Month: May 2016

Categories
Music Music Blog

Random Review: A Sailor’s Guide to Earth

Sturgill Simpson

Shooter Jennings has admitted that Sturgill Simpson is the only country singer who comes close to singing anything like Waylon. On the April 15 release, A Sailor’s Guide to Earth, there is something for country music fans, however, when they sit down for a listen, they will have their boundaries tested as Simpson takes listeners on a tightly orchestrated tour of American music from Motown to grunge and even jazz.

Backed by the Dap-Kings as his horn section, jam music fans may find that the cover of “In Bloom,” or his original, “Keep It Between the Lines,” conjures memories of brass performers such as Galactic or Moon Hootch.

The album starts out with a creeping pulse and ocean sounds, as he begins the soliloquy to his first born son. The effect is a soundscape similar to “The Thin Ice,” which was the second introductory track for Pink Floyd’s The Wall. By the end of the song, energy is high with the horn section in full force playing Motown style.

In “Breaker’s Roar,” session guitarist Dan Dugmore’s steel guitar gives the song a dream-like quality. This track is probably already being vetted for David Lynch’s next film. Sturgill channels Elvis in the 1950’s sound of “Keep It Between the Lines,” Jimmy Buffett in “Sea Stories,” and Z. Z. Top in “Brace for Impact (Have a Little Fun).” To say this is a straight country album like his 2013 debut, High Top Mountain, is laughably dismissive. He continues with the spirit sense of Metamodern Sounds in Country Music, most notably in “All Around You,” which seems to be a slightly more up-tempo continuation of his concept from “Just Let Go” on his 2014 release.

The closing track, “Call to Arms,” starts off with bagpipes evoking the Scottish revolutionary theme of Braveheart. In his most politically charged track to date, he calls out both the political establishment and the rabid media before the album’s abrupt finish.

Musically, the new Sturgill album covers a lot of ground, and I think there is plenty for the outlaw country fans. There is plenty more for the musical omnivores who like to see any genre pushed to the bounds of its limitations. If you want to hear Sturgill Simpson get funky, you should check out A Sailor’s Guide to Earth.

Random Review: A Sailor’s Guide to Earth

Categories
Film Features Film/TV

Keanu

I didn’t know we were looking, but I think we may have found our Martin and Lewis.

Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis started out on the radio, and during the early days of television they were the go-to guys for good-natured, mass-market humor. Dean was the baby-faced crooner, and Jerry was the manic comic savant. They were funny, but their humor was not particularly barbed or boundary pushing like their then lesser-known contemporary, Lenny Bruce.

Keegan-Michael Key and Jordan Peele hosted five seasons of sketch comedy on Comedy Central, which is the 21st century equivalent of starting out on radio. Their good-natured, character-based humor hit a chord with Key’s Luthor, President Obama’s “anger translator,” who said what Obama is really thinking underneath his diplomatic exterior.

It’s Keanu, starring Keegan-Michael Key and Jordan Peele and an adorable kitten named Keanu.

Keanu is Key and Peele’s first joint outing since the comedy duo’s show ended last September. The premise is the first joke. Like Keanu Reeves’ 2014 vehicle John Wick, the incident that sets off the plot is a home invasion that results in violence towards animals. In Keanu’s case, it was a beagle named Daisy. In Peele’s case, it’s a cat named Keanu. Peele plays Rell, a schlubby L.A. loser who just got dumped by his girlfriend when he finds the cute little kitten on his doorstep. Unbeknownst to him and his cousin Clarence (Key), the kitten belonged to a drug lord who was just whacked by the Allentown Boys, a pair of assassins — also played by Key and Peele — based on the Cousins from Breaking Bad.

