Categories
Sports Sports Feature

Shooting for Peace

Recently, many of America’s underedited sports sections ran a piece of vapid hooey from that intellectual flyweight San Jose Mercury sportswriter Skip Bayless, in which he lectured the Dallas Mavericks’ Steve Nash, a Canadian who opposes the U.S. invasion of Iraq, “to just shut up and play.”

In case you were embedded, the 29-year-old Nash wore a T-shirt to the NBA All-Star Weekend activities that said: “No War. Shoot for Peace.” When questioned by reporters, Nash modestly and without vitriol stated his opposition to violence as a means to settle world disputes and later emphasized that he had nothing but good feelings for Americans and what this country had provided him. The nerve of that guy.

From the reaction of Bayless you would have thought Nash had grabbed the mike at halftime and accused Bush of bankrupting America with tax breaks for the rich and fabricating the connection between Saddam and Osama bin Laden for political purposes. You know, something outlandish!

But no. Nash just respectfully spoke up for peace. Well, he did say one really nutty thing. “I think a lot of what we hear in the news is misleading and flat-out false,” said Nash seditiously, “so I think it’s important for us to think deeper. … People should try to educate themselves and learn so they can make an informed decision.”

Steve, Mr. Ashcroft will see you now.

In the real world, Nash’s comments were so innocuous and innocent as to be whispers in a Baghdad firefight. But apparently in Skippy’s little world of balls — I worked with Bayless in the late Seventies at The Dallas Morning News, though I was in the news department — athletes were put on earth to silently entertain the masses and not to have any unpleasant public thoughts that might stray from the playing field. Just tell us about the last-second shot, the four-iron on 18, beg the clichémeisters. What could you possibly have to say about the war?

Summoning all his moral courage, Bayless writes that Nash exhibited “the height of arrogance and audacity” and ridiculed him as sounding “like a Miss America contestant.” Sorry, girls, Mr. Bayless won’t be needing you either.

Dutifully, Bayless reassures us that he respects Nash’s right to protest. Gosh, thanks. But that’s just a cover for those who don’t fully get democracy. Bayless wants critics of the war to shut up. Period.

In Bayless’ Ozzie & Harriet vision of how things should be, John Carlos and Tommie Smith should never have raised their gloved black fists at the 1968 Olympics. Shut up and run, say Massuh Bayless. Muhammad Ali should have happily served in Vietnam. Curt Flood should have never challenged baseball’s system of indentured servitude. Gay athletes should stay in the closet.

It’s the athletic equivalent of keeping women barefoot and pregnant. Stay sweaty and dumb. We’ll do the talking.

Like other sages in his profession, Bayless has done his share of pedantic ranting about how ungrateful quasi-pro athletes never take college seriously and go on to live monosyllabic, self-absorbed lives of luxury as pros. But with Nash we have a thoughtful, self-effacing athlete who apparently still cracks a real book or two and, like it or not, found the courage to stand up for his beliefs in the face of opposition from many Americans, Mavericks owner Mark Cuban, and a host of bumpersticker patriots like Bayless.

We could use more Americans like this Canadian. And sports, in general, could use more, not fewer, professional athletes who aren’t afraid of jeopardizing their Taco Bell endorsements to speak their minds.

Bruce Selcraig, a former U.S. Senate investigator, contributes to The New York Times, Smithsonian, and Golf Magazine, among other publications. Reprinted by permission.

Categories
News

Thoughts in the Air

I was sitting at a gate at O’Hare International when President Bush announced the invasion of Iraq.

There was a subtle lowering of the chatter when Bush came on, and when he was done telling us that 280,000 of our fellow citizens would, within hours, be at war with thousands of citizens in a faraway land that none of us has ever seen, we all went back to our newspapers, novels, and Nintendos.

The president told us several interesting things about ourselves that night: that we are, for example, “a peaceful people, but not a fragile people.” I wondered what either one means. We are, after all, responding to the deaths of 3,000 people in America — an act perpetrated by people from Egypt and Saudi Arabia who were trained in Afghanistan and spent years in Germany and America — by using the largest army in the history of the world against Iraq. Is that peaceful?

