the Empire State Building for due north and at the towers for due south. Now we can’t do that.”

When Bailey first heard of the ongoing tragedy Tuesday, he knew he could climb to the roof of his building and see it firsthand, and many people did. But he couldn’t. “I’ve always had trouble dealing with that kind of pain. I don’t have the ability to deal with real tragedy,” he said. So he watched on TV and apprised himself of things via a weird form of stereophonic imagery. On screen terrible things were happening, while he heard the real, live moans and groans of people reacting outside his very window.

“It was so hard to deal with. I was physically paralyzed. The same thing happened a month ago when I was in a theater and somebody collapsed. I knew I should go get help or try to provide it, but I couldn’t move.”

Ultimately, Bailey was able to galvanize himself. “Instinctively, before I heard anything about it, I knew I wanted to give blood. I felt so helpless.”

Bailey spent the next several hours Tuesday being shuttled from one place to another and waiting, just waiting, to do something helpful. His itinerary started at St. Vincent’s hospital in the Village, where he joined the masses of victims and people like himself, New Yorkers of all stripes conscripted into the common human support service, people bearing signs with their blood types on them.

Next stop was the New York Blood Center, up near Lincoln Center, where, some 10 hours after he had volunteered himself, he was ultimately able to get accepted as a Red Cross auxiliary, to give such aid as he was allowed to. He busied himself at first bringing food and juice to survivors and people waiting in line either for help or to give help.

Because he had once provided some backup help for his mother, a psychiatric head nurse back home in Topeka, Kansas, Bailey is slated to be a Red Cross adjunct for mental-health services related to the anguish of the catastrophe and its aftermath.

In such a way have the talents of a young professional in the American comedic industry been adapted. So it was, in one form or another, this week.

(For the record, Stewart Bailey is my sister’s son and my oldest nephew. When I was in New Hampshire early in 2000 covering the presidential primary there, he and the Daily Show crew played host to me for a memorable day spent shadowing the candidates. —JB)

Categories
Editorial Opinion

Life Matters

On Wednesday of this week — a day after the unspeakable horrors

that maimed the landscapes and lives of New York, Washington, and, for

that matter, the other places on Planet Earth where decency and human

hope still reside — a local attorney was making his way through the mass

of humanity that is the Criminal Justice Center in downtown Memphis

on a normal weekday.

As no one needs to be reminded, however, this was no normal

weekday, and the bottom courtroom floor, which usually has all the raucousness

and hustle of a Middle Eastern marketplace, seemed remarkably subdued.

The attorney shook his head. “I wonder why they don’t close this

place,” he said.

There are various answers to this question. There are still agreements to

be reached and verdicts to be rendered and justice to be pursued in the

sticky business of the law. And we all know that, however low our hearts may

have sunk after Tuesday, the social contract depends on our getting on with it.

The lawyer followed up his first observation with another: “Just

wait until we get home tonight and see a thousand body bags laid out

end-to-end on television.”

Unfortunately, what we have learned from those unbelievably

traumatic news reports at the disaster scenes is that not only flesh and bone but

steel and glass and mortar all seem to vaporize into random soot when

collisions and gravity-induced demolitions occur at the rate and force and

temperature present in Tuesday’s monstrous circumstances.

The most ominous lesson of this latest Day of Infamy is that people

and things can be made to simply disappear, as if they never existed.

Add to this the difficulty of determining just who accomplished this act

of mass assassination and the hows and whys of it. Not only the human

condition but the universe itself begin to seem insubstantial. The abyss truly

has opened up in a way it never has before. Our common consciousness is

stunned to the point that even the root premise of the Enlightenment — “I

think; therefore, I am” — cannot be realized.

The only solace to be taken from the day of destruction was that,

unless one’s own house was going up in flames or we ourselves or those close to

us were on our very deathbeds, nothing else seemed to matter. Tuesday was

a great inducer of Stoicism.

Yet it is still both possible and necessary to avoid a further decline

into nihilism. Life still matters, and because it does it behooves us to close

with the murderers and have done with it — and them. It is not a matter of

vengeance; it is a question of insisting that concepts like reality and justice

actually do exist — and have a value that must now be compensated.

