Month: December 2002
2002 IN REVIEW: THE LOCAL BEAT
It’s hard to believe that it’s almost over — 2002, that is. The months blew past in an endless blur. And the older I get, the worse my memory gets. On the phone, I forget why I’m calling. At the grocery store, I forget what I’m buying. That’s why I take my cues from music. I may not recall where I left my car keys, but I can tell you where I was when I first heard Jim Dickinson’s new album, or, given the proper drum beat, easily recite the lyrics of the Reigning Sound’s “You’re So Strange.” With audio cues, I can pinpoint the last time I ventured out to hear Alvin Youngblood Hart or even recall the subtle nuances of Lily Afshar’s guitar work. Music, you see, makes my world go ’round — and Memphis music helps it spin a little slower. So, without further ado, my list of the best local music 2002 had to offer, listed alphabetically by artist or band:
Possession — Lily Afshar (Archer Records): Afshar crosses the boundaries of classical guitar music on her latest album, encompassing traditional folk and jazz elements into her astounding repertoire. Every piece on Possession — from Leo Brouwer’s “Afro-Cuban Lullaby” to Barbara Kolb’s trio of lilting lullabies — shines and sparkles in Afshar’s talented hands.
Free Beer Tomorrow — James Luther Dickinson (Artemis): I had the pleasure of hearing these 10 tracks more than a year ago; it’s taken the always-dubious Dickinson that long to find a label he was willing to work with. Artemis snatched the project up with good reason: This album is a modern-day classic, a sweeping, all-encompassing only-in-America record along the lines of Willie Nelson’s Stardust.
Hernando Street Blues — Herman Green (Supreme): “Memphis After Midnight” swings like an after-hours gig in the Bluff City: Close your eyes and imagine the music reverberating in the early-morning hours of the dimly lit Flamingo Room or the jumpin’ Plantation Inn just across the river.
Down in the Alley — Alvin Youngblood Hart (Memphis International): Rounding out the first batch of releases for the Memphis International label, Hart’s Down in the Alley is an exquisite collection of traditional acoustic blues. His voice is timeless and all-knowing, a portal to the past and the future of American music.
Big Lonesome Radio — Mark Lemhouse (Yellow Dog): While he easily shifts genres, Lemhouse seems most comfortable playing hill-country blues, gliding effortlessly up and down the frets as he emulates the style of his mentor, Memphis guitarist Robert Belfour. Party! At Home — Furry Lewis, Bukka White & Friends (Arcola): This rediscovered recording — cut at Lewis’ apartment on Fourth at Beale in July 1968 — presents a weekend of house parties fueled by cold Stag beer and good-timin’ women. The real prize is the conversation caught between numbers, a priceless document of days long gone.
Rat’s Brains & Microchips — The Lost Sounds (Empty Records): That dynamic duo Jay-Jay and Alicja Trout do it again, scoring a baker’s dozen of gloom-and-doom tunes guaranteed to clear your sinuses. Love ’em or hate ’em, the Lost Sounds are forging a synth-rock tradition all their own. That said, crank up “Blackcoats/Whitefear” and drive your neighbors wild.
Mama Says I’m Crazy — Mississippi Fred McDowell & Johnny Woods (Fat Possum): These George Mitchell sessions are special not only because they feature the late Johnny Woods, harp player and whiskey drinker extraordinaire, but because they capture McDowell at his frenetic best, playing the “straight and natchel blues” that he loved. McDowell is rough, gritty, and loud enough to transcend the sound of the craps game going on underfoot.
Time Bomb High School — The Reigning Sound (In the Red): Former Oblivian Greg Cartwright delivers in spades on this high-energy masterpiece, evoking ’60s rockers from the Byrds and the Stones to local frat-rockers the Gentrys and Alex Chilton’s Box Tops. Bristling with nerves on tunes like “Reptile Style” and the sing-along “She’s Bored With You,” Time Bomb High School proves that the Reigning Sound can certainly hold their own on the national garage-rock scene.
You Can Name It Yo’ Mammy If You Wanna — South Filthy (Sympathy for the Record Industry): “T” for Texas and “T” for Tennessee Recorded and mixed in Austin, Texas, this album is nevertheless one that Memphis should be glad to claim. A supergroup of sorts, South Filthy stars the indomitable Monsieur Jeffrey Evans and Jack Yarber alongside a who’s who of the Austin scene, including harmonica maven Walter Daniels and drummer Mike Buck. Thanks to tunes like Evans’ “Spyder Blues” and Yarber’s “First Train Away From You” (and his take on the soul gem “Bad Girl”), this down-and-dirty band lives up to its tacky, trashy name.
