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BOOZE CITY

Thanks to WMC for the simple, straightforward, “Sunday liquor sales could benefit schools.” Now all those 5-year-olds can get stinking drunk before bringing a gun to school on Monday morning!

School board member Sara Lewis responded, saying, “There are people who think if you walk within 500 yards of a liquor store you’re going to die and be damned to all eternity,” which, for all its lush medieval imagery, doesn’t quite explain why a freewheeling devil worshiper can’t cop a bottle of Night Train on Sunday morning in America.