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We Recommend We Recommend

monday, 5

Native Son at the P&H. Virgin College Megatour at U of M with Michelle Branch, Rooney, Michael Tolcher, and Joe Firstman.

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News News Feature

FROM MY SEAT

BASEBALL: A TIME FOR RHYME

The crack of a bat, the slap of a mitt,

Opening Day is upon us, let’s pitch, let’s hit!

What to expect, for whom do we cheer?

New teams for new faces . . . some we held dear.

A-Rod’s a Yankee, Maddux a Cub,

Do the rich get richer, or is there a rub?

Clemens in Houston? J.D. Drew a Brave?

It’s up to Mr. Pujols, Cardinal Nation to save.

Let’s start in the National League, East as it were,

The world champion Marlins should create quite a stir.

Fourteen years it’s been since the Braves weren’t on top,

Billy Wagner in Philly will have the Joneses to stop.

The NL Central a two-team race, Cubs and Astros?

The Cardinals appear, alas, to have a leak in their hose.

Starting pitching wins you rings, Mr. Pettitte has four,

Reds, Brewers, Pirates . . . denied at the door.

The NL West still has Bonds, Helton, the Big Unit,

If this sport were a guitar, Felipe Alou could sure tune it.

David Wells is a Padre and older than the Dodgers’ GM,

His only drug, Barry claims, is his Tylenol PM.

The AL East, by George, now that’s a two-team battle.

Schilling and Pedro, on these horses, Boston’s saddle.

Tino! Tino! Cry the Yankee fans for their hero,

The Cards’ contract to Martinez, it seems, should have lost a zero.

Pudge is now catching Detroit’s eager staff,

The Twins are AL Central corn, though, the Tigers merely chaff.

Ordonez, Beltran, Mientkiewicz, and Hunter,

These stars are worth watching, on most radars . . . way under.

Best division in baseball? AL West is my choice,

With Guerrero an Angel, Anaheim should run like a Royce.

The A’s with their pitching, the M’s with Suzuki,

The Rangers? Without A-Rod, they’re looking like . . . dookie.

Eck and Molly are heading to the Hall,

As for Charlie Hustle . . . he had a great fall!

“My Prison Walls”? C’mon Pete, smell the roses,

For liars and cheats, Pinocchio’s nose is.

Can the Marlins repeat their glorious run?

Beckett’s back, as is Lowell, even minus Pudge . . . should be fun.

And as for those Yankees, Murderer’s Row yes indeed,

But in a five-game series, pitching overcomes greed.

What of our Redbirds, Season Seven on deck,

Haynes, Gall, and Seabol are back last I checked.

Big Adam Wainwright has an arm well worth watching,

Might dupe the success of Jason Simontacchi.

Haren, Journell, Memphis pitchers under the scope,

Cardinal fortunes in St. Louis are with young arms, they hope.

Danny Sheaffer returns to captain this ship,

The whole coaching staff happily retained for the trip.

A new ballpark in St. Louis, set to open in ‘06,

Mid-market economics, the new yard cannot fix.

With Pujols newly signed, thoughts are with Renteria,

For homers and sluggers are no panacea.

On the subject of sluggers, there’s none better than Sammy,

With pitchers galore, Wrigley Field’s double-whammy.

And as for those Astros, forty-plus with no pennant,

Biggio and Bagwell, three words will suffice: “Let’s win it!”

Six months till the playoffs, 30 teams, but eight slots.

Come the dog days of August, we’ll count the best shots.

Till then, find your team and pull for them hard,

Buy a bobblehead, or at least a bubble-gum card.

Baseball is back, winter done, the only gloves leather,

Time for green grass, Cracker Jack, sunny weather.

So embrace your team, your player, the box score,

For come late October, you’ll be wishing for more.

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We Recommend We Recommend

sunday, 4

Garrison Starr at the Hi-Tone. Kirk Smithhart at the Blue Monkey Midtown.

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News The Fly-By

DRIVING WHILE AROUSED

USA Today reported that Olive Branch resident Kathy Holden, while driving down the road, not minding her own business, observed an X-rated film being screened inside a Humvee. I was very shocked, Holden told the newspaper, which claimed that the 41-year-old Holden still has a difficult time talking about what she saw 18 months ago (italics ours). Still shaken after 18 months? Were the films lascivious stars somehow extra-nekkid?