He also told us that we “understand the costs of conflict because we have paid them in the past.” I thought of my fellow Americans in the terminal and the places we were headed for: Milwaukee, Detroit, Dallas, Anchorage, Los Angeles not one of which has ever seen an enemy plane in the sky or its citizens retreating to bomb shelters or life without electricity and clean water because some government blew up the works to settle some score with our government.

I thought of our carrier for the evening, American Airlines. It’ll be announcing bankruptcy soon, probably a month or two after the killing commences and everybody quits traveling for a while. This despite our government giving that airline millions and millions of our dollars to subsidize its miserably run operations. Bush, silver-spoon man that he is, might well have added that we’re a nation that rewards hard work, efficiency, and ingenuity.

I was flying just under the wire not only as a customer of American (or United or probably others that will soon be gone) but knowing that by the next morning we would probably be at some colorful state of alarm in the nation, with more vigorous luggage-scanning and longer lines at airports. This is what most Americans consider the “costs of conflict.”

I thought there might be some more attention paid at the gate, some conversation about war and suffering rather than baseball trades and the stock market, if this nation had actually seen war. I don’t hope that it happens — I wouldn’t want the kid playing tag with his mom to have to one day defend his home against a tank — but we do seem like a country that could use some grown-up perspective. Ever wonder why Europe wasn’t in such a rush for war this time around? Maybe it’s because Europe knows what it looks like.

Later, on the plane, I was cursed with the usual desire to write, from high in the sky, something profound and full of perspective. Somehow seeing a whole town or all of downtown Chicago through one tiny window makes one think that one can “see it all.” But it’s a mixed perspective in many ways. The Chicago skyline is a testament to the abilities of humankind to build things. But seeing a basketball arena built with hundreds of millions of taxpayer dollars so that we might be entertained, sitting next to ramshackle housing where thousands of people live with very little hope, can only make one wonder what we’re building. And why.

Looking out the window, I also thought that maybe this is what it looks like to a fighter pilot right before he lets the bombs go. I wondered how I would feel if my job were to destroy a town.

I’m not a head-in-the-sand pacifist or an expert in international affairs, but I have managed to kick around the world a little bit, and I’d like to think I have learned something about human beings. I have learned that, generally speaking, the more we know about each other, the more we care about each other and the more we respect each other’s views. I have also learned that, not despite but entirely because of our increasing attachment to technology, we are getting to know each other less and less. We are building shells around ourselves, telling ourselves that we can learn about human nature by watching people date on television, that we can learn about the world through Web sites, that we can create our happiness by purchasing things.

None of these things is correct. The greatest blessing in my life — after family, friends, and health — has been the perspective I’ve received from meeting people where they live and learning about what they do and who they are. I have had the pleasure of seeing America from outside America and knowing that even if you believe our lifestyle and society represent the pinnacle of human achievement (which I don’t happen to believe), there are other viable options out there that we could learn from.

I think the problem facing humanity in the bigger picture is not weapons of mass destruction but our desire to use them. And I think that the cure for that problem lies in expanding our horizons and getting to know each other in a spirit of humility, tolerance, and acceptance. Sure, it’s simple, perhaps even simplistic, but it’s all I have to offer from 30,000 feet up, when the world below is hurtling toward conflict.

Categories
Opinion Viewpoint

Tunnel Vision

In about a week, the Bush administration has done in Iraq what the Johnson administration took more than a year to do in Vietnam: opened a credibility gap. This one is about “the plan,” which the Bush administration describes as both “brilliant” and on schedule. As anyone can see — and as some field commanders keep saying — it is neither.

By rank, I rose no higher than Pfc. in the Army, so my inclination is simply to (smartly) salute my superiors and accept what they say. Nevertheless, I wonder about a timetable that increasingly threatens one of the stated goals of this war — to bring the manifest blessings of democracy to the entire Arab world. By the time we get around to doing that, the regimes we want reformed may well be history and replaced by ones that are at our throat.

