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Film Features Film/TV

No Babysitter Required

Unless you sit through the closing credits of Date Night for the single, out-of-nowhere chortle that comes from a Tina Fey outtake, the latest product from director Shawn Levy (both Night at the Museums) leaves not a trace of pleasure. Date Night looks like a comedy all right, with its goofy high-concept premise and its swell lineup of supporting players, but it sure doesn’t play like one. When set alongside this film, the sloppy but exuberant Hot Tub Time Machine feels like a work of a profound comic philosopher.

Date Night stars Steve Carell and Fey as the Fosters, a normal, middle-class New Jersey couple with normal, middle-class responsibilities — feeding the kids, working at their jobs, and planning for sex that doesn’t happen as much as it used to — that ground the film in a recognizable reality which is quickly whisked away. One night they treat themselves to dinner in New York City, and after committing the unfathomable crime of taking someone else’s restaurant reservation, they are plunged into a neon-lit Nighttown where they rub elbows with corrupt cops, shirtless super-spies, a pasta-gobbling mobster, and a district attorney with an appetite for kink capacious enough to include a normal, middle-class New Jersey couple pretending to be a stripper and her pimp.

To their credit — I guess — Fey and Carell throw themselves into their roles and disappear. But they’re so good at being a beige Everycouple that they make you forget their respective pedigrees. It’s probably unfair to compare different media, but it’s unavoidably true that any random episode of either star’s TV shows (The Office for Carell, 30 Rock for Fey) offers better writing and more complex storytelling than their big-screen joint venture. Carell’s sudden, petulant explosions of insecurity and Fey’s sharp, bitchy put-downs are severely curtailed. I’m indifferent to Carell, but I cherish Fey as both a late-blooming star and a late-blooming beauty. However, her role here is nearly identical to her role as a good-looking sexophobe in 2008’s Baby Mama. Can she play any other role? Moreover, is she allowed to?

The underuse of the other actors in this film (Mark Ruffalo, Kristen Wiig, Nick Kroll, Ray Liotta, James Franco, Mila Kunis, and especially William Fichtner) shrivels the heart. Watching them drift into the frame for a scene or two and then vanish is as depressing as watching an old boot drift down a stream. Only Mark Wahlberg is used for more than a scene or two, as more of a physical prop than a flesh-and-blood spray of human graffiti. And to top it all off, the squares onscreen can’t really make each other laugh. One of the things the Fosters like to do when they’re out is look at other couples and imagine what they’re talking about. Unfortunately, this improv setup falls flat three straight times. Not even the nostalgia of seeing a good, old-fashioned police-car pileup will keep this surprise box-office earner from the dustbin of history, where it can rub elbows with 1989’s Three Fugitives.

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Film Features Film/TV

Craig Brewer slated to direct Footloose remake.

One of the worst-kept secrets in Hollywood is out: Memphis filmmaker Craig Brewer has signed on to direct a remake of the 1984 teen-cinema fave Footloose for Paramount. Brewer has been rumored in connection with the remake since late last year and had recently been working on a new script for the project, but the final deal for Brewer to helm the rebooted Footloose was reported Monday night by industry trade publication Variety and confirmed by Brewer shortly thereafter.

“I’m now directing Footloose,” Brewer told the Flyer Tuesday. The next step in the process is casting the film and choosing a location, but Brewer says he expects the film to begin shooting sometime this summer.

The project initially had been set up for High School Musical director Kenny Ortega and envisioned as a lighter, musical-theater-style piece. Brewer had turned down the project after being approached by Paramount last year but took another look when Paramount executive Adam Goodman gave Brewer the go-ahead to scrap the initial rewrite and take the project in his own direction.

Brewer, who has long expressed a love for the “working-class cinema” of the ’80s such as Footloose, Purple Rain, and Flashdance, had plenty of ideas.

In his new version, Brewer sought to return the film to its original drama, wrapped up in teen angst, parental control, religious repression, and small-town malaise. And he appears to have made the project personal by drawing on his own experiences with the Baptist church and as a teen outsider who grew up in California but would spend summers visiting relatives in Memphis. Brewer says he’s also drawn on his parenthood in developing a new appreciation for the material.

“I’m beginning to understand how parents, worried about the dangers and potential deaths of their children, can make rash decisions,” Brewer says.