Plante: How It Looks

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We Recommend We Recommend

saturday, 3

Okay, now I am really running out of space, so here goes: opening reception at Clip Joint Gallery tonight for work by Barry Joyce; For the Lover In You concert at the Cannon Center; Crawfish Dash and Bash festival in Overton Square; and Uptown Square Gala at Uptown Square Apartments with auction and live music to benefit the Memphis Gay & Lesbian Community Center.

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News The Fly-By

Cleaning Up Their Act

They’ve had their chances, and if several residents of the Colonial Acres neighborhood in East Memphis don’t clean up in the next week or so, they’ll be cited for code-enforcement violations. A community-wide clean-up project netted 156 addresses that have remained in violation after three months of reminders to tidy up.

In January, volunteers from Colonial Acres canvassed the neighborhood with flyers listing the top-10 code violations. Residents were given three weeks to get their properties into compliance. After three weeks, volunteers performed a follow-up check and 356 addresses were recorded and sent to the district attorney’s office. Letters were mailed to those homes warning residents to clean up in two weeks or their addresses would be turned over to code enforcement.

“One of the main problems we found was people parking in their yards,” said Anne Shafer, president of the Colonial Acres Neighborhood Association. “I wouldn’t want to put anybody out of their house on that account, but the city has suggested they pave part of the yard if they want to park there. That keeps from creating ruts.”

According to Carolyn Lloyd, information assistant for the Mayor’s Citizens Service Center, there’s also a big problem with people storing junk and wrecked cars on their property. The Mayor’s Citizens Service Center spearheaded the Colonial Acres project, which was a pilot program that will eventually carry over into other neighborhoods.

She says a similar project has already begun in the Glenview neighborhood, but on a much smaller scale. The Glenview neighborhood has about 300 homes, while Colonial Acres has nearly 3,000.

Those smaller numbers may be a good thing for the code-enforcement office. Johnny McKay, manager of code enforcement, says there simply aren’t enough inspectors to address the Colonial Acres situation very quickly.

“It’s going to be nearly impossible for the two inspectors assigned to that area to answer all of those complaints in a short span of time,” he said. “Memphis is a big city and we’ve got to be responsive to the entire city, but we’ll keep our nose to the grindstone. We’ll do what we can to see what’s been reported and determine which homes are actually in violation.”

E-mail: bphillips@memphisflyer.com

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Cover Feature News

Easy Targets

The Family Dollar store in Southgate Shopping Center loses an average of $2,000 a month to burglaries.

On March 10th at 2:30 a.m. most Memphians were in bed, savoring a few more hours of sleep before work. But for one man, that early morning hour was a time of opportunity.

The thief used a sledgehammer to knock a hole into the back wall of a Dollar General store at 2228 Lamar, then crept inside, grabbed some items, and escaped the way he came in. Total time: 16 minutes. Witnesses: zero. It was four hours before someone noticed the hole in the wall and notified police. The thief was long gone, leaving store owners with a mess to clean up, a wall to repair, and inventory sheets to modify. For police, it meant adding another tally to the city’s growing number of business burglaries.

Later that same day, police responded to a burglar alarm. This time, surveillance tape showed a man entering a Fred’s Discount Store after breaking the front-door glass. Once inside, the man grabbed cartons of cigarettes, stuffed them into a plastic bag, and left. It was the second of 11 business burglaries reported on March 10th.

It’s a disturbing trend in Memphis: Discount stores are being robbed with record frequency. Dollar General, Family Dollar, and Big Lots, chain stores selling discounted merchandise, have become significant targets for burglaries (see accompanying chart). Consequently, the Memphis Police Department has launched an all-out effort to curb these crimes and to assist store owners and managers in taking preventative measures.

Crime of Opportunity

 

Memphis discount chains are plagued by burglaries, despite increased security. This chart shows a disturbing trend.

