Author: Bruce VanWyngarden

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At Large Opinion

A Toenail Is Better

Photo: Spiroview Inc. | Dreamstime.com

“‘Stink for a dime’ is an idiom that means to be extremely bad, unpleasant, or worthless. It’s often used to describe something that is so poor in quality or value that it’s not even worth the low cost of a dime.”

Who among us has not fallen back on that popular saying, “stink for a dime”? It comes in handy now and then, right? What? You’ve never heard anyone say that? Well … okay, you got me. No one ever says that. My friend and former Flyer colleague Chris Davis made it up, along with several other original “idioms,” including “A toenail is better,” “Too foggy to fart,” and “All nines and 14s.” 

Davis decided to challenge Google’s AI capabilities by typing random phrases in the search bar and asking what they meant. Like an unprepared seventh-grader called out in class by his teacher, Google’s AI just started, well, making up total crap. 

Take AI’s response to another of Davis’ invented idioms — “All nines and 14s” — which according to Google’s AI, is “a common expression used to describe a situation where all the digits or a percentage are either 9 or 14. It’s most commonly used in the context of high availability and reliability.” What? A toenail is better!

Imagine relying on this resource to do research or to write a term paper. Unfortunately, it’s being done all the time. Recently, I had a conversation with an Ole Miss professor who told me it’s an endemic practice among students, most of whom soon find out that their professors are easily able to catch them at it. There’s too much “AI slop.”

What’s AI slop? Funny you should ask. I typed that phrase into Google’s search bar and got this: “AI slop is essentially mass-produced, low-quality content that floods online spaces like social media, blogs, and search results. It often lacks substance, is generic or repetitive, and may not be harmful but is of little value. In essence, ‘AI slop’ highlights the potential downsides of relying on AI for content creation, particularly when speed and quantity are prioritized over quality and purpose.” In other words, it’s too foggy to fart.

Even so, it’s projected that $644 billion will be spent globally in 2025 to further develop artificial intelligence technologies. Companies such Meta, Amazon, Alphabet, Microsoft, Google, and xAI are in a frantic race to build and expand AI data centers and infrastructure. Here in Memphis, Elon Musk’s Colossus AI development is using unpermitted gas turbines with little to no pushback from local authorities. And it’s not just in Memphis. Similar construction projects from other AI developers are stressing water resources and power grids all around the planet.

So what is the ultimate prize in this expensive and environmentally destructive contest? Why are companies spending such enormous amounts of money on AI development? AI systems are designed to analyze data, identify patterns, and automate processes, the aim being to create intelligence that can adapt and learn from its environment, much like humans. But where’s the profit going to come from? None of these companies are developing AI for altruistic reasons.

As AI currently exists, it can automate certain tasks and processes and automate customer service (whether the latter is “progress” is debatable), manage inventory, and even drive vehicles. Google says AI has also been useful in the fields of medicine, engineering, and materials science. But costs still far outweigh profits for AI developers.

Some analysts say the big payoff could potentially come from AGI (artificial general intelligence), a still-hypothetical evolution of AI that would have human-level cognitive abilities, allowing it to solve problems in a wide range of domains without specific training and adapt to new situations and contexts — presumably without making up crap, which is what happens now when AI encounters a problem for which it hasn’t been “trained.”

Musk calls his xAI chatbot “Grok,” a term coined by Robert Heinlein in his 1961 novel, Stranger in a Strange Land. It’s from a mythical Martian language and means to “empathize or communicate sympathetically.” Which is ironic, since Musk recently said that “the fundamental weakness of Western civilization is empathy,” while likening Social Security to a “Ponzi scheme.” That’s also a term some critics have used to describe the burgeoning investments in AI. If you ask me, it all sounds like it might stink for a dime. 

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At Large Opinion

Turdus Migratorius

Photo: Petar Kremenarov | Dreamstime.com

I’m sitting on the deck, sipping a fresh-brewed cup of early coffee. It’s Easter, and the air is clear and bright and alive, offering the promise of another glorious Memphis spring day. The earth has resurrected itself and donned its finest vestments: Azaleas, dogwoods, irises, shamrocks, lantana — all manner of flowers large and small are in full bloom, turning the city, and my own backyard, into a celebration of color.

There is a mixed chorus of birdsong coming from the trees above. I listen for awhile and recognize the chirpy stylings of our resident Carolina wrens, cardinals, and mockingbirds, but there’s one persistent call I should know and can’t place. After a check of my Merlin Bird ID app, the mystery is soon revealed. It’s the cheery morning song of a — wait for it — Turdus migratorius, probably the commonest bird of all in these parts, better known as the American robin. Merlin says it’s a “fairly large songbird with round body parts. … Gray above, with warm orange underparts.”