When Clarence’s wife and daughter go out of town a couple of weeks later, Rell convinces him to go out for a night on the town — which to Rell means seeing a Liam Neeson movie and heading back to his apartment to smoke some weed. But when they arrive at the apartment, they find it has been trashed, and little Keanu is missing. Rell enlists Clarence on a mission to retrieve the cat, first by shaking down his next-door weed dealer Hulka (Will Forte). Their investigation leads them to the 17th Street Blips, a bunch of gangbangers so tough they were kicked out of both the Bloods and the Crips. After bluffing their way into the gang’s strip club headquarters, they find that Keanu is in the hands of their leader, Cheddar (Method Man), who has renamed the feline “New Jack” and dressed him in a do-rag and gold chain. Our heroes are mistaken for the Allentown Boys and sent by the gang boss on a high-stakes ride-along with the rest of the gang, which includes Hi-C (Tiffany Haddish), a flinty, but beautiful, gang captain who catches Rell’s eye. Their mission is to deliver a shipment of a new drug called Holy Shit, which is said to be so potent as to have the effect of “smoking crack with God.” If they succeed in their mission, Cheddar promises to return Keanu as a sign of respect. Lies stack upon lies, and the two nerdy friends find themselves pulled deeper into the criminal world.

Key and Peele’s frantic code switching between nerdy everymen and harder-than-thou gangsters is the best part of Keanu. Key, the taller and more imposing of the two, is especially good when he turns his voice down to a menacing growl to explain to his heavily armed charges why George Michael was an original gangster. The pair’s chemistry, carefully cultivated across five seasons of TV, translates well to the big screen. They have a lot of fun with contemporary action movie cliches, such as the duct tape bandage that magically fixes a horrendous wound, and the seemingly normal guy who, in a fit of rage, becomes a killing machine. The real Keanu Reeves even has a cameo as the voice of his namesake kitten during a Holy Shit-induced drug trip.

Realism and character consistency aren’t priorities for director Peter Atencio, who concentrates on foregrounding his stars’ personas. The result has its moments of good fun, but like many before them who have discovered the difficulty of making the comic transition from small screen to big screen, Key and Peele’s first venture into the movies seems ultimately disposable.

Categories
News News Blog

Seed Library Launches at Memphis Public Library

CREDIT: poppet with a camera/Flickr

poppet with a camera/Flickr

This week, prospective gardeners will not only be able to check out books on gardening at the Benjamin L. Hooks Central Library, they can also check out seeds.

The Grow Memphis Seed Library at the Central Library opens at 10:30 a.m. on Wednesday, May 11th. Through it, customers may “check out” fruit, vegetable, and flower seeds for free. Once those seeds are planted, tended, and harvested, customers will return some seeds from their produce to the library. Grow Memphis will maintain the seed library.

“Certain areas of Memphis have been referred to as ‘food deserts’ where fresh produce is not readily available, but the Grow Memphis Seed Library is a free and easily accessible resource for customers to get and grow their own produce – perhaps in flower pots or their own backyards,” said Jessie Marshall, business and sciences department manager. “The seed library will also encourage Memphians to grow their own food and eat healthier by giving them access to seeds at no cost.”

Each week, master gardeners will be on-hand at the seed library to answer questions, and they’ll also host a few Explore Memphis 2016 programs. There’s a Grow Your Own workshop for teens on Wednesday, June 22nd and a Seed Saving and Starting 101 workshop on Tuesday, June 28th.

“Our objective each day when we open the doors of Memphis Public Libraries is to help customers connect, learn, and grow. New programs like the Grow Memphis Seed Library encompass all three of these goals, and the impact is immeasurable,” said Director of Libraries Keenon McCloy. “Customers will be equipped with the tools and knowledge they need to become producers, instead of solely consumers. Also, there are no limitations based on socioeconomic status. Whether customers are seeking a new hobby or an essential food source, everyone is welcome, and there is no price tag involved. We are very excited about this project and the opportunity for Memphis Public Libraries to branch out in new and exciting ways.”

Categories
Music Music Features

Deftones Live at Minglewood Hall

Metal megastars Deftones hit Memphis this Tuesday for a show at Minglewood Hall. Formed while three of the members were still in high school, Deftones have become one of the biggest bands in alternative metal, with a Grammy award and around 10 million total albums sold. The band’s fanbase is notoriously loyal, and albums like White Pony and Around the Fur are classic examples of mid-’90s nu-metal, before it got repackaged by major labels for MTV consumption. The band also paved the way for indie experimental metal bands like Glassjaw to gain traction, and it could be said that Deftones are one of the first bands to mold nu-metal/experimental metal into what it is today.