Last winter in Europe I met with an important Arab leader who, like George Bush, wanted Saddam Hussein gone, but he wanted him gone quickly. Anything else — a war that dragged on — could cause lots of trouble. Television pictures of dead Iraqi civilians, the destruction of Baghdad, the natural desire to root for the underdog, and the already virulent hatred of the United States might prompt the storied “Arab street” to rise and threaten moderate regimes throughout the region.

I know, we’ve heard that before. But “before” was before the United States was so universally reviled as the protector of not only Israel but also the regimes hated by Islamic militants — Egypt, Saudi Arabia, Jordan, Pakistan, and the Gulf states. Even Turkey has turned out to be a dicey proposition. Public sentiment ran so strongly against the United States that Ankara decided to mostly sit out this war. It has cost us dearly.

Right now, assurances that pro-American regimes in the Muslim world will weather the current trouble sound uncomfortably similar to assurances that Hussein’s regime would instantaneously collapse and “Welcome, Yanks” banners would flap from every window in Iraq. The longer the war goes on — the more Fridays anti-American mullahs sermonize at their mosques — the greater the danger to pro-American regimes. The fact remains that moderate Arab and Islamic leaders are now scared. They fear their own people.

So if, as Don Rumsfeld and others say, the U.S. effort remains on schedule, then the question is why was this the schedule in the first place? In other words, wouldn’t it have been better to keep the diplomatic effort going — the additional month asked for by the six swing votes on the Security Council — so when war came, it came swiftly? An additional month would have meant that all U.S. forces would have been in the region, ready to go. As it is, the 4th Infantry Division still is not in place.

The answer is that the Bush administration really believed that the war would be brief — that “shock and awe” would work, that southern Iraq would rebel, and that some clear-thinking person close to Saddam would “exile” him with a bullet.

None of that has happened … yet. Maybe that’s because Iraqis are afraid of the goons in their midst, maybe they are waiting to see the outcome of the war, or maybe — just maybe — they hate the United States as much as they do Saddam but fear him more. Even after the U.S.-led coalition wins — and it will surely win — what has happened so far suggests that keeping the peace is going to be more difficult than expected. It just could be that administering Iraq after the war is going to be as expensive and dirty as some recently rebuked Pentagon planners have suggested.

Lyndon Johnson’s credibility gap turned out to be a mortal wound. He became such a polarizing figure that he limited himself to one elected presidential term. It is too soon to say that Bush is Johnson redux. Certainly the war in Iraq is nothing like the war in Vietnam. But what the two wars are beginning to have in common is a bristling arrogance coupled with an insistence that everything is going according to plan.

There’s almost certainly light at the end of this tunnel — but the tunnel is clearly longer than expected.

Richard Cohen writes for the Washington Post Writers Group.

Categories
Film Features Film/TV

Weird Science

I find it more than a little ironic that contemporary movie audiences, seeking escapism by means of mind-numbing movie pap, can turn to science fiction. You would think that the “science” part would imply that the film is more intelligently conceived than regular fiction. Not so. Witness: The Core. I would hate to have seen this with any kind of real scientist, as I am sure that he or she would be uncomfortably distracted by the parade of poorly conceived scientific plot calculations. However, when the Golden Gate Bridge collapses near the end (every other review of The Core mentions this, so I’m not ruining it, okay?), even a die-hard science whiz should be able to admit that it’s pretty cool.

The United States has preemptively developed a superweapon called DESTINI: a giant system of machines that can disrupt the Earth’s core and cause earthquakes in enemy countries. DESTINI, however, has gone awry, and said core has decided to stop spinning. I can’t explain how or why it spins, but there is some exposition early on that does, so you can take my word for it that this spinning business is important and that we’re screwed if it stops.

