Dear Bianca,
A few months ago, one of my girlfriends introduced me to one of her male friends through MySpace. I’ve been trying to get over my ex, so I thought I might give dating a try. This guy was hot, smart, and he played in a punk band. Sounds perfect, but there’s one problem — he lives two hours away.
We started texting, e-mailing, and calling one another every day, and I really fell for him. We finally met a few weeks ago, and he seemed equally cool in person. So we started a relationship where each of us would travel to the other’s hometown on alternating weekends.
Everything was going great until I realized I was the one placing most of the phone calls. In the beginning, we were both calling each other. Now, when I call him he acts bored. I think he might be losing interest, and I asked him if he wanted to continue seeing each other. He said yes, but I think he’s just trying not to hurt my feelings. What should I do?
— Long-Distance Lover
Dear Long-Distance,
Of course he said he wants to keep seeing you. No offense, but this guy has the ultimate girlfriend set-up. You’re not there to monitor his every move, so he can have his cake (a.k.a. you) and eat it too (a.k.a. his own single life back home).
Any guy would love a relationship that allows him the freedom to have plenty of bro time and guaranteed sex on the side. Hell, he can even see other girls if he wants and you would never know. I’m not saying he’s cheating, but it is a possibility.
Not that I’m dissing long-term relationships. They can work beautifully, but the most successful ones tend to be the kind where a couple lives in the same place when they meet and begin courting. Once a firm, steady relationship and a level of trust is established, then a couple will do okay miles away from each other.
I’d advise that you beat him at his own game. Try the “if you love something, set it free” rule. Stop calling him, just as he’s stopped calling you. And that also means no texting or MySpace messaging. If he really cares, he’ll eventually call. If he doesn’t, you may never speak to him again. But do you really want to tie your emotions up with a guy who’s not interested in you? Yeah, I didn’t think so.
Got a problem? Bianca can solve it … or least give you crappy advice that you can choose to ignore. Send advice queries to bphillips@memphisflyer.com.