Opening for Deftones is Code Orange, the Deathwish Inc./ Roadrunner Records band from Pittsburgh. Formerly known as Code Orange Kids, the four-piece definitely owes a lot of their song structures and writing style to Deftones, although they are most commonly referred to as a hardcore punk band. The band recorded their second album I Am King with Kurt Ballou, a producer who once recorded the first album by Memphis’ own Nights Like These, even though the label they were on eventually asked the band to re-record the album with another producer. Sadly, that session has never been officially released. Code Orange are definitely flying the modern metal-core flag high, and their upcoming album for Roadrunner Records will likely see the band move in a more mainstream direction. Tickets moved fast for this one, and as a result the show is sold out.

Categories
Food & Drink Hungry Memphis

Barbecue Fest: Clint Cantwell To Lead Grilling Classes

Clint Cantwell grew up in Texas, married a Memphis girl, and spent some time in Kansas City, so he’s got all his barbecue bona fides covered. A few years back, he was hired by Kingsford to edit their web site, and he develops recipes for meat and grill companies and for his own site, grillocracy.com.

During Barbecue Fest, he’ll be leading classes on grilling on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday in partnership with Men’s Journal and GoRVing.

“The first day is barbecue since Memphis in May is the Super Bowl of Swine,” Cantwell says. “The second day is the basics of steak — things you can do at home to elevate your steak grilling to compete with steak houses in your own backyard. And the third day is focused on hamburgers and grilled chicken — techniques to amp up your grilling game.”

Cantwell says that the thing about mastering grilling is not so much learning the techniques as much as unlearning bad ones.

“There are certainly things that people inherently do wrong because that’s the way they were taught. A lot of people have become convinced that they need to take the spatula and smash burgers while they’re grilling. All you’re doing with that is releasing all the fat and juices and drying out your burgers. Little things like that that you can change,” he says.

Good tools are essential, too. Long-handled spatulas and tongs keep you away from the heat. Another one is a nice thermometer. “If you’re spending good money on a steak and doing a nice rub, the last thing you want to do is cook it to well done and then it’s dry like shoe leather,” Cantwell says.

“Ultimately it’s about teaching folks that grilling doesn’t have to be just about hot dogs and hamburgers,” he says. “You can do desserts, appetizers, side dishes. The possibilities are pretty limitless.”

Full schedule below. He’ll be located between the food vendors and the merchandise tent.

[page]

Thursday, May 12 (1-2pm, 3:30-4:30, 5-6)
Basics of Low-and-Slow BBQ
· BBQ vs. grilling
· How to cook low-and-slow on a grill
· Balancing meat, spice, and smoke
· Competition cooking versus home cooking
· Demo: The perfect Memphis-style Pulled Pork Sandwich
 Prepping and smoking pork butt
 Injecting meats
 Wrapping meats
• Demo: Grilled coleslaw
• Demo: Making a signature BBQ sauce
 Knowing when the pork is done
 Assembly (pulled pork sliders with grilled coleslaw and signature BBQ sauce)
· Demo: Grilled pizza on the KettlePizza grill insert
· Demo: Grilled desserts (Grilled red, white, and blue poundcake)

Friday, May 13 (1-2pm, 3:30-4:30, 5-6)
· Demo: Grilled appetizers (Grilled and chilled gazpacho soup)
· Intro to grilling steaks
o Grading beef
o Dry aged vs. wet aged
o Choosing the right cut
o Alternative steak cuts (butcher’s cuts)
o Cutting costs: Trimming your own steaks
• Freezing meat – makeshift cryovac
o Pre-salting steaks
o Seasoning steaks (coffee and cocoa dry rub)
o Grilling a frozen steak
o Reverse sear grilling
o Knowing when the steak is done (the horror of cutting into steaks to check doneness)
o Completing the perfect steak (compound butters)
· Demo: Grilled coffee-cocoa rubbed cowboy ribeyes with roasted garlic butter
· Demo: Asian marinated flank steak
· Demo: Grilled Desserts (grilled peach crumbles)

Saturday, May 14 (11-12, 1-2, 3-4pm)
· Demo: Grilled appetizers (Bacon wrapped “MOINK balls”)
· Demo: Simple Sides
o Grilled corn salsa
o Grilled guacamole
· The basics of grilling the perfect burgers
o Selecting the perfect beef blend
o Grinding your own meat at home
o Overworking the meat
o Forming the perfect patty to fit the bun
o Adding an indention
o Seasoning
o 2 zone cooking
o Pressing burgers with a spatula
o Cooking to the correct temp (USDA recommends 160 degrees)
o Selecting the right bun (showcase all bacon bun and mac-and-cheese buns)
o Customizing burgers and burger bars
· Demo: Pimento cheeseburger sliders
· Demo: Smoked herb-citrus salt rubbed butterflied chickens (moving beyond beer can chicken)
o How to spatchcock a chicken (removing the backbone) and benefits
o Rub: creating an herb salt rub
o Smoking to perfection, resting meat, and slicing