Aaron Eckhart (a poor man’s Bill Paxton, from Possession and Nurse Betty) plays Josh Keyes, a meticulously rumpled geophysics professor who is called upon by the government to explain some mysterious goings-on. In England, a rogue flock of freaked-out pigeons destroys a neighborhood. At night, the hauntingly beautiful Northern Lights can be seen everywhere. Such is what happens when the Earth’s core stops spinning. These are fun sequences (odd that such destruction is fun to watch, but it is), however audiences may squirm a bit when atmospheric disturbances force the space shuttle Endeavor to make a crash landing in the middle of Los Angeles. The scene is well-done (the shuttle gliding low over Dodger Stadium is sweet), but it’s still a little strange to see a shuttle in jeopardy so soon after our recent tragedy. Thank God it was Endeavor and not Columbia in the film. Anyway, Keyes enlists the aid of a Carl Sagan-like celebrity scientist (played smugly and over the top by Stanley Tucci) to help set the government straight on the consequences of Earth’s temperament. This is the film’s Dumb Scene. Keyes, explaining that the spinning Earth’s core provides electromagnetic microwaves that protect Earth from solar winds, asks if anyone in the room has a can of air freshener. Oddly, none of the U.S.’s top generals does, but one is found and he uses it as a flamethrower to torch a conveniently available peach to demonstrate what will happen to an unprotected Earth. The generals gasp and sigh, having apparently never before understood that the sun is hot.

The solution to the core problem: Nuke it. A dream team is developed, and, as in all movies of this variety, they are a ragtag bunch of disparate individuals who would otherwise never be found in the same kitchen. They include Hilary Swank as “Beck,” the plucky navigator from the recently salvaged shuttle, and Delroy Lindo as “Braz,” the reclusive inventor of a megalaser that can cut a hole through a mountain. A brief demonstration of this laser is proof enough for the government (and, by extension, the audience) that this laser, installed on a ship, can cut through thousands of miles on a journey to the center of the Earth. As Blanche on The Golden Girls might observe: “Let me get this straight. We can cut through thousands of miles of lava and rock with laser beams, all the way to the center of the Earth in an invincible ship with hundreds of thousands of pounds of pressure on every square inch, set off a nuclear device that restarts the entire planet, and we can’t come up with a decent-tasting fat-free cheese?”

I wanted more on-land disaster scenes. Once our team goes underground, the special effects get repetitive. Frankly, I have seen computer screensavers that are more impressive than some of the core footage. Whales are featured prominently at the beginning and end of the film and both appearances are silly. They look like cartoons at the beginning, and at the end it would seem as though a group of them makes a phone call to an aircraft carrier. I hope someone can explain this to me.

Regardless, as escapist “science” fiction, this one is okay, as it destroys the requisite amount of recognizable, iconic landmarks. (Here, the Roman Colosseum and the aforementioned bridge. Freedom-kissers everywhere may be disappointed that the Eiffel Tower is spared.) Real acting by Lindo almost spoils the fun, but otherwise The Core succeeds as good, peachy escapist fluff. — Bo List

A sensationalistic tale of street violence in the slums of Rio de Janeiro, the Brazilian import City of God seizes the viewer immediately, its energetic, explosive, instantly iconic opening sequence establishing an unmistakable tone and delivering a clear message: The City of God is a vibrant, dangerous place, and there’s no way out.

The film opens in the midst of a street festival — the swirling sounds of samba and staccato glimpses of a knife being prepped for slaughter slicing sharply against a stone as chickens in a nearby pen await decapitation and plucking. One chicken gets free from the pen and tries to escape, only to be chased by the sponsors of the festival. “In the City of God, if you run away they get you. If you stay, they get you too,” says the film’s narrator, Rocket (Alexandre Rodrigues), who finds himself face-to-face with the bird and caught between two rival gun-toting gangs: the Rio police and the adolescent drug-dealers who control the neighborhood.

