Categories
Politics Politics Beat Blog

Ryder’s Run?

Not since the great showdown of 1991 — when two almost equally matched Shelby County Republican factions battled to a virtual draw over control of the party machinery — has the local GOP had a serious internal schism. The signs are there again, however — in a year when the party’s decade-long dominance of countywide political affairs is under serious challenge.

Eleven years ago the fight was over the party chairmanship. After an extended all-day convention of county cadres Memphis lawyer David Lillard, who represented what was then regarded as the old-line Republican establishment, was the loser, by a scant few votes, to Dr. Phillip Langsdon, the champion of a suburban-based insurgency. Langsdon — now retired from party affairs but a possible contender for future office — was at the helm for the institution of local party primaries and during the subsequent Republican sweep of county offices in 1994.

At some point, the two contending elements of 1991 joined forces, more or less (victory making for easy bedfellows), but today’s battle, which is not yet fully under way, could be a reprise of sorts of the old war. Lawyer John Ryder, one of two Tennesseans on the GOP national committee (and a Lillard partisan back then), has reportedly begun talking up a possible run for the Shelby County Commission’s 5th District seat, which is being vacated by Republican incumbent Buck Wellford.

The problem is that there is already a “mainstream” Republican candidate for the seat: financial planner Bruce Thompson, a Wellford-style opponent of urban sprawl who, up until now, had faced primary competition only from builder Jerry Cobb, a spokesperson of sorts for what has been an outnumbered — if defiant — group of GOP dissidents. One of Thompson’s main men, coincidentally or not, is lobbyist Nathan Green, a former close aide to outgoing Shelby County mayor Jim Rout and a prime booster also of Lillard’s run for yet another vacant commission seat.

(Lillard, now one of two Republican members of the county Election Commission, is focusing on his own race — for the seat being vacated by outgoing Commissioner Tommy Hart.)

The contest for the District 5 seat, which comprises a large chunk of East and Southeast Memphis, has major implications. Of the commission’s other 12 seats, six are heavily Democratic and African-American and six are predominantly white and Republican. District 5, which is the commission’s only single-member district, emerged from reapportionment discussions as the body’s swing seat — that which will determine who holds the balance of power on the commission, and perhaps in county government as a whole.

The most active Democrat now seeking the seat is veteran pol Joe Cooper, although lawyer Guthrie Castle has also acknowledged an interest in running. When last contacted, Clay Perry, local office manager for U.S. Rep. Harold Ford Jr., had not decided whether to make a race. Perry and some other Democrats — notably including local party chairperson Gale Jones Carson — believe that District 5 emerged from reapportionment discussions as something less than the racial and political “tossup” district it was billed as.

If Republicans do indeed hold an edge in the district, that edge could be blunted by a divisive three-way primary, which at root is a potential contest between individuals but which could inflame old wounds and become something more than that.

Ryder has been a key figure in Republican affairs, both locally and statewide, and it was largely through his efforts that the GOP was able of late to settle on a candidate for Shelby County mayor, state Representative Larry Scroggs. But Scroggs, whose ability to raise money is hampered by a state law prohibiting legislators from raising money while the General Assembly is in session, faces what already appears to be an uphill battle against the winner of the Democratic mayoral primary (whose major contestants are Public Defender A C Wharton, Bartlett banker Harold Byrd, and state Representative Carol Chumney).

Countywide, the demographic edge has turned in favor of the Democrats, and Shelby County Republicans would seem to require a united front at all costs.

Perhaps a shootout for the 5th District commission seat would leave that unity intact, and perhaps not. Perhaps the contest will not even come to pass. But if it does, Green professes confidence. “He [Ryder] may not think so, but we’ll beat him. He’s going to be badly surprised.”

* In a burst of activity this week, Scroggs made it clear that he intends to run as hard as his involvement with legislative matters will let him. Taking advantage of a lull in floor action, the GOP’s mayoral hope laid on a brisk Memphis schedule.

Beginning a weeklong round of local speeches with one to the Southeast Shelby County Republican Club at Fox Ridge Pizza Monday night, Scroggs both presented a legislative preview and outlined some of his views on county government.

