Author: Joey Hack

Other People Candy

Midtown— Central Gardens resident James Whale expressed concern today that undeserving individuals might receive free candy from him and his neighbors this Halloween, while tacitly attempting to not sound racist.

“I love seeing the neighborhood kids dressed up in their costumes getting candy,” Whale said. “The little ghosts and vampires are hilarious. Last year we had a family dressed like the Avengers with a young girl playing Thor, if you can believe that. But, you know, I’m just not real happy when….other people show up. The tall ones, especially. “

When pressed for details Whale had a difficult time expressing himself. “This year we bought some really good candy. We got name brand chocolate bars and the good tootsie pops, and some really scary gummy candies that look like severed ears and noses. And, well, you know.”

Whale fell silent while meticulously weighing small piles of smarties and other classic halloween candies purchased in bulk from Costco then parceling them out in fun-sized Halloween themed baggies. “It’s just, I don’t know, not right,” he blurted out at length. “It’s just that people come in from other neighborhoods and take the candy I was giving away.”

Asked what differentiates the trick-or-treaters that trouble him, Whale said only that some of them are too old to be trick-or-treating, and don’t have costumes. “You know what I mean,” he said, twisting his face into a mask of strained ineloquence. 

“Look, I don’t mind when my neighbor’s kids bring a bunch of friends over,  that’s different.” Whale said, breaking into a sack of his own candy corn. “I really don’t mind the expense. I love buying candy for kids in my neighborhood, and neighborhoods like mine.”

“Oh well, I guess I’ll just get some spare candy for, you know, them. For the out-of-neighborhood trick-or-treaters,” Whale said removing a couple of large bags of those disgusting candies wrapped in black and orange paper from the trunk of his car. “You know what I mean.”

Joey Hack is a regular contributor to the Fly On The Wall blog and is a member of The Wiseguys Improv troupe. 

Memphis Police have arrested at least four minors in an incident that rocked social media over the weekend. An online video showed a group of more than 20 teenagers engage in a violent spree at the Kroger in Poplar Plaza in which three people were injured.

The video, which showed a group of African American teens in the parking lot, and documented one young White Kroger employee being assaulted, has caused a great deal of discussion.

“Look, it’s a terrible thing that happened here, but it really helps me out,” said Memphis resident Rick Rolle. “If nothing else, it’s given me an opportunity to voice my views more freely.”

“Where’s the Black community on this? How come we haven’t heard from Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson or George Washington Carver calling this a hate crime? And let’s not hold our breath waiting for Obama to get involved, because, well, you know why,” Rolle said.

Rolle believes that this incident affords an opportunity for honest dialogue. “For example, after this, I feel comfortable using the word ‘thugs’ to describe young, Black males without any fear of criticism. If this happens again, I’ll feel free to drop straight up racial slurs. So, I’m hoping that works out.”

Others find dialogue more difficult in the wake of this incident. “Well, this is terrible. It’s hard to see a group of young people attack another young person. But let’s not make this a racial issue. I don’t see color at all, so who is to say what race anyone involved in this was? I think you’d have to be a racist to see the clear facts, right?” asked Memphian Jenny Flex. “For all we know there were a dozen kids off screen of a different race — whatever that race may be — from the kids we saw in the video. Right? Right? Besides, that poor young man who got attacked may have been targeted because of any reason in the world. There’s no way to know if race was a factor. Right? Please tell me I’m right.”

Where most people do agree is in criticizing the Kroger employee who took the video of the incident and put it online. “This young woman who took this video should be ashamed,” said Memphian Matt Hatter, as he watched the video for the 24th time. “It’s just a shame.”

Joey Hack is a regular contributor to the Fly on the Wall Blog and is a member of The Wiseguys improv troupe.

Members of a growing group of so-called “anti-hipsters” met this week for their first convention in Bartlett.

“We considered Cooper-Young, but really like the vibe of the ‘burbs,” Anti-Hipster Association (AHA) president Cheryl Barnes said. “They’ve got lots of great chain restaurants here that we can enjoy unironically.”

Members of AHA strive to be “annoying like conventional hipsters, only in the complete opposite way,” Barnes said, as she switched her Pandora station to a Green Day station. “I love these guys. American Idiot is really great.”

AHA members take part in various activities and panels at their convention. Hank Sinke spoke at the panel titled “All The Great Stuff On Television”.

“We were talking about the Game of Thrones series when someone asked me if I’d read the books. Well, I told him in no uncertain terms that I don’t have any books in my house. That put him in his place,” Sinke said.

Convention goers also met for a late night “Games and Beers” session, during which they played some UNO.

“These late night sessions are great, but tiring,” said AHA member Raymond Garza. “I always feel like I ought to shave before going to bed just to avoid having too much facial hair.”

The AHA convention continues today with panels including “Traditional Media Is Ok By Me!”, “Artisan:Shmartisan”, and “Bicycles: Who Needs Them When Our Cars Work Just Fine? (Answer: No One).”

“I’m not sure if this is a growing movement that represents a shift in social paradigms, or if it’s just a bunch of dopes,” said Dr. Evelyn Norman, University of Tennessee Sociology Professor. “But it seems like it’s just a bunch of dopes.”

Joey Hack is a member of the Wiseguys improv troupe, and is a regular contributor to the Fly On The Wall Blog.