Rocket, more an observer than actor, is in some ways a typical audience stand-in, but as an aspiring photographer who chose the camera over the gun to document his environment from the inside, he’s also as much a stand-in for director Fernando Meirelles, who marshaled an army of mostly adolescent nonprofessional actors for this chronicle of the street gangs formed by poor children in Rio de Janeiro. The film follows these organic criminal units from their origins on through to a full-throttle gang war that wipes out most of the central players and finally brings the conflict to the surface in the eyes of the media and government.

When Rocket is caught between the cops and gangsters in the film’s opening moments, the camera freezes on him, then the image rotates and morphs simultaneously to leap backward to the early days of the City of God, a huge housing project on the outskirts of Rio, with the older Rocket crouched in the street turning into a younger Rocket crouched in front of a soccer goal. Thus begins a long flashback that details the origins of gang life in the City of God, but just as crucial is this early and telling juxtaposition of low-tech content and high-tech style: The mise-en-scäne of the film is neorealist, but the cinematography, editing, and effects are hyperstylized, as if The Bicycle Thief had been reimagined through the post-CGI lens of Fight Club or The Matrix.

Visually, City of God is a film of tremendous ambition that rarely falters. Its use of hand-held camera and rapid editing lends the film an intimate, energetic mood and only enhances the power of the film’s few calmer moments, such as a slow, silent pan over the murdered remnants of a brothel holdup. But surrounding this primary style are myriad stylistic flourishes — the film’s promiscuous camera running the gamut from a ground-level point-of-view shot of the fleeing chicken to the detached overhead surveillance of a spy satellite as it follows the animal’s pursuers. Chopped into chapter-like segments, each with introductory titles, the film changes styles on the fly to fit different storytelling needs. One section, “The Story of the Apartment,” shows the evolution of a drug den in one static yet constantly morphing shot; another segment conveys the hierarchy of the drug trade — from messenger to lookout to soldier — with great visual rhythm and economy.

For better or worse, this is one foreign film likely to be easily accessible to American eyes precisely because of how much it borrows from the hip and hard-boiled side of Hollywood. As a gritty, wide-scope, decade-spanning gangster tale, it echoes Scorsese above all, with the film more a South American street-culture cousin to Goodfellas than a companion to that other Western Hemisphere debut showoff of recent years, Amores Perros, to which it has been compared. City of God‘s central figure, gang leader L’il Ze (Leandro Firmino da Hora), is the movie’s Joe Pesci — an asexual sociopath whose monstrous bloodlust, even as a child, seems totally unexplained by social conditions. And, like Goodfellas, City of God is also based on a true story. But the film’s time-hopping narrative and use of pop music owes as much to Tarantino. Its chaotic bloodletting is pure Peckinpah, and it may make better use of split-screen than anything since De Palma.

The City of God was built in the Sixties as a relocation program to move the poor and homeless away from tourist-friendly areas, a fact subtly alluded to in Rocket’s voiceover. There is poverty and ruin everywhere, from the dust-covered excuses for roads to the fragile, modest shacks the residents call home to the battalion of emaciated stray dogs that line the streets. There are many nods to social conditions in the film, from the obvious poverty to comments on limited employment options to intimations of police corruption, but not much is made of this. Rather than a message movie of any stripe, City of God is a relatively amoral gangster tale. The film itself doesn’t convey much palpable concern for the people on screen and, as a consequence, the viewer may not either. But this emotional blankness is used as a slate for an exercise in pure film style. The film doesn’t shy away from the brutality of its milieu; in fact, it wallows in it, exploiting the violence for cinematic kicks while only occasionally acknowledging the suffering underneath the noise. There’s enough of a disconnect here to give reflective viewers pause, but the ride is so frenetic and so gripping that you may not care until the credits roll. — Chris Herrington

Categories
News News Feature

CITY BEAT

THE PYRAMID AS CASINO

The idea of turning The Pyramid into a casino a few years from now may be a lot of things, but nuts is not one of them.

