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News The Fly-By

Eating, Moving, and Tuning

Pediatrician Beth Andrew has always enjoyed working with children because she likes taking care of healthy individuals. Unfortunately, though her preference hasn’t changed, the number of healthy children has.

“Until recently, I was not used to seeing children with health problems associated with a sedentary lifestyle,” she said at the official kickoff this week of the Tennessee Healthy Weight Network’s plan, “Eat Smart, Move More, Tune In.” Developed over the past two years, the plan hopes to promote a healthier lifestyle for Tennessee children by changing cultural norms about health.

Figures from the Centers for Disease Control show that, since 1980, the number of overweight adolescents has tripled. More than 20 percent of Tennessee children are currently overweight and early figures show many more to be at risk.

The figures have disturbing health-care implications: Type 2 diabetes, closely tied to obesity and once almost never seen in children, is increasing among youth. At the kickoff, a dietitian even mentioned that this generation of children might not have the life expectancy their parents did.

“One thing that was evident from the start was that this did not happen overnight or from one cause,” said Marian Levy, associate director of health promotion and grants management with the Children’s Foundation Research Center. She said increased use of technology, a decrease in the time allotted for physical education in schools, and more dangerous neighborhoods all contributed to the problem.

The plan includes recommendations for schools, faith-based organizations, and families. For instance, the plan recommends schools use fund-raisers like dance marathons or fruit sales rather than selling candy. For families, it encourages parents to plan physical activities they can do together and to limit TV and video time.

“It’s really up to the parents,” said Levy. “The parents are the ones who are going to the grocery stores and buying the food. They set the atmosphere.” n

E-mail: cashiola@memphisflyer.com

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Book Features Books

Truth or Consequences

Plain Heathen Mischief

By Martin Clark

Knopf, 398 pp., $24.95

For a popular preacher, 42-year-old Joel King is in a hell of a mess. When Martin Clark’s latest novel, Plain Heathen Mischief, opens, King’s at his laptop working on his final sermon before the good people of Roanoke First Baptist, but it’s too late, he reasons, to mention “sex or weakness or the girl.” So he opts instead to deliver something simple and “pale,” which he does, and no one’s the wiser. What he sees, however, as his eyes scan the congregation, is red — red in the sanctuary’s standard carpeting and red in the tie that circles the neck of one church member in particular, Edmund Brooks. What King’s also looking at is six months jail time. The charge: contributing to the delinquency of a minor. Translation: sex with a minor. King’s plea: guilty as charged. Or is he?

The “girl” in question is Christina Agnes Norway Darden, a rich 17-year-old at the center of the crime and a piece of work any old time. One semester into her freshman year at the University of Virginia and already she’s violated the school’s honor code. A week after King’s sorry sermon, Christy is high (or is it low?) on her combo of choice: speed, gin, Valium, champagne, and casual sex.

Fast-forward six months and King’s in an unholier mess: He’s served his time only to be served with divorce papers from his wife of 18 years and a whopping civil suit from Christy. The girl’s new charges: “sexual assault” and “intentional infliction of emotional harm.” Translation: rape. The price tag: two million in compensatory damages and three million in punitive damages.

Where is King to turn? He doesn’t have a prayer, but he does keep the faith. He doesn’t have a penny, but he does have a place to stay with his divorced sister in Missoula, Montana. He doesn’t have an attorney, but he does get a ride out West from Brooks, who knows a dandy lawyer in Las Vegas named Sa’ad X. Sa’ad, who knows an insurance scam where everybody gets rich and nobody gets hurt. King won’t hear of it, until King can’t land a job, can’t please his unscrupulous probation officer, and can’t preach a thing to his Godless but law-abiding sister, Sophie, screwed herself by a philandering, radiologist ex-husband but blessed with an angelic 5-year-old son.