Categories
News The Fly-By

New Law Loosens Drug Possession Penalties

A person convicted six times of driving under the influence will now face a Class C felony in Tennessee. Meanwhile, those possessing a half-ounce or less of marijuana will be charged with a misdemeanor regardless of the number of previous possession charges on their record.

Gov. Bill Haslam signed House Bill 1478, sponsored by Rep. William Lamberth (R-Cottontown), into law last week. The new law, which will go into effect July 1st, creates a three- to-15-year prison sentence and fines up to $10,000 for drunk drivers and eases repercussions for simple possession of any drug, including cocaine and heroin. It may signal a perception shift regarding drug sentencing in the state.

“In 2014, we had 1,904 people arrested [in Tennessee] on small amounts of marijuana possession,” said Rep. Antonio Parkinson (D-Memphis), a co-sponsor of the bill. “That’s a lot of loss of jobs and opportunities. If you had one blunt or one gram of weed over a half-ounce, you could face the same sentence as someone would for killing someone.”

Nearly half of the country has legalized medicinal marijuana, and four states have legalized weed for recreational use. Tennessee passed a law in 2014 that allowed seizure patients access to cannabis oil, but they must travel across state lines to obtain it. Co-sponsors of HB 1478 hope the legislation will bolster dialogue that furthers medicinal access and saves taxpayer money by reducing incarceration.

“We discovered the state was spending $1.7 million per year for [incarcerating people for] a half-ounce or less of marijuana,” said Rep. Harold Love (D-Nashville), who also co-sponsored the bill. “I think this bill will change the perception of how we deal with drug sentencing, treatment, and addiction in Tennessee. I’m not suggesting in any way that this is the gateway to legalizing marijuana, but I do think it helps with sentencing.”

Though people of all races smoke pot, arrests tend to disproportionately affect African Americans. Eighty-three percent of Shelby County’s drug possession arrests in 2010 were of African Americans, the American Civil Liberties Union found. More so, states spent more than $3.6 billion in marijuana possession enforcement.

Using marijuana can also result in a violation of probation or parole in Tennessee. Some judges will revoke or raise a person’s bail if they screen positive for marijuana, says Josh Spickler, executive director of Just City. This contributes, Spickler says, to about 35 percent of state prison admissions being the result of parole violations.

“This law is a step in the right direction, but we need to take a comprehensive look at drug laws and enforcement in Tennessee,” Spickler says.

If Tennessee were to restructure marijuana laws, Parkinson said there would be a socioeconomic benefit for the state.

“My goal next year is to remove the automatic intent to distribute for an ounce of marijuana or less out of the law,” Parkinson said. “I would like to legalize both medicinal and recreational marijuana and base it on Tennessee growers. We’re an agricultural state. I would like to see our state capitalize on an industry that can help people medicinally. We should [also] legalize it and put that money toward education.”

Like drug courts as an alternative to jail cells, Love said medicinal marijuana could potentially become a pain management option to combat prescription drug addiction.

“I’m not on the side that says legalize and tax it,” Love said. “I’m on the side that says, ‘How can we help people who are in pain be relieved without an addictive drug in their system?’ But the reason it’s important is students would lose their financial aid, and people might not be able to apply for jobs — all because they had a felony on their record for a half-ounce or less. ‘Or less’ is half of a joint. ‘Or less’ is a quarter. ‘Or less’ could be residue.”

Categories
Film/TV Film/TV/Etc. Blog

Music Video Monday: Cory Taylor Cox

Today’s Music Video Monday’s got hometown pride. 

Cory Taylor Cox is currently living in Nashville, but his heart is still in the Bluff City. “‘Memphis Kids’ was written by myself and fellow musician/Memphian Joseph Barrios, we set each verse as a layer of the Memphis music scene, from suburbs, to Midtown, to the historical significance of Memphis music.” In this video, Cox and his band bring his hometown anthem to a crowd at Nashville’s Mercy Lounge. You can check out more of his music on his Bandcamp page. 

