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MOLDY WEINER

On Friday, March 5th, The Commercial Appeal scooped every other media outlet in town when it ran a tragic story about a doomed hot-dog truck in Des Moines, Iowa. There was a giant weenie roast on Interstate 380, the story began, but there was no mustard for many a mile marker. A truck carrying more than 20 tons of Oscar Mayer turkey franks caught fire and the intoxicating aroma of roasting hot dogs mixed with the acrid smell of burning rubber, turning the otherwise peaceful Iowa landscape into a perfect vision of hell.

What the CA failed to mention was that this horrible event took place four months ago in November 2003. Of course, if you haven t read it yet, it s still old news — all the way from Des Moines.

Plante: How It Looks

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sunday, 21

Thrio featuring Gene Rush, Renardo Ward, & Tim Goodwin is at CafÇ Soul followed by The Melvin Rogers Big Band. And Di Anne Price & Her Boyfriends are at Huey s Midtown this afternoon followed tonight by Dave Cousar s Surface-To-Air.

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News News Feature

FIRST HOPE LOTTERY SCHOLARS

GOOD DAY FOR GENEVIEVE: At the express request of Governor Phil Bredesen, Genevieve Cohen (center), mother of state Senator Steve Cohen (left), took her bows Friday at a ceremony at the University of Memphis honoring 20 brand-new Hope Lottery Scholars from Memphis and Shelby County. Mrs. Cohen also received a tribute from Memphis’ Morris Fair, a member of the state Lottery Board, who told her, “You reproduce well!”

That, of course, was a compliment as well to Sen. Cohen, who received praise, too, as “the father of the lottery,” from Bredesen, a sometime antagonist during last year’s legislative battles over constituting the state lottery structure.

Following is a list of the local Hope scholars, their high schools, and their chosen destinations of higher learning:

  • Amber M. Casem Ridgeway H.S., University of Tennessee, Knoxville
  • Teundrawl N. Coleman, Frayser H.S., Undecided
  • DeShawn J. Davenport, East H.S., University of Tennessee, Knoxville
  • Brittany L. Forbes, Wooddale H.S., University of Memphis
  • Candice L. Gray, Craigmont H.S., Rhodes College
  • Jordan E. Hewitt, Mitchell H.S. , Undecided
  • Jacob S. Kleiman, White Station H.S., Undecided
  • Truc Nhu Ba Le, Overton H.S., Christian Brothers University
  • Brandon J. Patterson, Germantown H.S., University of Memphis
  • KeShunda M. Pittman, Raleigh-Egypt H.S., Tennessee State University
  • Kelvin L. Pollard, Whitehaven H.S., Austin Peay State University
  • Jarvis J. Randall, Cordova H.S., University of Tennessee, Knoxville
  • Heather L. Ross, Bolton H.S., Rhodes College
  • Fabio A. Sarria, Central H.S., Christian Brothers University
  • Dionne M. Smith, Westwood H.S., University of Memphis
  • Tasia H. Todd, Booker T. Washington H.S., Christian Brothers University
  • James Austin Walne, Collierville H.S., University of Tennessee, Knoxville
  • Earl A. Wynne, Hamilton H.S., Undecided

    JUDGE FIELDS SWORN IN

    Gathering at a reception after the swearing-in Friday of new Circuit Court Judge Donna Fields were (l to r) Circuit Court Judge George Brown, Paula Casey, General Sessions Judge Phyllis Gardner, and Judge Fields. Governor Phil Bredesen officiated at the ceremony, which was held in the old Supreme Court chambers on the third floor of the Shelby County Courthouse. Judge Fields replaces the retired Judge Robert Lanier.

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    saturday, 20

    Here we go: Cheap Trick is at the New Daisy tonight. Yes. The Grizzlies are back at it tonight playing Indiana with some very special entertainment and some great announcements during the breaks. Preston Shannon is at B.B. King s. Tha Movement with Soul featuring Dave Agape and Will Graves is at The Lounge. The Dempseys are at the Flying Saucer. And The Sallymacs are at the Blue Monkey Midtown.

