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Opinion The Last Word

The Rant

My opponents in this paper’s annual Best of Memphis “Best Local Columnist” readers’ poll category wanted you to vote for them, but do you really know who they are? You’d be surprised. Wendi
Thomas and Geoff Calkins both believe that crystal meth labs should be legalized. They are the ones responsible
for losing the manatee in the Mississippi River. They want the manatee to die because it is homosexual. They both take kickbacks from Iranian business interests. Thomas doesn’t even have any children, so how can she possibly know anything about family values? She spends almost all of her time at Memphis Fire Department parties where the firemen strip naked. Calkins thinks that education should be banned from colleges and universities and that sports should be the only thing offered to today’s high school graduates. Even worse is movie critic John Beifuss. He only reviews homosexual-themed movies. He doesn’t even see the movies he reviews, except for Brokeback Mountain. He thinks movies should be filmed only in North Korea with North Korean gays. iDiva columnist Leanne Kleinmann has committed several murders because she worships Satan. She likes Celine Dion more than she does Aretha Franklin. Even the Memphis Flyer‘s other columnists attempt to smear my family and me when Best of Memphis ballots appear each year. They are out to destroy American family values. John Branston knows where Osama bin Laden is and refuses to tell anyone because he wants to break the story. He is also a cross-dresser. He has extremely close ties with the Mafia. He helped Thomas and Calkins in the manatee caper. Instead of helping officials trying to save the poor beast, he tried to help it cut and run. Music columnist Chris Herrington has never even listened to a musical recording nor has he ever attended a concert because he’s always off on a privately funded junket. He’s never attended a Playboy party, but you should see the e-mails he sends to the young male interns at this paper. His drag name is Paige Scandal. Political columnist Jackson Baker is an illegal alien from Syria. Your tax dollars are helping pay for him to stay in this country illegally. He wants to place economic sanctions on those who tried to save the manatee. The editor — and columnist — for this paper’s sister publication, Memphis magazine, Mary Helen Tibbs, takes a shot of Jack Daniel’s every morning and makes sure that magazine publishes a bunch of lies every month. She thinks poor people are poor because they are basically lazy and stupid and she thinks they should all be killed, especially the ones who have two or three fast-food jobs. And she clearly does not want them to have health care. This paper’s editor, Bruce VanWyngarden, helps her plot the murder of these societal barnacles. He’s more of a homosexual than all the rest of them put together. He favors big oil companies and thinks Exxon-Mobil should make higher profits. Gas stations give him free gasoline for his Hummer because he writes stories about them that put high gas prices in a good light. He owns slaves. He thinks George W. Bush is an intellectual giant and wants the United States government to increase everyday citizens’ income taxes so the military can attack Iceland. Or is it Holland? He changes his mind more often than he changes his underwear and that’s why it is so hard to keep up with his real views. In fact, he doesn’t even change his underwear. Now, I ask you: Are these the kinds of columnists you want to win in the next Best of Memphis readers’ poll? Or do you think journalism in Memphis needs a new direction? If so, the next time you fill out that ballot, vote for me. Personally, I believe these media outlets in Memphis already have too many drug addicts and baby killers and homosexuals and higher-tax advocates and liars and perverts and manatee haters. I’m Tim Sampson, and that’s why I — well, my cats and I — approved this message.

This ad was paid for by Alec Baldwin, Planned Parenthood, Dick Cheney, Sons of the Confederacy, Hugo Chavez, the NRA, the PTA, the NRC, the NDC, Run-D.M.C., and Barbra Streisand, and not a word of it is true, but hey, this is America.

Categories
Sports Sports Feature

Griz Lose Opener in Three OTs.

Quentin Richardson scored a game-high 31 points, hitting a pair of free throws with 11.9 seconds left in the third overtime to give the New York Knicks a 118-117 win over the Grizzlies in the season opener for both teams.

Chucky Atkins had 25 points and Hakim Warrick had 22 points and 12 rebounds for the Grizzlies. Rookie Rudy Gay added 21 points and Mike Miller had 18 points for Memphis, which began its comeback early in the fourth quarter.

For analysis and commentary, check the Flyer‘s Grizblog.

Categories
News

Harold Ford Jr. Apparel

Want to show your support of senate-hopeful Harold Ford Jr. — but only to those closest to you? Then maybe you’re in the market for a pair of thong underwear reading “Congressman Harold Ford, The only good one in the bunch.” The panties are illustrated with a bunch of carrots.

A search for Bob Corker undies yielded no results.

Categories
News

Memphians Sued for Movie Piracy

The Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) filed four lawsuits yesterday against individuals in Memphis and Jackson, Tennessee. The civil suits allege that the defendants — two Memphians, one person from Bartlett, one from Selmer — illegally swapped movies over the Internet. The MPAA states that $7 billion in revenue was lost due to Internet movie piracy. Fines can be as high as $150,000 per downloaded movie.