So far this year, Memphis police have recorded 587 business burglaries. In 2003, there were 2,770 such crimes, up from 2,720 in 2002 but less than the 3,219 recorded in 2001. In 2002, almost 45 percent of burglaries nationwide occurred in the South.

Burglaries should not be confused with robberies, says Memphis Police Department burglary bureau commander Billy Garrett. A burglary occurs when a person enters a business or home to commit a crime. Robbery involves taking property while in the presence of the victim, either through violence or threat.

Memphis police counted 156 discount store burglaries in 2003, 177 in 2002, and 139 in 2001. These numbers have helped garner Memphis the second-highest crime rate in the nation for cities with a population of more than 500,000. Only Tucson, Arizona, outranks Memphis in 2002 FBI crime statistics.

“Many times, burglaries are just crimes of opportunity, and in the scheme of things, these are considered petty crimes,” says Garrett.

Still, police director James Bolden has made burglaries a priority, beefing up the burglary bureau to 34 investigators and starting collaborations with the crime prevention bureau and area businesses. This focus has paid off, says Garrett, who cites more than 1,600 arrests made last year and a business burglary clearance rate of 13.5 percent, half a percent higher than the national average. Garrett attributes the burglary problem to a larger issue: “Memphis’ major problem is substance abuse — drugs and alcohol. If we could find some way to combat that problem, a lot of the other crimes we see could be drastically decreased.”

Easy Targets

For discount stores, the problems are exacerbated by their location in poor neighborhoods, workforce limitations, high corporate expectations, and even the type of merchandise on store shelves. These conditions work together in a kind of malignant harmony to negatively affect daily operations.

“I’ve had cars backed through the front doors of my store by people trying to steal,” says Citi Trends store manager Alzeda Nickelberry. Standing in her enclosed cubicle/office, the 25-year retail veteran rattles off incidents on her fingers. In her three years at the 1967 S. Third Street location in the Southgate Shopping Center, she estimates about 15 burglaries have occurred. “We sell a lot of popular name-brand clothing and that’s what [criminals] take because they can resell it on the street,” she says. “When our weather changes, we get a lot of problems, since many [burglaries] happen when it gets warmer.” The store has reinforced its security bars, added more surveillance cameras, and raised customer services counters.

Police records show Nickelberry’s store had five burglaries last year, with two in April. Her store is one of six Memphis locations of the Savannah, Georgia-based retailer, which sells clothing, shoes, and accessories for men, women, and children. The store’s motto is “Fashion for less.”

The FBI estimated burglary losses in the South in 2002 at $3.3 billion, with an average value of $1,549 per offense. Because of the type of crime and the areas where crimes occur, recovery of goods and cash is difficult.

Citi Trends’ Web site describes prime real estate locations for its stores as a “tenant mix comprised of dollar stores, rent-to-own stores, beauty supply, and other value-priced retailers,” with its target demographic being households with a median income under $35,000.

In Memphis, such sites are in strip shopping centers or shopping malls in poorer neighborhoods from Frayser to Hickory Hill.

“These kind of stores are easy targets because of where they’re located,” says Jane, a Family Dollar store manager in Frayser who didn’t want her last name used. Although it has been about a year since the last burglary at her Frayser Boulevard location, she has been robbed by criminals as young as 6 years old. She pushes back a dolly full of boxes to reveal a plywood-covered hole where criminals broke in through the wall. “Out here, we’ve got poor people, people looking to get by. People break in and take whatever they know someone out there will buy.”

Risky locations and discount prices go hand-in-hand because the benefits of such locations far outweigh the problems, says Dollar General corporate spokesperson Andrea Turner. Speaking from company headquarters in Goodlettsville, Tennessee, Turner says, “Our stores are in areas where people are most in need of the products that we sell. We sell to a niche market of underserved customers that are on low or fixed incomes and senior citizens. We recognize that the areas are high crime areas, but we have to serve our niche.”

In 2003, the Dollar General chain listed loss of revenue for unaccounted for, or “shrink,” merchandise as 3 percent, or $207 million, of the company’s $6.9 billion revenues. While the number includes merchandise lost to damage and accounting errors, most of the loss was due to theft. Only nine of Dollar General’s 6,800 stores are in Shelby County. Police records for the last three years show the six stores with only three burglaries.

