All right. Here we go. Just another couple of weeks until election time. And they can t go by fast enough for me. I ve never seen anything like this in my lifetime. Outing CIA agents and thereby endangering their lives. Talking about lesbians. Fliers about presidential mental retardation. Questioning war service of 30 years ago. Lying about being AWOL 30 years ago. Going to war for no reason. Investigating troops who refused to travel in the most dangerous part of the world (and we made it that way) in an unarmored vehicle to deliver tainted helicopter fuel that would have caused our helicopter to crash. Holding people in cages in one of the hottest places in the world for three years without legal representation or proof that they did anything wrong. Attaching wires to war prisoners testicles and sicking dogs on them and piling them up naked and, yes, murdering some of them. Beheadings. Debates so mired in technical rules that they were a total waste of time. Trying to deny African-Americans the right to vote. Gay marriage. Taxes for the rich. A president whose sole purpose in life is to scare us all into thinking we are going to be bombed with nuclear weapons, and who talks about it constantly but has not once pronounced the word nuclear correctly. Yep, I don t know about anyone else, but I have had about all I can take. I just want it to be over. But I do want to know what that thing was in lodged in the back of W s suit jacket during the second debate. And you have to shower praise on John Edwards for saying on late-night talk television that it was probably his battery. He is kind of like a little wined-up robot. The scariest thing about that whole scenario was the news coverage it got in which the words George W. Bush and bulge were used in the same headlines and sentences. That s just plain gross. PRESIDENT S BULGE DURING DEBATE RAISES QUESTIONS. Are things not bad enough that we don t have to walk around with a mental picture in our heads of the George W. Bush having a bulge? I did read one interesting commentary on that one, in which the writer pointed out that normal people, when speaking in phrases, speak an average of five words without skipping a beat, as that is the logical, human way of talking. The writer noted that George W. Bush, when trying to answer a question, spoke only three to four words, then paused, and finally blurted out the fifth word, proving that he was indeed wired and was being given the answers through his bulge. But the writer must not be very familiar with Mr. Bush, as he has really never been able to complete a sentence, wired or not. Well, except for his three-word answer to everything: It s hard work. This from a president who has been on vacation more than any president in history during his time in office. And he doesn t even take interesting vacations. All he does is hang around on that nasty ranch and has bicycle accidents and chokes on popcorn. But enough about politics. I m just happy that everyone is being nice to Martha Stewart at that prison and so far there have been no reports about her being married to the woman with the most cigarettes. Maybe when Mr. Bush is finally indicted for outing Valerie Plame and gets his years behind bars, he ll have the same luck. He just better be careful about that bulge. In the meantime, here s a quick look at some of what s going on around town this week. Tonight, there s a Fall Open House for At Home magazine at Fountain Art Gallery. If you haven t been to the UniverSoul Circus yet the only African-American-owned circus in the country it s under the big tent at Southland Mall through Sunday. Youth Villages Nightmarez . . . Stage Fright! opens its 10-day run today with multidimensional scary sets and other stuff for the kids (6600 Stage Center; benefits Youth Villages). The Memphis Grizzlies play Milwaukee tonight at the cool new FedExForum. The Dempseys are at the Flying Saucer. And Gladys Knight is at the Horseshoe Casino tonight in Tunica.
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