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News

Borat Ends Career in Jackson, Mississippi

Borat, the “Kazakhi journalist” created by Sacha Baron Cohen, is upsetting people both near and far. His movie, Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan, has already angered Kazakhstan officials and now it seems it has upset a former television producer for WAPT in Jackson, Mississippi.

According to Newsweek, Dharma Arthur is claiming that booking Borat on a live noon news show cost her job. While on the show — and subsequently in the movie — Borat makes scatological references, kisses the male anchor, stands up so he’s out of the screen, and then disrupts the weather report. Arthur, as quoted in Newsweek: “Because of [Baron Cohen], my boss lost faith in my abilities and second-guessed everything I did thereafter.”

It must be one hell of a movie.

Categories
News

Sex Offenders Nabbed in Federal Round-Up

Officials from the U.S. Marshal’s office announced today that 103 sex offender registry cases in the district were closed after arrests were made during a federal round-up, Operation FALCON III. More unregistered sex offenders were arrested in West Tennessee than anywhere else in the nation.

“That number doesn’t mean we have more offenders, but it does mean we were more aggressive in pursuing them,” said U.S. Marshal David Jolley at a press conference in Memphis Thursday afternoon.

From October 22-28, the round-up targeted outstanding warrants for failure to register as a sex offender, gang members, homicides, narcotics violations, and more in 24 eastern states. The operation netted 1,659 sex offenders nationwide and cleared a total of 13,333 warrants.

Locally, the Memphis Police Department, the Shelby County Sheriff’s Office, the Tennessee Bureau of Investigation, the Tennessee Highway Patrol, and the U.S. Marshals participated in the weeklong dragnet.

Said Memphis Police Director Larry Godwin: “The more folks we can put in the sheriff’s jail, the better I feel.”

Categories
Politics Politics Feature

Ford Gets Help from Clinton

The visit to Memphis Wednesday of former president Bill Clinton was intended, it would seem, to ignite the Get-Out-the-Vote fervor among local Democrats on behalf of U.S. Senate candidate Harold Ford Jr., a rising political star who is locked in a back-and-forth struggle with Republican Bob Corker with less than a week to go before the November 7th election.

Clinton, who was governor in next-door Arkansas for more than a decade before becoming president, has a stout following in Memphis – especially in the city’s majority black population, key to the kind of large home-town turnout that Ford, an African American, needs to balance Corker strength elsewhere in red-state Tennessee. Taking no chances, Ford plans a series of joint appearance in Nashville on Sunday with Illinois senator Barack Obama – arguably the Democratic Party’s best sure-fire draw these days (after, perhaps, anybody named Clinton.).

The former president’s appearance in Memphis was at the COGIC (Church of God in Christ) Temple of Deliverance in downtown Memphis, before a mid-morning crowd of several thousand that, however, failed to fill the cavernous church sanctuary that Bishop G.E. Patterson jested (partly in response to criticism of possible church-state conflict) was “the best venue” in town.

As expected, Clinton hailed Rep. Ford’s Senate bid as an opportunity for the country to move “beyond race.” Acknowledging possible differences of opinion with the increasingly conservative Ford on some issues, Clinton said, “If we agree on everything, one of us isn’t thinking.”

Also on the stage with Clinton and Ford were Tennessee congressmen John Tanner of the nearby 8th congressional district and Lincoln Davis of the 4th District, which snakes through all three grand divisions of the state. Tanner and Davis, like Ford himself, are members of the conservative “Blue Dog” caucus, a fact which prompted Clinton to tell the trio that, collectively, they had “taken race out of redneck.”

In an allusion to the controversial Republican National Committee TV ad which played off Ford’s attendance at a Playboy magazine-sponsored Super Bowl party, one in which a scantily clad woman says flirtatiously, “Call me, Harold,” Clinton (who had a problem or two along these lines during his presidency) voiced approval of Ford’s response: “‘I plead guilty. I like football and girls.'”

Sounding notes of moderation consistent with the Memphis-based candidate’s markedly conservative stump rhetoric, Clinton said Ford’s victory was necessary as a part of an overdue political shift away from the control of the “ideologues” now in charge in Washington to what the former president foresaw as a coalition between “legitimate” progressives and conservatives in Congress. On Iraq, Clinton disputed Republican allegations that Democrats wanted to “cut and run,” saying, “What we want to do is stop and think.”

A significant backstory to Clinton’s visit was some palpable tension involving the race to succeed Ford as representative from Memphis’ 9th Congressional District. The winner of the 15-strong Democratic primary in August was state Senator Steve Cohen, a brash but effective longtime legislator who has been endorsed by the two local African-American mayors, Willie Herenton of Memphis and A C Wharton of surrounding Shelby County, along with various other prominent black officials and civic leaders.