Next stop for King: rock bottom, until he gets a phone call from Brooks and undergoes a change of heart. That insurance scam? Count him in (so long as it’s his sister and First Baptist that ultimately pocket King’s cut). The job market? Piece of cake if you’re willing to work for minimum wage and lie about your qualifications. The truth in general? Bendable if your goal is honorable and especially if a court deposition means nothing. Christy? A double-crosser with the best of them. And who’s among the best? Not just Brooks and Sa’ad but King, of course, who goes from half-innocent martyr and self-deluding hypocrite to first-class confuser of right and wrong, in spite of the upstanding examples afforded by Sophie, an Alzheimered mother, a semi-prostitute, and a tough-talking but good-guy fly fisherman who doubles as a father figure. On the conduct of the FBI the jury’s still out. The Montana state police? They’re just doing their job.

Pointless to try explaining how a wife-beating dentist, a painting stolen from the Jewish Museum in New York City, and an old-school hard-liner on all things biblical figure into all this. But they do, according to the tricky mechanics of a well-paced, entertaining legal thriller and the hard lesson-building of a modern-day morality play.

Clark, a circuit court judge in Virginia, made his debut as author in 2000’s rollicking hit, The Many Aspects of Mobile Home Living. In Plain Heathen Mischief, it’s one man’s soul that’s at stake and so what if the question of belief gets a bit overbearing. Leave it, rather, to a female lawyer in the story’s closing pages to give King a good talking-to on the physics of cause and effect and the ethical blowback when right’s mixed with wrong. Nothing shady about it. That bright red King sees is God’s sure sign. Best to practice what you preach. n

Martin Clark reads from and signs copies of Plain Heathen Mischief at Off Square Books in Oxford on Tuesday, June 1, at 5 p.m. and at Burke’s Book Store in Memphis on Friday, June 4, at 5 p.m.

LEONARD GILL

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Music Music Features

Back to the Future

Here’s the story: Metal was born when four hoods decided that Black Sabbath was a much cooler name than Earth. There were lesser-knowns who approached the heaviness of Ozzy and entourage, but Black Sabbath took it to the people. Led Zeppelin too, in several of their permutations, were tough enough to be metal. Then Judas Priest’s late-’70s classics — specifically, the trio of Sad Wings of Destiny (1976), Sin After Sin (1977), and Stained Class (1978) — moved the music into the “new wave” of British heavy metal, a movement whose most famous exports would be Iron Maiden (important) and Def Leppard (after their first album, not so important).

At this point, things get really complicated. Punk, hardcore, and metal jumped in the sack, conceiving a new breed of heavy bands such as Motorhead, Venom, Discharge, and then Slayer, Metallica, and Megadeth. Then, in the mid-to-late ’80s, things got inexplicable. Subgenres such as thrash, death-metal, and grindcore would all hatch and flourish, finally establishing an underground that found rabid fans in Earth’s every nook and cranny. (Oh wait, I forgot hair-metal, because it’s not metal. Except for early Mötley Crüe, Hanoi Rocks, and, later, Guns N’ Roses, it was nothing more than pop music ripping off the New York Dolls and calling itself metal.)

And now, in 2004, this subterranean scene may finally be ready to send one of its own triumphantly to the surface: Metal fans, salute Mastodon, who, though named after an extinct creature, may nevertheless be the future of their genre.

Whereas most bands fit into predictable models –frontman and backup or core members and rotating players –Mastodon is the result of two distinct musical pairings. The first, Brann Dailor and Bill Kelliher, served as the rhythm section for Nashville’s early-’90s entry in the underground metal scene, Today Is the Day. To an almost disturbing level (especially live), Today Is the Day was a band that elevated the role of emotional catharsis in the music, and this was never more evident than on 1999’s In the Eyes of God album and tour, of which Dailor and Kelliher were an unmistakable part.

After splitting from Today Is the Day that same year, the pair moved back to their hometown of Rochester, New York, to decompress and plan the next move, which would turn out to be Atlanta. It was there that Dailor and Kelliher met the other half of Mastodon, Troy Sanders and Brent Hinds. The chemistry of the new band was such that fully formed songs were written within weeks. With one of the all-time greatest metal names secured, Mastodon hit the road in 2000. And by consistently sweeping the stage of the bands they shared bills with, Mastodon quickly established itself as a force not unlike a giant, extinct, hairy mammal clearing clubs of would-be competitors.

