Author: Brent Taylor

Memphis has been “big time” for a whole month now, plenty long enough for any scribe who has witnessed a couple of NBA games to qualify as an expert.

Here, then, a few observations on The Pyramid, the Grizzlies, and the NBA.

The greatest quality of middle school kids is that they want to be stars. They shoot straight for the top. They want to be millionaires, models, musicians, and professional athletes. The most heart breaking thing about a middle schooler is that they all know what they want to be and most of them have no idea how unrealistic their chosen profession is.

As a middle school teacher, I don’t want to know the statistics (I’m sure they are dismal); I prefer to feed their tremendous optimism.

When I ask middle schoolers what they’ve been reading, they tell me: Only the books their English teacher required, almost all of them regarded as a colossal bore.

And when I ask about Harry Potter, surprise! I discover that these little human hormones — who curse one another in the hallways, who have friends that are nursing new infants, who have parents or siblings in prisons and gangs, who carry guns to school, who are routinely dabbling with cigarettes and marijuana, and who show up on Monday morning with strange injuries they won’t explain — turn into hell-fire-and-brimstone ministers.

The problem? Harry Potter. He is obviously a new sleight-of-hand from sneaky Satan. And of course Harry Potter is real. He’s not an actor, and the novels about him are not works of fiction. No, Harry is a real kid who practices witchcraft, and our mommas won’t let us read Harry Potter so don’t try, teacher.

Apparently certain moral leaders in our community have taken it upon themselves to clean up our schools and our spiritual deficiencies by targeting the Harry Potter books. Tacked up to a bulletin board in the teacher’s lounge where I work is one of those long anti-Harry Potter letters that have been making their way around Memphis, and I’m sure, every other city in the country.

As if teachers didn’t have enough to worry about already, now we have to find a way to combat this sudden outcry against an imaginary boy witch from both our parents and our students. Writing teachers like myself who were once considering assigning Harry Potter as a last ditch effort at the “reading is fun” angle, are now tucking tail, chalking another one up to … what?

Why are ye targeting our schools, oh religious ones? Because there are kids who could benefit from one favorite book in a school system where some of us can read and like to read, but where most of us can’t read very well and don’t have any plans to, ever.

Forget that the series was a lucky break for a single mother with her own kids, who wrote the first book, now out in theaters, in her spare time. Forget that maybe it is one book that our students will not think is a gigantic waste of time.

Shame on the spiritual leaders who have caused enough racket about a kid’s fantasy novel that our students are sitting in our classrooms telling us that they actually believe Harry Potter to be real — a real person in England who flies on a broom and goes to a witch school. And what can a teacher say to convince them otherwise? No matter how much influence a teacher might have, parents always have more.

But shouldn’t it be inconceivable that adults would be so afraid of something imaginary?

I mean, that’s the kids’ job, right?

(Lesha Hurliman is a teacher at Craigmont Middle School and an editorial intern at the Flyer.)

Avon Fogymans plan for mEmphis scool isn’t bad it good. Mini peoples have ben making complaining about Fogeyman’s perposal to lower standids for mEmphise Cidy scools sysyims so the kids can pass the testes and gradulate. But it is rong and they is rong to do it to him, a good man, thusly.

So what if Memphis has it’s trubles getting business reloketed here becaus scools are bad and there arent eny good skilled workers to employee anyway becaus scools is so bad. We always have Otto ZOne and Fed-X to leech of off anyhow.

The thing most peoples don’t realizing is that problems that seam unsolvible requires ansers that are unsolvible to. Not onlee shood we lower standids for scools so that kids can pass the testes and gradulate, there are many other instinces where the standids is too hi already and lowering them could be good for the people who need them lowered. We will call this boweld movement the Fogyman Plan.

First, if we lower standids for studants that means we can lower standids for teachers sinse they don’t have to be ass smart anymore ether then we can have more of them to teach and thereby helping to eliminate unemployment at the same exact tim. And that is not the onlee way that the Fogyman Plan can help out things while helping our unemployed teachers get on unemployeedmint

For instince, there was this wun time when I herd on that show 20 minits that this chemical and oil indistrys has trubles with toxis wase an it cost them zillions of dollers to deel wit h toxis waste ever yeer because of fedrel riskrictions.

Now if the fedrel govermint wood just lower there standids sum— or even git rid of them on the hole, then the indistrys could save hundreds of dollers. That money saved cood leed to more jobs for the homeless and poor peoples of meMphis. Teechers too. No dout.