But Cohen, who is white and Jewish, was never cottoned to by a local ad hoc group of black ministers who insisted that the district should be represented by an African American and maintained that Cohen, who polled some 20 percent of the black vote in August, won only because of the plentitude of black candidates running against him.
As it happens, Rep. Ford’s brother Jake Ford, a political unknown quantity supported by the family patriarch, former congressman Harold Ford Sr., has mounted an “independent” campaign – creating a three-way race between Cohen, himself, and Republican Mark White. The congressman himself has affected a posture of public neutrality, angering some Democrats who believe that party loyalty requires Rep. Ford to reciprocate Cohen’s own support of his Senate bid.

All this came to a head Wednesday when Cohen, escorted by the two mayors as well as by actress Cybill Shepherd, a native Memphian, took front-row seats for the Clinton event. Rep. Ford publicly introduced the two mayors as a group and Shepherd separately but made no mention of Cohen, a public supporter of the congressman’s Senate candidacy. . When Clinton took the dais for his own remarks, however, he made a point of acknowledging Cohen, who received considerable applause.

Meanwhile, Jake Ford was never introduced by name, either by Rep. Ford or by Clinton, but both acknowledged the presence of the Ford “brothers.” All of this was the sum total of some complicated behind-the-scenes maneuvering, whereby Cohen had been assured by mutual friends of himself and the former president that Clinton would see to it that Cohen got recognition appropriate to his status as Democratic nominee.

When Clinton did so, introducing Cohen by name, it served as a de facto resolution to this almost Jamesian subplot, which earlier had seen members of the Ford organization working the event attempting to minimize media attention to Cohen, even to the point of heading off photographers who tried to get snapshots of him.

And, in yet another of several personal confrontations that have marked his congressional race, Jake Ford, also in a front-row seat along with brother Isaac, had declined a handshake and aimed harsh words at local Democratic Party chairman Matt Kuhn, who happened by before Wednesday’s program began. Kuhn said later that Ford (who, among other problems, has had to acknowledge a youthful arrest record) was apparently miffed at remarks the chairman had made in support of party nominee Cohen during an East Memphis Rotary Club debate last week.

Beyond the burlesque of it all were serious political issues, most of them relating to an ongoing local power struggle between, on one hand, the extended Ford organization (several family members and supporters hold public office of various kinds) and, on the other, various Democrats and unaffiliated activists, both white and black, who think it’s time to brake the influence of the family, one of whose prominent members, former state senator John Ford, will shortly be tried on charges of bribery and extortion as part of the FBI’s “Tennessee Waltz” sting operation.

For clear and obvious reasons, this simmering drama could also have some effect on the outcome of the touch-and-go Senate race, one in which Rep. Ford has campaigned impressively, with both his own future political power and possible Democratic control of the Senate very much at stake. Ominously, Ford’s GOP opponent Corker has already made several references to the “Ford family dynasty” as a potential threat to the state’s political welfare.

Especially in the last several days of intense, campaigning for both the Senate seat and the 9th District congressional seat, an overlap between the two could generate some serious combustion.

Categories
Politics Politics Feature

BARNSTORMING: Running on Empty

True, the prodigal
son, upon his return to the fold, was feasted with the choicest cuts from the
fattest calf. But will the same be true for Harold Ford Jr. who’s trying to
become the Democratic senator from Tennessee by running away from his fellow
Democrats? Will the poor guy even get a cheeseburger?

Like so many other
commenters, I’ve accused our Junior of running a smart campaign, but that
once-common assumption is rapidly coming undone. By positioning himself to the
right of his Republican opponent Bob Corker on several key issues Ford girded
himself against accusations of being a Moonbat, gracefully seized the center
and, with the aid of a fawning national news media and generous out-of-state
donors, he held on tight. But after series of crucial fourth-quarter fumbles
(Wilson Air being the prime example), and an effective (if short lived) RNC-funded
attack ad going after Ford’s allegedly churchy values, it would appear that the
9th District congressman’s Teflon coating has failed him, leaving him to
prestidigitate the fluffy bunnies of victory into the empty hat of defeat. Now
seems as good a time as any to reassess Junior’s political savvy, and examine
the various integers adding up to what could very well be the fall of Ford
House.

From the opening
buzzer Junior has not only written off his party’s left flank, he has been
openly antagonistic, bragging at every turn that he’s the kind of Democrat that
makes other Democrats mad. Conventional wisdom held that this was merely a
political ploy to throw Republicans off their game.