Using the euphemism of “tax reform” to mean a state income tax, Scroggs indicated that such “reform” was less likely to come to pass in the current session than was a 1 percent rise in the state sales tax, which would increase it to 7 percent, with allowances for another 2.75 percent in local-option sale taxes. The combined rate would be far and away higher than any of Tennessee’s neighbor states.

An increase in that amount could yield as much as $750 million, at a time when the state’s looming deficit for the next fiscal year is estimated to be at least that much, Scroggs said. He underscored the relationship between the state’s fiscal problems and those of Shelby County by taking note of another proposal for obtaining financial relief at the state level — holding on to $700 million worth of tax funds ordinarily shared with local governments.

Such an action could force a 67-cent increase in the property tax rate of Germantown and one of 93 cents for residents of Memphis, said Scroggs, who warned, “The future of Shelby County is at stake.”

Scroggs stated his opposition to city-county consolidation per se, on three grounds — a personal belief in the “dispersal” of governmental power; a fear that, rather than reducing costs, consolidation would produce more “bureaucratic” expense than already exists within the separate governments of Memphis and Shelby County; and his view that the specter of duplicated services in the two governments had been overstated.

In particular, Scroggs warned against one of the advocated means for achieved city-county consolidation — the voluntary surrender of the city of Memphis charter. “That could open up that whole ‘tiny town’ thing all over again,” he said, referring to the conflict arising from a short-lived 1997 state law, later ruled unconstitutional, which would have permitted virtually unbridled incorporating powers by communities of almost any size.

In Scroggs’ scenario, other Shelby County municipalities might get into turf battles over efforts to annex parts of Memphis.

Scroggs did suggest that various forms of “functional” city-county consolidation might be desirable, although he noted, with seeming approval, ongoing efforts of any opposite sort in public education policy — specifically a bill co-sponsored by state Senator Mark Norris of Collierville that would establish the Shelby County school system as a special school district with its own taxing authority.

That bill has the imprimatur of David Pickler, chairman of the county school board. Pickler said this week, however, that he thought compromise was possible between that proposal and one by Memphis mayor Willie Herenton that would provide “single-source funding” for a unified district that would maintain administrative separateness for the two currently existing districts.

As Scroggs also noted Monday night, the other bone of contention besides that of administrative control is the matter of funding. Current state law, based on a classroom-attendance formula, mandates a 3:1 split, in Memphis’ favor, on all capital construction expenditures in Shelby County.

Categories
Opinion Viewpoint

A Cuddlier King

The other day a friend of mine asked me how I planned to spend Martin Luther King Day. I was a bit taken aback at first; she was the last person I expected to make plans to honor a slain civil rights leader. As a young white woman, and as someone with few ties to the African-American community, I didn’t think she’d give MLK Day much thought.

Turns out I was mostly right.

The next sentence out of her mouth was “Some friends and I are talking about having a big party Sunday night, since nobody has to work on Monday. Wanna come?”

Thirty-four years after he was killed, Martin Luther King Jr. has become, for many of us, just a good excuse to sleep late. It’s a doubly convenient holiday for white Americans.

Not only do we get a day off from school and work but we also get the moral consolation that we’ve given “them” a day of tribute. Secure in our majority position, we still feel like holidays are ours to give. Besides, for much of white America, MLK Day is a black holiday, just like Martin Luther King Jr. was a black leader.

To make matters worse, the Martin Luther King Jr. that we celebrate today is a kinder, gentler version of himself. When President Reagan ushered in the holiday, he introduced America to a cuddly King. The Martin Luther King Jr. we’ve created is more pacifist mouthpiece than radical leader; a teddy bear who spews inspirational (but never challenging) ideas when we decide to listen.

By honoring this more digestible leader we rob King of much of his message. We strip him of the radical ideology that led him and others to endure beatings and jail, bombings and death. Go back and read King’s speeches. Better still, go to the National Civil Rights Museum and watch the footage. King’s dreams were not just for black people to gain power but for all people to be guaranteed equal access.

Now, perhaps more so than any time since King’s assassination, we should recognize how far we have to go. It’s currently in vogue to wave flags and revel in our newly found national unity. But as a nation and as a city we are still debating equal access as though it were something, well, debatable. We haven’t achieved unity, and the token observance of a holiday won’t change that.

