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Welcome Mats

Post author By
Post date January 14, 2005

What’s the purpose of a dinner party, if not to impress people? We all love the companionship, the food, and the drinks — but be honest. If you’re the guest, and somebody cooks steaks, and they’re better than yours, you’re feeling a little small, aren’t you? And if their place looks nicer than yours, you’re ready to do a remodel before you have anybody over. You think, Okay, when this party rotates to my place, I need to get with it. And that’s because you want to impress everyone with your signature sole ambassador, because it kicks the crap out of these lame-o steaks.

So then you bring everybody over to your place, and you spend all day cleaning, and you polish up the nice silver, and you get out the fancy china, and nobody can even talk to you for about three hours before the guests arrive, at which point you magically transform from the Controlling Beast of the Kitchen to the Gracious Host of the Evening, deflecting praise with gentle self-deprecation, giving a little tour of the house to show the work you’ve done, agreeing that yes, the sole is quite good, but you think maybe the sauce needed more salt.

I tend to focus on the table settings. If I’m at your place, I’m all about your grandmother’s Wedgwood, and I’m thinking, Oh boy, just wait’ll I get these folks back to my place and show ’em my table settings!

I have the same chef’s ego we all do, a couple of “go-to” dishes that I know I can pull off, and the same expectation that when the party’s at my place, I get to dominate the conversation. I also take a certain blue-collar pride in the fact that my set of china was purchased at an estate sale for $5.

And on top of all this — or, rather, underneath all this — I’ve got cheesy laminated placemats!

We all need a collection, right? One of my first travel columns for the Flyer was about a motorcycle collection in Birmingham. The owner wasn’t even into motorcycles, particularly; he just wanted a world-class collection of something, so he did some research and found out the market for World-Class Motorcycle Collections was wide open.

So I decided that I too wanted a unique collection of some sort. And when I went to the U.S. Virgin Islands later that year, I was in a gift shop and I fell in love with a “Magnificent Magen’s Bay” laminated placemat. A tradition was born.

I have a simple rule for gathering placemats: If I go to a place and they sell placemats, I have to have one. Travel partners aren’t sure what to do — shouldn’t a professional travel writer have some finer collection? — but tell me this: Do you know anybody else with a collection of cheesy laminated placemats? That’s what I thought.

You should see it when I have people over for an evening of what I call Chicken Providence. I call it a “variation” on Harry Nicolas’ Chicken Newport, from a brief career working for him, but the truth is, I don’t think I remember the whole recipe. Sometimes I bust out the wok and do a Szechwan stir-fry, which makes a lot of noise and smoke. Next comes the $5 china, and I get to parade my parsimonious panache.

And then I assign placemats — and start talking. Or you might say, dominating. Strutting my stuff, as it were.

Linda, as my date tonight, you may have the original placemat, from Magen’s Bay — oh, and it just so happens I romped on that beach while I was in the Virgin Islands on an Elvis Cruise, writing about it for the Flyer. Yep, wrote a story about that day, so I got paid to romp on that beach. You didn’t know I went on an Elvis Cruise? Well, let me tell you about it

Kerri, as a lover of animals, you get the one from Glacier National Park, with grizzlies on it. I saw a grizzly from afar there — got close to one in Alaska, but that’s a different story — but in Glacier I got so close to a mountain goat that I could have petted him. Got paid for that too! John, you like to cook, so you can have Bon appetit de Normandie, with pictures of cheeses and wines and mussels and recipes on the back. The copper pot I used for the potatoes tonight came from a little village my parents and I stumbled onto over in France. Christie, you like to dance. You can have the cheesiest placemat of them all, the one with the tango dancers on El Caminito in Buenos Aires. Dan, you like to fish, so tonight you’ll be dining on “Tropical fish of the Bahamas.” And Mike, as the boater of the group, you can have the Grand Canyon placemat. I’ve never floated the canyon, but I did a little tour of the Four Corners area a few years back, and I took a Christmas card photo from the South Rim. Anybody want to see my Christmas card collection? Lots of stories there.

And now I can tell people I got paid to write about my laminated-placemat collection!

Thank goodness for the placemats. I do like to hear myself talk. •

News The Fly-By

Bouncing Back

Post author By
Post date January 14, 2005

The smile is the same, the rotund waistline is the same, the store is the same … almost. It’s as if Jim Fleming never left the furniture business after a 2001 bankruptcy closed his once-thriving company of eight stores. Just like a firm mattress, Fleming has bounced back in business with the help of friends and family.

In August, Fleming reopened one of his former Fleming Fine Furniture stores in the Perimeter Mall on Summer Avenue. Operating as Fleming Furniture Direct, the new venture is funded by the partnership DavCor LLC — Fleming’s friend Rick Davis along with an unidentified family member. According to the furniture veteran, financing offered by other backers was unnecessary, because he was able to open the store on a “shoestring.” The project was also assisted by the location’s landlord, Belz Enterprises.