Turdus migratorius? Round body parts? Warm orange underparts? C’mon. How can it be that even Latin bird names are conspiring to divert my brain on this lovely morning and send my thoughts to the unlovely news all too easily located elsewhere on my phone? 

There’s no escaping it. Every day brings a new horror as President Turdus deconstructs our government and tightens his control over We the People. He’s intentionally crippling the pillars of our republic, cutting funding for Social Security, the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, the IRS, the Department of Energy, our national parks, NPR, Voice of America, the NOAA, the FDIC, Veterans Affairs, the National Science Foundation, and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Just last week, he tossed FEMA onto the bonfire of his vanities. Federal disaster relief is now going to be defunded. Cool. 

And it’s not just the government. Trump’s putting the squeeze on law firms, universities, the media, nonprofits, students, and immigrants of every color except white, should they dare to stand up to the mighty American Robbin’. And it gets worse.

As I write this, the president has ignored at least one Supreme Court ruling for more than a week, with more SCOTUS cases to come. A genuine constitutional crisis is brewing, one which stems from the fact that the chief executive of the United States has literally seized power from the other two branches of government before our very eyes — in less than 100 days.

To control the judiciary, Trump began by ignoring the long-standing tradition of appointing an independent attorney general in favor of his pal Pam Bondi, the same woman who engineered a sweetheart “home confinement” deal for known pedophile Jeffrey Epstein when she was Florida’s attorney general. She’s also the woman who declined to prosecute Trump for his Trump University scam after receiving a $25,000 campaign donation from Trump’s “foundation.”

Toss in six conservative Supreme Court justices, three of whom were appointed by Trump, and the odds of the Justice Department stopping Orange Underparts are slim. Plus, they have no enforcement powers except for the U.S. Marshals, which are controlled by Bondi.

And when it comes to the GOP-controlled Congress, it appears Trump has only to breathe the threat of primarying a Republican politician with Elon Musk’s billions and they line up like good little soldiers and head over to Fox News to spew the latest White House drivel.

And lest we forget, there are the incredibly foolish and soon-to-be-costly tariffs and the impetuous destruction of relationships with long-standing allies. Worst of all is the realization that we live in a time in the United States of America where masked, non-uniformed agents are literally abducting people — throwing them into vehicles, taking them from their families and friends, and sending them to prisons here and abroad. No attorneys, no judges, no juries, no court appearances, no sentences. Welcome to the new USA.

Back in Memphis, Turdus migratorius is still singing sweetly above me as I scroll my phone and see that on the Fox News app, the top story on this beautiful Easter Sunday is: “Trump shreds Biden, ‘Radical Left Lunatics’ in Easter message.” Just as Jesus would have done, no doubt. Lord, help us. 

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At Large Opinion

When It Rains

Just some wacky weather, nothing more. (Photo: Bethany Butler Myers)

Perhaps the nadir of last week for me came Saturday morning, as I was standing in a sudden downpour with my two leashed dogs, imploring them to, well, pee.

“C’mon, Olive! Pee and you get a treat! C’mon, girls, pee! Don’t you want a treat?” 

Their ears always perk when they hear the sacred T-word, but they never seem to make the connection as to how relieving themselves might make the magic happen, and so on we trudged along the flooded Midtown sidewalks until at last the deeds were done and we could return home to shake ourselves dry.

Seriously, can we all agree that last week was insane? Twelve inches of rain in four days? They called it a “generational event.” Maybe, but does anybody remember the great flood of 2011? Seems less than a generation ago.

My rain-crazed friends and I spent the afternoon sending each other flood videos gleaned from social media or local TV websites. Overton Park is under water! Union Avenue is closed! Poplar is shut down! Stay away from East Parkway! Giant tree fell on Cooper! There’s a guy kayaking by Ecco!

There were several images of sad people standing beside their cars in waist-deep water, victims of the kind of foolish optimism that leads someone into thinking their Corolla is a Humvee. We got 5.5 inches in a single day, a record for April. 

By Sunday, we were down to an occasional drizzle, but there’s more moisture to come, folks. That giant anaconda of a storm squatted over the center of the country for several days, and all of that water is headed our way, spilling down the countless rivers, streams, creeks, and ditches that feed into the Ohio, Illinois, Tennessee, and Missouri rivers, and ultimately, the Mississippi. A rise of two feet a day on the lower Mississippi (that’s us), is considered a big deal. The river rose 5.6 feet(!) at Memphis on Monday and is predicted to rise more than 20 feet before it crests at 37 feet on April 14th — three feet above flood stage. The 2011 flood crested at 48 feet, but still, the redesigned Tom Lee Park may be tested. 