Honorable Mentions: Bad Times (Goner Records); Bluff City Backsliders (Yellow Dog); Cleaned a Lot of Plates in Memphis — Davey & the Cool Jerks (Sympathy For the Record Industry); Keep On Burning — Bob Frank (Bowstring Records); You Better Run — Junior Kimbrough (Fat Possum); Tennessee — Lucero (MADJACK); Spirit — Native Son (Zarr Records); Live in Memphis — Carla Thomas & Friends (Memphis International); A History of Garage and Frat Bands in Memphis, Vol. 2 — Various Artists (Shangri-La Projects); Chains & Black Exhaust — Various Artists (Memphix).
wednesday, 25
It s Christmas Day, and I have always found Old Zinnie s to be the perfect after-family-dinner spot. And there you have it. As always, I really don t care what you do this week, because I don t even know you, and unless you can get Stupid.com to replenish their supply of Mr. T. gift items, I feel fairly certain that I don t want to meet you. Besides, it s time for me to blow this dump and do my last-minute holiday shopping. I think a LaToya Jackson psychic refrigerator magnet is a must this season.
FROM MY SEAT
A YEAR TO REMEMBER
As we draw the curtain on 2002, lets take a look back at one of the more eventful sports years in Memphis history. Following — in classic Letterman style — is one mans Top 10 Memphis Sports Stories for the past year.
2002 draft.
erely a college player — helped N.C. State win that magical championship back in 1983? At that time, Hubie Brown was a veteran NBA coach, in his first season with the New York Knicks (one of his stars was current Chicago Bulls head coach Bill Cartwright). Skip ahead a generation, and none other than Brown was chosen to take Lowes seat following a second consecutive 0-8 start for the Griz. He becomes the oldest full-time coach in NBA history.
Next week: a look forward to 2003.
Everyone got what they wanted when Trent Lott stepped down as Senate majority leader: His GOP colleagues were saved from association with a racially-insensitive chief; the Republican party was saved from Lott’s baggage in the next election; and Tennessee senator Bill Frist could vie for the coveted Senate majority leader post.
But for African-Americans, who had been determined to make the senator recant his words, Lott’s resignation does little more than camouflage a problem long allowed to fester in politics.
The country had been in an uproar over the Mississippi senator’s remarks during retiring senator Strom Thurmond’s birthday bash. After Lott’s fateful, and politically fatal, ode to Thurmond’s 1948 presidential bid on a Jim Crow ticket — that if the rest of the country had followed Mississippi’s lead and voted for Thurmond, “we wouldn’t have had all these problems over all these years” — the Mississippi NAACP and other African-American groups called for Lott’s resignation. President Bush gave him a verbal spanking, and even fellow Republicans turned against him, citing damage to the party and its image.
Jesse Jackson said it would be “shame on the Republican Party” if its leaders allowed Lott to keep his position.
Days later Lott publicly apologized, saying that he was “winging it” and asking for forgiveness as he continued to “learn from his mistakes.” All the repentant bowing and scraping on network television, in the papers, and ultimately on BET, were too little, too late. But while Lott’s comments may have been shameful, it should have also been “shame on” the voters who opposed his views but still allowed him to be elected.
Lott has been a senator since 1988, and he won his latest reelection bid in 2000. Surely African-Americans voters turned out in record numbers to prevent his reelection, right? Wrong. Only 34 percent of Mississippi’s African-American voters participated in that election.
The shock and outrage aimed at Lott would be better spent if it were targeted at the 66 percent of African-American voters who didn’t even bother to show up to vote. As African-Americans, we have no one to blame but ourselves. We let Lott and politicians like him infiltrate the governing bodies of our nation by not going to the polls and voting them out of office.
If the Civil Rights Movement was really about empowerment, there is no excuse for this consistent apathy toward voting. If more of us voted, politicians would know that the inevitable repercussion from racially-insensitive statements would be career termination. While Lott’s remarks refreshed our short-term memories and brought us back to a time best forgotten, those ideas still exist. We’ve been to the mountaintop, now it’s time to climb over.
Since the speech, much has been brought to light about the Mississippi senator’s past, including his efforts to keep his fraternity free from African-American membership, his backing of legislation to prohibit busing to desegregate schools, and his votes against the Martin Luther King holiday. Surely these things were evident early in Lott’s career. Where were African-American voters?
