Month: November 2017

Categories
Food & Wine Food & Drink

The news from the Brass Door and Pontotoc

CREDIT: Justin Fox Burks

The Gate Clock Bar in the Dublin airport is the place for those leaving Ireland to get their last real pint of Guinness. It was there, at around 6 a.m. some 15 years ago, that Patrick Reilly met Seamus Loftus. They were introduced by Patrick’s wife Deni.

A couple weeks ago, Loftus and the Reillys were at the bar at the Brass Door talking over, yes, a pint of Guinness. The Reillys, who own the Majestic Grille and run the Front Porch, were brought in as consultants to bring order at the Brass Door, which is owned by Loftus and Meg and Scott Crosby.

“It’s a selfish project for us,” says Deni. The Reillys felt a connection to the Brass Door. They loved the building, saw the potential. Downtown should have an Irish pub, they thought. A place where soccer fans can gather and watch the games. What the Brass Door needed, they believed, was just a little guidance.

“The team needed a new captain,” says Loftus. “We found a new captain.”

The Brass Door, which had closed in July, reopened in early November. The pub was given a good cleaning, and equipment was updated. A new staff was hired. The Reillys sought to bring consistency to the pub’s hours, the service, and the food.

Some of the Brass Door’s tried-and-true favorites remain on the menu. The fried goat cheese is there, as are the hand-cut fries, Shepherd’s Pie, and the BELT sandwich.

One new dish is the Vegetable and Chickpea Balti. Balti is a Pakistani curry. This is Patrick’s nod to Birmingham, England’s soccer culture and its large Pakistani population.

They’ve also upped the Irish on their drinks menu. There’s Mangers Irish Cider and Murphy Goode wines. They’re also aiming to have the most extensive collection of Irish whiskeys in the city, including the Dubliner, Sexton, and Power’s John’s Lane. Among their speciality cocktails is the Caskmates Stout Pairing with Jameson Caskmates Stout mixed with Guinness and the Black Barrel Old Fashioned made with Jameson Black Barrel. There is, of course, Irish coffee.

One more thing: The Brass Door is now completely smoke-free, even the smaller side bar.

Deni says once word got out that they were reopening the place, she was flooded with texts and emails. “People have real feelings about this Irish pub.”

“It’s the old Door and the new Door,” Loftus says. “It’s the future and the past.”

Brass Door is open Monday through Saturday, 11 a.m. to 9 p.m., and Thursday through Saturday, 4 p.m. to 11 p.m. Special early-morning Saturday and Sunday hours for international soccer matches.

Daniel Masters has a lot on his plate these days. The owner of Silly Goose recently opened the jazz bar Pontotoc in the old Cafe Pontotoc space and is now making the finishing touches on Civil Pour, a bar inside the food hall South Main Market, which will have its grand opening on December 2nd.

Masters says that when the Cafe Pontotoc space opened up for rent, there was a lot of interest. He, for one, wanted a spot that was still downtown but a bit away from all the foot traffic where Silly Goose is located. He wanted to spread his culinary wings a bit.

Masters is partnered with Jeremy Thacker-Rhodes and Matthew Thacker-Rhodes. They stuck with the name because they simply liked it. It means “land of hanging grapes” in Chickasaw.

Pontotoc opened in mid-October. Chef Chris Yuer is in charge of the kitchen. The menu can be described as Mississippi Southern: PBR Boiled Peanuts, Alligator Filet Fritters, Sister Schubert Beignet with sour cream gelato … There’s also duck confit, pot roast, and pork belly.

Pontotoc’s cocktail menu features the classics — Side Car, Manhattan, and Moscow Mule. And there are seasonal Old Fashioneds and Daiquiris. The winter Old Fashioned includes pecan bitters.

For the space, the owners carved a cute, sorta enclosed patio out front and brought in a large chandelier as a focal point for the interior. They took out a divider to make a larger dining space and covered up a window looking into the kitchen with a back mirror.

