Dear Bianca,
A few months ago, I got a little too drunk at a party and ended up sleeping with my best friend’s girlfriend. They’d been dating for about five months at the time, and I think my friend was under the impression that things were getting serious. He was really into her, but she confessed to me that she was getting bored. And then we did it.
The next day, I felt really awful about what I’d done. I called the girl, and we both swore secrecy. If we never mentioned it again, we could just pretend it never happened. But I guess guilt got the best of her, and she wound up confessing to her boyfriend. They broke up, and my friend and I got into a drunken fistfight a few nights later.
While some guy problems can be solved with a good fight, this one was the exception. After I let him punch me in the face a few times, he walked away and never spoke to me again. We haven’t talked in two months.
This guy had been my best friend since junior high school, and we made it all the way through college together. I really messed up, and I want to make things right. Has enough time passed that I can try to patch things up? Or is my friend out of my life forever?
— Friendless
Dear Friendless,
I’m a firm promoter of the “bros before hos” philosophy. And in this situation, you clearly didn’t put your bro first. Drunk or not, you should have had enough respect for your friend to keep it in your pants.
However, in a weird way, you did your friend a favor. If his girlfriend was willing to sleep with his best friend, he needed a way out of that relationship. And thanks to you, he found it. But I seriously doubt he’ll be thanking you any time soon. You are as guilty as she is, and I’m not condoning your slutty behavior.
But I think you realize that now, and you’re looking to mend the giant rip in your friendship. You’ve given the guy a couple of months to heal (and you let him punch you in the face), so I’d bet it’s probably safe to at least attempt to rekindle your long-lasting friendship.
Have you tried giving the guy a call? That’d be a great (and obvious) start. Offer a heartfelt apology, and explain how much you miss his friendship. If you’ve curbed your drinking as a result of the incident, be sure he knows that too. But don’t blame the alcohol. That’s a cop-out. Blame yourself and apologize sincerely.
That’s really all you can do. Time heals all wounds, at least theoretically, and this guy has had a little time to mend. Maybe he’ll be ready to let you patch things up, or maybe he’s the kind of dude who holds a grudge forever.
If that’s the case, you might have to find yourself a new best friend. Just don’t sleep with his girlfriend this time.
Got a problem? E-mail Bianca at bphillips@memphisflyer.com.