This time we were lucky. The Republican party couldn’t afford the repurcussions and couldn’t avoid Lott’s removal. But what about next time, when the next politician makes a “mistake,” or “wings it,” and says something best not said? Are we going to again be reactionary, demanding after-the-fact apologies, or will we do our homework first and oppose their election before they get the chance?
Maybe we need to “learn from our mistakes” too.
Janel Davis is a staff writer for The Memphis Flyer.
Tomorrow’s News Today
With the new year approaching, only a Flyer columnist can foresee the events of 2003 and print them too. With apologies to William Safire, a look into the future:
1. The big arena story in 2003 will be: A) cost overruns push the price above $300 million; B) sloppy work by the general contractor leads to convention- center-style delays; C) consultants come under scrutiny for fees and kickbacks.
2. Once everyone agrees to let the University of Memphis out of its lease with The Pyramid, serious attention will be given to: A) demolition to make room for housing and an office headquarters; B) a Native-American-owned casino; C) a shopping mall centered around a massive Bass Pro Shop and indoor pond.
3. The person to watch on the Shelby County Commission in 2003 will be: A) Marilyn Loeffel, a conservative who will emerge as an unpredictable swing vote; B) David Lillard, who will play tough cop in the down-and-dirty; C) Walter Bailey, who will surprise people by reintroducing the Shelby Farms Conservancy plan.
4. When Chris Peck takes over as editor of The Commercial Appeal, readers will see that what he means by community journalism is: A) playing Memphis booster to increase circulation; B) caving in to the advertising side to boost revenue; C) jazzing up a stodgy newspaper to win credibility with reporters and editors.
5. The person whose services will most be missed by Memphians in 2003 will be: A) Memphis Grizzlies’ injured guard Michael Dickerson, who will be unable to make a comeback; B) Rick Masson, a model of competence and integrity as chief administrative officer for the city of Memphis; C) weatherman Dave Brown, who will take early retirement and move to California.
6. Alabama football booster Logan Young will be: A) indicted and convicted based on the unwavering testimony of Lynn Lang; B) indicted, tried, and acquitted based on the shaky testimony of Lang and Milton Kirk; C) saying “I told you so.”
7. The public servant most likely to lose his or her job in 2003 will be: A) County Commission administrator Calvin Williams because of a reconsideration of the 7-6 vote that saved his job; B) Circuit Court administrator George Reems because of conflict-of-interest moonlighting; C) Memphis City Schools board member Sara Lewis because of continuing blowups with Johnnie B. Watson.
8. The quote that will come back to haunt its author in 2003 will be: A) Commissioner Loeffel’s coupling her grief over Calvin Williams’ misdeeds with her grief over the death of Sheriff’s Deputy George Selby; B) Jerry West’s high regard for the coaching abilities of Hubie Brown; C) George Flinn’s interest in buying The Pyramid.
9. The most surprising story of 2003 will be: A) the resignation of University of Memphis basketball coach John Calipari; B) the Grizzlies make the NBA playoffs; C) the revelation of a suspect in the terrorist-style attack on Shelby County Medical Examiner O.C. Smith.
10. The first big story of 2003 to be blamed on the economy will be: A) the collapse of the Memphis office and warehouse real estate market; B) the financial unraveling of the Memphis Redbirds as sponsors bail out of their long-term agreements; C) the closing of another Tunica casino.
11. The next showdown at the Memphis Board of Education will be over: A) The Commercial Appeal‘s refusal to back up its claim that HVAC costs are grossly inflated; B) the closing of a city school because of mold fears; C) a “he/she goes or I go” blowout between Watson and Lewis.
12. The Tennessee lottery will be: A) a nonstory because the General Assembly will ignore the referendum and decline to pass the enabling legislation; B) the gateway to casino gambling in Tennessee; C) forced to revise its financial projections downward as lawmakers and the media take a closer look.
13. The sports turnaround of 2003 will be: A) the Tiger basketball team, which will make the NCAA Tournament thanks to the inspired play of Chris Massie; B) the Tiger football team, which will go to a bowl thanks to the inspired play of Danny Wimprine; C) the Grizzlies recover to win 29 games, thanks to the inspired play of Jason Williams.
14. The most successful new retail offering of 2003 in Memphis will be: A) Malco’s movie theater next to the Racquet Club in East Memphis; B) new tenants in Peabody Place; C) a break-the-mold Target store in Collierville.
15. The national media will be sniping at Memphis because of: A) the fight fiasco involving Mike Tyson and Tonya Harding, which draws a scant 8,000 fans; B) the National Civil Rights Museum expansion, which is dubbed a memorial to James Earl Ray; C) Elvis Presley’s Memphis, which is forced to close without the hype of a 25th anniversary.