“I had been traveling the road for about a year as a national sales manager for a bedroom line and got a call offering to help put me back in business,” said Fleming. “Things just fell into place.” The vacant store was still there with the fixtures in place, and, according to Fleming, “We really didn’t have to do a lot of remodeling. It was the grace of God that this worked.”

Whether grace or financial assistance, the store opened with Fleming as general manager, along with a staff of fewer than 10. Fleming previously employed as many as 220 workers, including 80 warehouse personnel. The new store operates as a “furniture direct” location, displaying individual factory samples for immediate sale, instead of stocking items in a company-owned warehouse. The change has eliminated almost 30 percent of overhead costs.

Another change is the store’s television commercials, which helped make the Fleming family a household name. Since the opening, commercials have only aired on one local station. When customer response from that advertising campaign overwhelmed the small staff, plans for additional segments on other stations were delayed.

The company’s financial situation is better than before, said Fleming. But returning to the market was not without its difficulties. Although the Fleming Fine Furniture company was dissolved after the bankruptcy, the reputation as a failed business remained.

“Some furniture companies were leery about dealing with us, and we understood that,” said Fleming. “But after years of being in business, we had others that were glad to do business with us.”

Since the bankruptcy, Fleming’s son and former business partner, Chris, has left the business for a mortgage company in Florida. Fleming’s wife has also returned to her previous employment in the medical industry.

The smaller furniture company has been a revival of sorts for Fleming, who always prided himself on customer service and satisfaction.

“I really like greeting the customers as they come through the door, something I wasn’t able to do with eight locations,” he said. “I’m here almost every day, but I enjoy it and wouldn’t think of doing anything else.” •

News The Fly-By

HALF MEASURES

Post author By
Post date January 6, 2005

Our bashful mayor took the occasion, while addressing the Downtown Kiwanis Club on Wednesday, of boasting his success in building up the meager City of Memphis financial reserves on taking office in 1992. Said Willie Herenton: “When I became mayor we had $3 million in reserves! Three million! That’s about what my friend [Circuit Court Judge] George Brown has in his checking account!” Attendee Brown allowed this modest response after the luncheon: “Why, he overestimated my resources by at least 50 percent!”

Plante: How It Looks

Sports Sports Feature

New Year’s Resolutions

Post author By
Post date December 31, 2004

The Memphis Grizzlies face an uphill battle to get back into the playoff hunt, but if these key players make and keep the following New Year’s resolutions, they just might pull it off:

Pau Gasol: Protect the ball under duress. For a maximum-contract player, Gasol still has plenty of areas that need work, with clutch scoring and defensive rebounding near the top of the list. But turnovers are the real killer. Through the first 28 games of the season, the Grizzlies went 12-16, but were 1-6 when Gasol coughed the ball up four or more times. The key to that correlation may be in how Gasol’s turnovers occur. When the post defensive toughens up late in the game and Gasol tries to put the ball on the floor to attack the basket, a good hard bump is usually enough to dislodge the ball. Turnovers in these situations are deflating for the team. For the Grizzlies to regain some of the fourth-quarter effectiveness that marked the Hubie Brown era, Gasol needs to take care of the ball.

Jason Williams: Don’t let up. During the opening weeks of this season, Williams played perhaps the least effective basketball of his career. He was rumored to be a key instigator of Hubie Brown’s retirement and hit the injured list as soon as Mike Fratello took over. Many assumed Earl Watson would stay at the helm of the team and Williams would be on the trading block. Expectations for J-Will were lower than ever, but he not only regained his starting job after returning from the injured list; he played great, with big minutes and big production. There’s a history here, of course. As a rookie in Sacramento, Williams became an instant star but eventually wore on his coach and found himself on the bench in the fourth quarter. Under Brown, Williams experienced another renaissance, but that relationship seemed to sour this season. Now, with another new coach in place, Williams seems to be thriving. How long can it last?

Earl Watson: Be content. Watson will be a free agent at the end of the season and will be looking for a starting job and starter’s salary somewhere. In the past, he’s been vocal about his lack of playing time. With Williams regaining the starting job and playing well, the team needs Watson to be content as one of the NBA’s best back-up point guards.

Mike Miller: Let it fly. A timid shooter in his injury-riddled first full season as a Griz last year, Miller found confidence in his textbook stroke this season. Better still, even during his rare slumps this season, he hasn’t been scared to let it fly. The Griz need Miller to take every open jumper he can get.

Lorenzen Wright: Pass it up. Wright is the Grizzlies’ toughest interior defender and maybe the team’s best defensive rebounder, but his offense can be a little scary. Wright is streaky with his mid-range jumper and little flip shot. When he’s on, you can live with it. When he isn’t, the Grizzlies couldn’t find a worse shot in the halfcourt if they tried. Hubie Brown always preached about knowing when to shoot and when to pass. Wright should perhaps choose the latter more frequently.

James Posey: Get well. After a dismal start recovering from a foot injury, Posey seems to finally be rounding into shape. He started slowly last year too (for much the same reason) but emerged as an All-Star caliber performer down the stretch. Posey’s ability to elevate his game again this spring might be the key to the Griz getting back to the postseason. Let’s hope his foot will let him do so.

