WE RECOMMEND (THE GOOD PART)

First of all, although I’m no television critic, let me just say that if you missed the premier of That’s My Bush, the new sitcom about George and Laura Bush created by the geniuses responsible for South Park, you must stay home every Wednesday night from now on and watch it. How they get away with it I don’t know, but it’s the funniest television show I’ve ever seen. Timothy Bottoms, as the pretty likeable, bumbling idiot president, is without flaw. This is freedom of speech– which I don’t always agree with, as in Missouri allowing the KKK to be an Adopt a Highway sponsor, and then finally taking away that privilege because they were picking up only white trash (okay, had to get that in somehow)– at its best. And now I’m tired of writing about that, so on to something else. For those of you out there who are always whining about all of the “white elephant” attractions in Memphis, I hope you saw the article in a recent edition of The Commercial Appeal about the new Spam Museum being built in Austin, Minnesota, in a remodeled Kmart store on the city’s Main Street– a 20,000-square-foot shrine to the canned “meat,” complete with a bronze statue of two huge pigs and a farmer with a feed bucket. There. And you’re leery of a new NBA arena here? And now I’m tired of writing about that, so on to something else. China. How simple is it to say, “Sorry about the plane crash. We don’t know whose fault it was, but we are certainly sorry that it happened and feel deeply for the families of the deceased.” Is it that difficult? Well, I guess China is being a bit obnoxious as well by being so demanding. Colin Powell has expressed “sorrow” about the crash, which is pretty close. The problem is probably that Laura went out and bought some new White House china, someone got mad about it, and George is stomping his little cowboy boots on the floor refusing to apologize, not really having a clue about the international clash. And now I’m tired of writing about that, so on to something else. Does anyone else out there have lungs coated with asphalt because giant machines that work until late into the night are excavating your street? Giant drills pounding away making the world shake. I don’t know if any of you who live outside Midtown have been experiencing this, but I lived through it for almost a month at home and am now into the third week of it in front of my office. I guess they’re doing something to keep us from blowing up, but I know I’m going to end up with the rear half of my car in a 20-foot hole before it’s over. Oh, well. At least I did hear one of the workers yell this to his crew the other day, and I quote: “Y’all workin’ like a pair of windshield wipers on a billy goat’s ass!” That almost made my day. But now I’m tired of writing about that, so on to something else. How about the guy they just arrested in New York for spraying a combination of his own urine and feces on a salad bar in midtown Manhattan? Are they going to rename the sneeze guard? I hate to think of what that name might be.