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    News The Fly-By

    DEATH AND FAXES

    A press release from the Kansas Coalition for Life came rolling off the Pesky Fly s fax machine last week. According to KCFL, Mel Gibson s The Passion of the Christ parallels late-term abortion. Here s what the pro-lifers have to say about big Mel s sacred snuff-flick: First. the inhumane brutality depicted on screen … is remark ably similar to the inhumane brutality depicted in the photos of the mutilated bodies of late-term aborted babies who died a painful death, either before they were born, or while they were being born. … Second, the parallel of innocence is hard to miss … every abortion death is, in a literal sense, a crucifixion of an innocent person. The third obvious parallel [is] the complete failure of the judicial system.

    The last time we checked, abortion clinics had abandoned the practice of nailing aborted fetuses to tiny little crosses, so we re not exactly sure how every abortion death is a literal crucifix ion, but we are in total agreement with the KCFL. Life may not begin until 40, but by the time a fetus is 33 years old, it s too old to be aborted.

    Plante: How It Looks

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    News

    MORE TIME IN CHILD CUSTODY CASE

    Litigants in the custody case of a 5-year-old Chinese girl were back in court Friday, with the plaintiffs’ attorneys asking for more time to prepare their closing arguments, which were scheduled to begin on Monday, March 22.

    Presiding judge Robert Childers granted a three-week extension, allowing lawyers for all parties until April 12 to prepare their statements. However, Childers will hear arguments on pending motions on Monday, as scheduled. Testimony in the case ended on March 2.

    During the trial Childers heard testimony from the biological parents, Jack and Casey He, as well as from the custodial parents, Jerry and Louise Baker. At issue is their permanent custody of Anna Mae He, who was voluntarily placed in foster care by the Hes. The Bakers, who have had custody of the child since she was 3 weeks old, say the Hes failed to visit or provide support for their daughter during a four-month period, and should therefore have their parental rights terminated. The Hes say they placed Anna Mae in the Bakers’ care with the understanding that the agreement was temporary and that they would get her back.

    At the end of the trial, both sides had initially agreed that the time allotted for closing arguments was adequate. But Linda Holmes, attorney for the child’s guardian, and Larry Parrish, the Bakers’ attorney, filed a motion for the additional time after more information became available Wednesday. Holmes detailed seven motions pending before the court, including expulsion of testimony by four expert witnesses heard during the case, and reported her request to reopen the case by submitting affidavits of additional information from two of her witnesses.

    She said Parrish and guardian Kim Mullins recalled a “no contact” order initiated by the initial judge in the case, D.J. Alissandratos, barring the Hes from interaction with Anna Mae. “There were statements made in the testimony that the order had been drawn up sort of in secret by myself and the judge. But I went back and checked notes made by my paralegal that involve a phone conversation with [all parties, including the Hes’ attorney] that clearly show that the origin of the order started there.”

    The Hes, who had previously been accused by Parrish of delaying proceedings in the case, were disappointed with the judge’s decision. “Today [the plaintiffs’ attorneys] are trying to find an excuse to avoid responsibility and come up with something to keep us away from our daughter. This is just another trick by them,” said Mr. He.

    “Our clients are extremely frustrated and this delay only works against them,” said the Hes’ attorney Richard Gordon. As for reopening the case for additional testimony, neither Gordon nor his partner in the case David Siegel, believed anything in the record warranted such an action.

    “We’ve got too many hours in this to rush to an ending,” said Parrish. “No stay [of the case] has been issued. This is just a request for more time.”

    Along with Holmes’ pending motions, Siegel and Gordon have additional pending motions for their side, include a motion to dismiss the entire case against their clients. “I was ready to make my closing statements at 8 on the night that the testimony ended,” said Siegel.

    Lawyers will also be required to complete their conclusion of law and findings of fact summaries a week prior to the April date. Childres has 30 days after closing arguments to rule in the case.

