It s New Year s Day so eat some black-eyed peas and a hog s head and check out Karoake at Hooters and leave me alone. As always, I really don t care what you do because I don t even know you, and unless you are the guy in the Flyer s personals photo ad who said his most humbling moment was Receiving anesthesia from a paraplegic midget, naked, strapped to an operating table [I hope it was you that was naked and not the midget], then I know I don t want to meet you. Besides, it s the end of the year and I have to go finish up that book about the penis. There s something about Freud being called a giant among pigmies and I have to figure out what the author means by that.
—T.S.