Mastodon cherry-picks the gems from over three decades of top-drawer metal and then updates all of the influences into a futuristic, unstoppable detonation. The not entirely unthinkable combination of the Voivod’s visionary exploits with heavy indie math-metal (Slint) and extreme metal (mostly death-metal) becomes a sucker-punching reality when one is in the presence of this band. All of this seemed to be fully gestated when Mastodon dropped Lifesblood in August 2001. The six-song EP was released on the metal safe house Relapse Records, the signing a result of the band’s whopping live reputation and incessant touring, where Mastodon was probably shaming a lot of existing Relapse bands with whom they were paired.

Less than a year later, Mastodon finished Remission (also on Relapse), a debut full-length that expanded the style of the EP. Lines were blurred in the wake of Remission: Rockers, metalheads, indie fans, hardcore kids they all came together in response to the sheer intensity and breadth that Mastodon was capable of delivering. To someone completely unfamiliar with underground metal, who thinks that metal means Poison or Cinderella, I liken the introduction to the first time Bill Cosby heard N.W.A. (Another incorrect assumption would be that Mastodon has anything to do with the metalization of inverted-baseball-cap hardcore as illustrated by roid-rage nincompoops like Hatebreed or Earth Crisis or the “nü-metal” of innumerable semiliterate halfwits like Slipknot/Staind/Limp Bizkit, which, to quote comedian David Cross, is like an 11-year-old girl’s poetry coming out of a 30-year-old man’s mouth.)

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Music Music Features

Music

Last week, The Bo-Keys took their Stax– and Hi-infused soul show on the road: They played three shows in New York (Piano’s and B.B. King’s Blues Club in Manhattan and the infamous Frank’s Cocktail Lounge in Brooklyn), a gig in Philadelphia (Zanzibar Blue), and a performance on independent FM station WFMU, then squeezed in an interview for The House of Blues Radio Hour — all in just four days.

Touring by plane, trains, subways, and cabs wasn’t easy, but the six-man band — leader/bassist Scott Bomar, guitarist Skip Pitts, drummer Willie Hall, saxophonist Jim Spake, trumpeter Marc Franklin, and organist Charlie Wood, the Bo-Keys’ newest addition — made the most of it, managing to check out tourist spots like Kenneth Gamble and Leon Huff‘s True Sound of Philadelphia recording studio (where the Philly Sound — The O’Jays, The Spinners, etc. — was born) and Junior’s, a famous soul-food restaurant in Brooklyn.

At Zanzibar Blue, the Bo-Keys wowed the crowd — which included NPR‘s Amy Salit, producer of the Fresh Air radio program — with their laid-back rendition of “Ellie’s Love Theme, from the Shaft soundtrack. “That’s always been a sentimental piece for me,” remarked Pitts — who, along with Hall, played on the original version of the tune, recorded in 1971 by Isaac Hayes.

“It’s the kind of song that makes you want to make babies, not take babies,” Pitts continued. “A lot of rap music is about killing, but soul music is about creating life.”

A veteran of groups such as The Surgeons (“We billed ourselves as ‘The Doctors of Sound,'” Pitts said) and The Midnight Movers, Pitts served as Gene Chandler‘s bandleader when he was just 17 years old. And, although he’s played Memphis soul behind Hayes for the last 35 years, Pitts claimed that the Bo-Keys are something special.

“This tour has taken me back to my early years,” Pitts enthused. “We’re right up the alley of groups like Booker T. & the MGs and The Mar-Keys, and, playing these clubs, it’s almost like having the Stax revue back on the road.”

It ain’t New York, but Shawn Cripps is taking his group, The Limes, to Madison Avenue for a record-release party Saturday, May 29th. Sorry, folks. He’s still not celebrating the release of his long-awaited Easley-McCain recordings. Cripps owes the studio payment for the sessions, so he’s releasing two circa-1991 tracks (“Goddamn You Honeys, recorded at Monsieur Jeffrey EvansTillman Audio Research studio, and “Old Evil River, cut at Crosstown Studio) on a seven-inch single instead.

