Dammit, Gannett
In the photograph above you can see an unidentified woman* holding onto a very special volleyball named Lauren Deaton. For those who don’t already know her, Lauren is a Harding Academy volleyball. Go Lions! She was very recently named “Volleyball of the Year” by The Commercial Appeal, Memphis’ once-proud, now-Gannett-owned daily newspaper.
Lauren’s father, Wilson, the sports equipment whose life was famously celebrated in the Tom Hanks movie Cast Away, said nothing of his daughter’s achievement. He just sat there in silence, almost like he was saying, “Why wouldn’t she be Volleyball of the Year?”
So, your pesky Fly on the Wall got all defensive and said, “Like, what’s your point, man?” But he just kept his silence while somehow also asking, clear as day, “Are you saying my daughter Lauren’s not good enough to be Volleyball of the Year?”
And I said “no” and we went on like that for some time before Wilson finally thanked me for my time and bounced down the sidewalk and into his car where Lauren waited for him. As the pair drove off, I couldn’t help but think I’d get better interviews if the CA would give awards to people instead of stupid balls. Maybe that’s racist, but I just don’t know anymore.
*Congratulations to the actual Lauren. We know you’re not gear no matter what the daily paper says.