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    friday, 19

    Tonight s art openings are at: Second Floor Contemporary Gallery for work by Ann Tsantir; Delta Axis at Marshall Arts for an exhibit of performance art and documentations of performance art from around the country; FRONTspace on Marshall for work by Charles Bopp; Durden Gallery for paintings by L. Gordon; DCI Gallery for work by Mike Klung; and if you feel like a little drive down to Oxford, there s an opening reception at Southside Gallery for paintings by Stephanie Eggleston Harrover and Cedric Smith and photography by Jack Spence. It s opening night of Tennessee Williams classic A Streetcar Named Desire at Theatre Memphis. At the Hi-Tone tonight 2 Chicks & A Broom present V-Night Benefit featuring The Dearest Darlins, Bella Sun, Mad Happy, and DJ Saturna. And, as always, The Chris Scott Band is at Poplar Lounge.

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    News News Feature

    WEBRANT

    CAL THOMAS, WED TO BIGOTRY

    A favorite political science professor once told us that one cannot consider himself fully informed about an issue unless he knows what opposing camps believe. This dictum is the only thing that keeps me reading the right wing rantings of Cal Thomas.

    Anyone familiar with his column cannot have been surprised at his support for a constitutional amendment prohibiting gay marriage, claiming that “the majority of us . . .want to keep marriage for heterosexuals only.” Thomas’ moral majority gets its authority via a Christian deity from whom all moral standards emanate, including the concept of “fair.” His god, having proclaimed homosexuality sinful, makes it impossible to believe that extending the rights and rites of marriage to homosexuals is “fair” because fair is a moral standard, all standards come from the hand of God, and all God’s standards are immutable. The Cartesian Circle has nothing on Thomas’ merry-go-round logic.

    In his usual Chicken Little rhetoric, the word marriage even appears in quotes, making sure his readers understand that a connubial contract between those of the same sex is patent nonsense. But as is often the case with those who are in sole possession of “the truth” there is no attempt to subject their dogma to objective thought or even historical reality. So long as the Bible can be trotted out in support of The World According to Zealots, no examination of man’s tortuous and unevenly paved path toward civil society has even to be conducted.

    As a matter of historical signficance, marriage was first and foremost a social and economic union. In an essay about the absence of male-headed black families more than a decade ago, William Raspberry stated rather handily the calculus of the connubial contract: for millennia, men exchanged love for sex; women exchanged sex for love, and that without such an understanding, men do not hang around to provide for their offspring. Despite Thomas’ fervent wish to ascribe religious design to this compact, it is more likely that the agreement between the sexes appeared over time as a practical response to the very different biological drives of the sexes. It certainly makes for better mythology that marriage arose in the flash of a Biblical revelation handed down from a mountain, but literary fancies should not drive the legal code.

    Whatever one believes about the religious origins of marriage, there is little question that the institution was designed to protect the offspring that were necessary for the propagation and prosperity of the species.

    The Bible was neither the first nor the only effort to codify human behavior. In Babylon some 4,000 years ago, The Code of Hammurabi very clearly set out the rights and responsibilities of marriage, among other contracts. Centuries later, Plato dissected politics and civil society in The Republic and Gorgias to name but two of his works. All laws, including those that govern marriage, are merely man’s attempt to insure that the interests of competing parties are fairly decided. Marriage is but one way to assure domestic tranquility and performs the same function as traffic lights–to keep the rights of one person from colliding with another. To imbue it with ethereal significance is not only presumptuous on the part of religious zealots, but is their attempt to violate that portion of the First Amendment that proscribes governmental establishment of religion.

    Interestingly, marriage as a well established legal institution has a rather rocky past. Once upon a time, common law “marriages” between men and women were in fact, quite common, there not being a widely available judicial infrastructure in places where the closest neighbor was miles away. In much of Colonial America, it is estimated that over half of brides were with child by the time the law recognized their unions, if ever. In time, common law marriages were abolished because they were too easily dissolved without protection for women and children, who, until very recently, had few legal rights. It was only in the last century, the one in which Cal Thomas and I were both born, that women were allowed to vote and children enjoyed widespread protection from exploitation.

    So if Biblical standards are indeed “immutable” what is one to make of the fact that women, children and blacks were once thought to be the property of other men? The constancy of Biblical law was invoked then, too, to sustain institutions of abject unfairness and to counter any argument that society must recognize a change in legal status over time. Did these injustices come from the same god whose “truth” never changes?