Politically, we’re only slightly more progressive than when King was alive. Sure, African Americans are no longer barred from water fountains and bathrooms, but is that something to pat ourselves on the backs for? Hardly. We shouldn’t get credit for doing what we’re supposed to do — especially when all other choices are morally indefensible.

In Memphis today, we still operate two racially divided governments and two racially divided school districts. Call it “city” and “county” if it helps you sleep at night (and promise each the same funding to ease your conscience), but when you boil it down to the facts it’s still separate but equal.

Memphis should have performed some necessary and painful surgery years ago to solve these problems, but we elected instead to just slap Band-Aid after Band-Aid over the gaping wounds.

City-county consolidation is a great start, but it’s long overdue and sure to face tough opposition. County (white) residents don’t want to be consolidated with city (black) residents. A lot of it’s racism, pure and simple. Memphis and Shelby County will continue to wrestle with the same problems — failing schools, crime, and poverty — so long as racist attitudes are accepted.

Thirty-four years ago Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. said, “Something is happening in Memphis. Something is happening in our world.”

Let’s become the city he saw from the mountaintop.

Rebekah Gleaves is a Flyer staff writer.

Categories
News News Feature

TRANSLATION: MEMPHIS

It wasn’t fire and brimstone that greeted me as I drove through Alabama en route to Memphis, but rather hell and high water. Or a hell of a lot of high water. Unrelenting Alabama-in-April torrents of high water.

Cruising late at night in my state-of-the-art Geo Metro, complete with an electrical system that kept shorting out my headlights, I smoked my first pack of Marlboro Lights ever and realized that prayer in the Bible belt just might have some allure. Please God, don’t let that semi wash me off the road. After about seven hours of this the storm let up and I was left with two realizations. Firstly, I understood why people smoke. I also realized that under certain road conditions a hand-painted billboard with a huge depiction of Satan admonishing “go to church or the devil will get ‘cha” can be extremely effective advertising.

When I finally got into town, at about 4:30 in the morning, I was almost immediately sucked into the ambience of the city. My best friend was living in downtown’s Paperworks building at the time, and from the roof all I could see was mist and history and something more indescribable that I guess you call vibe. An opportunity to work on a small (really, really small) independent film had brought me here temporarily, but the second I looked at the city from that rooftop I knew I was most likely going to stay. Something was going on here, and I wanted to figure out what that was.

My first indicator came when I had a grand falling out with one of the city’s more popular Elvis impersonators. Now I had not a clue that one who spends their life impersonating a dead man could both get paid nearly as much as the real artist did (probably on the economic scale of the fifties, but still) and actually have more rock star bravado than the actual performer.

The “film” that I was working on called for a culminating scene involving Elvis and a Buddhist monk. I’m not going to get into all of the details because it’s kind of embarrassing artistically, but suffice it to say that $300 dollars and a scheduling conflict later my work on the film was over and I had a strong urge to drop-kick every “Elvis” in sight. Random. Very, very random.

The monk was an indicator of the more positive random elements of Memphis, though. My first experience with this gentleman, who was here on a visit from Bhutan, involved a trip to a shooting range in Northern Mississippi. The director of the aforementioned “film” that brought me here, was bringing the monk out to the range to learn how to shoot a rifle. He thought it would be great if we could capture some of this on film.

This was right up my alley. I had never even held a gun prior to this, but to my mind, a day at a shooting range with a Buddhist monk is one of those things you don’t pass up if the opportunity comes your way. He wasn’t a bad shot, truth be told. Not to mention that when I gave it a go at the end of the day, I blasted my little clay disk to bits, and can now tell people that I’m a 100% shot with a rifle. Hee hee!

Inadvertently, a psychic in Orlando had forecast my move to Memphis months before it had ever even crossed my mind. Apparently, the amalgamation of letters in my name and the elements of my birth date make me a numerological double-digit. An eleven to be precise. I’ll be honest here, I don’t really know what that’s supposed to mean.

According to this woman who endeared herself to me by giving a fifteen-minute reading for only $5, however, this is a rarity. But here’s the interesting part. When explaining this phenomenon of the universe of the spirit to me, her examples of other doubles were Elvis Presley and Martin Luther King Jr.! Now remember, Memphis wasn’t even a spark in my mind at that point. Coincidence? Probably. But I prefer to think that it’s not because it’s a whole lot more fun that way.