Federico Zanutto of Solid Sex Lovie Doll Records pressed up the vinyl in a limited edition of 300. Previously, the Italian label released singles by The Lost Sounds, The Reatards, and The Knaughty Knights, all favorites on the local punk/garage scene. “I don’t really know how this record came about,” Cripps confessed. “We played in Oxford, and one of The Preacher’s Kids said a few nice things about us. The label started asking around. They contacted Jack [Yarber, who splits drumming duties with Nick Ray in The Limes], who told me they wanted to do a single.”

Meanwhile, you can go to WeAreTheLimes.com to download portions of the Limes’ Easley-McCain session, which was cut last fall. “We were on tour with Mr. Airplane Man, and while we didn’t have enough money to pay off [the studio], we burned copies of the rough mixes and made Xeroxed covers and peddled CDs,” Cripps explained. “[Former Memphian] Chris Grayson bought one and created a Web site for me. I’d explained to him that these aren’t the real songs, but all of a sudden, those rough mixes are [on the Internet] for the world to hear.”

Catch the Limes with The C.C. Riders and The Dutch Masters at Murphy’s Saturday, May 29th.

Producer Jim Dickinson has been busy upgrading his Zebra Ranch recording studio in rural Coldwater, Mississippi. Dickinson has been getting help from Mark Neill, owner of the Soil of the South studio, in Sacramento, California, who also designed ToeRag, the U.K. studio where The White Stripes cut their last album, Elephant.

Dickinson and Neill will be taking part in TapeOp Con 2004, held in New Orleans this weekend. The Portland, Oregon-based magazine’s third annual conference, which is aimed at engineers, producers, studio owners, and home-recording enthusiasts, will feature several panels and workshops, along with performances by groups such as Calexico, Steve Wynn, Vic Chesnutt, and The North Mississippi Allstars. For more information on the conference, go to TapeOp.com. –AL

Music News and Notes: In the Mix, an exhibition of art by and about local musicians, is on display at The Dixon Gallery and Gardens through July 18th. Presented by the Memphis chapter of The Recording Academy, the exhibit features visual, graphic, photographic, and guitar art by regional musicians, among them Luther Dickinson (North Mississippi Allstars), Susan Marshall, Gerard Harris, Val Joyner, Cory Branan, Lamar Sorrento, Paul Thorn, Wayne Russell, Jimmy Crosthwait, Sid Selvidge, Jim Dickinson, and Greg Roberson (The Reigning Sound). Non-musician artists such as William Eggleston, Brooke Barnett, and Michael Carpenter are also represented Living Legends, the new album from seminal Memphis rappers 8Ball and MJG debuted at number three on The Billboard 200 album chart this week, the highest-ever debut for a locally connected hip-hop record. Released through Sean “P. Diddy” CombsBad Boy Records, Living Legends seems to be on its way as the duo’s biggest record yet The 2004 International Songwriting Competition is now accepting submissions. According to an organization press release, $100,000 in prizes will be shared among 50 winners in 16 categories. For more information, check out SongwritingCompetition.com The final round of the Guitar Center‘s “Spin Off” DJ battle is Tuesday, June 1st, at 7 p.m. at the store at 8000 Highway 64. Among local turntablists still in the competition are

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We Recommend We Recommend

wednesday, 26

Go check out one of Downtown s newest restaurants, Aristi s. Way good. And that, as they say, is that. As always, I really don t care what you do this week, because I don t even know you, and unless you can assure me beyond a shadow of a doubt that I did not hear a news anchor use the words American Idol and democracy in the same phrase on the news this week, I feel certain I don t want to meet you. Besides, it s time for me to blow this dump and go get my Biden-McCain bumper sticker made.

T.S.

Categories
Politics Politics Beat Blog

POLITICS: Players

PLAYERS

Not unexpectedly, Shelby County had some players in the late legislative session. They ranged from perennial outsiders to relative (and actual) newcomers. These were some (more to come next week) of the moments from the 2004 session of the Tennessee General Assembly:

Ps and Qs: On the day in mid-May that the state House of Representatives overwhelmingly passed a TennCare reform bill that trimmed the state health care system’s budget, limited its benefits and beneficiaries, and established fraud-and-abuse controls, state Rep. Brenda Turner (D-Chattanooga) could not refrain from gloating that Democrat Bredesen had achieved this result, whereas TennCare costs had spiraled out of control during the administration of his Republican predecessor, Don Sundquist.