They added a piano, too, all the better for this jazz bar specializing in classic jazz from all eras. They’ll have live music Thursday from 6:30 to 9:30 p.m. and Friday through Saturday 7:30 to 10:30 p.m.

As for Civil Pour, Masters says he’s still working on the identity of the place. He says he’s leaving the Jell-o shots at Silly Goose and is envisioning top-notch charcuterie plates and old school cocktails like a Sazerac made with French cognac.

Pontotoc is open Monday through Friday 4-11 p.m., and Saturday 2 p.m.-midnight, and Sunday 11 a.m.-11 p.m.

Categories
News The Fly-By

Dead Water

Follow that big, muddy Mississippi River all the way to the Gulf of Mexico, and you’ll find a dead zone the size of New Jersey.

Nutrients found in everything humans dump in the river — sewage, agricultural runoff, industrial waste, and more — stimulate the growth of algae, which sucks up much of the oxygen out of the water, killing fish and marine life in “one of the nation’s largest and most productive fisheries,” according to the United State Geological Survey (USGS).

That dead zone this year was 8,776 square miles, according to the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA). The toxic plume stretches from the tip of Louisiana’s boot to the Texas coast, and in it, you can find Tennessee.

The state ranks seventh nationally in the amount of nitrogen and phosphorus, the nutrients that mainly contribute to the dead zone, it puts into the Mississippi River, according to figures from the USGS. The state is responsible for 5.5 percent of nitrogen in the river each year and 5.3 percent of the river’s phosphorus. Illinois leads this list, contributing a total of about 29 percent of those dead zone nutrients.

Most of the nutrients come from farms, especially from corn and soybean production, according to the USGS. Farmers spray fertilizers and other chemicals on their crops, and rain waters carry them into streams, which eventually drain into the Mississippi.

Nitrogen levels in the river were near the highest levels since scientists began measuring it in the river in 1997. Couple that with heavy rains in the Midwest earlier this year, and you get the record-breaking dead zone, according to NOAA.

Efforts are ongoing to reduce the pollution and shrink the dead zone. A federal task force formed an action plan in 2008 and has reported its work to Congress every year since then. Also, back in 1997, the federal government asked farmers in the Mississippi watershed to voluntarily reduce their pollution levels.

“The latest Mississippi River water quality measurements demonstrate that spending $46 billion since 1997 to encourage farmers to reduce farm pollution voluntarily simply has not worked,” according to Emily Cassidy, writing for the nonprofit Environmental Working Group.

The river is a funnel that drains about 1.2 million miles of all or parts of 31 states and two Canadian provinces. Renée Hoyos, executive director of the Tennessee Clean Water Network, said the river drains about one-third of the nation, and the nation uses it as a “sewer.”

“By the time it gets to Memphis, it’s in pretty bad shape because it’s at the bottom of different sources of pollution that’s come to us from as far away as Montana,” Hoyos said.

Memphis has oft-times made that Mississippi River water worse. The city now operates under a 2012 federal consent decree after a number of agencies alleged the city illegally allowed its sewer system to overflow into the river. In 2016, the city’s system spilled millions of gallons of untreated wastewater into the river. (See our cover story for more.)

Tennessee is not alone, though. In a 2016 study, the Mississippi River Collaborative found that no state has effectively reduced its nitrogen and phosphorus pollution. And it may not end soon.

“I honestly can’t see the [Environmental Protection Agency] under the Trump administration taking the steps necessary, such as setting enforceable limits on dead-zone-causing pollution, to reverse this alarming trend,” said Matt Rota, senior policy director for the Gulf Restoration Network.

Categories
News The Fly-By

Fly on the Wall 1501

Space Bus

According to The Daily Star, a daily tabloid newspaper published in the U.K., a recent “raft of UFO sightings included a “flying bus” over Mississippi.

The Mississippi couple who saw the skybus dismissed the sighting, believing the craft to be “some secret military aircraft probably headed to Memphis.”