As an eyewitness to one of Charlie McVean’s hackney pony races with robot jockeys at the Mid-South Fairgrounds in 1987, the only recorded vote of the Tennessee Racing Commission in 1988, the opening of Splash Casino in Tunica in 1992, the opening of Harrah’s Casino in Robinsonville in 1994, and the tenth anniversary of Tunica as gambling center in 2002, I would put the Pyramid-as-casino proposal, at worst, halfway across on the nuttiness meter.

Major downtowns can exist with one or more casinos. Downtown Detroit has three. Downtown St. Louis has one. Downtown New Orleans has one. And Maryland, at the urging of a Republican governor, is considering putting slot machines at racetracks.

Is a Pyramid casino controversial? Of course. Politically difficult? Certainly. Would it be a considerable stretch to establish the legitimacy of tribal Indian land claims on Front Street? No doubt about it. Would a Memphis casino proposal be certain to draw ridicule and major opposition? Absolutely.

Well, getting the NBA to Memphis was controversial. AutoZone Park was difficult. Building the FedEx Forum was a stretch. Holding the Lennox Lewis vs. Mike Tyson fight in Memphis was widely ridiculed and opposed. And all those things happened because the right people wanted them to happen. A casino in The Pyramid could happen too, if the right people set their minds to it.

For starters, the question is not moot. Gambling is not banned by the Tennessee Constitution, as many people apparently believe it is.

“Except for lotteries, there is nothing in the state constitution prohibiting gambling, and the regulation of all types of gambling, other than lotteries, is a matter for determination by the General Assembly,” said the Tennessee Attorney General’s Office in 2001.

What is moot is the moral argument against casino gambling. Tunica took care of that. Memphians lose at least a few hundred million dollars a year gambling. Mississippi and Tunica County get all the tax benefits and development and don’t contribute one penny to Memphis or Shelby County in return.

So what do you suppose will happen to The Pyramid after the Grizzlies move? Let’s suppose four scenarios.

  • The University of Memphis men’s basketball team stays put in The Pyramid, and the building gets sloppy seconds on concerts and other events after the Grizzlies exercise right of first refusal.

  • U of M follows the Grizzlies to FedEx Forum, and The Pyramid becomes a vast shopping mall centered around something like a Bass Pro Shop.

  • The Pyramid is torn down 15 years after it opened, falling somewhat short of the life expectancy of the ancient pyramids of Egypt.

  • The Pyramid becomes a casino with a hotel similar to its golden lookalike, Luxor in

    Las Vegas, with an attraction at the top and an inclinator.

    In the first two scenarios, the building’s debt service and operating subsidy remain the responsibility of the public sector. In scenario Two, the public bears the cost of what would surely be a healthy subsidy to attract a private developer. In scenario Three, the cost of demolition and public ridicule are borne by the public sector.

    In scenario Four, all development costs of the casino and hotel plus debt service are borne by the private sector. Unless, that is, you don’t believe that a single casino company would have any interest in the rights to a downtown casino and hotel in Memphis.

    There are Memphians — former Holiday Inns and Promus CEO Mike Rose is one who comes to mind — who have forgotten more than most people will ever know about the casino and hotel business. Or a Memphis casino could steal a little talent from Tunica.

    Inventing an Indian tribe to own the casino on “tribal lands” is seen as a way to get gambling through the back door but has its problems. No tax money goes to the state.

    As for the Tennessee General Assembly, H. L. Mencken once said, “The typical lawmaker of today is a man wholly devoid of principle — a mere counter in a grotesque and knavish game. If the right pressure could be applied to him he would be cheerfully in favor of polygamy, astrology, or cannibalism.”

    A READER’S RESPONSE:

    You are SOOOOOOOOOOOO right!! Why does Memphis always have to be last at everyfrigginthing? I have lived here on and off since the age of 10 (I am now 49), and I remember coming here as a child and thinking, “what a crappy assed place”! Nothing to do. I came from Jacksonville, Florida where we had wonderful theatre, ICE skating, dance, etc…. I hate Memphis and if I had not lived in Los Angeles I guess I wouldn’t know the difference between a metropolis and a dump.