We do not know why we are still running this. But we are.

So with that in mind: Vikings face an obstacle! Campfire songs with Sarge! A trip to the ol’ fishing hole! All this and more in this episode of The Howling Monkey Reads The Comics!

All that and more on this episode of The Howling Monkey Reads The Comics.

[audio-path:http://thehowlingmonkey.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/The-Howling-Monkey-Reads-The-Comics-14-71.mp3]

The Howling Monkey Reads the Comics is a feature of TThe Howling Monkey blog. Joey Hack is a regular contributor to The Fly on the Wall blog, and is a member of The Wiseguys.

I hope you’ll indulge me for a bit here.

Robin Williams is dead, and all our lives will be a little poorer for it. Particularly those of us in the comedy community.

I am a child of the 70’s . There are three comics who set me on a path to doing standup and improve comedy. Bill Murray’s film critic on SNL was an early influence in my writing style and my understanding of the mechanics of character based comedy. Steve Martin taught me the syntax of standup, and showed me that comedy can be stupid and brilliant at the same time.

And then there was Robin Williams. His frantic energy and rapid fire brain showed the pure adrenalin fueled side of performance and improv that few have ever or could ever match.

Martin’s 1977 Let’s Get Small and Williams’ Reality…What a Concept a couple of years later were among the first albums I ever owned. And I listened to both endlessly.

And, though I didn’t realize it at the time, all three of these guys proved to be so much more than comedians. All proved themselves to be brilliant actors — serious and comedic- and all showed great depth in their various work.

Sure, I’d later come to appreciate the brilliance of George Carlin and the importance of Richard Pryor. But in the mid to late 70’s Bill, Steve and Robin planted the seeds in my head that would eventually lead me to perform.

I can’t even guess how many times I saw Robin Williams’ various stand up specials on HBO. The man was a force of nature. The jokes and characters and voices were rapid fire (maybe fueled by a little more than brain power at times). And the act was more than jokes. It had heart and soul.

He proved himself to have the capacity to truly act. Not just be silly on camera, but to open himself up and serve raw emotion, humor and wit. No, not all his movies were good. But when they were, they were amazing.

Robin Williams faced his demons over the years. Sometimes he’d beat them down for a while. Ultimately, they won.

The shameful question here is could Robin Williams have been Robin Williams if he hadn’t had that darkness within him? Could he have bared his soul on stage and screen without that thing inside him that ultimately killed him?

I don’t know.

Comedians are often damaged people. It’s a cliché to say it, but that doesn’t mean it’s not true. Performers in general, and comedians specifically, all to varying degrees have some demon they are trying to feed or keep at bay. Performance as therapy is pretty common. Unfortunately, a lot of performers also choose to medicate themselves to stave off whatever it is that eats at them. Drugs and alcohol are the all too common medications of choice. And they take their toll.

Society, and even comics themselves, forget how important their work is. Those of us who can get up on stage and make people really, truly laugh are working magic of a sort. I have had many people over the years personally thank me after an improv show because they had gotten through a terrible day and “just needed to laugh”. It’s not a rare message.

Do you comics understand how important that is? Do you understand that you really are honest to goodness HELPING people when you perform. The ability to ease peoples’ burdens, even if it’s for a few minutes is a gift. Take it seriously and own the fact that you are doing some good out there.

There’s a wonderful thing about comedy. Stand ups and improvisers are part of extended families of fellow performers. Dysfunctional families at times, to be sure. We fight. We talk bad about each other. We take vicious shots at each other constantly. We all think we are better than the next performer.

But, when it comes down to it , we actually do tend to care about each other.

Comics, use your family to help deal with the monsters. Watch each others’ backs. Turn to each other just to freaking talk when you need to. You probably aren’t going to slay anyone’s dragons, but maybe you can help them do it.

Comics, just know that there’s a real good chance that you have a group of fellow performers who actually give a damn about you. Use that to help yourselves tread water.

Robin Williams was a giant. A flawed giant, to be sure, but he gave a lot to all of us. Comics who grew up in the 70’s-90’s would cite him as an important influence. Even if the sadness behind the comedy was obviously intense.

Comics, keep the magic and your fellow performers alive. You are all too important to this world to do otherwise.

Joey Hack is a member of the Wiseguys and a regular contributor to Fly on the Wall. This story originally appeared at The Howling Monkey blog.

Fishing with lies! Sensitive Vikings! Melting Pets! Guest commentary from a toddler! All this and more on The Howling Monkey Reads The Comics!

All that and more on this episode of The Howling Monkey Reads The Comics.

[audio-path:http://thehowlingmonkey.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/140720comics.mp3]

The Howling Monkey Reads the Comics is a feature of The Howling Monkey blog. Joey Hack is a regular contributor to The Fly on the Wall blog, and is a member of The Wiseguys.

Teens love music! Dog toothpaste! Arlo looks for a cup!

All that and more on this episode of The Howling Monkey Reads The Comics.

[audio-path:http://thehowlingmonkey.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/The-Howling-Monkey-Reads-The-Comics-14-5.mp3]

The Howling Monkey Reads the Comics is a feature of The Howling Monkey blog. Joey Hack is a regular contributor to The Fly on the Wall blog, and is a member of The Wiseguys.