As is customary at this time of year, we Flyer columnists take a look back at the preceding 12 months. And oof, it was hard, especially November, when just under 50 percent of American voters cast their ballots for an idiot, enough to put said idiot back in office for four years. Argh.
In early January, having no idea of what was to come, I mused genially about how age was an invisibility cloak because no one cares what clothes you wear, what kind of car you drive, or how your hair looks. Cute. Then January dropped the hammer with the Iowa caucuses, ending the brief fantasy that someone — DeSantis? Haley? — in the GOP could derail the Trump train.
We got a brief respite in February with the gorgeous performance of Tracy Chapman and Luke Combs singing Chapman’s “Fast Car” at the Grammys. The lyrics transcend the categories that too often put Americans in separate silos, unable to see what we have in common with one another. A queer Black woman and a white country boy singing in perfect harmony was maybe the best three minutes 2024 had to give us.
Shortly after that moment of kumbaya, America was treated to the viral video of 30 white men demonstrating on the grounds of the state capitol in Nashville. They carried Nazi flags, wore face masks and red T-shirts proclaiming that they were members of a group called “Blood Tribe.” According to the Anti-Defamation League, Blood Tribe members exalt Hitler as a deity. So yeah.
April brought us the most hyped event of the year, which is really saying something. I’m talking about the eclipse, but you knew that, right? Seriously, I am hard-pressed to remember any news event that generated so much social media content, so much blathering punditry, so many hours of preview television coverage as did the Big E. It was the most ballyhooed three and a half minutes since Donald Trump had sex with Stormy Daniels. Then it was over and everybody went, “huh?”
In May, South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem revealed that she’d shot and killed her 14-month-old dog, Cricket, because the dog was “untrainable.” As a reward, Trump later appointed Noem head of the Department of Homeland Security.
In June, the Greater Memphis Chamber announced a deal with Elon Musk, “the world’s richest man,” to build the “world’s largest supercomputer” in Memphis. Selling points included our city’s ample water supply, cheap land costs, and the chamber’s willingness to “work fast.” Whether this will be the salvation of Memphis or the “world’s biggest boondoggle” is yet to be determined.
In July, the media wrote 47 million stories about President Biden’s senility after he floundered in a debate with Trump. “Come on, man. I’m the guy who turned this economy around and created 11 million new jobs,” Biden responded. “Sorry, Kamala Harris is now the nominee,” said the Democrat Party hierarchy. As we all know now, that worked out really well.
August brought the scandal of the year! I’m speaking, of course, about the Paris Olympics opening ceremony — which wasn’t actually a mockery of da Vinci’s The Last Supper but still provided several days of fodder for the Evangelical outrage machine.
My personal 2024 probably peaked in September, when I went to Las Cruces, New Mexico, to help celebrate my mother’s 100th birthday. We all had a wonderful time, including my feisty mom, who is now well on her way to 101, Lord willing.
Climate change paid us a visit in October as Hurricane Helene ravaged parts of six Southern states, including Tennessee. The governors of five of those states declared states of emergency in advance of the storm and quickly got federal assistance. The governor of the sixth state, our own idiot, Bill Lee, asked Tennesseans to participate in a “day of prayer and fasting.”
Speaking of idiots, I already mentioned what happened in November and I shall not speak of it again. Sorry.
In December, I continued my self-imposed ban on writing about politics and wrote about giving a guy a ride to Walgreens and back, about creating an AI picture of the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus, and about the pleasures of Mexican restaurants and drinking margaritas. Anything to avoid thinking about politics and the coming 2025 hellscape. Oh, and, uh, happy new year.