    I say we fire every single city council member over the age of 40 and go with an equal mix of ethnicities!! It’s TIME (way past time) for the citizens of this city to get off their collective asses!!

    Enjoyed your insight. Keep up the great work.

    Cathi Ashton-Thomas

  • Categories
    News

    NATIONAL COMMERCE SETTLES RETIREMENT PLAN LAWSUIT

    National Commerce Financial Corp. (NCFC) took a hit against earnings this week due to an agreement to settle a lawsuit against its First Mercantile Bank (FMT) subsidiary over 401(k) retirement plans.

    As The Memphis Flyer first reported, last December Corky’s Bar-B-Q sued NCF and First Mercantile over fees charged to 401(k) clients. A month later, on January 29, 2003, Corky’s voluntarily withdrew from the lawsuit, leaving Farm & Industrial Supply Company as the plaintiff. The Commercial Appeal never got the news, and on Thursday it reported “NCFC settles suit by Corky’s.”

    The settlement, which has not yet been filed in federal court in Memphis, gives the plaintiffs $18 million, including $10.7 million in cash and $7.3 million in future fee reductions. NCFC took a charge of 6 to 7 cents per share against first-quarter earnings because of the settlement.

    Although thousands of investors in company retirement plans paid the high fees, they aren’t likely to get much money. The purported class-action suit had originally sought $700 million. Lawyers will get much of the settlement. Richard Glassman, William Burns, and R. Douglas Hanson represent the plaintiffs, while the Glankler Brown law firm represents NCFC. The list of attorneys in the federal court docket jacket takes up more than two pages.

    The plaintiffs claimed that First Mercantile charged annual fees of 2.1 to 2.3 percent while leading clients to believe they were paying roughly 1.5 percent. The lawsuit essentially blamed losses in the company’s 401(k) account on the fee structure, although plunging stock prices in the 15-20 percent annual range took a far greater toll.

    NCFC acquired FMT, based in Cordova, in 2000 to take over management of retirement plans under its advisement. At the time NCFC was losing a number of accounts, including Contemporary Media, the parent company of this newspaper, because of service problems and other complaints. FMT, on the other hand, has seen assets under management grown nearly seven-fold since 1995.

    Categories
    We Recommend We Recommend

    thursday, 3

    I apologize in advance for harping on the same thing from week to week, but I can t help it. After skipping past the war coverage in The Commercial Appeal, after ripping the sports page out to find out if the Grizzlies have won the night before, after flipping the page that contains the latest installment of The Monkey King series (what is that all about?), I head straight for, you guessed it, my favorite newspaper columnist of all time, Dr. Gott. It is an obsession and again, I just can t help it. I want his job. While he sometimes writes about really boring things like heart rhythms and high blood pressure, he is never one to shy away from the stranger aspects of modern medicine and ailments. Just last week, he answered a writer who was wondering what he could do to take the offensive smell out of his flatulence. I think the good Doc told him to try Beano and to stay away from baked beans. A good and just answer. But in another column last week, he addressed a much more interesting issue: hernias derived from testicles not forming normally and strangulated bowel problems. MUCH better. Before birth, he wrote, a male s testicles form and develop in the abdominal cavity. At or near birth, the testicles descend through tunnels (one on each side) called the inguinal canals, into the scrotum. At the conclusion of this process, the inguinal canals normally close over. Sometimes, however, they don t, and babies are born with inguinal hernias, openings in the lower abdominal wall through which loops of intestine can protrude. Well, how nasty is that? I thought birth was supposed to be a beautiful thing, not some horrible nightmare of testicles descending through tunnels and loops of intestines protruding. And you women think you have it tough. The good Doc then goes on to say, By themselves, inguinal hernias are harmless. Excuse me? Someone s testicles didn t descent properly through the right tunnels and intestines are protruding and that is harmless? I think I would be something of a wreck about that. But not as much a wreck as if I had one of these peculiar hernias and had to do what the good Doc recommends: For those people who reject surgery, I instruct them on how to reduce their hernias by lying on their backs and gently manipulating the herniated tissue back through the defect. This is astounding. And outstanding. See why I want this guy s job? Telling people to manipulate their hernias because their testicles are messed up and they have strangled intestines that protrude from somewhere exactly where, he doesn t say and it s probably a good thing. Well, good Doc, I have a question for you myself, even though it s more psychological than medical. See, I lose my eyeglasses every night. When I wake up in the morning, I have to spend an inordinate amount of time searching for them, which is rather difficult since I can t see very far away without them. I have to crawl around on my hands and knees like a raccoon trying to spot something shiny in my attempt to find them. I usually find several empty cigarette packs that look like glasses from afar because of the reflective plastic on them. I move furniture. I check the refrigerator. The garbage can. Under the bed. Under the cat. Finally, after tearing the house apart, I usually find them right under my nose. Is there a name for this condition and how can it be cured? Until I hear from you, keep up the good work on testicles and scrotums. So there. And now I will stop all this nonsense and get around to the real point of all of this: what s going on around town this week. Tonight is opening night of this weekend s Ballet Memphis: Special Event at Central Station, a special performance at the South Main Arts District s Central Station, choreographed by associate artistic director Karl Condon. The Memphis Redbirds are up and at it, playing Albuquerque tonight at AutoZone Park (and Friday, and Saturday). And tonight s big, big bash is the Premier Player Awards, hosted by the local chapter NARAS. This year, the celebration honors one of the greatest recording labels of all time, Willie Mitchell s Hi Records. Tonight s show features, among others, the incomparable Hi recording star, Ann I Can t Stand the Rain Peebles. And it just doesn t get much better than this.

