Dear Jack,
My boyfriend is a professional photographer. His work is just amazing and is the reason I originally fell in love with him. We met at a gallery showing of his work and he asked me to model for him. I know, it sounds like a come-on, but honestly, I really did model for him (non-nude) for about a year before we went on our first date. Now we’re living together and things are really, truly wonderful, in every way, including the bedroom.
Or, they were. Since the economy went to hell, he’s been having a hard time finding work. He’s even done a few weddings just to make ends meet. You have no idea how soul-crushing that can be for an artist like him. But he did the work, and I’m proud of him, plus the pay was good.
That’s not my problem. Or maybe it is. Because of lack of work, he’s been spending a lot of time at home. I have a regular 8-5 job. The other day, they closed the office early because of the snow, and when I got home, he was asleep on the couch. His laptop was open, so I sat down to check my Facebook and found his Photoshop program open with a picture of a nude guy. There were lots of pictures of this nude guy, and as I found out, lots of pictures of lots of different nude guys. They’re really cute and Oh My Lord, but that’s totally beside the point.
My boyfriend says that he has been shooting soft porn on the side. He says didn’t want to tell me about it because he’s embarrassed. But I can’t help thinking if that’s what he’s really doing, he should have some pictures of naked women, too. Honestly, it wouldn’t bother me at all if that was what he was really doing, but I don’t know when he’s been going on these shoots. He’s always home when I call. And if he’s been making extra money, I haven’t seen any of it.
I’m afraid my boyfriend is gay and downloading gay porn. I don’t know what to do.
—Heartbroke in Hickory Hill
Dear Heartbroke,
Be at ease in your heart. I don’t think your boyfriend is gay. He probably just has latent bisexual feelings that he’s been exploring in his abundance of boredom and free time. Chances are, he will never act on them. But he may. That’s a risk we all take, no matter who we’re with – straight, gay, or bi. By making it unsafe for him to look at pictures of nude men at home, you might force him out of the house and into the very thing you most want to avoid.
I’m going to offer something a little radical here. First of all, does his attraction to the male nude form make you uncomfortable? If this is something you can live with (provided he doesn’t act on it), maybe you should invite him to share his fantasies with you, instead of hiding them. You said the photos were hot. Maybe the two of you could get off together. Crazy, I know.
And maybe, just maybe, with your blessing he could actually do some male model photography and start earning money. Idle hands, as they say, will find something to play with.
