As a happily married man, my days of trying to pick up a stranger are long past, but out there in the Bluff City, the dance of seduction goes on every night. Boys and girls are looking for love in all the Memphis places and using every weapon at their disposal — including some reeeeally bad pickup lines. On a recent fact-finding mission to several Memphis bars, a few us collected an anthropological sampling from customers and various bartenders. Some folks claimed that humorous lines work best. Others suggested the direct approach. And some people just say really weird stuff. Use at your own risk.
“I think I could fall madly in bed with you.”
“I wonder what our children will look like.””What do you like for breakfast?””Are you going to talk to me or do I have to lie to my diary?””Hi, I’m horny.””You’re on my list of things to do tonight.”
“Do you think our relationship would be just about the great sex, or would it have some depth to it?”
“What time do you get off? [said to a waitress/waiter] Can I watch?”
“So tell me about yourself — your dreams, your hopes, your phone number.”
“Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?”
“Hi. Are you cute?”
“You know, I can sense that you’re a wonderful lover and it intimidates me a little.”
“I’m fighting the urge to make you the happiest man on earth tonight.”
“If I were to ask you for sex, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?” (I can’t figure out how this one works both ways, but it does.)
As you walk by, turn around and say: “Excuse me, did you just touch my ass? No? Damn!”
“Yep, I have big feet.”
“I want you to have my children. [wait a beat] They’re out in the car. Wanna see ’em?”
“I can make you feel like I’ve never had sex before.” (The guy who told me this one swears it’s actually worked.)
“Are you from Tennessee? Because you’re the only 10 I see!” (Perhaps the all-time lamest pickup line.)”So you’re a girl, huh?”
“I’ve had quite a bit to drink, and you’re beginning to look pretty good.”
“You remind me of a parking ticket. You got fine written all over you.”
“Hi. Buy you a car?”
“When God made you, girl, he was just showing off.”
“Excuse me, do you live around here often?”
“Wanna see a trick I learned in prison?”
“So, um, do you like turtles?”
“Bond. James Bond.”
“Well, here I am. What were your other two wishes?”