For rival discount chain Family Dollar, based in Charlotte, North Carolina, business burglaries in Memphis are an ongoing problem. Police records show 28 break-ins for 15 of its 34 locations in the city during 2003.

The company, which reported $81.4 million in earnings in the second quarter, averages $9.13 per customer transaction. Unlike Dollar General, a Family Dollar spokesperson refused to discuss the burglary situation in Memphis. Columbus, Ohio-based Big Lots, which operates four Memphis stores, also declined to comment.

At the 4433 S. Third Family Dollar in South Memphis, which reported four burglaries last year, the manager refused to discuss any of the incidents. “We’ve got metal bars [on the windows and doors], and we haven’t had any problems,” he said. But records show the business was burglarized three times within 14 days last April.

In the company’s Southgate Shopping Center location, manager James Wright talked freely about his store’s problems. “We do experience a lot of burglaries, and divide them into two categories: those we see, and those we don’t see,” he says. “Those we see, we press charges against.” Wright sees no end to the problem. Just two days before, a new reinforced steel security door had to be installed at the back of his store after a burglar used a crowbar to pry open the original lock.

In addition to cash and clothing, the most popular items stolen from Wright’s store are hair and beauty accessories, including permanent kits and deodorant. Clothes are resold on the street, usually by drug abusers. Wright has responded by installing an alarm system, motion detectors, and cameras within the store and attaching security tags to clothing.

Wright has also dealt with employee crimes, including those who “hook up” friends and family with free merchandise, as well as monetary theft. Six months ago, an employee staged a robbery, telling Wright that armed men broke into the store during his shift, threatening him and taking money. The story was discovered to be false and the employee was caught with $6,000 in stolen company funds. Wright says many of his store’s problems can be attributed to its location. “I used to manage a [Family Dollar] store on Perkins and it was much better than this one,” he says. “The [amount of] crime has a lot to do with the area.”

Whitehaven Family Dollar store manager Mike Jones echoes Wright’s concerns but also blames the company for a lack of staffing. “We’re targets because we don’t have enough people working in our stores,” he says. “Many times, it’s only three people working the whole store. When it gets busy, I’ve got to put both of them on the registers, leaving me alone to patrol the store.” Jones works almost 70 hours a week, usually seven days a week, to meet the company’s earnings goals.

Jones says the company also mismanages inventory. His stockroom is overflowing with merchandise. “It’s hard to maintain control in here,” says Jones, pointing to boxes stacked to the ceiling. “Someone could easily hide here between these boxes, wait until we leave, and have their way. Or worse, they could surprise you with a gun to your head while you work back here.”

Family Dollar locations have been plagued with more burglaries than any other local discount chain in the last three years. Memphis police won’t say for certain, but the numbers indicate some sort of organized effort. “We have our share of suspicious situations,” says Garrett. “It’s really tough for the business owners to get good-quality workers. We advise employers to trust them with just what they need to know. If their area of responsibility is stocking merchandise, don’t extend them to working cash registers.”

At Jones’ Millbranch location in Whitehaven, three incidents have occurred during his year-and-a-half tenure. He thinks they all could be employee-related. “The problem with people [in Memphis] is that they want something for nothing. In other places where I’ve managed stores, we didn’t have these problems as much,” says Jones. “Here they’ll beg you for a job and then they don’t want it. A lot of these crimes could be inside jobs because they [employees] know where to go.”

Fixing the Problem

Garrett says increased police presence has begun to work. Officers from large precincts, as well as smaller community COACT units, patrol the neighborhoods where most of the stores are located. The Southgate Shopping Center even has a COACT unit based there.

In addition to increased visibility, police have installed COBRA alarms in many businesses. The alarms, which cost around $2,500, are installed free of charge by the department and transmit a signal to the police when a store is burglarized. Alarms are moved from business to business as needed. The program is funded through law enforcement grants and taxpayer funds. Police also coach owners and managers on instituting safer business practices, including better internal controls like drop boxes for cash, better screening of potential employees, and common sense.

“Generally, the smaller the business, the more lax the security,” Garrett says. “If care was taken to do little things, like not displaying or counting large sums of money in front of customers, it would really help a lot.”