But all of this wacky weather was really just background noise as the country was being “looted, pillaged, raped, and plundered by nations near and far” and cruelly denied a “turn to prosper.” Or at least that’s what was happening in the spacious cranium of Donald Trump, as he proclaimed last Wednesday “Liberation Day” and imposed tariffs on, well, every country in the world except Russia. He was like Oprah Winfrey on a bender: “You get a tariff, and you get a tariff, and you get a tariff! And everyone gets a global market collapse.” Good times!

Noted leftist hippie rag, The Economist, described the proceedings thusly: “It’s hard to know which is more unsettling: that the leader of the free world could spout complete drivel about its most successful and admired economy. Or the fact that on April 2nd, spurred on by his delusions, Donald Trump announced the biggest break in America’s trade policy in over a century — and committed the most profound, harmful, and unnecessary economic error in the modern era.”

Out of curiosity, I went around my house checking manufacturing labels. Here’s a partial list of things I own that were made in another country: toaster oven, blender, coffee maker, knife sharpener, microwave, vacuum cleaner, nine lamps, two televisions, stereo and turntable, hair dryer, washer and dryer. If I’d gone out to the garage, I could have kept going, starting with my Subaru and working through all my tools and battery-powered lawn care devices. I do own two American guitars and a Kershaw pocket knife. 

All that stuff is soon going to cost, at minimum, 20 percent more, thanks to Tariff-Boy’s McKinley wet dream. Hope you like the idea of $1,500 iPhones. Not to mention, everyone’s 401(k) is in the toilet and the IRS’ and Social Security’s computer programs are being rewritten by Elon Musk’s unrestrained junior code-hackers. What, me worry?

There was at least some good news. Trump sent out this announcement on Saturday: “The President won his second round matchup of the Senior Club Championship today in Jupiter, FL, and advances to the Championship Round tomorrow.” Priorities! I bet you can’t guess who won. 

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At Large Opinion

Sea Change

Photo © Lawrence Wee | Dreamstime.com

A pelican glides by just offshore, there, out where the blue dolphins dance, emerging and disappearing into the sea. The kite hangs overhead, side-slipping in the ocean breeze, tethered to your umbrella pole by a gracile thread. You push your new sunglasses up on your nose and soak in the sun, the blue sky, the bleached sand; you hear the surf mumbling, “Stay.”

I could do it, you think, shifting in your canvas chair. “I could get a job renting beach umbrellas or maybe working on a fishing boat. In the evenings, I’ll sip margaritas and finish the novel.”

Your young daughter hands you a sand dollar from a plastic bucket filled with saltwater currency. “Let’s go cash this in,” you say. “We’ll buy this place.

The cast is perfect, a dry fly circling at the deep end of an eddy. There is a flash of silver and a tug that feels like you’ve hooked the river and it wants off. The trout streaks into the current, jumps once, twice, takes line, gives it back a reel-turn at a time. You stand in the riffle, gravel crunching, sliding under your feet. “This is a good one,” you think. Minutes later you net the fat rainbow, admire it for a few seconds, and release it back into the pool.

“I wonder what a piece of land on this stream would cost,” you wonder. “I could live here, deep in these dark woods, enjoying a life of fishing, solitude, and contemplation — become a wise old man.”

You’re sitting on the pool steps, waist-deep in cool water, deep in the steamy jungles of Quintana Roo, south of Cancun. The house is modern, open, with glass walls overlooking the pool on one side and the twisted green jungle on the other. Every morning, a troop of monkeys swings by, screeching through the trees as you sit outside with your coffee, marveling at the strangeness of it all.

“I’ve decided this must be a drug lord’s house,” your wife says from her chaise lounge, not opening her eyes. “Who else would build a place like this in the middle of nowhere?”

“They didn’t mention that in the rental brochure,” you say, “but whoever owns this house certainly knows how to get away from it all.”

Two grackles land near the diving board and begin dipping their heads in the water and shivering it off. They chortle and chatter like an old couple in the park. You slip neck-deep into the pool and they fly away, complaining at the intrusion. 

“Hey, I’m thinking maybe we should look into property in this area.”

“Sure,” she says.