    Days after Thomas spewed his vitriol at advocates of marriage equality, he lambasted Spain for wanting to withdraw their troops from Iraq. The war on terror he said, is a world war to protect “personal freedom, religious pluralism and individual conscience.” Apparently “personal” and “individual” are the sole province of fundamentalist Christians who embrace religious pluralism as long as it comes in only one version–theirs. That he does not see the parallels between the theocratic justifications of the terrorists and his own desire to impose his religious ideals on his fellow Americans is a case straight out of the book of Matthew, chapter 7, verse 3: “And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?”

    Since I do not pretend to know the will of God, I cannot say what laws are immutable, but one thing never changes–mankind’s use of religion to impose his will on others.

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    Opinion Viewpoint

    A Parallel Planet

    How much fun can one administration have? More dead GIs. New record trade deficit. Stock market plunges. The new Spanish prime minister says the occupation in Iraq is a “continuing disaster” and he’s pulling his troops out. Still no jobs. And then the guy who was supposed to be the new jobs czar turns out to have laid off 75 of his own workers and then built a $3 million factory in China to employ 165 Chinese people. Whoever has the aspirin concession at the White House must be making a fortune.

    The unfortunate matter of the would-be jobs czar came at a particularly awkward moment. More than six months ago, President Bush promised to appoint a “manufacturing czar” at the Commerce Department. As the Center for American Progress points out, since then we’ve lost another 250,000 manufacturing jobs. Bush was on his way to Ohio last week, where the economy has just been hemorrhaging jobs, to “focus on jobs.” He actually claimed, “We’re creating jobs — good, high-paying jobs for the American citizen.”

    The guy is living on some parallel planet. Bush chose Anthony Raimondo, CEO of a manufacturing company in Nebraska, to be the jobs czar, which would have worked out better if Raimondo hadn’t just outsourced those 165 jobs to China. The Web site the Daily Misleader found a truly impressive convergence between Bush’s top campaign contributors and the corporations that have outsourced the most jobs abroad. Bush has gotten $440,000 and the Republican Party has gotten $3.6 million from the corporations that have outsourced the most jobs, including American Express, Bechtel, and several computer companies.

    Even if the globalizers are right, and outsourcing every manufacturing job in America, which is pretty much where we’re headed, is a terrific idea, what does it take to get the “good, high-paying jobs” Bush claims they’re creating?

    In theory, the new jobs will be “brain jobs” in biotechnology and other forms of advanced applied science, plus the creative fields, and for that you need scientists, entrepreneurs, creative people, and intellectuals. Basically, everybody Bush doesn’t like.

    He’s shown so much favoritism to the big corporations, I don’t see how he can claim to even like entrepreneurs. He’s consistently replaced scientists on government advisory boards with religious activists. He’s ignored scientific reports that indicate his various policies either don’t work or are actually harmful.

    This White House has changed and rewritten reports made by government scientists, particularly in the area of the environment. Bush kissed off biotechnology with the stem-cell research decision. And he’s not in favor of green technology because he continues to subsidize extractive and polluting industries with tax breaks. How do they ever expect this thing to work?

    Apparently, they think they can just lie about it. Last month, Bush released a personally signed report claiming his economic plan would create 2.6 million new jobs. Then he had to “distance himself,” as they say in Washington, from that absurdity. Then Labor Secretary Elaine Chao appeared before Congress last week to claim Bush never actually signed the report.

    What can you say about an administration that threatens to fire people if they tell the truth to Congress?

    The latest example of this charming policy is the case of Richard Foster, chief actuary at the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services. Knight-Ridder News Service reported in an exclusive that Foster’s boss at the time, Thomas Scully, wrote “a direct order not to respond to certain requests and instead to provide the responses to him and warned about the consequences of insubordination.”

    Scully was sitting on the rather pertinent information that Foster’s cost estimates on the prescription drug bill were $100 billion higher than Congress was willing to go. You may recall the prescription drug bill — which is practically no help to seniors and is a giant payoff to Bush’s big contributors in the pharmaceutical industry — passed the House on a 216 to 215 vote after the Republicans held the vote open for hours.

    Many Republicans were unhappy with the bill and vowed not to vote for it if it cost more than $400 billion in the first 10 years. Foster had a whole series of estimates that put the bill at over $500 billion. In January, the White House said the cost would be $540 billion.

