Bitter Pills, Great Depression, Palindrome, and Sissy Karaoke with Star Queen at the Map Room. Buzz Night at Earnestine & Hazel’s with Dr. Dave Evans & The Last Chance Jug Band, who’ll be performing tunes from their new CD, Match Box Blues. And Dr. Jay & Miss Diana at the Full Moon Club upstairs from Zinnie’s East.
The Commercial Appeal used to advertise itself with the catchphrase, “If you haven’t read it, it’s still news” — a blatant fabrication easily dispelled by entering virtually any public house and announcing, “Hey, everybody, I just read that they shot JFK!” Still, the slogan’s benign hyperbole was far superior to the paper’s most recent campaign, which features cats reading the newspaper. That’s right, CATS reading the newspaper. You just can’t make these things up. The most recent ad features a positively evil-looking feline named Mr. Tinkles, who wears some kind of high-tech magnifying device cocked back on his furry little head. Mr. Tinkles claims to have achieved “superior intelligence” by reading the newspaper every day. As if it weren’t common knowledge that all cats, no matter how much they read, are compulsive liars and not to be trusted.
Listen to this:
A few months ago I met Toby online. Sure, it was through a personal ad and I’d never done that sort of thing before, but we started “chatting” regularly and really seemed to connect with each other. After a few chat sessions things started heating up and pretty soon we were having virtual sex (you know like phone sex, but with a keyboard instead of a receiver). I have never met anyone that turned me on like he could just using words.
After several months of this, I began pressuring him to meet me in person. The problem is, he lives in Cincinnati and I live in Memphis — not a huge distance, but definitely a long-distance relationship. So I volunteered to drive up there to meet him, but he still seemed hesitant. Eventually he agreed and gave me the name of a restaurant where we could meet. When I got to the restaurant I looked around for half an hour before I found him. I had a hard time recognizing him from the picture he sent because he never told
me that “he” was actually a she; a masculine she, but a she nonetheless.
I feel very betrayed by Toby. I feel like he/she should have told me from the start that he was a girl, but in all honesty I never would have considered a relationship with a woman if he/she had. I mean, I’m totally heterosexual! But, I can’t forget or deny the feelings that I developed for Toby when I thought she was a he. What do I do?
Signed,
Torn
Okay:
It would be incredibly easy for me to say: “Toby lied to you, you cannot trust someone who lies to you. It doesn’t matter if it’s a girl or a boy, you shouldn’t be with someone you can’t trust. End of story.” It would be easy for me to say that, and it’s my gut reaction, but I’m not going to. Instead I’m going to say this: I think you should give Toby a chance.
Now I understand you’re strictly dickly, Torn. I get it, believe me. What I’m sitting here wondering is why you went online for a little loving and what you were looking for when you did so (friendship, dating, long term relationship, play?). I think I know why Toby did. Because the beauty of meeting someone on the Internet is not having to worry about appearances. If you’re ugly (we can’t all be Gwyneth), it doesn’t matter, you can use that killer personality that no one ever gives you a chance to use. If you’re shy, you can hide behind your screen. If you’re a girl who wants to be a boy, no one has to be any the wiser. Until the person you met online is totally into you and wants to meet in a Cincinnati Applebee’s. And then what are you going to do?
Here’s my guess: Toby knew she wasn’t really what you had in mind. So she tries to put you off and not meet, hoping you can continue your relationship. But you’re persistent and that’s no good, so she hopes for the best (that you’ll see beyond her physical appearance) and goes to the restaurant.
As for you, you meet this person who you really like who just happens to be a girl. That’s the breaks. She’s a girl. But she’s also still the person you really connected with as well. Now I do think that Toby should have mentioned that he didn’t have a penis (I assume it came up during virtual sex, no pun intended), but I think you have to deal. I’m not saying you have to change your entire lifestyle and get the free toaster (unless, of course, the toaster is starting to appeal to you and that’s fine, too), I just think you should try to get to know Toby as the woman she really is.
Most people in your situation would have already wiped their feelings clean. The fact that you can’t “forget or deny” yours makes me think they’re even stronger than you let on and it’s what makes me think you should get to know the real Toby. In all honesty, you and Toby probably won’t ever connect on the same level again, but it’s not as if she lives across the street. She lives thousands of miles of underground cable away. What’s the harm in shooting her a friendly e-mail? You might not have been exactly what she expected in that Applebee’s, either.