The point of all of this, I suppose, is that Memphis is the type of town where you can experience the utmost in randomness if you open yourself up to it. Maybe it’s the fact that so many people from so many walks of life have walked down these streets and left a mark, or a residual energy of some kind.

Hell, I even got a hug from Tammy Faye Baker at the flea market one weekend, along with a signed picture professing her love for me, and a tub of eye cream from her new make-up line! Where else can all of these things happen in the span of a few weeks? You just never know what you’ll see next, and to me, there’s absolutely nothing more enjoyable than that.

Categories
Politics Politics Beat Blog

RYDER TO ANNOUNCE COMMISSION RUN

Not since the great showdown of 1991 — when two almost equally matched Shelby County Republican factions battled to a virtual draw over control of the party machinery — has the local GOP had a serious internal schism. The signs are there again, however — in a year when the party’s decade-long dominance of countywide political affairs is under serious challenge.

The catalyst is Memphis lawyer John Ryder, a former party chairman, a GOP national committeeman from Tennessee, the local (and state)party’s chief litigator (especially on redistricting issues), and a veteran kingmaker whose recruiting efforts were most recently employed in the effort to find an acceptable Republican candidate for Shelby County mayor.

In a move that has surprised most of his partymates, Ryder now plans a run of his own — for a newly vacated seat on the Shelby County Commission. He plans to announce his race officially on Wednesday.

He won’t walk into the nomination, however. He’ll have to run hard, and he’ll have to do so in a way that avoids reopening old wounds from an old intra-party conflict.

That fight eleven years ago was over the party chairmanship, but it had larger overtones. After an extended all-day convention of county cadres Memphis lawyer David Lillard, who represented what was then regarded as the old-line Republican establishment, was the loser in 1991, by a scant few votes, to Dr. Phillip Langsdon, the champion of a suburban-based insurgency.

Langsdon, — now retired from party affairs but a possible contender for future office — was at the helm for the institution of local party primaries and during the subsequent Republican sweep of county offices in 1994.

At some point, the two contending elements of 1991 joined forces, more or less (victory making for easy bedfellows), but another fight could be stirred up by the newly formulated plans of Ryder, a Lillard partisan back then, to run for the Shelby County Commission’s 5th district seat, which is being vacated by Republican incumbent Buck Wellford.

The problem is that there is already a “mainstream” Republican candidate for the seat — financial planner Bruce Thompson, a Wellford-style opponent of urban sprawl who, up until now, had faced primary competition only from builder Jerry Cobb, a spokesperson of sorts for what has been an outnumbered — if defiant — group of GOP dissidents. One of Thompson’s main men, coincidentally or not, is lobbyist Nathan Green, a former close aide to outgoing Shelby County Mayor Jim Rout and a prime booster also of Lillard’s run for yet another vacant commission seat.

(Lillard, who on Tuesday formally resigned his position as one of two Republican members of the county Election Commission, is focusing on his own race — for the seat being vacated by outgoing Commissioner Tommy Hart.)

The contest for the District 5 seat, which comprises a large chunk of East and Southeast Memphis, has major implications. Of the commission’s other 12 seats, six are heavily Democratic and African-American, and six are predominantly white and Republican. District 5, which is the commission’s only single-member district, emerged from reapportionment discussions as the body’s swing seat — that which will determine who holds the balance of power on the commission, and perhaps in county government as a whole

The most active Democrat now seeking the seat is veteran pol Joe Cooper, although lawyer Guthrie Castle has also acknowledged an interest in running. When last contacted, Clay Perry, local office manager for U.S. Rep. Harold Ford Jr., had not decided whether to make a race. Perry and some other Democrats — notably including local party chairperson Gale Jones Carson— believe that District 5 emerged from reapportionment discussions as something less than the racial and political “tossup” district it was billed as.

If Republicans do indeed hold an edge in the district, that edge could be blunted by a divisive three-way primary, which at root is a potential contest between individuals but which could inflame old wounds and become something more than that.