Weird Wrestling

Last week, thesportster.com, which self-identifies as “the world’s most entertaining sports website,” published a list titled “15 Wrestling Urban Legends You’ve Probably Never Heard Before.”

The wrestling clickbait repeated an oft-told tale about a disgruntled tag team that “to take a measure of revenge on [Jerry ‘the King’] Lawler,” used the Memphis wrestler’s signature crown for a toilet. It’s not a new story, of course, but if you haven’t read it, it’s still ew.

News to Us

Many thanks to WREG for giving an old obscene gesture a new, decidedly modern context. Last week, Channel 3’s report about 40 pounds of marijuana found in a home in Southeast Memphis included this account: “No one answered the door when WREG knocked. But later, a silver F-150 pulled up, dropped a child off, and sped away. They made it clear WREG was not welcome by flashing a middle finger out the window.” Merp.

Listed

Memphis cracked the top-10 on Fodor’s 2018 “Go List,” a collection of “must see” tourist destinations. Memphis was ranked at a respectable #6, just below Kuwait, and just above Armenia. So, yay?

Categories
News News Blog

Cosby Star Removed From Orpheum Sidewalk

Orpheum Theatre Group

The sidewalk in front of The Orpheum features stars with names of prominent artists who have performed at the theater.

Bill Cosby’s star was removed from the sidewalk in front of The Orpheum Theatre Tuesday to make way for a new star, according a theater official.

Cosby now faces years in prison on several charges of sexual assault. One trial earlier this year ended in a deadlocked jury. That case is set to be re-tried next year.

Kristin Bennett, press relations manager for Orpheum Theatre Group, said the decision to remove the star was simply to make way for another.

“We had a star made to honor the 40th anniversary of our volunteer usher organization, Friends of the Orpheum, and wanted to put it in a prominent location in the sidewalk,” Bennett said in a statement. “In order to do that, we moved the Bill Cosby star. No decision has been made about what to do with Mr. Cosby’s star.”

[pullquote-1]After Cosby was originally charged in 2015, then-Orpheum Theater president Pat Halloran told WMC-TV that the comedian’s star was placed on the sidewalk based on his four performances at the theater. At that time, Halloran told the television news station that his group had not considered removing the star.

When asked if the allegations against Cosby spurred the move to remove the star now, Bennett said, “We have no comment on the allegations against Mr. Cosby. We simply decided this was the most prominent spot for the new star.”

Cosby’s star (left) has been replaced with a ‘Friends of the Orpheum’ star (right).

The star’s removal comes after the Orpheum Theatre Group named four new members to its board. In July, the group brought on:

• Dr. Noelle Chaddock, Associate Dean of Academic Affairs for Diversity and Inclusivity at Rhodes College

• Terri Lee Freeman, president of the National Civil Rights Museum

• Dr. Andrea Lewis Miller, president of Lemoyne-Owen College

• Brian Sullivan, principal and CEO of Sullivan Branding

• Robert Cox, shareholder at Glassman, Wyatt, Tuttle & Cox, P.C.

Categories
Sports Tiger Blue

Six Tigers Named All-AAC

CREDIT: Larry Kuzniewski

No fewer than six members of the 2017 Memphis Tiger football team were named first-team all-league Wednesday by the American Athletic Conference.

Larry Kuzniewski

Riley Ferguson

Senior linebacker Genard Avery received recognition a second straight year and is the only member of the Memphis defense on the All-AAC team. Senior wide receiver Anthony Miller — now the holder of virtually every receiving record in the Memphis book — earned first-team honors after being named second-team All-AAC as a junior. Senior quarterback Riley Ferguson was named first-team, somewhat oddly, along with UCF quarterback McKenzie Milton (who was named the league’s Offensive Player of the Year). Ferguson has thrown 32 touchdown passes this season, matching his program record of a year ago. Ferguson and Milton will face each other this Saturday when the Tigers and Knights play for the AAC title in Orlando.