My answers: 1. C; 2. C; 3. B; 4. C; 5. B; 6. C; 7. B; 8. A; 9. C; 10. B; 11. A; 12. C; 13. C; 14. A; 15. B n
Reigning Sounds
Nothing in local music in 2002 quite matched the emergence of the North Mississippi Allstars, Saliva, and Three 6 Mafia in years past, but a vast collection of divergent artists followed those previously worn paths by making more modest inroads into national consciousness while also making fine music — among them, singer-songwriter extraordinaire Cory Branan (whose fabulous debut, The Hell You Say, was released locally in 2001 but nationally this year with a few alterations and whose full-page beefcake spread in Rolling Stone‘s “hot” issue was perhaps the year’s most gratifyingly amusing local-music moment), MADJACK labelmates Lucero, the Reigning Sound, the Porch Ghouls, Richard Johnston, Memphix, Viva L’American Death Ray Music, and a still-crazy-after-all-these-years Jim Dickinson, who released his first solo album in decades with the feisty Free Beer Tomorrow. What follows is one reporter’s opinion on the year’s best local records.
1. Time Bomb High School –The Reigning Sound (In the Red): It seems odd to champion this intensely musical garage-rock masterwork as the year’s best local record, when, in fact, it’s one of the best records of the year, period, probably the second-best album to emerge from the newly revived garage-rock scene after the White Stripes’ White Blood Cells. That it hasn’t gotten as much attention nationally as recent records from the more mundane Greenhornes and showy poseurs the Mooney Suzuki, much less the admittedly fabulous Hives, is a travesty that isn’t at all surprising. What separates the Reigning Sound from almost every other band in their little corner of the world isn’t just that frontman Greg Cartwright has been doing this for a decade (and Time Bomb High School is a more impressive achievement than anything he did in much-loved previous bands the Oblivians and the Compulsive Gamblers). It’s that the band’s musical command seems to be on a higher plane: Time Bomb High School is an album concocted out of record-shop dust, built on a love of an era’s worth of musical culture, one in which echoes of great records past rattle in the crevices. And unlike so much of the backward-gazing in local music culture, it’s a testament to pop music, not folk music. For those who worship at the altar of the rotating, three-minute epiphany, Time Bomb High School is a Sunday kind of love indeed.
2. Our Land Brains — Snowglobe (Bardot): For starters, this debut album evokes the best of “classic rock” — late-era Beatles, Pet Sounds-era Beach Boys, Van Morrison — with a musical sophistication and lack of affectation that belies the band’s early-20s youthfulness. That’s impressive, but that’s not why the record was such a revelation upon release (improving significantly on their already-excellent live sound) and not why it sounds even better today. What makes Our Land Brains so good is its striking mood: This is homemade music in the best, most deeply humane sense –spontaneous, lived-in, lovingly crafted, and palpably communal, with a wide-eyed vibe that never once descends into mush-headed hippieisms. Not quite the best local record of the year, but nothing else offered a glimpse of a world so attractive and comforting.
3. Tennessee — Lucero (MADJACK): Despite being more worked-over in the studio, this sophomore album captures the power of Lucero’s live show more than their fine debut did. This remains a band that transcends their genre limitations not just because of frontman Ben Nichols’ charismatic vocals but because of a musical reach and grasp that rockets them past most rootsy bar bands –the interlocking guitars of “Sweet Little Thing,” the rising instrumental climax of “Nights Like These,” the muted-piano-and-acoustic-bass mood music of “Fistful of Tears,” the stark, soulful simplicity of “When You’re Gone,” the cathartic rise-and-fall explosiveness of the epic “Here at the Starlite.”
4. The Bloodthirsty Lovers (no label): After his great work with the Grifters and under the moniker Those Bastard Souls, David Shouse follows his experimental impulses even further on The Bloodthirsty Lovers, an atmospheric and arty mix of punk, prog-rock, and glam-rock that at times sounds like a Memphis answer to Kid A and Amnesiac and at other times takes unexpected and fruitful detours into various dance musics –like Radiohead if they were Spinners fans. A record so bracing that when Shouse sings on the art-rock anthem “2,000 Light Years From Home” about “waves of radiation tearing at my soul,” he might well be commenting on his own music.