Music Video Monday: Cory Taylor Cox

If you would like to see your video on Music Video Monday, email cmccoy@memphisflyer.com. 

Categories
Food & Drink Hungry Memphis

Guess Where I’m Eating Contest 100

To celebrate the 100th entry in this contest, we’re offering a super-cool prize this week: 2 tickets to Margarita Festival. 

The festival, hosted by the Flyer, features local restaurants competing to win the Best Margarita in Memphis title. Guests get to sample and vote for their favorites.

The event sold out last year.

A nice treat for a hot day … I managed to get this all over me and my car. 

The first person to correctly ID the dish and where I’m eating wins the 2 tickets. 

To enter, submit your answer to me via email at ellis@memphisflyer.com. 

The answer to GWIE 99 is the Mellow Mushroom in East Memphis, and the winner is … Jenny Robertson! 

Categories
Beyond the Arc Sports

What Now? The Grizzlies After Dave Joerger

CREDIT: Larry Kuzniewski

Larry Kuzniewski

The dust has settled a little bit after Saturday morning’s dismissal of Dave Joerger as the Grizzlies’ head coach, but I’m not sure we know much more than we did in those first few frantic hours on Saturday after the news started breaking. This morning, Adrian Wojnarowski has some news about the Grizzlies’ candidate list, though Woj’s list is conspicuously missing Mark Jackson, whose name was reported other places.

Here’s what I think about the whole thing, after another day and a half to sit and think about it.

Who’s Running The Show?

One thing this weekend taught us is that the Grizzlies, rightly or wrongly, still haven’t managed to put the past behind them. The PR barrage the Griz took when Jason Levien and Stu Lash were sent packing after the 2013–14 still sticks with them, locally and nationally, as there was a great deal of Internet Speculation about the internal workings of the Grizzlies organization and a great deal of hand-wringing about whether the Grizzlies were such a disaster internally that they wouldn’t be able to find a quality replacement for Joerger.

The truth of the matter is complex. The Grizzlies’ party line is still that Chris Wallace is running the show, that he makes the decisions and presents them to ownership, and that there’s a very clear hierarchy in the basketball ops side of the franchise. The Basketball Twitter Rumor Mill dark timeline (which has even been promulgated by folks like Marc Stein at times) is that Grizzlies “Director” Joe Abadi makes the decisions, and that everyone else jockeys for position like in the Heisley days, when there were different factions in basketball management pushing different strategies and Heisley would decide. Or, sometimes, he’d just pick Hasheem Thabeet because he wanted to, no matter what anyone else wanted to do.

Honestly, I don’t know what the truth is. Most people in the organization seem to support the “official position,” but then, isn’t that in their best interests? Are the voices that say otherwise disgruntled, or telling the truth? I don’t know. And I don’t have enough evidence one way or another to make some kind of definitive statement about How Grizzlies Basketball Ops Really Works. I think that’s the way most NBA teams are, really. Each person in an organization has his or her own mental model of how that organization functions, and they can be vastly different from one another.

What is becoming apparent as the coaching search kicks into gear is that Wallace (and Ed Stefanski) seem to be in the driver’s seat. The lists of candidates we’ve seen—from Wojnarowski, from Ron Tillery at the Commercial Appeal, and from other places—seem to be “Wallace” lists. They fit with the kinds of guys I think Wallace would be interested in hiring.

[jump]

The Situation With Joerger

What does this have to do with Future Sacramento Kings Head Coach Dave Joerger?

Plenty. Because:

How valid was Joerger’s criticism of the front office? Who wanted to trade for Jeff Green? Who wanted to keep Courtney Lee and Jeff Green on the team until the end of the season? Who played Ryan Hollins over JaMychal Green, and played Jeff Green and Courtney Lee together at the wings months after it was apparent to all involved that it was never going to work? Who watched his team get blown out a few times—over what was clearly a mental/chemistry issue, getting down 15 points and quitting—and then decided to call them old?

