One of John Ford’s children finds her voice and succeeds despite the odds.
Month: May 2011
John Ford’s Legacy
There’s a very touching story about one of John Ford’s daughters, Victoria, in The New York Times. With both parents in prison, she and her brother were taken in by an aunt who lives in South Carolina, where Victoria found her voice as a writer and won a college scholarship. Read it here.
A “Memorial Day” in March
Frank Murtaugh and his family had a memorable day at Arlington Cemetery in Washington, D.C. this spring.
How often are we in the right place at the right time? Human nature is such that we gripe about the “wrong place, wrong time” if we so much as get pulled over for speeding. As though the decisions we make — and the pressure we put on a gas pedal — have nothing to do with making a situation “wrong.” But how often do we pause long enough to recognize that we’re in precisely the right place, and at precisely the right time?
Wearing my sportswriter’s hat, I’ve had this feeling a few times over my career. The first NBA game hosted by the Memphis Grizzlies (November 1, 2001) was one such occasion. Any of the five 200-yard outbursts by the Memphis Tigers’ DeAngelo Williams at the Liberty Bowl made me feel as though I was seeing something I’d never see again (he kept surprising me). And attending the 2004 World Series in St. Louis with my dad — I left my sportswriter’s hat at home for this one — was the right place and the right time, and profoundly so.
But sporting events, by necessity, are scripted. We may not know the outcome or who the next hero will be, but we know when the game will be played, and where. (Ticket sales are important.) Forgettable games, alas, are more common than the 2000 Pacific Coast League championship at AutoZone Park.
I traveled to Washington, D.C., in March with my family, an essential pilgrimage for parents with children of a certain age. The visit was my daughters’ first chance to walk in the footsteps of George Washington (at Mount Vernon), Barack Obama (we arranged a tour of the rooms the Secret Service still allows the public to see), and even Robert E. Lee (at Arlington House). From the viewing room atop the Washington Monument to the balcony of Ford’s Theatre, our nation’s capitol provides the most “I’m really here” settings per square mile in the entire country. Right place, easy. But right time?
On March 15th, during a convenient window of our five-day tour, we took the D.C. subway to Arlington Cemetery. The objective was to see Arlington House, the resting places of the Kennedy brothers, and a changing of the guard at the Tomb of the Unknowns, one of the more goose-bump-inducing ceremonies on American soil.
Upon being seated in our shuttle, though, a guide informed us that the Tomb of the Unknowns would be closed to the public for the remainder of the day. He reminded my family and our fellow travelers that Arlington remained an active cemetery, and that a funeral was taking place that afternoon. We were asked to kindly respect the family of the deceased, however inconvenient the altered plans may seem. We appeared to be in the right place, only the wrong time.
And that’s when my family became a part of history. The funeral, it turns out, was for Mr. Frank Buckles, a gentleman who had died 16 days earlier, not quite four weeks after his 110th birthday. You probably know the name by now: Frank Buckles was the last living American veteran of World War I.
While the ceremony for Mr. Buckles was private, the public was invited to gather quietly across a narrow paved road that runs alongside the Tomb of the Unknowns. Not far from the markers that honor the astronauts lost in the two space shuttle explosions, my family and I were able to say a personal goodbye to a man who was first discharged from the Army two years after John F. Kennedy was born. With a military band standing at attention, Buckles’ flag-draped casket was carefully placed on a horse-drawn caisson. Rarely in my life has silence seemed so heavy. This was the right place and precisely the right time.
If the fates allow, my daughter, Elena — born 101 years after Frank Buckles arrived on this earth — will someday tell her grandchildren that she witnessed the funeral of a World War I veteran. Her grandchildren in, let’s say, 2060 will have a difficult time with the math, the first Great War having been over for more than 140 years. The span of a normal lifetime and the basics of chronology will seem to contradict the confluence of this posthumous crossing of paths. It just doesn’t seem possible to reach back and touch history from such enormous distance.
It will be up to Elena, then, to remind my great-grandchildren that time and place do in fact grab us when we least expect it. We’d better be paying attention.
memorial day in memphis
She’s Bored With Him.
Jack Waggon advises a man whose lover has no interest in sex.
Dear Jack,
My girlfriend and I have been together almost four years. Everyone says we are perfect for each other, and we are. She is the best friend I’ve ever had. But over the last few months she appears to have lost all interest in sex. Our sexual relationship has never been spectacular, not even in the beginning, but it has always been pretty good. Neither one of us are particularly adventurous in bed. I have been faithful to her since the beginning, and as far as I know she has been faithful, too.
Nothing else has changed in our relationship – just the sex. She seems to have some excuse every time I try to get intimate, while she hasn’t tried to initiate sex since I don’t know when. I’ve tried to talk to her about it, but she doesn’t want to talk. She says nothing is wrong, but clearly something is. Meanwhile, my boiler has been steadily building pressure. It’s getting more and more difficult not to blow my top. I’ve spent a few nights on the couch, sitting up most of the night watching television and trying not to think about it. But it’s getting to the point where it’s all I think about, and eventually that will change the other parts of our relationship.
I want to stay faithful, but how can I under these conditions?
Boiling Over
Dear Over,
I could make some jokes about experiencing the joys of marriage without the expense of a wedding and a divorce, but I won’t. I commend you for your desire to stay faithful and your success so far. Unfortunately, I’m afraid you’re in a situation that is only going to get more difficult.
I’m not a doctor, though I was once pre-med, so my medical judgment is about as trustworthy as my judgment of race horses. But I’m going to guess your girlfriend has issues that can only be worked out with her doctor. A drastic decrease in libido could indicate a medical problem, or it might be a symptom of depression, or who knows what. Something may have happened that she can’t talk to you about, for whatever reason.
If she won’t talk to you, you need to do your best to get her to talk to someone. If she doesn’t already have a therapist, suggest she talk to her gynecologist. I suspect you’re going to have a difficult time getting her to do even that, if she is so insistent that nothing is wrong. You need to convince her, somehow, that it is. My first wife used to complain about my snoring, but I always denied that I snored, until she made a video tape of my snoring and showed it to me. (Then she sent it to America’s Funniest Videos.)
Maybe if you mark on a calendar each time the two of you had sex over the last six months, and show her the days and/or weeks that passed between moments of intimacy, that will convince her.
If not, you’re going to have to make the even more difficult decision of whether to talk to a female close to her, like a friend or sister. Hearing it from them might shock her into realizing how concerned you are. Then again, it might strike her as an unforgivable betrayal on your part, so you need to tread carefully.
Whatever happens, you will need to be as patient and understanding as you can. No matter how angry you may feel, she isn’t doing this on purpose. She isn’t trying to hurt you. She needs help, and you need to help her find it. And last of all, trust in the healing power of time. Things won’t always be this way. Don’t do anything you know you’ll regret. Even the fierce urgency of Sex Now Dammit! will pass.
Got a problem? Jack Waggon will set you straight: jack.wagg@gmail.com
sunset symphony
Zombies on Beale Street