Ryder has been a key figure in Republican affairs, both locally and statewide, and it was largely through his efforts that the GOP was able of late to settle on a candidate for Shelby County Mayor, State Representative Larry Scroggs. But Scroggs, whose ability to raise money is hampered by a state law prohibiting legislators from raising money while the General Assembly is in session, faces what already appears to be an uphill battle against the winner of the Democratic mayoral primary (whose major contestants are Public Defender A C Wharton, Bartlett banker Harold Byrd, and State Representative Carol Chumney).

Countywide, the demographic edge has turned in favor of the Democrats, and Shelby County Republicans would seem to require a united front at all costs.

Perhaps a shootout for the 5th District commission seat would leave that unity intact, and perhaps not. Perhaps the contest will not even come to pass. But if it does, Green professes confidence. “He [Ryder] may not think so, but we’ll beat him. He’s going to be badly surprised.”

Ryder, a longtime kingmaker turned candidate, owns more IOU’s than almost any other Memphis Republican. It remains to be seen whether he has rubbed a few party members’ hard edges, as well, and, if so, what the ratio of the two camps is to each other.

Categories
We Recommend We Recommend

wednesday, 23

Drive over to Soulsville and look at the progress they’re making on the
Stax Museum of American Soul Music and also take a gander at nearby
College Park, where the LeMoyne Gardens public housing project used to be.
You’ll be amazed. PLUS: Harry & David at the Blue Monkey. As always,I
really don’t care what you do this week because I don’t even know you, and
unless you can make them leave Winona Ryder alone, I feel certain I don’t want
to meet you. Besides,it’stime for me to blow this dump and go send some
pretzels to the White House. There’s always hope.

TIM SAMPSON

Categories
News The Fly-By

THE LONG DUMB ARM OF THE LAW

:

  • A 1996 law requires pandhandlers to obtain a permit before begging on
    the streets of downtown Memphis. It may be assumed that panhandlers with a
    strong business model but no permit may still ask strangers to provide
    “venture capital.”
  • Though the law is rarely enforced, the courts might
    want to inform Tamara Mitchell-Ford that it is illegal for a woman to drive a
    car unless there is a man either running or walking in front of it waving a
    red flag to warn approaching motorists and pedestrians.
  • We all know how
    rowdy frogs can be after they have a few Budweisers in them,but not many know
    thatit’s illegal for frogs to croad after 11 p.m. Authorities note that more
    than 10,000 ofthe little buggers wereround up in an 1895 sting operation
    involving undercover politice officers disguised as “party flies.”
  • And
    now for our favorite dumb Memphis law of all time. “It is illegal to give any
    pie to fellow diners. It is also illegal to take unfinished pie home. All pie
    must be eaten on the premises.”So if you see any blue lights flashing while
    driving down the street with a nice slice of contraband from Buntyn’s — for
    God’s sake, man, eat it, EAT IT!
    A few state laws which conscientious
    citizens should be reminded of include:
  • You can’t shoot any game other
    than whales from a moving automobile.
  • The age of consent is 16. Twelve
    if the girl is a virgin.
  • Any person crippling, killing, or in any way
    destroying a proud bitch that is running at large shall not be held liable for
    the damages due to such killing or destruction. (And most
    importantly..)
    Giving and receiving oral sex is strictly prohibited.

  • Categories
    Politics Politics Beat Blog

    THE ‘GOOD OLE BOY’ STYLE IN TENNESSEE POLITICS

    In January, it is difficult to tell what will ultimately matter in a November election. Yet, judging from the subtext of both frontrunning gubernatorial campaigns, laying claim to “legit” good ole boy status may be a fairly important battle.

    It might seem a silly argument to some, but being able to appear “down home” means votes in a state like Tennessee. Truth be known, such authenticity matters everywhere with working people who vote – not just in the still rural areas of the South.

    Running for statewide office in Tennessee requires a special blend of of country boy authenticity, and attempts by some politicians to peg it have become Tennessee political archetypes.

    Sen. Fred Thompson is of course well known for criss-crossing Tennessee in his stick-shift, full size red pickup truck. Thompson, a former Hollywood actor, would cut commercial spots while driving the truck, shifting the stick shift – an uncommon feature in most late model full size trucks these days – for emphasis as he talked about the state’s future.