For Family Dollar managers, the fight against buglary remains a challenge. A Hickory Hill Family Dollar store was burglarized last Wednesday. Police found no fingerprints and a security camera at the location may not have been working.

“You can never stop it,” says Wright, looking around his store. “All you can do is try to control it.”

Categories
Film Features Film/TV

Fool Proof

We must have waffles. We must all have waffles, forthwith. And think. We must have waffles and think.”

This is my favorite line from The Ladykillers and the moment from the film’s trailer that inspired me to see it. Tom Hanks as “Professor” Goldthwait H. Dorr, an anachronistic Twain-type — replete with Southern drawl and three-piece ice cream suit, sitting in a Waffle Hut — plots a robbery. Most would try to be inconspicuous, but Professor Dorr is too eccentric to notice that he’s eccentric or that his team of misfit conspirators is indeed misfit. There is the dumb brute, Lump (Ryan Hurst), the hip-hopper Gawain (Marlon Wayans), the chain-smoking Viet Cong veteran, the General (Tzi Ma), and the blowhard handyman Mr. Pancake (J.K. Simmons). They are like a joke — the kind that walks into a bar with a priest and a rabbi. They are fools.

Anecdote: I recently dined with my friend Brannen at a Starbucks. I got a salad, which came in a large, saucer-like plastic container. Brannen and I sat near an intense, artsy looking fellow who kept falling asleep, literally hitting the table as he fell, thus waking himself up. Nearby, a clutch of giggly girls squealed about whatever they were squealing about. Eating my salad, I had to stop to remove something strange I had bitten into. It was a prong of the fork that had somehow dislodged and stuck in my throat. As we left, I tried with one hand to dispose of my garbage into the prohibitively small hole of the Starbucks garbage can while holding my brambleberry tea in my other hand. The salad container was too large to be downed. The girls stopped giggling long enough to chime, “Well, that’s not going to work!” before erupting into even shriller peals. I tried harder to push the container down, but the top flipped up and the fork flew away. More squeals and even a smirk from the sleeping man before once again drifting to sleep. Brannen asked, on our way out, if I had ever been likened to the movie character Mr. Bean.

Ah, Mr. Bean. Played by Rowan Atkinson, Mr. Bean is a smug bumbler, haughty and arrogant on the outside, stooge on the inside, a desperate, weird man searching for the slightest modicum of dignity. This is why I enjoyed The Ladykillers. Not because it’s good, because it isn’t very, and not because it’s howlingly funny, because it isn’t that either. It’s because this film is essentially about two souls on two different quests for dignity, without the slightest comprehension of their ridiculousness. Like Mr. Bean. Like me.

Soul #1: Professor Dorr. Soul #2: Marva Munson (the sublime Irma P. Hall), an elderly black lady whose devotion to Jesus through prayer and churchgoing is seconded in regularity only by her monthly $5 checks to Bob Jones University of which she knows little except that it’s a Bible college. Dorr hides behind his vocabulary in his search for esteem. Marva’s shield is the Good Book. Dorr rents a room in Munson’s home, only so he and his cronies can use her root cellar to burrow to a nearby casino vault. Their guise: They are Renaissance-period instrumentalists who play devotional music. Hallelujah! The plot thickens once Marva stumbles onto their scheme. Money in hand, the mission changes from thievery to murder. But like the Energizer Bunny, cockroaches, or Dick Clark, she can’t be killed.

As far as comedy goes, this is fairly broad. The Coens’ recent O Brother, Where Art Thou? at least had a ribbon of drama through it (not to mention that fantastic bluegrass music, grounding it to something just beyond drama or comedy). In classical terms, this is more like a Larry, Curly, and Moe film, where a Buster Keaton-style might have been more appreciated. There is even a portrait of Marva’s late husband that changes expressions to suit whatever slapstick moment has preceded — just in case the audience didn’t know to laugh. The treat, therein, is the quirky chemistry between Hall and Hanks who are as evenly matched in wit and delivery as can be seen in any film duo this decade. The scene where Marva talks to Dorr as he’s hiding under a bed, while a sheriff looks on assuming that she’s crazy and talking to a cat, is probably the film’s funniest.