    Rep. Pete Stark, D-Calif., said, “Tom Scully told my staff that Rick Foster would be ‘fired so fast his head would spin’ if he released this information to us.” Last summer, Scully told the Associated Press: “They don’t have the right on the Hill to call up my actuary and demand things. These people work for the executive branch, period.”

    Scully said he would release the analysis, “if I feel like it.” Uh, actually, “Mr. Scully’s people” work for the taxpayers of this country and so does he, and we’re represented in Washington by the Congress.

    We are also of the opinion that Congress writes better legislation when it has some idea — within a hundred billion or so — what the damn law will cost us.

    Molly Ivins writes for Creators Syndicate and the Fort Worth Star-Telegram.

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    thursday, 18

    Finally. Whew. Amen. For a while there, I was beginning to wonder if John Kerry had any personality at all and I was finding it very hard to get excited about him at all. After all, the man doesn t really have facial expressions and that sort of monotone, shrill politico-speak voice of his was grating on my nerves. Not that I wasn t going to vote for him. But I just wasn t thrilled. And while I m still not thrilled, I must say that Kerry s remarks the other day when he didn t realize the microphones were still on gave me much hope. Calling the Bush administration liars and crooked was the best thing he has done so far in his campaign. And the White House goons had the audacity to ask for an apology. But he didn t. He didn t back down. Now, if he would just come on and use that as the theme of his campaign, maybe we ll be able to pull a Spain and get the current administration out. And speaking of Spain, kudos to the Memphis Grizzlies for their recognition of the tragedy. And to the people of Memphis for showing Pau so much support. On the day the news broke, I was afraid it was going to get the typical it didn t happen to us so let s not make a big deal out of it response. It initially got the grand total of about three minutes on the morning news show I was watching, sandwiched in between much more important news, like what Martha Stewart s aunt s lawn man s sister s pet groomer s 16-year-old babysitter best friend thinks about her conviction, a full and lengthy analysis of Donald The Comb-over Trump s reasons for firing people on his reality television show, and a report from the show s Hollywood gossip correspondent about a new line of towels and handbags embossed with the phrase I heart-symbol -here Botox. But as soon as it began to appear that the Madrid terror attacks might have been because of the war in Iraq, it certainly started getting much more coverage. And God bless the people of Spain, they took to the streets and then took their opposition to the war to the polls. But enough about politics. It has come to my attention that I have angered some people by calling the president names, and I believe everyone should love everyone and there should be peace on Earth and all that. So I am now going to try to be nice and not write about him. So there. Now. Did anyone else happen to catch Dateline NBC the other night? Liza Minelli and Lorna Luft, Judy Garland s daughters, especially Liza, what with the way she is in the news now as a mess even bigger than her mother, appearing on a nationally televised interview wearing sweatshirts? That s almost as bad as Sophia Coppella stumbling up the stairway to get her statue for best director at the Golden Globes wearing flats. They may have even been loafers. I couldn t even watch her on the Oscars for fear that she might have done the same thing. And how does Liza keep losing and gaining such giant amounts of weight? I can t lose three pounds to save my life no matter how many substances I ingest. And let me say that on the Dateline show, not only was Lorna Luft wearing a sweatshirt, but she was also wearing a necklace with an L shaped pendent on it. And it looked like fake diamonds. Kind of like one of the many of letter-shaped necklaces you might find in a truck stop, or in a bad catalog for the great unwashed. It was pretty scary. Almost as scary as . . . oops, I almost did it again. I was going to write something mean about the president. It s like a natural reflex. But since I am trying to love all of mankind, I won t do it. I ll just think nice thoughts about him when I can come up with some. In the meantime, here s a look at some of what s going on around town this week. Tonight s Third Thursdays: Art After Dark at The Dixon at The Dixon Gallery and Gardens features cheesecake, a watercolor demonstration, and a showing of the film Eat Drink Man Woman. The Grizzlies play Seattle tonight. Tonight s The Art of Good Taste at the Madison Hotel is a Memphis Brooks Museum of Art fund-raiser and features a four-course dinner and wines from Oregon. And Erykah Badu is in concert at Sam s Town.