Two members of the Tiger offensive line — senior guard Gabe Kuhn and junior tackle Trevon Tate — earned first-team honors. The Memphis offensive line has allowed only 11 sacks all season (sixth-fewest in the country) and is a big reason the Tigers rank second in the country (behind UCF) in scoring with an average of 47 points per game.

Larry Kuzniewski

Anthony Miller

In a predictable vote, sophomore kick returner Tony Pollard was named the league’s Special Teams Player of the Year (along with first-team All-AAC honors). Pollard returned four kickoffs for touchdowns this season and has six in his two-year career, just one shy of the FBS record.

Freshman cornerback T.J. Carter was named the AAC’s Rookie of the Year. He leads Memphis with four interceptions.

The 16th-ranked Tigers (10-1) play 12th-ranked UCF (11-0) Saturday in the AAC championship. The game will be played in Orlando and kick off at 11 a.m. locally. ABC will broadcast the game nationally.

Categories
Beyond the Arc Sports

Beyond the Arc Podcast #88: Farewell, Fizdale

This week on the show, Kevin and Phil talk about:

  • David Fizdale got fired, and most of the national media has been totally wrong about the situation.
  • The Sunday night loss to Brooklyn in which things finally boiled over between Fizdale and Marc Gasol
  • Where the team goes from here on the court.
  • Should Chris Wallace be next, or is he safe?
  • The week to come, which could get very ugly for the Grizzlies.

The Beyond the Arc podcast is available on iTunes, so you can subscribe there! It’d be great if you could rate and review the show while you’re there. You can also find and listen to the show on Stitcher and on PlayerFM.

You can call our Google Voice number and leave us a voicemail, and we might talk about your question on the next show: 234-738-3394

You can download the show here or listen below:


Categories
Music Music Features

Seminal Box Sets From Chris Bell and the Louisiana Hayride


The Complete Chris Bell (Omnivore Recordings)

The choicest cuts of this five-LP set (six if you include the interview disc) are well known, having been first compiled by Rykodisc in 1992 as the masterpiece I Am the Cosmos. That LP and Big Star’s debut earned Chris Bell many fans, but that only scratches the surface of his oeuvre.

Looking Forward compiles material recorded starting in 1969, when Bell was making the most of Ardent Studios founder John Fry’s largesse with free tracking time. These sessions included a shifting cast of players, including Terry Manning. Often Bell himself does not sing lead.

By 1971, the Ardent scene had solidified into a more stable band, Rock City, featuring Jody Stephens as the regular drummer. Their See Seven States is an immediate precursor to Big Star. And while both LPs feature well-crafted proto-power pop, they chiefly underscore how much further the final Big Star lineup took things, and not only through the addition of Alex Chilton and bassist Andy Hummel: Bell’s own writing, playing, and singing became more focused, and Fry’s engineering and production more crisp. If the early material conjures the late-’60s sounds of, say, the Youngbloods, it falls short of the glorious twin guitar crunch and soaring harmonies that made Big Star’s debut so groundbreaking.

After quitting Big Star, Bell began grasping about, both musically and spiritually. The capstone was I Am the Cosmos, and two LPs here feature alternate takes from that era, revealing Bell’s painstaking craftsmanship — and his indecisiveness through multiple mixes. Until now, most Cosmos fans only knew the title track and “You and Your Sister” in their sped-up versions, as released on Chris Stamey’s label in the ’70s and thereafter considered canonical. Finally, we can now hear those songs as they were recorded, a half-step lower in pitch, more relaxed and natural in feel. It’s a revelation.

All told, this box is most compelling for the beatific and tragic tale it tells. If some of the material is spotty, one keeps listening to see how the tale unfolds, enriched by liner notes by Bob Mehr and others. It’s a fitting tribute to an artist who captured ecstasy and sadness in equal measure.