5. You Better Run: The Essential Junior Kimbrough (Fat Possum)/The Missing Link –Harmonica Frank Floyd (Memphis International): As a music city, Memphis probably dotes on the past too much, but here are two slices of regional music history that probably haven’t been celebrated enough. You Better Run offers a concise testament to the life and work of the hill-country blues scene’s greatest artist, with classic cuts such as “All Night Long,” “Sad Days, Lonely Nights,” and “Meet Me in the City” providing ample argument that the late Kimbrough belongs in the blues pantheon. The Missing Link brings to first light a series of intimate and earthy live recordings made by Floyd around Memphis in May 1979 and captured on tape by Jim Dickinson and Memphis International co-founder David Less. As much as anyone, Floyd, who died in 1984, was a connector for several strands of pre-rock-and-roll roots music, a living embodiment of what writer Greil Marcus famously called “the old, weird America.”
6. Down in the Alley –Alvin Youngblood Hart (Memphis International): The man who may well be the most accomplished individual talent on the local music scene takes a bevy of vintage string instruments and a catalog of traditional blues gems on a deceptively simple trip back in time. Hart’s underrated singing often merits as much notice as his nimble and nuanced picking.
7. Rat’s Brains & Microchips –The Lost Sounds (Empty Records)/Water Recordings –Mouse Rocket (no label): The city’s most prolific rock band released an odds-and-ends collection earlier in the year, but Rat’s Brains, the Lost Sounds’ second full-length for Seattle’s Empty Records, is the real deal –a brutal, take-no-prisoners collection of whiplash riffs, hyperspeed tempos, and snarling vocals. “Total Destruction” is a promise kept; “Dreaming or Bleeding,” a question where the only legitimate answer is “both.” Mouse Rocket is Lost Sounds’ Alicja Trout’s “other” band –far friendlier, with poppier songs and ace garage-rock/’60s psychedelic covers but every bit as strong.
8. Reekin’ With Love –Di Anne Price & Her Boyfriends (Jazzoid): Nothing special here, just the chance to replicate a set by the most consistently outstanding live musical act in town whenever and wherever you want. A set of blues and jazz standards with a few fine originals thrown in, Price shows off her genius chops as interpretive singer while her trio of Boyfriends provide enough give and take to make this the most romantic local music around.
9. Foot Hill Stomp — Richard Johnston (FTRC)/Big Lonesome Radio –Mark Lemhouse (Yellow Dog): Who says white guys can’t play the blues? Those seeking ax-wielding showoffs à la Jonny Lang and Kenny Wayne Shepherd should look elsewhere, but those looking for sharp contemporary blues records that are reverent of tradition but never stuffy aren’t likely to do better than this. Local cause célèbre Johnston’s Foot Hill Stomp is more of a groove record, tapping into the hypnotic drone of hill-country blues with durably pleasurable results and, perhaps best of all, coaxing North Mississippi musical matriarch Jessie Mae Hemphill out of retirement for the charming duet “Chicken and Gravy.” In some ways, the fine, mostly acoustic blues record from native Oregonian and onetime Bluff City Backslider Lemhouse is a more traditional affair. It takes in a wider swath of blues history –covering classics from Fred McDowell, Johnny Shines, Yank Rachell, and Charley Patton. But its impressive range also extends to less predictable territory –rockabilly, tango, waltz, and a hill-country take on Tom Waits.
10. The Collected Singles/Feather Bed and Other Mixes –The Ron Franklin Entertainers (Miz Kafrin Projects): These concurrent releases from a musical collective that revolves around the multitalented Franklin mixed and matched genres with more wit, savvy, and flat-out fun than anything else in local music this year, combining soul, garage rock, blues, hip hop, and funk into an eclectic stew that ends up as sugar-rush indie-rock. From fuzztone blues stomps to confectionery Bo Diddley covers, Collected Singles is a party starter. The companion remix 12-inch kicks the experimentation into overdrive.
Honorable Mentions: Free Beer Tomorrow –James Luther Dickinson (Artemis); Smash Radio Hits –Viva L’American Death Ray Music (Sympathy for the Record Industry); Bluff City Backsliders (Yellow Dog); 10 Lbs of Hum — The Gamble Brothers Band (no label); Dead Horse Lounge — Dora (Madeline); Demi-Urban Pitch — The Glass (no label); Arkadelphia –Rob Jungklas (MADJACK); Susan Marshall is Honey Mouth (no label); Match Box Blues — David Evans (Inside Sounds); More a Lie Than a Band — The Dillingers (no label).
Look Back in Anguish
2002 was a brutal teeth-rattler of a year. It truly was the best of times, the worst of times. Except without the best-of-times part. Everything turned fetid and funky. The world went haywire, as though we entered a bizzaro dimension.