And there was this one time, my uncel Donald. He applied as an airport security. And you no what? They didnt hire him. So what if he didnt gradulate, he can wach peoples go throo a medal detekter as good as anybody else. Maybe even better.

I think there standids are to high to.

And besides, uncle DonaLd don’t even sell any crack anymore cause they said if they caught him again they wood put him in the penile farm. So even tho hes unemploeed becaus of unfair standids he wont sell nothing but regular cocaine and sometimes some grass.

In 2001, acording to all availlable sources to us, the advertizing indistry have taken it’s biggest hit since the great big Depreshun was here. Naturally, that has impacted the revenue of publishing groups like eben th e Memphis Flyers. In order to mak buget for the yere we had embrassed the Fogyman plan to our bosoms. Lowerin our own standerds alowed us to ill iminate copy edits in sertin parts of the paper there bye lowerin labor costs without elemonaideing jobs. What does a litle errer hear and here matter so long as the writin is good and the reeder gits the pint.

Avon Fogymans plan for mEmphis scool isn’t bad it good. Mini peoples have ben making complaining about Fogeyman’s perposal to lower standids for mEmphise Cidy scools sysyims so the kids can pass the testes and gradulate. But it is rong and they is rong to do it to him, a good man, thusly.

So what if Memphis has it’s trubles getting business reloketed here becaus scools are bad and there arent eny good skilled workers to employee anyway becaus scools is so bad. We always have Otto ZOne and Fed-X to leech of off anyhow.

The thing most peoples don’t realizing is that problems that seam unsolvible requires ansers that are unsolvible to. Not onlee shood we lower standids for scools so that kids can pass the testes and gradulate, there are many other instinces where the standids is too hi already and lowering them could be good for the people who need them lowered. We will call this boweld movement the Fogyman Plan.

First, if we lower standids for studants that means we can lower standids for teachers sinse they don’t have to be ass smart anymore ether then we can have more of them to teach and thereby helping to eliminate unemployment at the same exact tim. And that is not the onlee way that the Fogyman Plan can help out things while helping our unemployed teachers get on unemployeedmint

For instince, there was this wun time when I herd on that show 20 minits that this chemical and oil indistrys has trubles with toxis wase an it cost them zillions of dollers to deel wit h toxis waste ever yeer because of fedrel riskrictions.

Now if the fedrel govermint wood just lower there standids sum— or even git rid of them on the hole, then the indistrys could save hundreds of dollers. That money saved cood leed to more jobs for the homeless and poor peoples of meMphis. Teechers too. No dout.

And there was this one time, my uncel Donald. He applied as an airport security. And you no what? They didnt hire him. So what if he didnt gradulate, he can wach peoples go throo a medal detekter as good as anybody else. Maybe even better.

I think there standids are to high to.

And besides, uncle DonaLd don’t even sell any crack anymore cause they said if they caught him again they wood put him in the penile farm. So even tho hes unemploeed becaus of unfair standids he wont sell nothing but regular cocaine and sometimes some grass.

In 2001, acording to all availlable sources to us, the advertizing indistry have taken it’s biggest hit since the great big Depreshun was here. Naturally, that has impacted the revenue of publishing groups like eben th e Memphis Flyers. In order to mak buget for the yere we had embrassed the Fogyman plan to our bosoms. Lowerin our own standerds alowed us to ill iminate copy edits in sertin parts of the paper there bye lowerin labor costs without elemonaideing jobs. What does a litle errer hear and here matter so long as the writin is good and the reeder gits the pint.

The greatest quality of middle school kids is that they want to be stars. They shoot straight for the top. They want to be millionaires, models, musicians, and professional athletes. The most heart breaking thing about a middle schooler is that they all know what they want to be and most of them have no idea how unrealistic their chosen profession is.

As a middle school teacher, I don’t want to know the statistics (I’m sure they are dismal); I prefer to feed their tremedous optimism.

When I ask middle schoolers what they’ve been reading, they tell me: Only the books their English teacher required, almost all of them regarded as a colossal bore.

And when I ask about Harry Potter, surprise! I discover that these little human hormones — who curse one another in the hallways, who have friends that are nursing new infants, who have parents or siblings in prisons and gangs, who carry guns to school, who are routinely dabbling with cigarettes and marijuana, and who show up on Monday morning with strange injuries they won’t explain — turn into hell-fire-and-brimstone ministers.

