Dear Bianca,
I’m a female and I have a tendency to fall in love with my female friends. In the past, my friends were all heterosexual and any romantic overtures that I perceived them to make were my misinterpretations.
But lately, I’ve been receiving a series of clearer signs of romantic interest from some new female friends. At this time, it doesn’t feel right to follow up with either friend along this direction. We’re still getting to know each other as friends and I don’t want to screw it up. How do I steer our friendships back to platonic joy and love without hurting their feelings?
— Learning What Love Is
Dear Learning,
It sounds like these new friends have the hots for you, and though you were looking for something more with your old hetero friends, these days you’re content to just be pals.
Good for you for putting friendship before sex. Remember, a lay is just a lay, but friends are forever. You can be in the longest of long-term relationships, but as soon as you stop sleeping together (i.e. break up), all bets for a lasting friendship are off.
Besides, as you age, your sexual organs will dry up and become old and crusty, but good friends will be there until the bitter, sex-less end. Then again, maybe that’s a reason to have as much sex as possible now … but I digress.
I wouldn’t say anything to either woman until they make future advances. When you do find yourself warding off an unwanted kiss, gently push her away and explain that you’d like to keep things platonic for now.
You could even make up a lie about how you’re crushing on someone else. Or tell her you have some nasty mouth disease that she might catch if she sticks her tongue in. Better yet, scratch that. That’s how rumors get started.
One more important word of advice: Do not get drunk with these people. Statistics show (and no, I don’t have any but I’m sure they’re out there somewhere) that drunks are way more willing to have sex with just about anyone who offers.
Do vodka shots with these women and you’ll find yourself waking up in some chick’s four-poster wearing nothing but your birthday suit. For shame, Learning. For shame.