But next time you looking lonely, remember there are no guarantees on the ‘Net; you’re just lucky Toby was a girl and not a card-carrying serial murderer.
(Gotta problem? Wanna make it my business? Write cashiola@memphisflyer.com.)
The Commercial Appeal used to advertise itself with the catchphrase, “If you haven’t read it, it’s still news” — a blatant fabrication easily dispelled by entering virtually any public house and announcing, “Hey, everybody, I just read that they shot JFK!” Still, the slogan’s benign hyperbole was far superior to the paper’s most recent campaign, which features cats reading the newspaper. That’s right, CATS reading the newspaper. You just can’t make these things up. The most recent ad features a positively evil-looking feline named Mr. Tinkles, who wears some kind of high-tech magnifying device cocked back on his furry little head. Mr. Tinkles claims to have achieved “superior intelligence” by reading the newspaper every day. As if it weren’t common knowledge that all cats, no matter how much they read, are compulsive liars and not to be trusted.
CHICAGO — Brad Miller had a season-high 32 points and 12 rebounds and A.J. Guyton added a season-high 16 points as the Chicago Bulls rallied for a 95-92 victory over the Memphis Grizzlies in a meeting of the NBA’s losingest teams.
The Grizzlies (12-31) have the worst record in the Western Conference, 21 games behind the Sacramento Kings, but were still three games better than the Bulls (9-33) entering the game. Chicago is the only team yet to reach 10 wins but inched closer with its third win in 11 games.
The Bulls used an 11-3 fourth-quarter run to close within 86-85 before Memphis’ Jason Williams nailed a 3-pointer followed by a 1-of-2 free throws by rookie Shane Battier with 4:24 left.
Chicago rookie Trent Hassell responded with a 3-pointer and, after two more free throws from Battier, Guyton nailed another to make it 93-92 at 2:17.
Ron Artest made a layup 48 seconds later to give the Bulls their first lead since the first quarter. He twice stole the ball from Battier in the final 90 seconds to help seal the win.
rtest finished with eight points, nine rebounds and five assists as the Bulls improved to 6-1 against the Grizzlies at the United Center.
Rookie Pau Gasol scored 26 points and Williams added 22 for Memphis, which suffered its seventh straight loss.
Tom Mullica offers impressions of the many characters of one of television’s great funnymen tonight during his Tribute to Red Skelton at the Bartlett Performing Arts and Conference Center. (Why does it strike me as frightening that someone is doing Red Skelton impersonations in Bartlett tonight?) Today’s Chocolate Fantasy at the Oak Court Mall features all kinds of vendors serving all kinds of chocolate things to benefit the National Kidney Foundation. FreeWorld is at Newby’s. And The Vigilantes of Love are at the Hi-Tone. Again, there is likely much more going on, but I simply don’t have the time or the inclination to seek it out. You’re on your own.
County mayoral candidate A C Wharton picked up a key endorsement Friday morning, from State Senator Jim Kyle, who got on the bandwagon with his three Democratic colleagues in the Senate — Steve Cohen, Roscoe Dixon, and John Ford — at a press conference choreographed to suggest a united front and irresistible momentum for the Shelby County Public Defender, last Democrat to enter the mayor’s race.
(Ford and Dixon, who had previously made their preferences known, were absent from the press conference; Cohen was present.)
Kyle, who had been the first to announce his interest in running for mayor early last year and the first (and so far the only) candidate to withdraw, had been talking privately for some time about what he saw as Wharton’s good chances for election. Thursday he described Wharton as “better” than other “good” candidates.
The two recipients of this left-handed compliment were State Representative Carol Chumney and Bartlett banker Harold Byrd. Byrd mused out loud Friday about what he saw as the less-than-coincidental timing of the Kyle announcement, on the eve of the opening of his campaign headquarters at 3183 Poplar Ave. (scheduled for 2 p.m. Saturday).
He may have a point. For roughly a month, rumors have circulated to the effect that Byrd was on the verge of dropping out of the mayor’s race before the final withdrawal date next month. “Not a chance,” said Byrd, who said he was in for the long haul and suggested that the reports had been planted by the Wharton campaign to try to stampede Democratic voters — and financial supporters — in the Public Defender’s direction.
