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Arctic Blast in Memphis: Immediately No

Memphis is not about this life.

It’s 11° right now. ELEVEN. And it “feels like” -2°. My weather app says today’s high will be 18°, around 2 p.m., and the low will be 5°. What it “feels like” to me, when I step out to let the dogs do their business is: immediately no. The pups agree. It took a lot of coaxing — and a good deal of shoveling — Monday to get them to go outside at all. Fran and Steve are long-haired miniature dachshunds, weighing in around 10 or 12 pounds, give or take. They’re up to their bellies in the blanket of white stuff in their (yes, it’s theirs) backyard. At first, Steve went out loudly barking in confusion. “Where is the green stuff? I can’t frolic in this mess!” Fran cautiously walked down the back-porch ramp only to step into the cold and turn right back around. “I have to tee-tee, but — immediately no,” she huffed. So I took to shoveling to reveal a patch of — still frozen — grass and dirt for them, wishing I’d clicked “add to cart” on the little dog boots I’d been eyeballing last week online. Alas, we make do. 

We’re back in the warm house for now, and we’re grateful the heat’s still running and the pipes haven’t frozen (well, the hot water line in the kitchen gave me a scare, but it’s flowing again, thank the stars). Early this morning, ABC News reported (in its article “Arctic blast grips US as snow and ice spread from Louisiana to Maine”), “More than 200 million Americans are on alert Tuesday for heavy snow, ice, and dangerously low wind chills as an arctic blast grips the nation,” and “Weather-related school closures are affecting more than a million students nationwide on Tuesday.” Gosh, I remember being so excited about snow days as a kid. I even recall a few years ago my dogs enjoying the snow. But that was without the “dangerously low” temps part. And it was also before I became a homeowner, worrying about additional insulation, disconnecting the water hose and covering the spigot, and finding that perfect drip for the faucets so the plumbing doesn’t suffer a fatality. Memphis wasn’t made for this — our old houses, ancient trees, and power grid aren’t fit for teens or single-digit temperatures. And as a Southerner, I’m most certainly not. But, please hold. I’m going to try something …

Donut residue in a U of M lot (Photo: Shara Clark)

After all that complaining about the weather above, I decided to trek to the U of M campus on foot. Of course, I was reminded as soon as I stepped out my front door that I’m the clumsiest person I know and tend to sprain my ankle in a gentle breeze, but I made the round trip — slow and steady — without injury. I’m back at my laptop now, snow-blind. It’s a sunny 15° (feels like 4°). There were a handful of cars out and about in the neighborhood and four other people walking — I’m guessing also trying to trick themselves into thinking they don’t mind it too much. I’m still not a fan, but it’s quieter than usual, and the snow crunching underfoot and the chill on my face was a decent lunch-break refresher. There was evidence of donuts in the U of M parking lot (so at least someone had some fun?), and the piles of snow accentuated the garbage bags of leaves and thrown-out mattresses and old toilets that have been sitting on the curb for weeks awaiting city debris pickup. But I digress. 

I’ll try to remain as positive as possible, and I hope you all enjoy your snow angels and snowmen. There is certainly some beauty in it, I’ll admit. I hope your pups are frolicking despite the cold. I hope your pipes remain intact and that our city’s power keeps powering our lights and heat. 

The icicles are melting in the sun, but I hear we’re expecting a round of “mixed winter precipitation” come Thursday, followed by more “dangerously low” lows. To that, I say — in solidarity with my fur-babes — immediately no. 

Stay safe and warm, folks.