Two-hour layover in the Atlanta airport. You’re sitting in a bar that has a stupid name, talking to a man in gray — gray suit, socks, tie. He’s on his way to St. Louis, a software rep for a company you’ve heard of. You both watch as five men walk into the place — scruffy hair, tattoos, colorful funky clothes — obviously a band. You overhear them talking about going to the Bahamas to record. 

“Nice work if you can get it,” says the gray man.

“I used to be in a band myself,” you say.

“Really?” says Mr. Gray. “Me, too!”

You sigh and take another pull on your beer.

How many times have you been tempted to start over, to ditch your life, your career, and make a big change? If you’re like me, those moments occurred, but were seldom followed up on, unless you count moving to a new city to take a job, which last happened to me in 1993.

Change is difficult, even when the goal is worthy and attainable. It’s much more difficult when it’s not worthy and it’s forced upon you, and when you’re not sure how to fight against it. That’s where we all are now, in the midst of an attempt to change how our country will be governed, to overturn our core human values. Democracy itself seems tethered by a gracile thread. I take solace in knowing we’re all in this together, and that that’s the only way we’ll get out of it. I don’t know how it ends. I do think that we’re well past the “have a margarita and watch the dolphins” stage. Courage, my friends. 

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At Large Opinion

Huddled Masses

Photo: Dhvstockphoto | Dreamstime.com

“Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!”

These are the final lines of Emma Lazarus’ poem, “The New Colossus.” They are inscribed on a plaque at the base of the Statue of Liberty. How quaint those words seem now that it’s apparent that those leading this country no longer want anything to do with the poor or homeless or those huddled masses yearning to breathe free. There’s no lamp and no golden door, unless it’s the ones controlled by the for-profit ICE detention centers run by CoreCivic, GEO Group, LaSalle Corrections, and Management & Training Corporation.

That there are big profits being made from immigrant deportation is a feature, not a bug. In 2023, during Joe Biden’s presidency, 90 percent of the 30,000 people then held in ICE detention were housed in private facilities contracted by the agency. In 2022, Biden pledged there would be “no private prisons” used for detention, but he never delivered on that promise, and the number of immigrants in ICE detention centers has almost doubled since then.

Biden did at least keep detained immigrants in the U.S. until their cases could be handled in court. Donald Trump ramped it up to the next level last week by flying 238 Venezuelan immigrants to a notorious prison in El Salvador without giving them judicial due process. Trump justified the illegal move by invoking the Alien Enemies Act of 1798, which enables the government to rapidly deport people from countries at war with the United States. Last time I checked, we weren’t at war with Venezuela. 

The deportees are now subject to a “justice system” that relies mostly on the whims of banana republic authoritarian President Nayib Bukele, who calls himself the world’s “coolest dictator.” El Salvador (read Bukele) received $6 million from the U.S. for taking the Venezuelans off our hands. It’s blood money. The prisoners had no opportunity to prove their innocence or challenge their sentences — because they haven’t been sentenced, just imprisoned for however long Bukele decides to keep them. It’s a business deal disguised as justice.

The administration claimed that the men were members of the Venezuelan gang, Tren de Aragua, but no proof was offered in a court of law. Some of these men presumably were gang leaders with criminal records; others may have been low-level members; others, we are now discovering, may not have had any association with the gang or any criminal record at all. They all got the same punishment.

It’s utterly inhumane and flies in the face of any American legal processes. At the very least, the men could have been deported to their country of origin. Using a Salvadoran prison as an American Gulag is a new low, even for Trump. 

And all of this was carried out against the specific orders of federal Judge James Boasberg. It’s perhaps instructive to learn that when Bukele was told about the administration’s lawyers ignoring the judge’s order, he posted, “Oopsie, too late” on X. It was promptly reposted by Secretary of State Marco Rubio and President-Select Elon Musk because … well, of course they did.

That exchange makes it increasingly clear that the last line of defense against Trump’s march to authoritarianism will be the judiciary. And the final bulwark of the judiciary is the Supreme Court, which has six right-leaning Republican appointees among its nine members. Trump has already hand-picked a subservient attorney general, Pam Bondi, to lead the Justice Department. If Trump just starts ignoring judicial orders from lower courts, as he has begun to do, will the GOP-linked members of SCOTUS stand up for the rule of law — or cede our democracy to the oligarchs who have taken over their party and our country? Their track record isn’t great.

And even if they do stand up to Trump, what happens if the president just ignores the Supreme Court? Who’s going to stop him? According to the Constitution, the only means available for judges to enforce their court orders are fines and/or arrests carried out by U.S. marshals. So, who controls U.S. federal marshals? Attorney General Pam Bondi. Oopsie. 