Joerger’s a good coach. But even if the Grizzlies’ front office is some sort of Pynchonian conspiracy designed to hide the fact that Robert Pera’s in absentia representative controls the levers of power, I’m not sure Joerger ever had the players who mattered on his side. In his emotional moment after the Grizzlies’ elimination, he talked a lot about Matt Barnes and Vince Carter. He benched Zach Randolph for Jeff Green this season, and though Randolph didn’t say anything about it to the media, he did manage to mention that “Joerg wanted to do that anyway”. It didn’t seem like Joerger ever had a better relationship (as head coach anyway) with Tony Allen than Lionel Hollins did. At the beginning of the season, when the Griz were getting pummeled by every team with a record over .600, even Mike Conley gave a quote to the media about how the Grizzlies needed to “get back to playing the way we play.” Two out of Joerger’s three seasons, there was some sort of scheme change implemented at training camp against which the players rebelled, and/or they came into the season out of shape and used him as their scapegoat.

Larry Kuzniewski

That’s one thing Hubie Brown said in my Q&A with him: “Your best three players determine the way you play.” I think Joerger thought Jeff Green was one of his best three players, and I don’t think the other two (Gasol and Conley) even liked being in the same room as Jeff Green by the end of his tenure here. The Grizzlies had real chemistry problems after the trade deadline last season, and up until the trade deadline this season, and who was the guy whose tenure overlapped perfectly with that malaise?

And let’s talk about that “But He Got Them To The Playoffs With All Those Injuries” thing. I think head coaching matters, for sure, and I think Joerger is a very good head coach—probably top 10 in the NBA, or at the very least with the potential to establish himself as such. But to quote Hubie again, “Well, this is professional sports.” The uninjured players are all proud guys. The D-League guys, especially were playing for their NBA lives. JaMychal Green has never taken a possession off in his life. Matt Barnes is in a contract year, Vince Carter (1) is a competitor and (2) was motivated to prove he should come back and play next year. Lance Stephenson was going to be out of the league if he didn’t play well. Zach Randolph and Tony Allen have been known to coast, and they stayed mostly engaged, so maybe that’s a counterpoint, but still: they won 11 games after the All-Star break, and 4 after Mario Chalmers (also in a contract year and playing out of his mind) went down.

It comes down to how much of that motivation you think came from the head coach. Some of that gets a little “White Savior”-y to me. If you think that particular group of players needed to someone pushing them to keep it together, then yes, Joerger deserves the utmost respect for that. I tend to think that particular mix of players needed guidance, yes, but that they all—almost to a man—had a reason to prove they needed to stay in the NBA next season. They’re professional athletes, and the Grizzlies’ whole “Grit/Grind” thing comes from the players more than it ever came from the top down.

There are a lot of reasons to think, especially after the last media availability of the season, that Joerger’s future with the Grizzlies was untenable. His criticism of the front office, his maybe-good maybe-not relationship with the core members of the Grizzlies’ roster (you know, the ones on Mt. Grizzmore), and those players’ three-year refusal to change their own style of play had culminated in this. I think Joerger was gone one way or another. It just happened faster than I thought.

What Now?

Larry Kuzniewski

Now, we’re going to get a sense of how the Grizzlies’ front office actually works, and whether the party line—Wallace as GM, the decision-maker—is really what’s happening. We’ll see what the plan is for the future, whether they can get a coach as good as Joerger (who is, as I’ve stated repeatedly, a very good basketball coach).

What really matters is whether whoever they get (1) makes Mike Conley feel confident in the Grizzlies’ plan going forward (he did, after all, mention coaching as one of the things the Grizzlies needed to take a hard look at this offseason—lots of people let that one slip by without notice) and (2) is committed to the patient development of young players. Without those two things (and make no mistake: the second point is more important than the first), they’ll be worse for showing Joerger the curb, even though I think they did the right thing in dismissing him.

For the first time since the Grizzlies decided to keep Lionel Hollins as head coach after he took over for (man, remember this guy?) Marc Iavaroni, they have a chance to make a break with the continuity that has made them a playoff team for so long, and move to the direction they supposedly want to be: “More like the Spurs.” The model they want, of course, is a head coach who collaborates with the front office, instead of antagonizing them. That’s not to say a yes man, but someone who can be a part of the discussions but also accept when his desired outcome isn’t the one the team goes for. Joerger never did that. Lionel Hollins didn’t do it either, but Joerger was much more openly critical of his employers than Hollins was.