>How’re you gonna keep ’em down on the farm? In the case of Shelby County Mayor Jim Rout, who was allegedly retiring from politics after the current term to devote time to family and private pursuits (including, yes, a farm), you may not be able to.
Rout, who considered running for governor this year before opting out of both a gubernatorial race and a race for reelection as mayor, went barnstorming Thursday in a statewide fly-around on behalf of former State Representative Jim Henry of Kingston, who seeks the Republican nomination for governor. That puts Rout on the other side of the GOP primary race from 7th District U.S. Rep. Ed Bryant, who is holding a press conference this weekend to indicate his support for his congressional colleague, 4th District congressman Van Hilleary.
The Shelby County mayor and son Rick Rout, who is Henry’s Shelby County field rep, accompanied the candidate all the way from the Tri-Cities in northeast Tennessee to the one-day tour’s final stop in Memphis late Thursday afternoon.
“I knew I’d be working for a gubernatorial candidate named Jim. I just thought it would be a different Jim,” cracked Rick Rout as he presided over the occasion at Memphis in the Signature Air terminal at the airport. (Besides his father, two other Tennessee dignitaries — former Mayor Gene Roberts of Chattanooga and Mayor Dave Bradshaw of Oak Ridge accompanied Henry on the plane tour.)
After being introduced by Rout Sr., Henry responded angrily to his third-place position in a poll released by presumed GOP frontrunner Hilleary calling the poll “bogus” and pronouncing Hilleary unelectable.
The poll, carried out under Hilleary auspices, showed the 4th District congressman running first among Republicans, little-known Bob Tripp second, and Henry third.
Henry challenged the poll’s authenticity and said, “We [Republicans[ don’t need to be involved in something like that.” And he responded with a firm “No!” when asked if Hilleary, who is vacating his 4th District congressional seat to run for governor, could be elected.
“With the kind of trouble the state is in, people are looking for someone with experience in local and state government. They don’t want to take any chances,” said Henry, who cited “the good old days” when he worked with former Governor Lamar Alexander in several capacities, including that of House Republican leader.
Declining to reveal how much money he had raised in his campaign so far, the former state representative and Kingston mayor chided Hilleary for several press releases publicizing the congressman’s purported receipts, saying, “If you make this a money game, we might as well concede the election to Phil Bredesen. (Former Nashville mayor Bredesen, a Democratic candidate for governor, is independently wealthy and has also issued a press release claiming fundraising totals of $3.1 million.)
Henry said the supporters in attendance at the terminal that the election should be about “trust” and that he trusted the people to vote via referendum on whether or not the state should have an income tax.
Henry agreed with Hilleary about one matter, however — that of declining to sign an anti-income tax pledge. “It would be irresponsible for a potential governor to take a position like that, especially if we’re asking the people to vote on it,” said Henry, who said he personally opposed a state income tax.
Where has this winter gone? Here we are in late January and the sports year is in high gear. OK, enough with the rhyming. Here’s a roundup of some local sports so far this year.
Tiger Basketball:
Keep that shiny record against Cincinnati (still C-USA’s top dog at 18-1, and #5 in the nation according to ESPN/USA TODAY rankings), and Calipari will have all the rankings he needs. Until then, just keep plowing through conference opponents that will test the real abilities of phenom-frosh Dajuan Wagner and his 21.3 ppg. Luckily for Calipari and company, Senior Kelly Wise has returned to form in a big way with 12.7 ppg and 11.7 rpg.
But whatever happened to the supposed domination of big men Chris Massie or Earl Barron? This team still has the talent to go deep in the NCCA’s come March, but only if that talent comes to the fore.
Tigers’ Women’s Basketball:
At 7-10, 2-3 the Lady Tigers are still struggling for respect in C-USA and aren’t helping their cause with recent losses to both Marquette and DePaul. The Tigers started the year strong, until that 92-66 loss to the Tennessee Lady Vols at the Pyramid last December.
Since then, the team is only 2-4. Yet Conference play is still young and the Tigers could make a run at an NCAA bid through the league tourney. On the upside for Lady Tiger sports, the dance team just placed second in the nation. You go, girls.
Grizzlies Basketball: Oh, what to say about these guys? I watch most all their games and I still don’t know what to think from week to week.