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At Large Opinion

March Madness

It’s all madness. (Photo: Evgeniya Leonova | Dreamstime.com)

Every year I play in an online pool to predict the outcome of the NCAA basketball tournament, aka March Madness. It’s made up of longtime friends who are scattered all over the country and who communicate for the most part via social media. It’s become a rite of spring for a lot of us, with good-natured smack talk being the main attraction. 

We use a CBS Sports platform, and for some of us the hardest part is remembering our password every 12 months. Well, that and trying to guess who’s going to take that pivotal first-round game between, say, Siena and Northeast Idaho. And for me, there’s also the dilemma of predicting how far the Memphis Tigers will go — a delicate balancing act that pits my hometown rooting interest against years of painful experience. A Penny (Hardaway) for my thoughts. 

The tournament is a particularly timely distraction this year. That’s because the daily news is just delivering one plop-load of angst after another. I went online Sunday morning and read the following headlines: “Arlington Cemetery Website Scrubs Links About Black and Female Veterans”; “Trump’s FCC Chief Orders Investigation into NPR and PBS Sponsorships”; “Trump Signs Order to Gut Staff at Voice of America and Other U.S.-funded Media Organizations”; “Trump’s NIH Cuts Threaten Scientific and Medical Research at U.S. Universities.”

So yeah, just let me ponder that crucial West Bracket matchup between Maryland and Grand Canyon for a while. Maryland’s pretty good, but Grand Canyon is deep, heh, and it’s tough to beat a national park. Or it used to be until they got defunded. Sorry, I’m just trying not to go crazy thinking about the frightening idiocracy that’s now dismantling our government piece by piece. 

This administration’s credo appears to be “Knowledge Is the Enemy of the People.” Or maybe it’s “They Can’t Handle the Truth.” In many areas of the world, Voice of America is the only news that isn’t controlled by autocratic governments. NPR and PBS news services have long been considered the gold standard for fact-based, in-depth reporting. The U.S. government shouldn’t be in the business of suppressing its own media. The First Amendment still means something. Or at least, it did until a month ago, when this administration decided that it would begin hand-selecting the reporters allowed in the press pool to ask questions of the president. 

If knowledge is power, then power is being taken away from us at an alarming pace. And, let’s be blunt, we’re all being put in danger by the reductions in funding and personnel at agencies that provide air traffic control, weather prognostication and warnings, and medical and scientific research. Not to mention the emotional stress being imposed on millions of Americans who depend on Medicare, Medicaid, Social Security, and their 401(k) funds. 

It’s important to understand that all of these decisions are being made by executive orders that are mostly being carried out by an unsupervised, unrestrained, and unelected creep with billions of dollars in conflicts of interest between his own businesses and federal subsidies. It’s unconstitutional, and none of it is being opposed by Congress, which is constitutionally designated to restrain the excesses of the executive branch.

It goes without saying that the Republicans in Washington are all in the tank for Trump, but the fact that the Democrats are so numbingly compliant is really troubling. They appear to be as vested in accommodating this autocratic insanity as the Vichy French collaborators were in World War II. It makes you wonder just how much kompromat Putin has. Is everyone in Washington compromised except Bernie Sanders, AOC, and Liz Cheney? Where is the damn anger?

I’m no James Carville, but I play one in this column and I have a message for the Democratic Party: Get your shit together. My suggestion would be to set up a daily evening press conference in which a rotating cast of the party’s stalwarts (not Schumer, Jeffries, or Pelosi) addresses the news of the day, takes on the latest lunacy enacted by the White House, explains the real-life consequences of it for everyday Americans, and yes, expresses the outrage that millions of us are feeling right now. It’s time for the opposing party to get in the game — and take some shots. 

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At Large Opinion

Social Insecurity

Photo: Pojoslaw | Dreamstime.com

On the fourth Wednesday of each month, a four-figure amount from the U.S. government gets deposited into my bank account. I wouldn’t want to try to subsist solely on my Social Security check, but it’s an invaluable source of income for me in my semi-retirement, and it’s a fund I’ve contributed to since I was in high school, working as a pharmacy stock boy. 

President-Select Elon Musk said on Joe Rogan’s podcast recently that Social Security is a “Ponzi scheme” and spouted several statistics that were quickly debunked. “We’ll make mistakes,” Musk said, when asked about it. That didn’t stop President Trump from repeating Musk’s statistical lies in his address to Congress last week. Trump added that Social Security suffered from “shocking levels of incompetence and probable fraud.”