The problem? Harry Potter. He is obviously a new sleight-of-hand from sneaky Satan. And of course Harry Potter is real. He’s not an actor, and the novels about him are not works of fiction. No, Harry is a real kid who practices witchcraft, and our mommas won’t let us read Harry Potter so don’t try, teacher.

Apparently certain moral leaders in our community have taken it upon themselves to clean up our schools and our spiritual deficiencies by targeting the Harry Potter books. Tacked up to a bulletin board in the teacher’s lounge where I work is one of those long anti-Harry Potter letters that have been making their way around Memphis, and I’m sure, every other city in the country.

As if teachers didn’t have enough to worry about already, now we have to find a way to combat this sudden outcry against an imaginary boy witch from both our parents and our students. Writing teachers like myself who were once considering assigning Harry Potter as a last ditch effort at the “reading is fun” angle, are now tucking tail, chalking another one up to … what?

Why are ye targeting our schools, oh religous ones? Because there are kids who could benefit from one favorite book in a school system where some of us can read and like to read, but where most of us can’t read very well and don’t have any plans to, ever.

Forget that the series was a lucky break for a single mother with her own kids, who wrote the first book, now out in theaters, in her spare time. Forget that maybe it is one book that our students will not think is a gigantic waste of time.

Shame on the spiritual leaders who have caused enough racket about a kid’s fantasy novel that our students are sitting in our classrooms telling us that they actually believe Harry Potter to be real — a real person in England who flies on a broom and goes to a witch school. And what can a teacher say to convince them otherwise? No matter how much influence a teacher might have, parents always have more.

But shouldn’t it be inconceivable that adults would be so afraid of something imaginary?

I mean, that’s the kids’ job, right?

(Lesha Hurliman is a teacher at Craigmont Middle School and an editorial intern at the Flyer.)

Recently, I had the honor of serving as the Master of Ceremonies for the Vietnam Wall Experience during its stay in Memphis. Over the course of the weekend, I presided over a POW/MIA remembrance service. This moving ceremony involved the placing of hats from all branches of the military on a specially prepared table set with very symbolic items. These hats represented the heroes from each branch of the military that were prisoners of war or who remain missing in action.

As I sat through this observance, I couldn’t help but reflect upon the September 11th attack on our nation. I thought of the men and women who responded so bravely to that assault. Although the POW/MIA Remembrance Ceremony is a military ceremony, you can now add two new hats to future

remembrance services. These hats belong to the brave men and women of our police and fire departments.

On September 11th, we saw that no longer is our armed forces America’s only line of defense against aggression. We now must add the men and women of every police and fire department in our country. Now, they serve on the front lines with the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines and Coast Guard

protecting our freedom and safety. Our police and fire departments, like our military, must be prepared to respond to our enemy’s attacks at their chosen time.

The assault on America will require Congress and the President to rethink national defense s rategies. Congress must spend resources in a manner consistent with the realities of the 21st century. We should be prepared to fight rogue nations and terrorist groups not only large foreign armies. We ought to develop a lighter, leaner military that is capable of a quick

strike and rapid response to crisis. Our military, police and fire departments must prepare to combat chemical and biological warfare. Congress spends millions of dollars on anti-terrorism efforts each year. Unfortunately, those dollars have been directed primarily toward federal agencies that typically respond in six hours or more, not the local police and fire departments that response to disasters in six minutes or less.

Since the battlefields of past wars have been fought on far away continents, local governments in the United States have had no reason to be involved in matters of national security. The events of September 11th have changed that perpetually. In the future, federal and local government must work in concert to avert attacks. Our police and fire departments must be every bit as successful safeguarding Americans from attack at home as our nation’s military has been at protecting us from aggression abroad.

Since the attack, we have heard much about the “Twin Towers” that evil doers brought down in New York City. A new set of “Twin Towers” has been erected that no enemy will ever destroy – those are the “Twin Towers” of American police and fire departments.

President George W. Bush recently announced that our military should prepare to retaliate for the terrorist attacks. He told the men and women of the armed services, “get ready, you hour will come, and we know you will make us proud.”

I say to our police and firefighters, “your hour may come once more, and if it does, I know you will make us proud again!”

(Brent Taylor is a member of the Memphis City Council.)