Priests were horny, pilots were drunk, and our shadowy government had its own shadow government. We color-coded our fear. The war on terror was expanded to include anyone who ate at Shoney’s, the “Dude, you’re getting a Dell” dude got canned, and even Michael Jackson acted a tad peculiar at times.
We gobbled Cipro to fend off anthrax, and now we’re lining up for smallpox vaccinations. Now, before we climb back into the handbasket bound for warmer climes, maybe we should squeeze in one final glance back at that twisted bitch, 2002.
President Bush became fodder for late-night comics when he failed to read the instructions on the back of a pretzel bag. But no one was laughing after he delivered a rousing State of the Union speech. Highlights included an unprecedented 10-minute break as the president crowd-surfed up to the bleachers and back. It was also a defining moment when he labeled Iraq, Iran, and North Korea an “axis of buttholes.” The phrase was later modified at the insistence of network censors.
Unfortunately, before we could go all daisy-cutter on the rogue nations, Iran was forced to withdraw from the axis of evil due to a hamstring injury.
Instead of assigning AOE status to another country, the Bush administration used rotating substitutes to fill the vacancy, including Germany and Canada, depending on who was calling the president a “squinty moron” at any given time.
The winter Olympics went off without a hitch in Salt Lake City, thanks to increased security precautions. The only controversy occurred when two members of the Russian curling team were disqualified for banned substances. Instead of sweeping the ice with little brooms, they used Swiffer WetJets. The lemony-fresh scent gave them away.
By spring, the simmering sex-abuse scandal threatened to engulf the Catholic Church. It stemmed from the age-old quandary: how to protect vulnerable priests from seduction by cunning, hunky minors.
After meeting with Pope John Paul II, American cardinals and bishops crafted a plan to begin the healing process.
“If only the church had some kind of authoritative source,” lamented Cardinal Bernard Law. “A book, perhaps, that offers guidance and spells out the differences between right and wrong. Something that can be taken as gospel. Unfortunately, no such book seems to exist.”
The economy foundered for much of the year. The stock market went up and down like a whore’s drawers. Companies crashed under waves of accounting irregularities. As we teetered on the brink of recession, the White House unveiled a far-reaching jobs program: They created a shadow government. Secret bunkers up and down the Eastern seaboard were staffed with mid-level employees from the executive branch. Nobody delivers streamlined efficiency and aggressive innovation like unsupervised civil servants who can’t be fired.
Presidential spokesman Ari Fleischer reassured a jittery American public. “Only after a nuclear holocaust cripples the nation will the shadow government step in. They will maintain essential federal functions such as scheduling shadow meetings with oil tycoons, collecting huge donations of shadow cash, and pardoning the Thanksgiving turkey.”
After a summertime rise in shark attacks, experts recommended swimmers not enter the water while menstruating or immediately after having their arms gnawed to bloody stumps. They also discouraged the use of chum-based sunscreens and shiny jewelry, especially ankle bracelets engraved “Blow me, shark.”
Five years after their deaths, Mother Teresa and Princess Diana were back in the news. Mother Teresa continued on the fast track to sainthood when the Vatican attributed a miracle to her. The only remaining stumbling block to the beloved nun’s beatification is the persistent rumor she once killed a guy by locking him inside a gasoline-soaked Porta-John and toppling it into an active volcano in a Jackass-style stunt gone awry.
Following a high-profile trial, Diana’s former butler revealed the princess never fully recovered after being dumped without explanation by the great love of her life, George “Goober” Lindsey.
Justin Timberlake dumped Britney Spears, claiming he wanted a girlfriend who focused less on a career and more on his wiener. Lisa Marie Presley married then divorced Nicolas Cage, saying she yearned for the stability and deliciously hot sex she had with her previous hubby, Michael Jackson.
And, to no one’s surprise, Jackson was named Father of the Year, beating out Ozzy Osbourne and Robert Blake. During his acceptance speech he offered sage parenting advice: “Don’t let younger children play with the Elephant Man’s skeleton because small bones could pose a choking hazard. Administer a breathalyzer to Aunt La Toya before allowing her to babysit. And most importantly, never let a game of Got-Your-Nose get out of control.”
Like all things horrid and painful, 2002 has to end sometime. Unfortunately, 2003 doesn’t look to be much better. Yet there is a ray of hope. Because of impending wars, global warming, toxic pollution levels, and our own soaring obesity rates, there’s an excellent chance we could all be dead by spring. Let’s keep a happy thought.
Roger Naylor writes for AlterNet, where this article first appeared.
