Dear Bianca,
For about a year, I’ve been in a long-distance relationship with a woman in Missouri. We met here in Memphis, but she moved shortly after the relationship began. For the first several months, I’d visit as often as I could. The romance and sex were great!
But the last time I went to see her, she told me she was too tired for sex. It hurt my feelings, since I hadn’t seen her in weeks. I’d understand if we lived together and saw one another every single day, but that’s not the case. Do you think she’s losing interest in me? Could she be seeing someone else?
–Long Distance Lover
Dear Long Distance,
In the beginning, a long-distance relationship is fun and exciting. You don’t see your lover everyday, and when you do, it’s all the more special. But over time, you still tend to fall into the trappings of any relationship — namely, being comfortable. For a woman, being comfortable can mean not having to “do it” when she doesn’t feel like it.
Women like sex, but usually not nearly as much as men. However, other forms of intimacy — like holding hands and cuddling — are often of great importance to women. So, if your girlfriend is still interested in those things, I wouldn’t worry right away. She really could have been too tired that night. These things happen.
But if she continues to reject you sexually on subsequent visits, it’s time to ask her how she feels about you. You need to make sure she’s still interested. But don’t accuse her of cheating unless you have solid proof. Even if she has lost interest, false accusations could cause further problems.
Got a problem? E-mail Bianca.