    Thompson’s last opponent, Covington attorney and later state Democratic Party Chair Houston Gordon, had his own pickup, a mini-truck he too used to criss cross the state. The sizes of both men’s pickups would later prove prophetic in terms of their respective political war chests and futures in politics.

    Other good ole boy trappings have also been employed by Tennessee politicians and in one well-known case taken to the national political stage.

    There is perhaps no other more well-known outward statement of country boy awareness than that worn by Ivy League educated Lamar Alexander – the black
    and red plaid flannel.

    Alexander donned his trademark plaid in his first successful run for
    governor, or in Alexander’s case walk for governor as he walked across Tennessee in his flannel, Johnny Apple Seed style to witness and connect with the down home folks first hand. He later wore the plaid in his two failed bids for president, making it a visual mainstany of the New Hampshire
    primary season for two election cycles.

    There is also the example set by former Gov. Ned McWherter. McWherter’s statement about politics in the state was simple – it is much easier to connect with the folks when you are actually one of them. McWherter, a rural state legislator to the bone, simply oozed countryside -from his lumbering walk to his portly build and his thick drawl. McWherter was an anomaly on the modern Tennessee landscape in that he didn’t have to pretend to fit in with the courthouse crowd in any county seat.

    This brief history lesson brings us to our current gubernatorial campaign, matching a Nashville millionaire against a career Congressman.

    Of course, both former Nashville Mayor Phil Bredesen and 4th District
    Congressman Van Hilleary will tell you differently – and the spin to the state’s political writers about each man’s down home “cred” has already begun.

    Bredesen has the most uphill battle in the country boy department, having already been typecast by many writers during his last run at the governor’s office as a blue blood.

    Bredesen is in fact a millionaire and actually is originally from upstate New York. However, his campaign is trying to balance that information with the message that Bredesen is from a small town in upstate New York – just like many small towns in Tennessee.

    They are also quick to add in both conversation and bio material that Bredesen is an avid hunter and outdoorsman. Does this mean he likes to hunt fox and pheasant, or can he actually gut and skin a deer? We don’t know yet.

    Hilleary for all the income tax squabbling in his own party, has likely found at least one early advantage over Bredesen in the good ole boy department. Four terms in Washington DC did not rob Hilleary of his Spring
    City twang, something that will help Hilleary more than anything else during
    the retail end of the campaign at fish frys and county fairs in place like Paris, Lebanon and Lenoir City.

    There is also a famous story in Middle Tennessee about Bredesen’s failed 1994 campaign against now Gov. Don Sundquist. It is the painfully uncomfortable account of Bredesen in a suit attempting to campaign in the Watertown Farmer’s Co-Op one weekday afternoon. It is said that Bredesen’s suit, shoes and watch combined probably cost more than most of each farmers’ take on that year’s tobacco crop.

    So yes, for simple down-home credibility and country charm, the advantage at present probably would have to go to Hilleary, though neither campaign will stop trying to best the other in seeking out the support of Tennessee’s small town voters.

    Perhaps Bredesen should learn to field-dress that prize buck if he doesn’t
    know how already. It’s probably easier than bagging campaign contributions. Dirty finger nails still win votes in some corners of this state.

    Categories
    News News Feature

    Other People’s Problems: 2 Cases (January 18)

    (FIRST WEB APPEARANCE JANUARY 18)

    Listen to this:

    About a year ago I became entangled in an affair with a married woman. She was bright and funny and I was immediately attracted to her, even though we initially “met” over the phone. To cut to the chase, we had an at times blissful, at times less than blissful three months. I knew she was married, but she didn’t really act the part. She’d come over to my house every couple of days or so and stay until early in the morning. It ended after I ran into her, her husband, and their three children in the park one day.

    I rebounded with a really sweet, nice girl. We always have a great time together, but she’s not the person I see myself growing old with. I assumed we’d have some good times, some great sex, and then we’d both be on our way. The problem is that it hasn’t worked out that way. Every time we’re meet up, she tells me she loves me. The first time was early in the relationship and I didn’t feel guilty not saying it back, only weirded out that she said it at all. But now we’ve been dating for about six months and it’s starting to get uncomfortable. I’m still stuck on my married gal and every time my girlfriend says she loves me, there’s not much I can do. She knows when I’m lying, so I either change the subject or smile or kiss her or something, but I’ve never said it back. Sometimes I think, “This isn’t so bad; I could be with her,” but I think I know I’ll never be in love with her.

