Dear Bianca,
My wife and I have been together for about five years (married for three), and we’re looking to make things a little more interesting in the bedroom.
Before we started dating, I had been in an open relationship with another woman and my wife had been dating females. She’s bisexual and I’m open to almost anything. Since we’re both fans of women, we’ve considered bringing a third female partner into the mix.
My wife has asked me to start scoping out possibilities. She wants me to pick someone out and take her on a date before I bring her home. I think the wife is a little scared of rejection by another woman and she wants me to ask this person about being a third without her there.
Also, my wife has one request — the new woman can’t be prettier than her. I’m having a hard time with this since I know that’s a totally subjective request. What if I find someone who I don’t think is prettier but she doesn’t agree? Does this request mean my wife may not be ready for a new partner?
I’m also a little afraid to approach another woman about being a third without my wife present. What if the new lady thinks I’m just some slimeball who’s trying to cheat on his wife? Do you have any tips on how to make this process go smoother?
— Swinger Guy
Dear Swinger Guy,
Lucky for you, it’s 2010 and we have this great thing called the Internet. It’s filled with websites aimed at helping swinging couples find potential partners.
A quick Google search will pull up plenty, and most include photos, so you and your wife can make the choice together before the face-to-face contact. This way, your wife can offer the final opinion on whether or not she thinks the new lady is prettier and you’re off the hook. Also, if you meet someone on a swinger site, you can bypass the awkward conversation you might have with someone who may or may not be into it.
Do I think that your wife’s concern about you finding a prettier female means she’s not ready? Maybe. Most women wouldn’t want their partners flirting with another woman, especially a hot one, but this could mean that your wife is worried that you might eventually leave her for the new woman. I think such feelings are probably normal for anyone new to a swinger lifestyle.
Both of you should think long and hard about the risks in opening your relationship to a new partner. If you both decide you really want to do it, go for it. It could potentially make your relationship stronger, or it could go totally wrong and destroy it. Either way, you won’t know unless you try.
Got a problem? E-mail Bianca at bphillips@memphisflyer.com.