The Ladykillers is not for everyone, which is par for the course for the off-center Coen brothers but not for the mainstream Hanks, who’s trying something a little different here, folks. I wish The Ladykillers had been a worthier vehicle for the kind of villainous experiment he performs, but at least it has revealed the luminous, dignified “fool,” Irma P. Hall.

Categories
Letters To The Editor Opinion

Postscript

A Public Walloping?

To the Editor:

Regarding your editorial (“Word to the Wise,” March 25th issue): Having shown up at the Shelby County Commission briefing on March 22nd and at the prior briefing in February on The Pyramid, it is amazing that I am still being ridiculed and accused of grandstanding for showing up for important meetings on public business, especially when all council members were invited.

It is mind-boggling and disappointing in 2004 that there are still those who think that it is in vogue to give a woman a public tongue-lashing. How is it that an individual with a bachelor’s degree, a law degree, who is a 13-year veteran legislator and has been a public servant for almost two decades rates public ridicule and verbal abuse from anyone for simply doing what she was elected to do? What Neanderthal and childish mind-set thinks that a man has a right to give a woman a public verbal walloping in 2004? Perhaps there are still those who would prefer a giggling, silly, barefoot girl whom they can simply control by making demands. It’s this mind-set that creates problems for women in business today. Be on notice that I won’t take verbal abuse and a public walloping from anyone without walloping right back. And thank goodness everybody down there at the Flyer had the good sense not to put their names to that editorial.

You all have admitted publicly that changes are needed at the City Council, that public service must become our priority, that the pension plan was ill-advised and costly, and that it was ill-advised to give public money to private organizations without accountability. If we agree on the message, why can’t we agree on the messenger? Perhaps you would prefer that a man had made these statements?

Carol Chumney

City Councilwoman, District 5

Memphis

A Pickle for Bush?

To the Editor:

Thank you for Richard Cohen’s masterful summary of the pickle that President George W. Bush and his cronies find themselves in today (Viewpoint, March 25th issue). Two major players in the Bush administration — former Treasury secretary Paul O’Neill and former counter-terrorism czar Richard Clarke — have now confirmed the worst fears of Bush’s critics: that the president used 9/11 as an excuse to launch a preemptive attack on Iraq, even though Saddam had nothing to do with the 9/11 attacks and did not have weapons of mass destruction. Meanwhile, both Clarke and O’Neill have confirmed that Mr. Bush focused so much on Iraq — before and after September 11th — that he undermined the ability of his administration to effectively deal with real threats like the one posed by al-Qaeda. In addition, we now learn that Medicare actuary Richard Foster was threatened with the loss of his job when he tried to provide legislators with an honest estimate of the cost of the Medicare prescription drug plan recently rammed through Congress.

Remember when Bush claimed that he would “bring integrity back to the White House”? Well, surely a man of integrity would take these problems seriously and do some soul-searching. But instead Bush has failed to respond to these important concerns and has turned on his smear machine to attack anyone who would criticize the emperor. Those tactics will certainly be embraced by far-right venues like talk radio (a parallel universe), but it won’t cut it in the real world. Indeed, many prominent Republicans aren’t buying into this garbage. Republican senators (including John McCain) have called on the administration to quit attacking the messengers and start dealing with the issues.

How much worse will it have to be before Republicans with a conscience reject this president and what he has done to our country?

B. Keith English

Memphis

To the Editor:

President Bush tells the truth and nothing but the truth all the time. Condoleezza Rice comes forward and testifies openly before the 9/11 commission. Vice President Dick Cheney discloses the names of all those who attended his energy task-force meetings. Fundamentalist House leader Tom DeLay and Senate majority leader Bill Frist turn over a new leaf and become truely compassionate Christians. Attorney General John Ashcroft decides to stop interfering with a woman’s God-given right to freedom of choice.

April Fools!

Eddie Sullivant

Dyersburg, Tennessee

The Memphis Flyer encourages reader response. Send mail to: Letters to the Editor, POB 1738, Memphis, TN 38101. Or call Back Talk at 575-9405. Or send us e-mail at letters@memphisflyer.com. All responses must include name, address, and daytime phone number. Letters should be no longer than 250 words.