    Signed,

    I Love Spending Time With You

    Okay:

    When I was younger, I used to play Tetris at least 10 times a day. And most of the times, I’d die trying to make those blocks fit. But every so often, I’d mess up early on in a game, maybe dropping a block into the wron’ space or not turning it enough times, and I’d get frustrated and mess up again and pretty soon the whole puzzle would be so fucked up that I’d drop the blocks straight down on top of each other, ending the game kamikaze pilot-style and starting again.

    What I’m saying is, you messed up and it’s time to end the game. In your current relationship, you have what’s known in pop culture vernacular as

    “hand” (from two of pop culture’s most revered heroes, George and Jerry). If you’re more of a literary type, in her “Ballad of the Sad Cafe,” Carson McCullers describes each relationship as comprising of a “love” and a “beloved.” In a working, reciprocal relationship, those roles and the people who don them are not set in stone. But that’s not the case here, is it? You can pretty much do whatever you want and she’ll keep following you around, batting her cow eyes and wagging her tail. And I’m guessing that you’ve thought about breaking up with her, oh, about every other day or so, but for one reason or another (could it be the great sex?), haven’t dropped the bomb.

    Part of me, the unrepentant amoral part, thinks that if you love the married woman and she loves you, you should just continue your part-time passion. But it sounds like that really isn’t an option for you. Here’s the thing: Rebound Girl? Not an option either. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve dated her; she’s still a rebound, if perhaps an especially fun and comfortable one. But the longer you string her along (which is exactly what

    you’re doing), the more hurt she’s going to get every time she says the L-word and you just stare at her like she’s got spinach in her teeth.

    Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind, so dump the sweetie. Then drop another quarter in and go find someone who actually wants to have some good times, have some great sex and then you both go on your merry little way.

    Listen:

    My mother (52) recently started dating this man who is my age (29). They go out to a different restaurant every night of the week, parading around

    and hanging on each other like lovesick fools. You can probably tell I’m not happy about it.

    I only got married last year, moving back to my hometown to settle down and raise a family. Instead the entire town is talking about my mother and

    how she and her boy toy are going on a cruise in a few weeks. My husband and I have tried talking to her about finding a man her own age, but she told us it was none of our business. How can we get her to stop seeing him?

    Signed,

    Troubled Daughter

    Okay:

    If my mother suddenly starting dating a man my age, I’d be upset, too. Mainly because my mother is still married to my father, but still, I get

    your point. Unfortunately, your mother’s right, unless she’s still married to your father or to someone else, it’s nobody’s business but hers.

    I’m not going to bring up the older man, younger woman cliché again; I’m sure you’re well-aware of the double standard. And there’s a chance, just a

    small one, that this young-un makes her happy and she might Ñ gasp! Ñ even love him. Of course, you’d have to ask her. On the other hand, she might just like the attention (from him and the town).

    Either way, it looks like you and your new hubbie are stuck with her new beau. That is, unless you can get a court to declare her mentally incompetent and name you guardian of her estate. But I think that might be a stretch.

    (Got a problem? Send it to Mary, at Cashiola@memphisflyer.com.)

    Categories
    News News Feature

    Web Rant: ‘A Cuddlier King’ (January 19)

    (FIRST APPEARANCE ON WEB JANUARY 19)

    The other day a friend of mine asked me how I planned to spend Martin Luther King Day. I was a bit taken aback at first; she was the last person I expected would be making plans to honor a slain civil rights leader. Not due to any real deficit in her character, rather as a young, white professional, woman with few ties to the African-American community I didn’t expect her to have given MLK Day much thought.

    Turns out I was mostly right.

    The next sentence out of her mouth was, “Some friends and I are talking about having a big party Sunday night, since nobody has to work on Monday. Wanna come?”

    A few days later another friend (also white) told me that she was planning a champagne brunch for that Monday. So I started thinking about the holiday, and about how “holiday” has become the most appropriate word for it.