Brewer says he did his rewrite in six weeks, completely rebuilding the project from the ground up.

“I’ve been shakin’ the Etch A Sketch,” he says.

Brewer has set the film in Tennessee, but given the more generous film-production incentives in surrounding states, particularly Georgia, shooting the film in Tennessee may be a long shot, though Brewer says he hasn’t given up.

“This is a battle, unfortunately. There’s nothing the studio can do. There’s just a lot of financial incentives to go to Georgia,” Brewer says. “It would be a shame to shoot in Georgia and have to put up Tennessee flags. I guarantee you I’m the only person in Hollywood fighting to make a movie in Tennessee.”

It’s been nearly five years since Brewer shot his last feature, Black Snake Moan. Now it looks like he’ll be helming two major feature-film productions over the next year or so.

“The one reason I’m focused on shooting [Footloose] this summer is because I want to make Mother Trucker next summer,” Brewer says of his adaptation of a Details magazine story about a man who breaks out of jail and hijacks a semi-trailer truck to visit an ailing mother.

Mother Trucker, according to Brewer, is lined up and ready to go. The script has been approved, and “there’s a budget, there’s a schedule, and there’s a plan.”

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Opinion The Last Word

The Rant

I understand that television viewership for the Masters golf tournament was up 50 percent, since Tiger Woods decided to participate. Maybe fans thought he would be chased down the fairway by galleries of persistent process servers. But the crowds at Augusta care far less if you cheat on your wife than if you cheat on your

scorecard. That would be unforgivable. So, the drama was minimal, and the right lefty won without a whole lot of suspense. In fact, the final round was so lacking in leader-board thrills that all the new tabloid golf aficionados might have gotten bored, which got me thinking of ways to make the game more exciting for its future survival.

First, let’s get some helmets and a few strategic pads on these guys and have a different golfer tee off every 45 seconds. This forces the athlete to sprint after his shot and hit it again, lest he be struck from behind. Someone slow, like John Daly, can make up for it by out-driving the players in front of him. And none of this “who’s away” stuff either. Everybody hits all at once and races to the hole, while the gallery holds out cups of cold water. And we get rid of both the bulky golf bag and the caddy. Every player gets four clubs: a wood, an iron, a wedge, and a putter, which they must carry in a quiver strapped across their backs. Let them use their skills like my high school teacher, who was a Christian Brother. Because his vows of poverty prevented him from owning a set of expensive clubs, he had one club with a five-way adjustable club-face. By restricting the number of clubs, the need for poofy woods covers with tassels will be eliminated. (What kind of man puts pom poms on his wood, anyway?) Instead of an all-day affair, we could wrap this thing up by lunchtime. The winner will be determined by the combined low score and fastest time, with the least severe injuries.

Because our world is an unruly place, we need to relax the rules on crowd noise. If a pitcher has to throw a strike or a basketball player has to sink a free throw with 60,000 people screaming obscenities at them, let these boys swing away to the sounds of a howling mob and the occasional blast of an air-horn. To be fair, the golfer should receive extra points for striking spectators. And for hitting anyone yelling “You the man,” an instant cash bonus is awarded.

Golfers deserve to get as dirty as rugby players, so we’ll replace the illogically conceived sand traps with the more natural mud trap and let them hack around barefoot in there for a while. The good thing is you don’t need to rake when you’re finished. The surface will just ooze back to level on its own. The rough can be made far more challenging. Rather than merely hitting from tall grass, the rough will be stocked with various rodents and reptiles to really test the courage of the wayward golfer, and rather than fairway trees, we’ll build a few tire fires to obscure the view of the flag. And since obstacles are a treasured feature of miniature golf, there’s no reason a few windmills can’t be erected, along with some giant clown heads with gaping mouths for marksmanship.

Today’s tournament professionals are just not dressing as flamboyantly as their predecessors, who often resembled rental party clowns. As with every other sport, the uniform should be uniform for all. I recall the late Payne Stewart making a fashion statement in his throwback “plus fours,” knee socks, and cat hat, cutting a dashing Gatsbyesque figure. All golfers will therefore be required to wear 1930s attire in tribute to the legendary Bobby Jones, with knickers, argyle stockings, and a proper sweater vest. Then no one in the locker room can object if someone yells, “Where my knickers at?”