Shane Battier: Sink the corner “J.” With the Grizzlies’ chemistry a little out of whack this season and injuries more of a factor, Battier’s status as glue guy — the most dependable player on the court — has become even more crucial. Effort and intangibles are never in question when Battier is in the game, but to be truly effective, he needs to knock down open shots. Battier likes the long bomb from the corner. Here’s hoping it falls for him more in the new year.

Stromile Swift: Finish plays. Most of Swift’s offense comes on dunks or a fluttery mid-range jumper that seems less sure than a year ago. But how is it possible for a 6’9″ jumping-jack who dunks everything he touches to be shooting only around 40 percent from the floor — a weak number for a guard, much less a post player? Chalk it up to Swift’s difficulty finishing plays around the basket that he can’t dunk. For the Griz’ sake, let’s hope Swift can become a more efficient scorer in the coming months.

News News Feature

Iraq Reality Check

Post author By
Post date December 31, 2004

It’s hard to make Iraq into a suitable Christmas topic, unless one bears news of Our Boys getting home-knit socks and home-baked cookies from Lard Lake or Fluterville. Mere mention is enough to drive full-grown adults to doctored eggnog. Nevertheless, since the season should require us to do at least some thinking about the killing being done in our name, let’s do a reality check.

The Sabbath gasbags, as The Nation‘s Calvin Trillin calls our Sunday TV news commentators, distinguished themselves yet again. They’re trying to gang up on Donald Rumsfeld on the theory that the entire Iraq war would have worked out just dandy if it hadn’t been for Rumsfeld’s mistakes.

This shark attack was precipitated by blood in the water — to wit, Rumsfeld’s dismissive answer to a soldier inquiring as to why his unit’s vehicles weren’t armored. Rumsfeld treated the soldier exactly the way he treats members of the press or anyone else who raises questions about the war: as though he were an impertinent fool. It didn’t look good on television.

For those now waxing indignant about Rumsfeld and the whole situation concerning armor, I remind you that when 60 Minutes carried exactly this story in October, as did other news outlets, the right wing promptly pounced on it as further evidence of supposed liberal bias in the media.

Rumsfeld’s mistakes may constitute an impressive list, but is there any evidence that this war could ever have worked out well? I know, anyone who asks that question is promptly denounced by the right wing, insisting, as the media watchdog group FAIR puts it, “that the war is going well and anyone who feels otherwise is a defeatist liberal uninterested in bringing democracy to the Middle East.”

So far, we have not brought democracy to Iraq. We have brought blood, killing, and death. Our so-called liberal media do a pathetically inadequate job of telling us about the war because, first, it is too dangerous to cover most of the country, and second, reporters who are critical of the endeavor are blacklisted by our military. The few American reporters who speak Arabic are sending hair-raising reports.

For evidence that the whole enterprise needed to be rethought from the beginning, I cite the Los Angeles Times story from June about the iconic image of this war — the toppling of the statue of Saddam Hussein in the great square in Baghdad. It was actually a U.S. Army psy-ops stunt staged to look like a spontaneous action by Iraqis.

“It was a Marine colonel — not joyous Iraqi civilians, as was widely assumed from the TV images — who decided to topple the statue, the Army report said. And it was a quick-thinking Army psychological operations team that made it appear to be a spontaneous Iraqi undertaking.”

From then ’til this past election, when Bush kept insisting no more troops were necessary, we have been treated like mushrooms. On December 1st, the administration announced 12,000 more troops would be added, mostly by extending the tours of those due to come home and drafting very surprised National Guardsmen.

It’s hard to imagine any group more credulous than the American media in relation to this administration. It’s like Charlie Brown and the football. The latest talking point is that all the naysayers will be proven wrong and the elections in Iraq will work. Well, okay, we all hope so. But what is the evidence? The attacks go up day after day, from all over the country.

The U.S. response is that these attacks are the last gasp of a desperate insurgency trying to buffalo Iraqis before the elections, and it will all collapse after that. That is exactly what the administration told us before the “handover” to the puppet Iraqi government last June. The attacks went up from 20 to 30 to 50 and now to 100 a day.

Meanwhile, we keep bombing Iraqis. I sometimes think Americans don’t realize that. This is not “precision,” “pinpoint” bombing — it’s bombing. It kills innocent people. The best we can hope for from this election is that the Shiite slate endorsed by al-Sistani wins. That would be the slate pledged to ask the United States to leave the minute it gets in. With any luck, they’ll ask politely.

Elsewhere on our suffering orb, genocide proceeds in Darfur. The United States won’t act. The United Nations won’t act. We’re all … just letting it happen. Again.

The new film Hotel Rwanda has come to remind us all of the moral complicity of those who do nothing but sit and watch. The least we can do in honor of the season is send money to the relief organizations. And you might, if you don’t have hand-cramp from writing all your cards wishing for peace on earth, write your congressman as well. •

Molly Ivins is a best-selling author and columnist who writes about politics, Texas, and other bizarre happenings.