    Thirty-four years after he was killed, Martin Luther King, Jr. has become, for much of white America anyway, just a good excuse to sleep late. And can you really blame us? What do we know about MLK anyway?

    Preacher, civil rights leader, killed in Memphis, Mountaintop, I Have a Dream, the march on Washington, Selma, Bull Connor, and the favorite bulletin board image for elementary school teachers across the nation during Black History Month. That’s about it.

    It wasn’t until I got to college and read David Halberstam’s book, The Children, that I first learned about how much of the civil rights movement took place in my hometown of Nashville. Sure, I knew that King was killed in Memphis but nobody bothered to tell me that a). a group called the Freedom Riders existed, and b). it got it’s start in Nashville.

    By the time I graduated from high school I could read Latin and speak Spanish. I could recognize and attribute every major work of art from cave paintings to modern sculpture. I had read and could recite many of the great works of literature. I knew all about cell structure and could do some math (not really my strong point, there.) But never once during my otherwise excellent public school education did a single teacher bother to mention the sit-ins, the march in Nashville, the training in non-violence, or the impressive number of present day leaders who cut their teeth during the civil rights movement.

    The same is true for Dr. King. I had to read and be familiar with his two most famous speeches but nobody bothered to tell me why he was giving those speeches. I was taught that he had been shot in Memphis, but my text didn’t say why he was in Memphis in the first place. I can’t speak for all products of Tennessee’s public schools, but among the Gen X and Y’ers I hang with – most of us haven’t a clue. So MLK Day this year, like the last few years, will likely just be a holiday that white teenagers and young adults spend sleeping late and getting high.

    It’s a convenient holiday for us. One that allows us both a day off from school and work and the moral consolation that we’ve given “them” a day. To brutally paraphrase Austin Powers, we’ve thrown them a friggin’ bone. Because for much of white America, MLK Day is a black holiday, just like Martin Luther King, Jr. was a black leader. It’s the same logic that led city planners nationwide to place Martin Luther King, Jr. Blvd. in the ghettos, where white people aren’t likely to drive on it.

    Before you get all defensive, think about it. Politically we’re only inches more progressive than when King was alive. Sure, African-Americans are no longer barred from water fountains and bathrooms – but is that something to pat ourselves on the backs for? Hardly. It’s time we stop being proud of ourselves for taking the low road. We get no credit for doing what we’re supposed to do – especially when all other choices are morally indefensible.

    In Memphis today, we still operate a white school district and a black school district. Call it “city” and “county” if it helps you sleep at night (and promise each the same funding to ease your consciences), but it’s still separate but equal when you boil it down to the bare facts.

    Why are we still debating this? Are equal rights and equal access still debatable theories?

    Where Memphis should have performed some necessary and painful surgery years ago to solve these problems, we elected instead to just slap band-aid after band-aid over the gushing wounds. Guess what guys, the wounds are still gushing.

    City and county consolidation is great start, but a long overdue one that should face no resistance now though it will. County (white) residents don’t want to be combined with city (black) residents. It’s time to call a spade a spade.

    But back to Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. When President Reagan ushered in the holiday, he introduced America to a “new and improved, kinder and gentler,” King. This one was more mouthpiece than radical leader, a cuddly and faithless teddy bear to spew inspirational (but never challenging) ideas when we decide to pull the string on his back.

    We, as white Americans, can use this holiday to console ourselves with our token efforts. “We’ve (so generously, I might sarcastically add) given “them” MLK Day and Black History Month. “They’ve” got BET and the NAACP. Oprah has a TV show, and Colin Powell and Condi Rice have cabinet positions. They’re not slaves, they can vote and (in theory anyway) hold office. What more do they want? some whites seem to be saying.

    And in so thinking we once again miss the essence of Dr. King. Go back and read the “I Have a Dream” speech. Better still, go to the National Civil Rights Museum and watch the footage of the speech. King’s dreams were not for black people to gain power – they were for equal access to all non-whites.

    Right now, and perhaps moreso than anytime since King’s assassination, we should realize this. It’s very en vogue to waive flags and revel in our new found national unity. We relish the thought of becoming an even greatest-er generation.

    But when we as a city and a nation are still debating equal access we’ve hardly achieved unity and the token observance of a holiday won’t change that.

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