That brought the GOP’s House leader, Tre Hargett of Bartlett, normally almost courtly in debate, out of his seat and into Rep. Turner’s face. Standing directly in front of her seat at the front of the chamber, Hargett jawboned with her for some time.

At the end of a conversation that seemed largely one-way, Rep. Turner signaled House Speaker Jimmy Naifeh for permission to make “a point of personal privilege.” Normally, this request signals a determination to plead one’s case against a perceived affront from a colleague or a misrepresentation of one’s position in debate.

In this case, Rep. Turner used the privilege to take a mea culpa, explaining that she hadn’t meant to suggest that former Governor Sundquist hadn’t also tried to reform TennCare and pare down its costs.

Hargett thanked his colleague for the admission. The irony here is that Hargett, like many of his House Republican colleagues, was often on the other side from the governor in a protracted struggle that focused on Sundquist’s unsuccessful attempts to enact a state income tax.

It’s an will wind

… that doesn’t blow somebody some good. And when alarms arose this month about shortfalls in state lottery revenues, state Sen. Steve Cohen, universally regarded as the father of the program (one could almost say grandfather, since it took the senator 17 years to get a state lottery enacted) saw an opportunity.

“It gave me a chance to try to improve the scholarship program and make it less of an entitlement,” said Cohen this week, reviewing his successful sponsorship, in the session’s last days, of an amendment that raised scholarship requirements from last year’s ACT-test standard of 19 (along with a grade-point average of 3.0) to the higher standard of 21 (also with 3.0 GPA).

“That brings us to slightly higher than the state average for our scholarship students, and it allows us both to award all the scholarships that students qualify for and to provide money for pre-kindergarten and after-school programs,” said Cohen. Cohen estimated that leftover funds would translate to $20 million for pre-K programs and $5 million for after-school programs.

In an oblique comparison of his efforts this year to those of last year, when he and Governor Phil Bredesen butted heads on how to establish a control mechanism for the lottery (with the governor prevailing), Cohen said, “It was almost like the years of working without a lobbyist for the lottery amendment itself. It was a case of passing something without anybody on your side. The governor pretty much stayed out of this.”

Stepping Up: One Shelby County legislator who consolidated his growing reputation as a serious player was state Senator Jim Kyle, who was already regarded as “the governor’s man” in the Senate and did nothing to diminish that clout by moving, in the last days of the session, to sponsor an amended version of Bredesen’s controversial workers’ compensation reform, one that preserved the essentials that the governor wanted Ñ notably, a reduced “multiplier,” the number establishing the maximum benefits for a workers’ comp claim.

In effect, Kyle took over supervision of the legislation from Goodlettsville Democrat Joe Haynes, whose reservations about some of the provisions desired by the governor had grown in the course of debate. From Bredesen’s point of view, it amounted to a rescue mission Ñ saving him from what could have been his first serious legislative defeat.

Making a Mark: Another local senator whose stature was enhanced during the session was Mark Norris of Collierville. Though Republican Norris was stymied in his perennial efforts to achieve malpractice legislation and other tort reforms, he played a significant liaison role in helping to barter a workers’ comp bill that was satisfactory to Bredesen and various legislative factions.

Norris and state Rep. Bubba Pleasant (R-Bartlett) also succeeded in passing a bill Ñ ridiculed last year but suddenly in vogue Ñ prohibiting vehicles from playing pornographic videos that might be visible to others in traffic. But his foremost accomplishment was in taking the lead in beginning the constitutional-amendment process for a tax freeze on property owners 65 or over. The program would be subject to approval by city and county governments.

(More winners and spinners next week as space allows.)

One Out, One In

Out: Carol Coletta, the entrepreneur/activist whose well-received WKNO Smart City public-affairs program is syndicated nationwide, is not Ñ repeat, not Ñ entertaining the idea of starring in her own political act.