CONSULTING WITH COHEN
As they rush toward establishing a Tennessee lottery, state legislators are getting this sage advice from Georgia lottery officials: be careful.
So says state Sen. Steve Cohen, D-Memphis, who is finally winning his determined fight to establish a lottery in Tennessee.
Let us add some unsolicited advice: dont forget the middle class when Tennessee lottery proceeds are handed out.
Middle-class Tennesseans work hard to scare up enough money to send our children to college where they — we hope — get the education they need to better themselves and the world they inherit from us.
By working hard, we sometimes earn too much money for our children to qualify for scholarships based on income levels. Our children, despite excellent grades, often are shut out of scholarship money, thereby burdening working parents even more.
Meanwhile, students with inferior grades but with less financial wherewithal are entitled to wads of scholarship money.
Thats just not right.
The Tennessee lottery is a chance to change that disparity.
Heres how:
From Year 1, make lottery scholarship money available to every academically eligible Tennessee high school senior who will attend college in Tennessee. No income limits.
Of course, the seniors would have to meet the academic guidelines, at least a B-average. Should the scholarship fund run low, then establish income limits until the fund is replenished. At that point, remove the income limits.
Tennessee voters overturned the constitutional prohibition against lotteries, largely because the money — after expenses and payouts to lottery winners — would be used for education. Legislation to establish a state lottery should take into consideration the role of middle-class Tennesseans who voted for overturning the lottery prohibition.
Our children should get a piece of the lottery pie. A group of legislators spent Tuesday and Wednesday in Georgia, a state whose HOPE scholarship program is a godsend for high school seniors who want to pursue higher education.
The message from Georgia lottery officials was this: be careful.
Cohen says his group also was advised to go slowly as they work toward setting up a lottery.
In its first year, Georgias lottery-funded scholarships were limited to families with incomes of less than $66,000 a year. Thats about twice the average salary of a Georgia teacher.
The Georgia lottery was so successful the first year that income limits were raised to $100,000 a year. The income limits have now been removed altogether.
Cohen envisions something like that in Tennessee, except he thinks income ceilings would never be lifted here.
The limits should be similar to Georgias first year. If the lottery works as it should, then income limits should be raised so that any child with a B-average would qualify for scholarships.
A Tennessee lottery, like Georgias, would provide money for high school students with good grades to attend any institution of higher learning, from vocational-technical schools (now called technology centers) to Vanderbilt University, the most expensive undergraduate program in Tennessee.
There should be enough money left over to pay for early childhood education programs, Cohen says.
This school years high school juniors should be the first group of students eligible for lottery scholarships. This years seniors, who would be college freshmen that first lottery year, might be able to participate in the program, though theres no guarantee this early in the game.
Should Tennessee become the 39th state to establish a lottery, it would be operated as a business. Once the lottery is up and running, the only state involvement would be an annual audit of the operating agency.
They wont be state employees, Cohen says.
Also, all lottery records would be open to public inspection, except for Social Security and telephone numbers of lottery winners.
All-in-all, it sounds like a good start for Tennesseans who have clamored for a lottery for years.
In that spirit of openness, lets make sure no deserving student gets left behind.
Let us add some unsolicited advice: dont forget the middle class when Tennessee lottery proceeds are handed out.
Middle-class Tennesseans work hard to scare up enough money to send our children to college where they — we hope — get the education they need to better themselves and the world they inherit from us.
By working hard, we sometimes earn too much money for our children to qualify for scholarships based on income levels. Our children, despite excellent grades, often are shut out of scholarship money, thereby burdening working parents even more.
Meanwhile, students with inferior grades but with less financial wherewithal are entitled to wads of scholarship money.
Thats just not right.
The Tennessee lottery is a chance to change that disparity.
Heres how:
From Year 1, make lottery scholarship money available to every academically eligible Tennessee high school senior who will attend college in Tennessee. No income limits.
Of course, the seniors would have to meet the academic guidelines, at least a B-average. Should the scholarship fund run low, then establish income limits until the fund is replenished. At that point, remove the income limits.
Tennessee voters overturned the constitutional prohibition against lotteries, largely because the money — after expenses and payouts to lottery winners — would be used for education. Legislation to establish a state lottery should take into consideration the role of middle-class Tennesseans who voted for overturning the lottery prohibition.
Our children should get a piece of the lottery pie. A group of legislators spent Tuesday and Wednesday in Georgia, a state whose HOPE scholarship program is a godsend for high school seniors who want to pursue higher education.
The message from Georgia lottery officials was this: be careful.