Categories
Theater Theater Feature

Under the Rainbow

Do the monkeys fly? Yes, they fly. Well, they swing about a bit. It’s pretty tragic, really.

But does the witch fly? Oh my, yes, but only once that I recall and very early in the show. It happens fast and flawlessly and is really quite spectacular. It gives the impression that you are about to see something special. And that impression is not entirely false.

But does the witch melt? Oh God, yes, yes, yes, of course the witch melts. What a stupid, stupid question. You simply cannot do The Wizard of Oz if the witch doesn’t melt. It is a law, most likely. Next?

Okay, smart guy, how does Playhouse on the Square pull off a tornado on stage? Please, ask a hard one next time. They do it with projection, silly. This is the 21st century. We have the technology to project a black-and-white swirl that eventually turns into a colorful swirl while little pieces of Kansas fly offstage on wires. And before you even ask, yes, the Wizard is introduced as a big green head projected on curtains. He’s more frightening on celluloid but not nearly as bizarre. And for your complete edification, everything that happens in the movie also happens in the play. That is the point of this incarnation of Frank Baum’s classic story. Okay, okay, so the Scarecrow doesn’t get set on fire, but that’s the only real deviation from MGM’s solid-gold standard.

But does it work? Well, when it works, it works. And for the kiddies in the crowd (possibly the reigning majority), it seems to work every time. Then again, when the Wicked Witch of the West has to run around stage, manually disconnecting her monkeys from their flying harnesses so they can stop swinging around helplessly and go do her evil bidding, the magic disappears. It suddenly morphs into gimmickry. And while director Shorey Walker has done what she can to make this show her own, gimmickry is really what it’s all about.

This Wizard of Oz tries to be faithful to the film. It also tries to be original. Now let’s be frank: You just can’t have it both ways. The original songs are all here (even Harold Arlen’s “Jitterbug,” a number that was shot but cut from the film). But all those songs you grew up with and know by heart have been — ahem — brought up to date. Hey, doesn’t everybody want to hear “Over the Rainbow” given a hip, new soft-rock treatment yet again? It’s difficult to think of the play’s few deviations from the source material as anything approaching improvement. In fact, this production, when not busy appropriating, fairly revels in fixing things never broken to begin with.

I assume there is no need to retell this tale. Little orphan Dorothy, raised by her uncle and aunt in Kansas, is swept away in a cyclone to the merry old fairyland of Oz, where she meets a good witch and a bad witch and a tin man and a scarecrow and a cowardly lion. I didn’t think so. And that’s part of the problem. If you’re going to almost imitate this classic film more than 60 years after the fact, there is no avoiding a touch of post-modernism. There are countless winks (and snaps and “thank ya, boys”) to the extra, occasionally subcultural meanings this too-familiar film has picked up over the years. Can anyone say “friends of Dorothy”? Fabulous. And while these self-conscious moments fly by (and well over the kiddies’ heads), they are almost annoying. Part of The Wizard of Oz’s charm is its childlike sincerity and too many winks and nudges can spoil the rainbow stew. Homage is a dish best served simply, without garnish. And po-mo or not, it’s hard to see African Americans dressed up like crows putting on a full-fledged minstrel show without your flinching just a little bit.

This past Sunday’s matinee was low on energy. The voices all seemed a little tired and shaky. Then again, anyone who goes to sit in the dark and watch a Sunday matinee on a beautiful spring day deserves everything they get. It’s a proven recipe for disappointment.

Angela Groeschen does a smashing job as Dorothy Gale, calling to mind Judy Garland without ever doing an exact imitation. Most impressively, she never lets Toto upstage her, a feat anyone who has ever worked with an animal should certainly envy. It would have been nice to see just a little more character from the actors who play Dorothy’s famous friends and a little less mugging from the Wizard. But all grumbling aside, if you want to see a nicely done live production of a movie you grew up loving, here it is. Buy your ticket, enjoy the ride. A trip to Playhouse is certainly cheaper than a day at Disney World. And it’s a heckuva lot closer, to boot.

Through April 18th