Let’s look at their claims: A Ponzi scheme is a system in which the con artist tricks a lot of people into investing in a scam. If investors want to withdraw their money, the scammer pays back the early investors with money he’s gotten from more recent investors.

In a broad sense, that is the case with Social Security; the people paying into it now are covering the checks of those who are retired or disabled. If, as is happening now, the birth-rate goes down and people are living longer, there can be a funding problem. But, as many economists have pointed out, the solution is simple: Americans contribute to Social Security up to an annual income of $176,000. Raising the top salary level for paying into Social Security to $200,000 would fix the issue for years to come. Another Social Security Administration (SSA) analysis says that an “increase in the combined payroll tax rate from 12.4 percent to 14.4 percent” would make the program sustainable for the next 75 years. That’s not a Ponzi scheme or a crisis. It’s an amendable budget line-item that Congress could address tomorrow.

Regarding Trump’s statements about incompetence and fraud? As hard as it is to believe, he’s lying. Trump told Congress and the American public that 16 million people over the age of 100 received Social Security payments, including 130,000 supposedly over 160 years old. As several media outlets reported after Musk first made these allegations, the SSA’s beneficiaries chart shows that just 89,106 people over age 99 are receiving retirement funds. That number (which includes my own dear mother) is a long way from 16 million. As for fraud, the SSA inspector general reported in 2024 that .84 percent of benefits paid between 2015 and 2022 were improper.

So why are the two most powerful men in the country spewing disinformation about the SSA? Simple. They are attempting to soften up the public for cuts in services. DOGE, Musk’s stealthy pseudo-government agency, is cutting 7,000 SSA workers for starters, and the number of regional SSA offices has been trimmed from 10 to four. Will that mean those of us who receive SS checks should worry? I’m going to go with “yes.”

Here’s what former SSA chief Michael O’Malley told CNN: “Ultimately, you’re going to see the system collapse and an interruption of benefits. … I believe you will see that within the next 30 to 90 days.”

This is speculation, of course, and O’Malley is a Democrat, but here’s what Leland Dudek, the man Trump appointed to head SSA, said in a recent meeting, according to The Washington Post: “DOGE people are learning and they will make mistakes, but we have to let them see what is going on at SSA. I am relying on longtime career people to inform my work, but I am receiving decisions that are made without my input. I have to effectuate those decisions.” Reassuring, eh? 

Here’s the bottom line on all this: The “DOGE people” have access to the personal and financial information of every American citizen — living or dead — who has paid into Social Security. What they will do with that private intel is anybody’s guess because they sure aren’t going to tell us. I do know this much: If DOGE screws up with the SSA as badly as they’ve screwed up with some of the other government agencies they’ve defenestrated, our social security benefits could very well be interrupted. If that happens, it will be torch-and-pitchfork time among the citizenry. And it won’t be pretty.  

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At Large Opinion

Dullards

A return to Seinfeld and a step away from cable news. (Photo: Sony Pictures Entertainment)

On November 7, 2024, I cut the cord on cable punditry. I used to sit in front of the television every night, clicking back and forth between CNN and MSNBC, with occasional painful forays to Fox. But I’m done with it. No more Rachel or Chris or Anderson or Brett feeding my outrage. It was unhealthy to spend my evenings that way, so I stopped. No more going to bed with my head filled with dread and anger.

Don’t get the wrong idea. I’m totally wired into the news of the day (as horrific as it may be). I subscribe to digital editions of AP, The New York Times, Reuters, The Washington Post (still, though I’m wavering), The New Yorker, Rolling Stone, and even The Wall Street Journal, and I get alerts from most of them throughout the day. And I read the local newspapers.

In the evening, well, lately I’ve been watching Seinfeld reruns. Every season of the show is on Netflix and I’ve found that viewing a couple of episodes is the perfect palate cleanser to accompany dinner on the couch. No more cable news, baby, as George Costanza might say. I am once again the master of my domain. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

After an hour of Jerry, I read — mostly fiction, and mostly stuff I first read years ago, just to see how it holds up. Much of it doesn’t. J.D. Salinger’s Franny and Zooey? Eh, mostly smoking and self-involved inner monologues. The Sun Also Rises? Off-putting racism, classism, and misogyny. John Cheever? The tribulations of wealthy New Yorkers. Meh. James Salter’s work sustains, particularly A Sport and a Pastime and Solo Faces. But don’t get me started on Robert Heinlein. (Looking at my bookshelves, it’s become obvious to me that I used to read a lot of manly fiction — Jim Harrison, Richard Ford, Thomas McGuane — so I’m trying to work in some more female writers.)