“I couldn’t be elected dogcatcher! And I have no desire to run for anything,” she said Ñ with a modesty and conviction which seemed unfeigned Ñ while categorically dissociating herself from an associate’s sounding that was reported in this space last week concerning a potential 2005 city mayor’s race by her. (The associate later acknowledged having acted without prior consultation or permission.)

Coletta said she had supported Mayor Willie Herenton in his last reelection bid, “and I expect to do so again.”

In: A familiar name in local politics will be heard from again. Former county squire Joe Cooper, who has run for an abundance of offices and has served in a variety of appointed positions in county government, plans to make another run in 2006 for the District 5 county commission seat now occupied by Bruce Thompson, who, running as a Republican, beat Democrat Cooper in 2002.

Cooper, who has spent much of the last year recovering from a serious illness, insists that his candidacy is serious and that he is unlikely to make controversial proposals like his ill-fated call in his previous race for massive redevelopment on the grounds of Shelby Farms.

“I intend to listen to the people,” he said.

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We Recommend We Recommend

tuesday, 25

Back at the Hi-Tone, those devoted to the Man in Black won t want to miss a live show by The Bastard Sons of Johnny Cash. Free Sol is at Newby s. And critically acclaimed Memphis author and all-round nice guy Hampton Sides is signing copies of his book Ghost Soldiers at Davis-Kidd tonight at 6 p.m.

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News News Feature

FROM MY SEAT

GOLF’S GREAT, BUT . . .

I haven’t picked up a golf club since I became a father five years ago. And in all honesty, my firstborn did the sport a favor. A hacker like me belongs at a playground on Sunday afternoon, not at my local muni. Even from a distance, though, my interest in golf grows incrementally when the PGA Tour arrives in Memphis for its annual test at Southwind’s TPC. This year’s FedEx St. Jude Classic (May 27-30) marks the 47th consecutive year the game’s spotlight has been on Memphis. And ever since Billy Maxwell beat local hero Cary Middlecoff at that inaugural Memphis Open in 1958, the Mid-South sports calendar has had a big-league presence.

That said, though, the game of golf has some improving to do. Without even touching on the equipment variables that “levels the playing field” between the greats and the good-on-Thursdays, I have some suggestions for tweaking the venerable old game so that more people like me, Joe Sportsfan, might actually care who wins the Bay Hill Invitational in March, or the Greater Milwaukee Open in July. As things exist now, there are those passionate junkies who tune in every Sunday to see just how Ernie hits that fade, or what kind of antics Monty is up to this week. Then there are sports nuts like me who can’t muster the slightest interest in the game except for the four weekends a year a major is played (and, of course, FESJC week). Here are some thoughts on closing the gap between one group and the other.

  • Establish a standings system . . . without a computer. On a recent web browse, I found no fewer than nine ranking systems for the PGA. You’ve got the silly money rankings (how corporate, how inflationary), the Ryder Cup rankings (at least there’s a point to these), and the World Golf Rankings (a computer-generated system that includes “Points Lost” — huh? — and “Points Gained”).

    I’m for following the lead of, ahem, NASCAR. Come up with a system where the winner of a tournament gets so many points, those in the top-10 get a certain number, and right on down the leader board. Points earned at majors, of course, would be higher than your average FESJC, but other than that, every PGA tournament would be on the same point scale. And here’s why: there will always be discrepancies in prize money that one event can offer over another (thank you, sponsors). The game needs to eliminate whatever other incentive a player might have for skipping events. And all non-majors should be treated as equals (at least until the winner’s check is signed).