At the Louisiana Hayride Tonight (Bear Family Productions)

Bear Family Productions has outdone itself this time, with a stunning 20-CD set dedicated to the Louisiana Hayride and its host station, KWKH in Shreveport. It’s fitting that the first track evokes the station itself, long before the Hayride began. The first voice we hear is W.K. Henderson, circa-1930, who recorded several 78s as op-eds for broadcast on his new station. “Hello world, doggone ya!” was his signature line. But soon the rants give way to pure music.

The success of the 50,000-watt KWKH led to the birth of the ongoing Louisiana Hayride concert series, and live recordings from the weekly shows make for the bulk of this set. Familiar names like Hank Williams or Red Sovine are interspersed with lesser-knowns like Cousin Emmy or Brother Homer. You can hear the genre evolving. As early as 1952, the announcer intones, “Well, we leave it to the youngsters when we want a swingy tune,” before Jimmy Lee plays a zippy instrumental “on his Fender guitar.”

By the middle of disc three, it’s 1954, and we hear the debut of Elvis Presley. What’s striking is how the country/jivey hop in Elvis’ first performances fits right in with the “swingy” numbers featured years earlier. Listeners at the time heard him sandwiched between a Lucky Strike ad and bluegrass fiddle breakdown, and it’s all of a piece. By the King’s later performances, of course, he dominates the proceedings, and we hear what may be the first utterance of those hallowed words, “Elvis has left the building.”

Many country stars were coming into their own throughout the ’50s and into the early ’60s. Johnny Cash, Jim Reeves, Webb Pierce, and “Ferlin Husky as Simon Crum” are but a few of the artists who can be heard, through glorious scratchy audio, honing their distinctive sounds in embryonic form. By 1960, it was over, but within its dozen or so years, the Hayride traced a pivotal, swinging time in country music, and this collection, along with the beautiful book (over 200 pages) brings that time to life.

Categories
We Recommend We Saw You

Christmas tree, Crafts and Drafts, U of M, VESTA

CREDIT: Michael Donahue

Michael Donahue

The majestic 60-foot tree was the star of the City of Memphis Christmas tree lighting at Memphis Botanic Garden.

Of course, Santa was standing by for the lighting ceremony of the City of Memphis Christmas tree, which was held Nov. 24th at Memphis Botanic Garden.

This is the first time the City of Memphis tree is housed at the garden.

The tree ceremony kicked off Holiday Wonders at the Garden. The Snowy Nights area as well as two new expansions – Trees Alight and Sculptures Bright – were showcased. Trees Alight is an innovative light show and Sculptures Bright is an illuminated collection of locally created sculpture.

The IKEA Outdoor Lounge also debuted. Visitors can drink hot cocoa or a drink while gazing at the Christmas tree.

Joining Santa for the tree lighting were Mayor Jim Strickland, city councilman Worth Morgan, Memphis Botanic Garden director Michael Allen, the garden’s board president Vance Lewis and emcee Ron Olson.

St. Jude patient Raniya Raheem, 7, did the honors of pulling the lever to turn on the tree lights, which changed colors. Music was synchronized with the lights.

“We were pleased to squeeze about 700 guests into our Conifer Garden to see the City of Memphis Christmas Tree lit for the very first time,” Allen said. “This 60-foot-tall contorted white pine is situated along our Cherry Road fence line. Even on nights when Holiday Wonders at the Garden is not operating, the city tree is visible to drivers passing by.”

Micihael Donahue

Beer and crafts – and 2,500 people – at Memphis Flyer’s Crafts & Drafts.

…….

About 2,500 attended Memphis Flyer’s third annual Crafts & Drafts, held Nov. 10 in the Crosstown Concourse parking lot.

Craft beers were available for shoppers as they visited more than 60 craft booths.

DJ Jordan Rogers provided music to shop – and sip – to.

…….

Michael Donahue

‘This is Memphis’ was held at the historic Clayborn Temple.

“This is Memphis” also could be titled “This is University of Memphis.” Students from the school’s Rudi E. Scheidt School of Music were featured in concert Nov. 5 at the historic Clayborn Temple.