We are down to the root cause now, and we dare not fail.

Categories
News The Fly-By

The Recurring Screwups

Every time co-inspector Rick and I inspect a house, there are a few problems that we know we’re going to find. We call them the fish in a barrel, the usual suspects, job security. We don’t know why, but the local tradesfolk just seem bound and determined to do some things assbackward, and the local codes inspectors seem equally determined to let ’em slide. Here are a few examples:

The Hole In the Fireplace

Wrong Ratio: 100 Percent

In this part of the world, we’ve got a lot of prefab metal fireplaces. They’re featured in starter homes and million-dollar mansions. Usually, they’re rigged up with gas logs. Well, where there are gas logs, there has to be gas plumbing. The prefab fireplace manufacturers know this, so they leave a little weak spot (a knockout) in the wall of the fireplace. The installer just knocks out the knockout, runs the gas plumbing through the fireplace wall, and hooks up the gas logs.

As far as I know, every fireplace manufacturer requires that the knockout hole around the gas plumbing be packed with a “non-combustible” sealant. The idea is to keep an errant flame from getting sucked through the hole and into the (flammable) wood framing.

In all my inspecting life, I’ve never seen the knockout hole packed with anything. You’d think that somebody would’ve read an installation manual and stuffed some kind on non-burnable goo in one knockout hole. But no.

Weep Holes In Brick Veneer

Wrong Ratio: 100 Percent

Every new brick-veneer house is supposed to have weep holes and flashings. That’s not just my opinion, it’s a by-golly building code requirement, and it has been since 1995.

The weep holes and flashings work like this: When water gets behind the brick veneer (and it does, regularly), flashings catch the water, and water drains out through the weep holes. If water stays in the wall cavity, the wood framing and sheathing can rot or get all moldy.

When we explain this to local builders, most either look at us sideways, like Nipper the RCA dog, or just start cussing us. A few, eager to correct their error, send a man to drill some weep holes. Well, it’s too late, bubba! You can’t just drill the holes after the house is built. You won’t have any flashings, so the holes won’t do any good.

It’s not as if this is some obscure knowledge. It’s plain as day in the 1995 CABO code. If you want to look it up, go to section 703.7, where there’s a great big picture with arrows pointing to where the weep holes and flashings are supposed to go. The holes and flashings are required, not suggested.

Deck Flashing

Wrong Ratio: About 95 Percent

Where a wood deck joins a house, there’s supposed to be flashing. The idea of the flashing is to keep water from rotting the wood — and corroding the connectors, which keep the deck attached to the house.

A few times, we’ve found deck flashing on high-end custom houses with extra-tall decks.

Deck flashing isn’t just a good idea. It’s a code requirement. Doubters can check the 1995 CABO code, section 703.8, which, don’t you know, is right under the part about brick-veneer weep holes and flashings.

This is another one where the codes inspectors are letting the builders slide.

Bathroom Vents In the Attic

Wrong Ratio: About 95 Percent

Everybody enjoys a nice bathroom fan. It sucks the shower fog out of the bathroom, and it cuts down on the need to light a match. Problem is, installers just vent all that fog and funk right up into the attic. Rather than run metal duct from the fan to the exterior of the house (like they’re supposed to do), most installers just hook a piece of that cheap-ass, white, plastic dryer duct to the fan and put the other end of the duct out near the edge of the roof. They think the moisture-laden air from the bathroom will just drift out a soffit vent.

No, bubba, no! Those soffit vents are intakes for attic ventilation, not blowholes for bathroom fans. For cryin’ out loud, any fifth-grader with a C-minus in science ought to be able to figure this out. The fog from the bathroom can condense on the roof decking and drip back down into the attic.

All this is richly detailed in the 1996 International Mechanical Code, section 501.3, which says, plainly: “Air shall not be exhausted into an attic or crawl space.”

How hard is that? And why do the codes inspectors let it slide?

There are other everyday screwups. I could go on and on. Understand, I enjoy finding building defects, but I get a little annoyed when I see the same ones over and over. It means somebody’s bad lazy, incompetent, negligent, or worse. It’s not always clear who the guilty party is.

This is clear: Builders won’t start following the building codes until the government codes inspectors start making ’em do it.