This past week, though, in tribute to the recent death of Tom Robbins, I spent several nights re-reading Even Cowgirls Get the Blues. Hoo boy. What I’d remembered from my salad days as a sassy and clever riff on womanhood and sexuality was this time around an overwrought, never-ending slog, loaded with misogynist bilge, creepy sex scenes, hippie philosophizing, and self-referential smugness.

But just when I was about to give up on Cowgirls, I came across this passage deep in the book: “The enemy of the Black is not the white. The enemy of capitalist is not communist, the enemy of homosexual is not heterosexual, the enemy of Jew is not Arab, the enemy of the young is not the old, the enemy of hip is not redneck, the enemy of Chicano is not gringo, and the enemy of women is not men. … We all have the same enemy. The enemy is the tyranny of the dull mind.”

That hit home, and it struck me that the current great divide in this country is a result of the ascension of dull minds, or dullards, more precisely. A dullard fears books that challenge their worldview, art they don’t understand, and any sexual or gender deviation from the “norm.” A dullard fears people with different skin, people who speak different languages, people who practice a different religion, people from another country. A dullard thinks Fox News is, well, news.

A dullard spends his days chasing money and power and never has enough of either. A dullard doesn’t want to travel and see the world. A dullard doesn’t think of the needs of others but is intent only on preserving his status quo. Dullards are conformists, threatened by new ideas. It’s why they react with meanness toward those who don’t conform and with cruelty toward the vulnerable.

Dullards want to control what schools can teach. Dullards don’t believe in science. Dullards let their kids get measles. Dullards think Kid Rock is an artist. Dullards think the song “Y.M.C.A.” is a patriotic anthem, not an ode to casual gay sex.

And dullards are suckers for mendacity if it comes from another dullard: When they’re told, for example, that the murderous thug Vladimir Putin is our friend and that Ukraine started a war with Russia, they’re all in. It reminds me of something George Costanza said: “Jerry, just remember, it’s not a lie if you believe it.” 

Categories
At Large Opinion

Big Boss Man

Elon Musk (Photo: Frédéric Legrand | Dreamstime.com)

I’ve been the editor of several publications in my career. I managed teams of writers and editors — and did my best to empower them, motivate them, and get them to work together to produce newspapers and magazines we could all be proud of. I was, to use the term loosely, a “boss.” I made my share of mistakes, but I always tried to treat my employees with respect and compassion.

I’ve also been an employee for most of my career, working for publishers in Missouri; Washington, D.C.; Pittsburgh; and Memphis. Almost all of my bosses were great people, but I’ve had a couple of stinkers, and they had something in common: They had no idea what their employees did to create the product and didn’t really care to learn. They’d never written, edited, interviewed, researched, reported, or had to meet a printer’s immoveable deadline. They were bottom-line guys who treated their employees as though they were working in a widget factory. 

One of them (in a city that shall remain nameless) called a staff meeting in the conference room on his first day. (This, I should mention, was after we’d watched for a week as the publisher’s office underwent a massive redo: plush Oriental carpet, gleaming teak desk, sleek lamps, cushy couch and chairs.) Anyway, our new boss looked around at the 15 or so writers, art directors, and editors gathered in front of him and said: “You’re probably asking yourselves, ‘What does this dude know about magazines? He’s a real estate guy.’ Well, let me tell you, folks, I read lots of magazines and I know a good one when I see one. And we’re going to put out a great magazine and we’re going to add 25 percent to the bottom line. And if you’re not ready for some big changes, you should leave this room right now.”

Nobody left the room, but everybody knew one thing: We were now working for an asshole. His first directive was to have everyone write down what they did each week and how many hours it took. (If you think anyone’s response didn’t add up to 40 or more hours, you’re pretty naive.) A month later, he called me into his office and told me he was firing our popular food writer, the senior copy editor, and an associate art director. We didn’t need them, he said. The remaining staff could pick up the slack. He didn’t bother to ask how I thought we might be able to save some money on editorial costs; he just made an arbitrary decision.

Any of us who has had to deal with that kind of capricious overlord should be able to relate to what hundreds of thousands of federal employees have been going through recently, as Elon Musk, a man with little understanding of (or respect for) what any of them do, runs a chain saw through their agencies, eliminating people who inspect and direct our airplanes, protect our food from contamination, provide disaster relief, run our national parks, and administer Medicare, Social Security, and Medicaid funds. 

Most horrifying of all, Musk has fired 6,700 people at IRS and is seeking access to the financial information of every taxpayer, business, and nonprofit in the country. Giving that kind of power to anyone, let alone an erratic South African billionaire with no official government title, is incredibly foolish. 

