People crack me up. I just saw an interview on the news with a young woman who was in Spain when the bombings occurred and a newsperson asked for her expert opinion. She was very upset about the thousands of people carrying anti-Bush signs, and lamented this discouraging feeling as she clutched a copy of In Style magazine. I suppose protesting Bush and his war is just not In Style to her. The county commission in Rhea County, Tennessee, recently voted unanimously to ban homosexuals, saying that they needed to keep those people out of there. Ban homosexuals. How exactly do you do that? But then they reversed their vote because of all the hoopla it caused. Just before reversing the vote to ban homosexuals in a room filled with about 300 people, County Attorney stated, I ve never seen nothing like this. Ah, and we wonder why the kids aren t doing so well in school these days. The same AP article that reported the reversal of the vote to ban homosexuals (I am still cracking up about this), quoted 12-year-old Caitlin Kinney, a seventh-grader, as saying, I don t care much for the homosexuals and lesbians living here either. I think they should go further . . . try to see if they can ban them. It s not a Christian thing. That s right, honey. You just keep going to Sunday School there in your little town and learn to hate and judge just a little bit more. Maybe you ll be president one day and can call for a constitutional ban on black people marrying white people, like it used to be back in the good old days when them there colored folks knew their place. I m sure the good people of Rhea County are also very happy about the ban on indecency, brought about when the world as we know it almost came to an end when Janet Jackson bared her little booby on the MTV Awards show. Gasp! Outrage! What a thing for a child to see! Society being destroyed! Never mind the fact that approximately every 12 minutes on television you hear the Cialis commercial s proclamation that, Erections lasting for more than four hours, while rare, require immediate medical help. Now, explain that one to a five-year-old who s watching. Mommy, what is an erection and why is it so dangerous that you have to go to the doctor? I don t know, Tommy. But at least they can t say shit on television any more! And finally drum roll, please the always entertaining Dr. Gott tells us in a recent column that we do not need to wash our hands after urinating because a normal person is not going to infect his or her environment with life-threatening microorganisms that are somehow transferred from the genital area during the act of expelling urine. You are probably more likely to transfer these germs by shaking hands with a stranger. Does that mean that if you shake hands with a stranger who has just urinated but did not wash his hands you re in the clear? One writer asked the good doc, How does a no-hand-washing policy address the fecal-oral route? Well, I don t know and I don t think I want to. I know that I feel better that he had to use the word fecal because saying shit is indecent. I guess ol Dubya better stop calling reporters assholes when he doesn t realize the microphone is still on or he might just get into trouble. In the meantime, here s a brief look at some of what s going on around town this week. Today kicks off this weekend s big Memphis International Film Festival at Malco Paradiso and Studio on the Square, with a great variety of independent films, genres, and perspectives. And there s a Shane Battier Meet & Greet at Pine Hill Community Center from 5:30-7:30 p.m. for the first 100 kids who show up to meet the Grizzlies basketball star and all-round great guy.
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