Cohen says his group also was advised to go slowly as they work toward setting up a lottery.
In its first year, Georgias lottery-funded scholarships were limited to families with incomes of less than $66,000 a year. Thats about twice the average salary of a Georgia teacher.
The Georgia lottery was so successful the first year that income limits were raised to $100,000 a year. The income limits have now been removed altogether.
Cohen envisions something like that in Tennessee, except he thinks income ceilings would never be lifted here.
The limits should be similar to Georgias first year. If the lottery works as it should, then income limits should be raised so that any child with a B-average would qualify for scholarships.
A Tennessee lottery, like Georgias, would provide money for high school students with good grades to attend any institution of higher learning, from vocational-technical schools (now called technology centers) to Vanderbilt University, the most expensive undergraduate program in Tennessee.
There should be enough money left over to pay for early childhood education programs, Cohen says.
This school years high school juniors should be the first group of students eligible for lottery scholarships. This years seniors, who would be college freshmen that first lottery year, might be able to participate in the program, though theres no guarantee this early in the game.
Should Tennessee become the 39th state to establish a lottery, it would be operated as a business. Once the lottery is up and running, the only state involvement would be an annual audit of the operating agency.
They wont be state employees, Cohen says.
Also, all lottery records would be open to public inspection, except for Social Security and telephone numbers of lottery winners.
All-in-all, it sounds like a good start for Tennesseans who have clamored for a lottery for years.
In that spirit of openness, lets make sure no deserving student gets left behind.
When the Griz lose one, they really lose.
With a chance to extend their franchise-record home winning streak to six games, the Memphis Grizzlies had the wrong opponent on the schedule at The Pyramid Sunday.
Karl Malone and Matt Harpring scored 17 points apiece as the Utah Jazz coasted to a wire-to-wire 103-74 victory over the Grizzlies.
The Memphis team managed something of a moral victory when a late mini-rally cut the Utah margin down to 29. It had been in the 30-plus register for most of the final quarter.
Memphis had won five in a row at the Pyramid but never got going against the Jazz, who improved to 25-5 in the all-time series.
Utah rolled to a 104-71 victory over the Grizzlies at the Delta Center on December 6 and picked up where it left off Sunday, opening a 21-11 lead after the first quarter and a 54-31 halftime advantage.
“We want to make it tough on people,” Malone said. “When we get the lead, we want to keep the pressure on you.”
Malone was 6-of-7 from the field, but his biggest contribution might have been his defense on reigning Rookie of the Year Pau Gasol.
In his second matchup with Malone, Gasol was held to nine points in 29 minutes. He was kept to six points on December 6.
“You don’t try to keep him from scoring,” Malone said. “You just try to keep him from having one of those big games.”
“We got dismantled today,” Memphis forward Lorenzen Wright said. “They’ve got people that are old enough to be our dads. We’ve got to realize they’re not our dads and play the way we are supposed to.”
Both teams were coming off big wins on Friday. Utah ended Dallas’ season-opening 12-game home winning streak while Memphis used a game-ending 21-4 run to beat Milwaukee.
Neither team came out strong in the first quarter. But after shooting just 35 percent (8-of-23) in the opening period, Utah was an amazing 87 percent (13-of-15) in the second.
“We knew they were going to bump us,” Memphis coach Hubie Brown said. “You have to meet their physical style with your physical abilities. They are an established playoff team and that’s how they play. We knew that going in tonight.”
The Jazz built their first 20-point lead, 43-22, on Andrei Kirilenko’s dunk with 3:39 remaining and led by at least 20 over the last 3:02.
Shane Battier scored 11 points for Memphis, which avoided a season low in points with 49 seconds left when Mike Batiste made a short jumper.
Holding a 10-point lead at the start of the second quarter, Utah was able to maintain its double-digit advantage due to Memphis’ futility. The Grizzlies shot 17 percent (3-of-18) in the first quarter and began the second by missing their first five shots.
Battier ended the drought with nine minutes remaining and Stromile Swift hit a short jumper on Memphis’ next trip. The Grizzlies made five of their final eight shots but could only watch as Utah used a 15-7 run to turn the game into a rout.
Utah shot 50 percent (35-of-70), held a 43-36 rebounding edge, forced 20 turnovers and placed four players in double figures.
The Grizzlies shot just 38 percent (27-of-71) and Batiste, who scored 10 points, was their only other player to reach double figures.
“Not only were we missing shots, but we were turning the ball over,” Brown said. “In both games, they shot over 50 percent and we have shot in the 30s. We just couldn’t get key people on track.”