Produced by the U of M student record label, Blue Tom Records, the festival featured Drew Erwin, Curtis Scott, Phillip Bond, Shawn Campbell, Compton McMurray, Haley Daniels and The PRVLG.

“We produce festivals every semester – ‘This is Memphis’ in Fall and ‘Hear 901’ in the spring,” said U of M music professor Ben Yonas. “The purpose is to give students in the Rudi E. Scheidt School of Music the opportunity not only in the performing, but in producing, promoting and marketing. It’s all about giving them real world experience. It’s also an opportunity to showcase talent.

“This was a really special festival for us this year ‘cause we tried something new. We wanted to feature acoustic renditions of songs – all original songs written by Rudi E. Scheidt School of Music students. And also pair them with arrangers and composers that would create the string arrangements. So, each song featured a different collaboration with student composers, singer songwriters and arrangers. And the arrangers were up there conducting the string ensemble.”

Yonas gave a shout out to violinist Hannah Hart. “She put the whole thing together from a logistics standpoint. This wasn’t her idea, but she took it on. It was part of her senior project.”

He was pleased with the show. “I think this will be a new tradition. We’ll do this kind of thing more often.”

Erwin, who performed two songs, said, “Collaborating with the strings for ‘This is Memphis’ was one of the coolest things I’ve done in my entire music career. I could have never written those arrangements.”

As for Clayborn Temple, Erwin said, “It was the perfect environment for the music.”

….

Michael Donahue

Music, food and visits to houses were on tap at the VESTA Home Show industry preview party.

DJ Mark Anderson put together the recordings for the VESTA Home Show industry preview party, which was held Nov. 17.

So, some guests might not be familiar with “Ramona” and other tunes associated with the 1920s. The twenties was the theme of this year’s party, so guests dressed in tuxes or their flapper best.

About 800 attended, said Don Glays, West Tennessee Home Builders executive director. “We had a committee of several people that put the party on. Through their brainstorming they came up with something a little different.”

T

Crafts & Drafts from Michael Donahue on Vimeo.

Christmas tree, Crafts and Drafts, U of M, VESTA (2)

his year’s VESTA Home Show features six state-of-the-art houses in Chapel Cove in Germantown. The 

City of Memphis Christmas tree lighting. from Michael Donahue on Vimeo.

Christmas tree, Crafts and Drafts, U of M, VESTA

show runs through Dec. 10.

[slideshow-1]

Categories
News News Blog

‘Church for Black Men’ Coming Next Year

CREDIT: Facebook

Facebook

Johnson, in a Facebook video, on day 12 of his hunger strike this summer.

A Black Lives Matter (BLM) activist in Georgia plans to start a new church in Memphis for African American men.

Jomo Kenyatta Johnson, a Christian pastor who co-founded BLM Savannah, will start “a new Christian denomination of house churches,” called Church For Black Men, here in February.

“Sunday Home Meetings” will happen in homes, congregations will not exceed 25 people, and “it will be a familial setting not a formal one.”

Johnson worked in a number of “predominantly white Presbyterian churches” after he graduated Westminster Seminary.

“The reason that black men do not connect with the American Evangelical church is because (the church refuses) to suffer with blacks and, therefore, are unable to communicate in a message by which black men can understand,” Johnson said in a news release.

Johnson said the Church For Black Men is “not exclusively” for black men, “but primarily black.”
[pullquote-1]“Meaning, we will ask that if you are not a black male, to come as a guest of a black male who attends the church,” Johnson said.

The church won’t take money from its members. Johnson said it will also forfeit tax-exempt status so its leaders can speak on political issues.

“The belief is that by removing the church’s emphasis on money while also addressing political issues that lead to black oppression will enable a greater number of black males to partake,” Johnson said.

He said black men are the “least churched demographic in America” and “need of a safe place to be unapologetically black while learning and seeking spiritual truth.”

Johnson got national attention this summer when he went on a hunger strike for suicide awareness.