    Categories
    Politics Politics Feature

    PHIL’S BOY

    from The Nashville Scene:

    With the legislature still in low gear and the dynamics of new Gov. Phil Bredesen’s relationship with the General Assembly still developing, the question of who will be the governor’s key ally in the state Senate is still open. But, the early betting line is beginning to favor Memphis Democrat Jim Kyle.

    Unlike the larger state House, where the governor can work through the established leadership structure headed by Speaker Jimmy Naifeh, the Senate has been fairly chaotic since 1987, when John Wilder broke up the partisan structure to hang on to his job as Senate speaker. Since then, the 81-year-old Wilder’s leadership has been increasingly focused on his own survival, and many of the other key leadership spots are held by superannuated members. Moreover, the departure of Bob Rochelle, who had been the de facto Senate leader for a decade, has also left a void.

    Kyle holds no particular portfolio, other than as vice chairman of the finance committee, but he is an able, astute veteran senator with a moderate outlook in line with the governor’s views.

    Of course, as long as the only thing Bredesen is doing is cutting the budget, as opposed to finding ways to raise more money, he’s getting along great with the Republicans. The area he’s having the most problems with now relates to setting up the state lottery, where Sen. Steve Cohen, who has worked on the issue for nearly 20 years, is eager to push ahead with the program, while Bredesen wants to take a more cautious approach.

    Not incidentally, Cohen and Kyle may share a hometown, but they’ve been bitter foes for most of their careers.

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    wednesday, 2

    Memphis Grizzlies against San Antonio at The Pyramid. Di Anne Price at the Madison Hotel. Urban Audio Collage with the Soulshower DJs at MÇlange. And now I must go. As always, I really don’t care what you do this week, because I don’t even know you, and unless you can get Memphis in May to switch thisyear’s honored country to France (think of the international PR coup), then I feel rather certain that I don’t want to meet you. Besides, it’s time for me to blow and go watch some reruns of Family Affair and see if they’ve dubbed in the characters of Buffy and Jody saying, “But Mr. Freedom!” instead of Mr. French. Or just see what kind of left-wing, liberal knee-jerk reaction I can have next. The season is ripe. Like brie.

    T.S.

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    LIFESTYLES OF THE RICH AND FAMOUS

    Ozzy Osbourne after a night out on Beale, 1984