This is an opportunity for the Grizzlies to get better, become more unified (if such a thing is possible), make a stronger commitment to developing young players—necessary as Conley and Gasol can no longer play anything like the minutes load Hollins and Joerger subjected them to—and maybe even move into the 2010’s NBA a little bit (though that also depends on what they do at the wing in free agency). If they blow this summer, with this coaching hire, with free agency, with the draft, with whatever other trades are still up their collective sleeve, even if they retain Conley, they’re not going to be good for a few years.

What now?

Categories
From My Seat Sports

Preferred Playoffs: Hockey

“Funny thing about all this is . . . I turned to [FoxSports] Midwest to watch the Cardinals game but the Blues were on and s*#t got REAL.”
— New hockey fan (and Twitter sensation) Tony X

The Memphis Grizzlies’ season ended earlier than we’d like. The NBA playoffs carry on, of course, with LeBron James’s inevitable march to the Finals. (Which uniform he’s currently wearing doesn’t matter.) The only real hardwood drama centers on Steph Curry’s knee injury and how damaging it will prove to be in Golden State’s efforts to win a second straight championship. I’ve been less than enthused.

But we have an alternative: the National Hockey League’s Stanley Cup playoffs. Among the seven teams still in contention for the greatest trophy in sports are two — the St. Louis Blues and Nashville Predators — that play a short drive from Memphis. If you need a rooting interest, adopt one of these regional franchises and tune in. (Full disclosure: I’m a long-suffering Blues fan.) You’ll find countless elements of playoff hockey that the NBA can merely approximate. Here are a few.

• The game-flow of hockey is longer, steadier, and more energizing than any team sport this side of soccer. A typical NBA game takes 150 minutes to play, with precisely 48 minutes of action. That’s 32-percent of your viewing time. (Ten men in uniform standing still is not action. Free throws have never entertained me.) In the same viewing time, you see 60 minutes of hockey, and the action percentage (40 percent) is skewed by the fact that hockey has two intermissions. You can actually choose which “halftime” is preferable for a beverage run. The clock doesn’t stop in hockey for substitutions (there’s art to a line change). Fouls — they’re called penalties — result in a man-advantage for one team, increasing the likelihood of a goal being scored. No men standing still, not even the goalies.

• For baseball fans, hockey has sticks. For football fans, hockey has helmets, shoulder pads, and hits. Lots of bone-rattling hits. And any player who takes a dive (read this, Manu Ginobili) will only be hit harder the next time he’s on the ice.

• For a fan with rooting interest, sudden-death overtime hockey is the impatient anticipation of agony. Basketball can only achieve this with a shot to win at the buzzer. That precise moment exists for as long as two hockey teams play overtime. Last Thursday, the Predators needed 51 minutes of overtime — almost an entire second game — to beat San Jose and even their series at two games apiece. When agony is averted, the high of an overtime victory is as pure as any in sports.

• With the Chicago Blackhawks (three recent championships) and L.A. Kings (two) out of the mix, the Stanley Cup will be raised next month by a team that feels fresh. No NHL team has played longer (49 years) without ever winning the Cup than St. Louis. Nashville and San Jose have never so much as reached the final series. Among teams still alive, Pittsburgh is the most recent champ, and few players remain from the Penguins’ 2009 victory parade. If Curry’s knee recovers, the Warriors will win the NBA title. If they don’t, the Spurs will. If the Spurs don’t, LeBron will. Yawn.

• The Stanley Cup is to the Larry O’Brien Trophy as a Ferrari is to a Honda sedan. It’s three feet tall and weighs 34 pounds. Best of all, the name of every player from every championship team is engraved on bands that wrap around the trophy. (When the bands cover the Cup entirely, the oldest is removed and placed on display at the Hockey Hall of Fame in Toronto.) A fourth-line winger for last year’s champs is engraved in precisely the same size and font as the letters that spell “Gordie Howe” and “Wayne Gretzky.” The Stanley Cup is somehow both gloriously elite and democratic at the same time. It’s marched — in gloved hands, over a red carpet — to center ice before being presented to the captain of each year’s champion. It’s then skated around the ice by every last member of the team. Backup goalies are superstars for 30 seconds.

Make time for some playoff hockey. And let me know when we have an elimination game in the NBA Finals.