Categories
Film Features Film/TV

Justice League

I’m a big believer in form following function. That’s why my review of the new Warner Bros/DC movie Justice League will reflect the form of the screenplay: a series of bullet points presented without any overall organizing principle.

Justice League Dark: (left to right) J.K. Simmons, Gal Gadot, Ray Fisher, Ben Affleck, and Ezra Miller

• Justice League is not a film. It’s a clip show. You know, like when a TV show has been on a long time and they want to save money late in season six by having all the characters snowed in together and swapping memories of that time in season two when they fought the bear? That’s what Justice League is like, except you’ve never seen the show before.

• At least our hypothetical sitcom on its last legs had an interesting villain. I’ll take the bear over Steppenwolf (Ciarán Hinds) any day. At least the bear has a discernible motivation. Steppenwolf is just a mashup of other crappy villains like Apocalypse from the last X-Men movie and that fire-demon thing (checks Wikipedia) Surtur from Thor: Ragnarok. Justice League even lifts the “empty horned helmet clattering to the ground anticlimactically” gag from Ragnarok.

• Oh yeah. SPOILER ALERT: Steppenwolf is defeated. The good guys win.

• Now I want to know what happened with the bear.

• Another SPOILER ALERT: Superman (Henry Cavill) comes back from the dead in a “we promise, one-time-only, super-special Kryptonian procedure that must involve all of the other Super Friends … I mean, members of the Justice League.” Even though we all know Supes is going to be fine, the resurrection sequence takes up a huge chunk of Justice League‘s running time that could otherwise be used for advancing the “plot.” It’s the most tedious part of a tedious movie.  

• Speaking of which, the scene where the Flash (Ezra Miller) and Cyborg (Ray Fisher) dig Superman’s body up from the Kansas graveyard where he’s buried as Clark Kent is probably the most entertaining moment of the film, just for the sheer perversity of it.

• The reason Justice League is better than Batman v. Superman is that there’s more Wonder Woman in it. Gal Gadot coasts on the excellent characterization she and Patty Jenkins created in Wonder Woman’s solo film. At one point, Batman (Ben Affleck) says she should be the leader. I’m totally down for that. But instead, they go for Zombie Superman.

• Henry Cavill is literally the worst person to ever play Superman. He’s not fit to hold George Reeves’ cape.

• Amy Adams is completely wasted as Lois Lane. I hope she got paid well.

• There are occasional flashes of life in swole Ben Affleck’s Batman. It made me feel kind of sorry for him. All those protein shakes for this?

• Of all of director Zack Snyder’s missteps, Aquaman (Jason Momoa) is the worst. He’s the exiled scion of Atlantis hiding in a human village in Norway, but he talks like a California surfer. What about that makes sense?

• Creeping Batman-ization Alert: Aquaman feels abandoned by his mother.

• Steppenwolf’s army of Parademons look like Arthur, the sidekick from the Tick, was assimilated by the Borg.

• The high-functioning sociopaths running the Hollywood studios are uniquely unsuited to making good superhero movies because they fundamentally cannot grasp what is appealing about a character motivated purely by altruism.

• When Aquaman asks Bruce Wayne what Batman’s superpower is, Batman replies “I’m rich.” Wrong answer. Batman should have said “I’m prepared.” Also acceptable: “I’m determined.”

• Since Roger Ebert is no longer around to point out these things, I feel it is my duty to note that at one point, Nazis emboldened by the death of Superman demonstrate their evil by turning over a fruit cart. Google it.

• In my notes, I referred to the McGuffins — glowing energy cubes that convey ultimate power to any creature that possess them — as “Infinity Stones.” In fact, those are the glowing energy cube McGuffins from the Marvel universe. These glowing energy cubes are variously called “the change engine” and “mother boxes” which must be combined to form “The Unity.” Everything in this film is a ripoff, and even the meaningless technobabble is bad.

• Jesse Eisenberg appears in the post credit scene as Lex Luthor, as if to say. “Who’s the lame villain now?”

• Aquaman’s trident has five points.