  • On the subject of skipping events, penalize a player — heavily — if he misses two consecutive tournaments. These are golfers, people. They do for a living what the rest of us do on vacation. You, as fans, should not tolerate the absence of Tiger Woods, or Ernie Els, or Phil Mickelson, or Vijay Singh. (Els, Mickelson, and Singh have made exactly one appearance each in Memphis. Woods has never played here.) This year’s FESJC is being held in May, so let’s not hear any excuses with the word “humidity” used. The tournament is three weeks before the U.S. Open, a prime slot for players to “tune their game” for the Big Daddy. Nonetheless, there is simply not enough incentive for the game’s very best to play Memphis. Among the top 100 players in the World Golf Rankings, fewer than 30 will be at Southwind this weekend. Whatever the new points system, make a player’s standing suffer if he ignores the events that helped build the PGA Tour.
  • Cheer before, during, and after a swing. I watch baseball players stand in a box, 60 feet from Randy Johnson, faced with the challenge of hitting a 90-mph baseball THAT CURVES while thousands upon thousands of people boo, hiss, and scream at him. Then I see the Gallant Woods have a tantrum because a fan of his lucky enough to get within earshot . . . sneezes. This is an affront, I know, to golf purists. The purists can go watch a tennis match. PGA golfers earn far too much coin — and their fans pay far too much to see them — for there to exist this code of silence while a game is being played. I’ll give a little when it comes to putting. When a player reaches the green, hush y’all. But life’s too short not to cheer. “Hit the ball, Tigerrrrrrr!”
  • Tag the greats. Back to our new ranking system . . . . Each week, the world’s top 20 golfers should wear an arm band, with their ranking displayed for all to see. If you’re like me, from 200 yards, you can’t tell the difference between Jim Furyk and Fred Funk. They all wear baseball caps these days. They all wear the same neutral colors. At least help us casual fans distinguish the game’s elite as they ply their trade. And wouldn’t this be a point of pride for the players? If handing over that green jacket each April is such riveting drama, imagine Tiger having to turn in his “Number 1” badge on the 18th green at Southwind?
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    News News Feature

    THE WEATHERS REPORT

    TORTURE PORN

    Here’s to the pseudo-literate Puritans of the U.S.A..

    If you want to get through to the American public, don’t put it in words–put it in pictures. And if you really want the average American to perk up and pay attention, make the pictures about sex. From Janet Jackson’s nipple to Iraqi prisoners’ penises, nothing does it for us like sex, you betcha.

    For two years now, organizations like Human Rights Watch and the International Committee of the Red Cross (ICRC) have been telling us that George Bush’s imperial drones have been abusing prisoners beyond the limits of the Geneva Conventions. These organizations have long warned that prisoners in Afghanistan, Iraq and Guantanamo are being humiliated, tortured and (in some suspect cases) murdered in the name of the War on Terror. The ICRC has issued regular press releases about prisoners being deprived of sleep for days, made to endure extremes of cold and heat, exposed to near-drowning, and tied up and forced to contort themselves for hours in positions of agony–all of which adds up to torture by anybody’s standards except, perhaps, those of Donald Rumsfeld. These warnings of the Red Cross and Human Rights Watch have been in the newspapers and magazines for two years.

    And for two years, Mr. and Mrs. America have paid no attention.

    You see, like pre-literate three-year-olds, Americans need to see the pictures to understand the story.

    America’s newspapers and magazines now know their proper role in the media arena: Their role is to tell Tom Brokaw, CNN, and Fox what pictures to show, so at least some small bit of the news can actually get through to John and Jane Q. America. Thank you, Seymour Hersh. Thank you, The New Yorker. Nobody reads what you have to say, but hell, if you can direct Peter Jennings and Bill O’Reilly to the pictures–especially if they’re pictures of piles of naked people with, ooh la la, leering young women in the foreground–we’ll sure as heck look at those.

    Because Americans don’t read. And we love both sex and the shame it makes us feel.

    Pseudo-literate. Puritans.

    According to the U.S. Department of Education (USDE), 96% of Americans can in fact read. That’s pretty good, by world standards. But a quarter of those supposedly literate Americans could not, according to the USDE, “draft a letter explaining an error on their credit card bill” and at least another quarter could not follow the ideas in this column. (No jokes, please.)

    Even those Americans who can read, don’t. According to the Pew Research Center (whose frequent, admirable polling work should be required reading for anyone in the media), in a recent survey, 68% of Americans say they are getting their main news about this year’s presidential campaign from television, while only 15% are getting it from newspapers, and just 1% are getting it from magazines. No wonder George Bush–the nation’s Illiterate-in-Chief–didn’t concern himself with the torture scandal until 60 Minutes put it on the air.