Here’s the deal: If the Grizzlies lose more players, coach Sidney Lowe will probably reactivate himself and suit up to play. With the recent injuries of forward Shane Battier and the migraine headaches of guard Jason Williams, the Grizzlies can barely field a team, much less be competitive. And yet they are. The Sacramento game the other night should have been a blow-out at Sacramento, and yet the Grizzlies made the game interesting for three quarters, despite having a line-up that consisted to no players who were starters at the beginning of the season.
And to be even more positive, rookie Pau Gasol is still on the mark for rookie-of-the-year honors, unless Battier beats him to it. There is a very real chance that Memphis could host co-rookies of the year in an unprecedented turn of events. Both forwards will be playing in the All-Star rookie game, and fellow forward Stromile Swift will be playing against the two on the sophomore squad.
Also, consistent rumors persist that center Lorenzen Wright could be back even as soon as the All-Star break. Things aren’t necessarily rosy in the land of the Grizz, but they could definitely be worse for this inaugural season in Memphis.
RiverKings Hockey The Kings are still number one in the CHL’s Northeast division with a league-best record of 27-9-2 over the season. Recently, defensivemen Luch Nasato and Don Martin were named to the Northern Division’s All-Star roster, with coach Doug Seddon tapped to coach the All-Star squad (his fifth straight appearance).
The Kings already have goalie Sebastian Centomo and wingman Don Parsons on the squad. That gives the Kings the best representation of any team in the league for the All-Star match-up, which will be on February 1st in Corpus Christi. Parsons is a league-leader in total points with 27 goals and 21 assists (for 48 points), and Centomo is one of the league’s top goalies with a 16-1 record and a 2.09 goals-against average. Bottom line, the season is up to the Kings, who seem on the brink of bringing home a CHL championship for Memphis and DeSoto county.
ODDS & ENDS
NOTABLE:
QUOTABLE:
How’re you gonna keep ’em down on the farm? In the case of Shelby County Mayor Jim Rout, who was allegedly retiring from politics after the current term to devote time to family and private pursuits (including, yes, a farm), you may not be able to.
Rout, who considered running for governor this year before opting out of both a gubernatorial race and a race for reelection as mayor, went barnstorming Thursday in a statewide fly-around on behalf of former State Representative Jim Henry of Kingston, who seeks the Republican nomination for governor.
The Shelby County mayor and son Rick Rout, who is Henry’s Shelby County field rep, accompanied the candidate all the way from the Tri-Cities in northeast Tennessee to the one-day tour’s final stop in Memphis late Thursday afternoon.
“I knew I’d be working for a gubernatorial candidate named Jim. I just thought it would be a different Jim,” cracked Rick Rout as he presided over the occasion at Memphis in the Signature Air terminal at the airport. (Besides his father, two other Tennessee dignitaries — former Mayor Gene Roberts of Chattanooga and Mayor Dave Bradshaw of Oak Ridge accompanied Henry on the plane tour.)
After being introduced by Rout Sr., Henry responded angrily to his third-place position in a poll released by presumed GOP frontrunner Van Hilleary, calling the poll “bogus” and pronouncing Hilleary unelectable.
The poll, carried out under Hilleary auspices, showed the 4th District congressman running first among Republicans, little-known Bob Tripp second, and Henry third.
Henry challenged the poll’s authenticity and said, “We [Republicans[ don’t need to be involved in something like that.” And he responded with a firm “No!” when asked if Hilleary, who is vacating his 4th District congressional seat to run for governor, could be elected.
“With the kind of trouble the state is in, people are looking for someone with experience in local and state government. They don’t want to take any chances,” said Henry, who cited “the good old days” when he worked with former Governor Lamar Alexander in several capacities, including that of House Republican leader.
Declining to reveal how much money he had raised in his campaign so far, the former state representative and Kingston mayor chided Hilleary for several press releases publicizing the congressman’s purported receipts, saying, “If you make this a money game, we might as well concede the election to Phil Bredesen. (Former Nashville mayor Bredesen, a Democratic candidate for governor, is independently wealthy and has also issued a press release claiming fundraising totals of $3.1 million.)
Henry said the supporters in attendance at the terminal that the election should be about “trust” and that he trusted the people to vote via referendum on whether or not the state should have an income tax.
Henry agreed with Hilleary about one matter, however — that of declining to sign an anti-income tax pledge. “It would be irresponsible for a potential governor to take a position like that, especially if we’re asking the people to vote on it,” said Henry, who said he personally opposed a state income tax.