Okay, here s a quick bulletin. I don t have a lot of time or space for a lot of nonsense here this week. There is a lot going on in the next seven days and because this is a free paper and is made possible by the nice folks who run advertisements in it, the editors can t just give me a few extra pages. Oh, I could whine about how jealous I am after reading that there s a 40-foot replica of a twisted human colon on display in Little Rock, designed so that children can crawl through it to learn more about the body organ. Call it the Colossal Colon, if you will, and just hope with all you have in you that this becomes a thrill ride at Libertyland someday, when you too can journey through the colon at breakneck speed strapped into little polyp cars. Or I could go into great detail about excited I got when I read about a police chase that started here in Memphis and ended up somewhere in Mississippi the other day. Seems that some undercover Memphis police officers were posing as customers for prostitutes out by the airport and ran into one that was a bit wilder than they had foreseen. While they were trying to arrest her, she jumped in their red pickup and truck and zoomed off, injuring, but not too badly, thank goodness, two of the officers. When they finally caught up with her and tried to detain her before taking her to an arrest van, she apparently got behind the wheel of another officer s car and this, as a police witness said, is what happened next: The officer was holding onto the car and she was doing doughnuts in the parking lot trying to throw him off. While doing her doughnuts, she hit another squad car and injured another officer. He and the officer hanging onto the car were taken to The Med with noncritical injuries. So she took off again and huge chase ensued that involved police helicopters and all manner of other mayhem, until they finally caught her in Mississippi. This has reality television written all over it. Slut Survival. Hooker Factor. American Prostitute. Who s Your Pimp Daddy? The show could be hosted by Heidi Fleiss, but feature only Memphis hookers. I think we have enough. They could be judged on how many Lee Press-On Nails they keep on during each scuffle. How many times their wigs fly off during police chases. It might not be as cool as the Colossal Colon ride, but it could help put Memphis a little more on the map. And speaking of putting Memphis on the map, I ve got to get on with this, because starting Sunday, we will be making history like we haven t seen in decades in this town and I don t have a lot of time to write about anything else. So here s an abbreviated look at some of what else is going on around town. Tonight, at David-Kidd Booksellers, you will finally get a chance to meet the elusive Memphis magazine columnist and Memphis trivia trove, the much-loved and highly mysterious Vance Lauderdale, who will be there signing copies of his new column compilation, Ask Vance. Today kicks off the yearly Africa in April festival in Robert Church Park, this year honoring Morocco. The Memphis Redbirds start a four-day run against Omaha tonight. The Scott Sudbury Band is at the Flying Saucer. And the legendary Mike Watt & The Secondmen with Mad Happy and the Duration are at the Hi-Tone.
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