The Green fringe
notwithstanding, it was presumed that the liberals would play practical politics
and vote for the Democratic majority no matter how hard or often Ford kicked at
their teeth. A month ago, while the Congressman rode the center like a Rodeo
king, this looked like the winning triangulation. Now, however, the first word
that springs to mind is hubris. The center’s slipping away fast, and the trench
Ford dug between himself and left-of-center Democrats (who’d love to see an
African American senator from Tennessee, but would really prefer to elect a
Democrat that doesn’t side with Republicans on key issues) is deep, wide, and
stocked with hungry gators.

In Ford’s
rush-to-the-right he’s made one major blunder in his failure to endorse and
embrace the campaign of 9th District Democratic nominee Steve Cohen.
Ford supporters have attempted to “aw shucks” the error away, hoping most voters
will forgive Ford if his filial bond with brother/9th District independent
candidate Jake Ford  prevents young Junior from openly endorsing his party’s
liberal nominee. In this the HFJ Army has underestimated Tennessee’s fear that
the Ford family’s interest in the Ford family far outweighs their loyalty to
things like city, state, and nation. Had Junior campaigned side by side with
Cohen rather than running laissez-faire interference for brother Jake, the
family issue would be moot. Cohen would be the ivory in an ebony district to
Ford’s ebony in an ivory state. He would be the left to Junior’s right, a Talmud
tapper to complement Ford’s Bible thumping.  Yins, yangs, and all that trash.

The ugly race-,
faith-, and gay- baiting that began in the 9th Congressional District’s primary
have carried over into the general, and some of Jake Ford’s strongest support
comes from black religious leaders like Rev. LaSimba Gra, who has been quoted in
local and national publications suggesting that a white Jew can’t represent a
black Christian district, and speculating as to whether or not Cohen is a
closeted homosexual. Needless to say, this is no more likely to sit well with
Tennessee’s Jewish community than a Klan rally would in Orange Mound. Should
Corker best Ford by 10,000 votes or less it’s probably safe to assume half that
number or better were Jewish Junior supporters who soured on Jake.

When former
Democratic Congressman Harold Ford Sr. left his cushy compound in Florida to
lend support to his unqualified and ill-tempered son Jake, a cold shiver ran
through the collective body of Tennessee centrists. Senior’s rhetoric smacked of
racism, and of family entitlement. It was also a huge reminder that papa Ford is
now a big-time lobbyist who makes his cheese based on what does and doesn’t get
done in D.C. At a time when K Street’s getting more jeers than cheers, keeping
Jake in the race and bringing the family business into play was what political
experts commonly refer to as a “boneheaded stunt.”

Unless Bob
Corker’s daughters appear in a legitimate Girls Gone Wild commercial
sometime in the next three days, it seems very likely that the miniature former
mayor of Chattanooga will be going to D.C. and that Harold Ford Jr. will be
coming home to — wherever it is he actually considers home. Why? Because a
candidate who runs as a Democrat but fails to support his fellow Democrats runs
on a platform, not of centrism, but of disloyalty. And because even if the
national media chooses to tell another story, a goodly number of west
Tennesseans know where the worst politics is being played, and who is behind it
all.

The mainstream
media sounded like Air America last week (and Air America sounded like idiots)
when somebody sniffed a hint of racism in the RNC’s now infamous “Call Me” ad.
Snapping at that red herring, they’ve all missed the boat on Tennessee’s truly
racist front. By not endorsing Steve Cohen or at the very least denouncing the
racist, homophobic, and anti-Semitic tactics being used against his fellow
Democratic nominee and on behalf of his brother, Harold Ford Jr. is complicit in
racist games far more insidious overt and defamatory than anything in the RNC’s
shady little commercial.

Maybe he gets a
cheeseburger. Maybe.

Categories
News

Bye-bye, Cybill?

The Memphis Daily News is reporting that actress Cybill Shepherd has sold her South Bluffs home. The four bedroom, 3 ½ bath house was listed at a $1.799 million asking price but sold for a lesser, unknown amount.

But even though you can’t purchase it — unless you’re willing to contact the new owners — you can still take a virtual tour.

As for Shepherd, we guess she’ll be Moonlighting somewhere else soon.

Categories
Politics Politics Feature

Amendment One Rallys

Memphis, choose your side. This weekend, there will be conflicting awareness-raising events representing both sides of Amendment One. Amendment One …

, if passed, would constitutionally recognize only marriages between a man and a woman. Same-sex marriage is already illegal in the state.

RealMarriage.org and its “Vote Yes” bus will make its last stop of a five-day statewide tour at the Agricenter on Saturday, November 3rd at 4 p.m. The public is invited.

Meanwhile, supporters of the Memphis Gay Lesbian Community Center have been holding up anti-amendment signs on various street corners since September. On Saturday, they’ll be at Union and McLean from 2 to 6 p.m. Sunday through Tuesday, the group will be at the Union and McLean and Poplar and McClean at various times. The public is invited to join them.