There will be no more rain delays. Helmeted men sloshing through a thunderstorm carrying metal sticks only adds to the excitement. And if they wish to call a fairway hazard a “bunker,” allow mercenaries from Blackwater to defend them from the club-wielding hordes. Golf courses take up entirely too much land, so future links will consist of only nine holes while retaining the ability to play 18. The competitors will simply play the front nine from tee to green, then turn around and play the back nine from green to tee. The arrangement becomes particularly exciting when the rounds overlap and the golfers are actually hitting at each other. This way, a player going into the final hole down by four strokes can still win if the leader is disabled and can’t complete the competition.

The presently confusing descriptions of scoring need simplification. The terms ace, eagle, and birdie will remain the same, but, staying with the avian theme, the new word for par is “duck.” A bogey will now be known as a “turkey,” followed by a “buzzard.” Anything over double-bogey is a “grackle.” Finally, under the new rules there will be no more golf jokes, because non-golfers don’t understand the references. They think a mixed foursome is a night with Tiger Woods at the Las Vegas House of Blues. Which reminds me: A mixed foursome has just reached the first green, and while one of the men stood over his putt, his partner noticed something out of place. He rushed to his side and whispered urgently, “The ladies are watching and you must have forgotten your underwear because your testicles are hanging down out of your shorts.”

“I know,” the golfer replied. “It keeps the gnats out of my eyes when I putt.”

See, a non-golfer would find no humor in a joke like that.

Finally, henceforth, anyone winning a green jacket must wear it everywhere he goes, just like Bruce Pearl and his orange sportcoat. If these changes don’t enliven the game, we can always build new public courses inside failing shopping malls. It’s called a “win-win.”

Randy Haspel writes the blog “Born-Again Hippies,” where a version of this column first appeared.

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Style Sessions We Recommend

Meet Shalishah “Petey” Franklin

Last November, Shalishah “Petey” Franklin was in Las Vegas visiting her mother when the two of them went thrifting.

“I saw so many things I wanted, including a huge boom box,” Shalishah says. “I realized I couldn’t keep all of this stuff. But more importantly, I couldn’t pass up on it, either.”

Instead, she decided that she wanted to open a boutique in Memphis that specializes in vintage clothing from the 1980s to now.

“Since then, I have traveled throughout the country, thrifting, digging, and seraching for amazing finds,” she says.

The end result is the upcoming online boutique Strange Fruit Vintage, which will be having a launch party this Saturday, April 17th, at 7 p.m. at Mpact Memphis on South Main Street.

But here at this portal, Shalishah is going to teach us a little bit about being your unique self, defining your own style, and dancing to the beat of your own drum this week.

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Would you believe this red and black tropical print is a one-piece jumper? Shalishah paired it with a grey leather belt to “wrap it all together.”

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News

Have a Seat, Mr. Cash

John Branston says the City Council ought to have some pointed questions for MCS superintendent Kriner Cash.

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Opinion

A Gateway Exam for Kriner Cash

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Public school students are about to take “the Gateway,” those make-or-break standardized tests that purport to measure their academic progress and fitness for advancement.

In the next few weeks, The Memphis City Council should give its own Gateway exam to Superintendent Kriner Cash, who is asking the council to give Memphis City Schools an additional $120-$130 million or so over the next two years plus $50 million to cover “shortage” from last year.

All of that will likely mean a property tax increase for Memphis residents who already pay by far the highest property tax rate in Tennessee.

Memphis is already losing population and becoming increasingly isolated politically from the rest of Shelby County and Tennessee. A tax-increase of a few hundred dollars a year isn’t going to break many people, but it will send a message about how the city and the school system respond to a real budget crisis.

MCS has a billion-dollar-a-year budget. Before adding to it, which might or might not be the right call, city council members should ask Cash some questions:

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Food & Drink Hungry Memphis

Avocado Milkshake

I’ve been wanting to try the avocado milkshake at Chang’s Bubble Tea Cafe for months now. Last week, I finally did and was not disappointed.

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But, first, a disclaimer …

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News

Elliot Williams Opts for NBA Draft

The Tigers’ leading scorer, sophomore Elliot Williams is tossing his hat into the NBA ring. Frank Murtaugh has some thoughts.

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News

City and MCS Reach Funding Agreement

The Memphis City Council reached an agreement that temporarily settles the city’s dispute with Memphis City Schools. Mary Cashiola has the story.