    It’s even worse than that. According to the Pew poll, only 10% of Americans get any of their campaign news from magazines like Time and Newsweek, while fully 20% get it from “morning TV shows.” Maybe Seymour Hersh should just send his sources directly to Katie Couric.

    He should make sure they bring pictures of naked people with them.

    My guess is, if the only pictures coming out of Abu Ghraib showed fully-clothed prisoners being threatened by attack dogs or electrodes, the American public would have just shrugged the whole thing off by now. But bring sex into those pictures, and we suddenly weep and gnash our teeth in self-loathing. There’s nothing a Puritan loves better than to beat himself up over sex.

    A psychologist friend told me last week that in some mental-health circles the theory has it that the American public is, in his words, “getting off” on the whole Abu Ghraib torture story. We are, according to the psychologists, both attracted to and repelled by the lascivious, sado-masochistic aspects of the scandal. We are titillated by the images of helpless, naked men forced to perform fellatio on each other and to pile into heaps of faux-homosexual activity. We are mesmerized by images of healthy young American women gazing at the penises of men tied up and hooded. But then, note the psychologists, we are also the spiritual descendants of the Puritans, whatever our denomination. And so we loathe ourselves for gaping at precisely what attracts us.

    This is a persuasive theory. After all, what else can you expect from a nation that, on the one hand, has made Internet sex sites the biggest industry on the Web and, on the other, falls into a red-faced faint over JJ’s Superbowl Boob?

    So perhaps that’s the real reason for our “outrage” over what happened at Abu Ghraib prison: We hate ourselves for loving Torture Porn. For the American public, what happened in Abu Ghraib is really a sex scandal. You watch: When the pictures of grinning young women in uniform and naked young men in bondage stop coming out, and the story is merely about suffocation, electrocution, and other forms of individualized terror, the American public will turn their attention somewhere else.

    If it’s not in pictures and it’s not about sex, we just don’t care.

    Case in point: On Friday, May 21, the Red Cross issued a press release stating that the United States may be holding prisoners on Diego Garcia, a small island leased from the British in the Indian Ocean. The Geneva Conventions call for the Red Cross to have access to all prisoners worldwide, but Rumsfeld and company have not allowed the Red Cross to check up on any of our prisoners outside of Afghanistan, Iraq or Guantanamo. (Other human rights organizations have warned that the U.S. may also be sending some prisoners to countries where they can be tortured by surrogate sadists, so American sadists don’t have to dirty their hands.) The prisoners in Diego Garcia, if there are any, are out of sight. That means, for the American public, they are also out of mind.

    You probably missed this Red Cross press release. It was in the small print on the Internet, primarily on foreign press sites. The mainstream American media, it seems, have given up on such news. No sexy pictures.

    Two weeks back, there was another nonsexy news item you might have missed: The U.S. State Department issued its annual human rights report. Originally, the report, titled “Supporting Human Rights and Democracy,” was scheduled to come out May 5, but then the Abu Ghraib scandal broke. White House pols arranged for the report’s release to be postponed for several weeks, fearing it might be, um, just a tad embarrassing. You see, this year’s U. S. Human Rights Report condemns 101 other countries for their human rights violations. When this was brought up in Mexico City at a recent international conference following the Abu Ghraib news, the audience laughed derisively.

    And why not? Our Illiterate-in-Chief can barely bring himself to apologize for Abu Ghraib’s atrocities. Of course, this is the same president whose White House counsel, Albert Gonzales, two years ago actually recommended that we not abide by the Geneva Conventions. Gonzales, by the way, has been touted by neocons for the next appointment to the Supreme Court. Think of the laughter that will generate in the rest of the world.

    So are the prisoners we hold on Diego Garcia being tortured by Americans? Are other prisoners, in other places we don’t know about, being tortured by proxies working under the guidance of Bush’s drones? Most Americans will never know, even if Seymour Hersh tries to tell us. We can only hope that among the soldiers and intelligence agents “debriefing” those poor souls are a few with their own digital cameras.

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    monday, 24

    Go visit the Stax Museum of American Soul Music.