AP — The state Senate on Monday passed a bill to give people with handgun carry permits the right to store their loaded firearms in their vehicles wherever they are parked, brushing aside concerns raised by businesses and higher education administrators in Tennessee.
Whew. I don’t know about you, but I was mighty relieved when the Tennessee General Assembly made its first order of business for the 2013 session the quick passage of what liberals call the “guns in parking lots” bill. Its rightful name, of course, is the “Safe Commute Act.” I guess the incredible public demand for this long-overdue legislation finally motivated those folks in Nashville to take patriotic action.
Now, at last, the 5 percent of us Tennesseans who have concealed-carry permits will finally be allowed to protect ourselves — and the other 95 percent of Tennesseans (mostly ungrateful and unarmed liberals, socialists, and Muslims) — the way the Founding Fathers intended.
I’ve had to brave my commute to work without my trusty semi-automatic Sig Sauer MK25 for far too long. You see, my lily-livered, unpatriotic employer forbids me from leaving my loaded pistol in my car in the company parking lot. Did they care that they were putting my life in danger by making me drive to work unarmed? Noooo. Sure, I guess I could have parked on the street, but then I would have had to walk unarmed across the street and the parking lot! Holy crap. How uncaring and insensitive could they be?
Like FedEx, Volkswagen, other major companies, and the state’s colleges and universities, my employer thought its “property rights” superceded my Second Amendment right to pack heat wherever I want to. But what have they done for us, lately, anyway? Sure, they may pay their employees a nice salary and help out the economy a little, but that doesn’t give them the right to put my life in danger. Have you driven down Peabody lately? Scary, I tell ya.
But we’re not done yet. Even with this new law, I still have to walk across the parking lot to the building unarmed. What’s up with that? I’m pretty sure by next year at this time, our legislators will have taken care of us and we’ll finally be allowed to carry guns in the office, which is only right. Have you seen that tattooed young sales-punk we just hired? Property rights, my ass.
Plus, once I’m walking around this place with Siggy on my hip, I’m prettty sure I wont be getting any more greif about typos from those uppitey copy editers.
Bruce VanWyngarden