Speaking of which: On Saturday, Musk sent the following email to more than a million federal employees at the F.B.I., State Department, Environmental Protection Agency, Office of Personnel Management, Food and Drug Administration, Veterans Affairs Department, Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services, and Consumer Financial Protection Bureau: “Please reply to this email with approx. 5 bullets of what you accomplished this week and cc your manager.”

Sound familiar? This kind of directive is so utterly stupid. Who thinks any employee would be unable to come up with five things that they did at their job? And who’s going to review the hundreds of thousands of responses? It’s pointless busy work, meant only to intimidate and induce fear. It’s the tactic of a weak man, someone who thinks he’s running a widget factory, someone with no idea of how to be a real leader. Unfortunately, the Democratic party hasn’t found the courage to call out this reckless deconstruction of our public agencies in any organized or meaningful way. That window is rapidly closing, and it’s time to stand tall. Like a boss. 

Categories
At Large Opinion

ICE, ICE, Baby

(Photo: TaconGanas | Facebook)

There are about 1,200,000 children enrolled in Tennessee public schools in grades K-12. The Migration Policy Institute estimates that of that number, 10,000 are undocumented immigrant children, less than 1 percent. 

In order to deal with this horrific problem, Tennessee House Majority Leader Representative William Lamberth and state Senator Bo Watson have introduced a bill that would allow local public school boards to ban students without legal citizenship. The bill would challenge the 1982 U.S. Supreme Court Plyler v. Doe decision, which entitles all children to public education regardless of immigration status. 

Watson and Lamberth say the bill “seeks to challenge” the court decision. “The flood of illegal immigrants in our country has put an enormous drain on American tax dollars and resources. Our schools are the first to feel the impact,” Lamberth said. 

Watson added, “An influx of illegal immigration can strain LEAs [local educational agencies] and put significant pressure on their budgets. This bill empowers local governments to manage their resources more effectively and builds upon the legislative action taken during the special session to address illegal immigration at the local level.”

So, in order to save all those precious tax dollars being spent on less than 1 percent of Tennessee’s schoolchildren, these bozos intend to spend millions of dollars challenging a Supreme Court ruling that has been law for more than 40 years. This isn’t about saving money. It’s just more performative GOP cruelty wrapped up in a legislative package.

Look, every politician knows how to stop illegal immigration: arrest the employers who hire undocumented labor. Problem solved. But their money is green and their skin is white and their profits depend on cheap labor, so we’ll just continue to get this crap legislation targeting the weakest link in the chain. 

Speaking of which: Another recent GOP bill would require the parents of children without citizenship to pay tuition for public school. It’s called the Tennessee Reduction of Unlawful Migrant Placement Act. And yes, those initials spell “TRUMP” because there’s nothing more amusing than effing up the lives of innocent children. 

These same Trumpaholics also passed a bill that would fine and/or jail any local government officials who don’t cooperate fully with federal and state deportation efforts. That bill is also headed to the courts.

Which brings us to Memphis-Shelby County Schools, which, to its credit, has established a legal hotline and guidelines for school principals in response to a new federal directive allowing immigration-enforcement officials to make arrests at schools. Principals are instructed to ask for identification and the purpose of the visit, and demand to see a warrant or other documents. If there are documents, they are to scan them and send them to the central office.

From the directive: “Federal government agencies like ICE are required to follow proper legal procedures when engaging immigration enforcement activities. … It is reasonable and appropriate to request that the official wait until you have received a response from the Office of General Counsel.”

“Reasonable and appropriate” are not terms I would use to describe behavior we have seen locally by federal agents, most notably the bizarre raid conducted by masked and hooded men on a TACOnganas food truck last week. But the raid, in which three men were escorted from their jobs and reportedly sent to an immigration facility in Louisiana, had the desired effect of sending many local immigrants into hiding. 

A landscaping service in my neighborhood was working with half as many laborers as usual last week, and taking “twice as long” to do the job, according to the crew leader I spoke with. And at my favorite Mexican restaurant last Friday, the usual servers were nowhere to be seen. The manager was waiting tables, the kitchen was behind on orders, the understaffing was obvious. 

Across Memphis and across the country, untold numbers of people are staying home, avoiding work, avoiding school. There will be a cost for all of this — financially, yes, as food prices rise and restaurants and other businesses struggle to stay afloat. But there is another price we’ll all pay: a diminished sense of community and the pointless pain being caused by these laws that are passed solely to inflict suffering on the least of us. We’re all going to pay the price for that, one way or another.