Dear Bianca,
I dated my boyfriend for two years before we moved from Memphis to a small town in Idaho so I could attend a two-year grad school program and he could attend undergrad. When I completed school, I took a job back home. But he wanted to stay behind and finish his degree.
We kept a long-distance relationship going, but one day, a friend of his called me to tell me my boyfriend been cheating on me with one of our mutual friends. I was outraged and I broke things off. Eventually, he moved back to Memphis and we became friends again. He confessed that he cheated several times over the course of our relationship.
That was two years ago. Unfortunately, I still have feelings for him, and he recently asked me if I’d be interested in rekindling the relationship. He seems to have changed. He was much younger back then (he’s 4 years younger than me), and I believe he just had some wild oats to sow. We’re happy together now, but my friends still hate him. They won’t hang out with us as a couple and they berate me for getting back with him every chance they get.
Are they right? Should I not trust this guy? Or is there a way to convince my friends to stay out of my business?
Forgiving Girlfriend
Dear Forgiving,
Damn girl, you’re just a glutton for punishment, aren’t you? Do you actually believe I’m going to side with the ex after he cheated on you multiple times?
Here’s the thing: If you cheat on your partner once because you were drunk at a party and some guy starts making out with you, you’re probably not a compulsive cheater. Especially if you’re overcome with guilt about the situation and make sure it never happens again.
One-time cheaters can be forgiven, but a person who cheats multiple times has a serious addiction. It’s sort of like being a crackhead or a serial killer. Compulsive cheaters get a high from sleeping with someone they’re not supposed to be sleeping with.
Your boyfriend may have matured a little since his college days, but you’ll never be able to fully trust him again. Successful relationships require trust. I suggest you break things off with this guy for good.
As for your friends, tell those bitches to back off. They may be right, but they shouldn’t berate you. It’s fine for a friend to let you know they disapprove of your boyfriend, but once that opinion is stated, a good friend will let you take the reins from there.
If you decide to stay with this guy, you might have to get some new pals. And when he cheats again, you’ll wish you had those old buddies to turn to.
Got a problem? Bianca can solve it. Send advice queries to bphillips@memphisflyer.com.
