Dear Bianca,
I have a large circle of friends, and sometimes those friends introduce me to their friends. A few months ago, I met a woman at a party (a friend of a friend, of course), and we started talking. She seemed cool — really pretty, smart, funny.
So I gave her my number, and she called the next day. We set up a date, and though it started out okay, I realized mid-way through that she was a little annoying. She talks about herself too much and didn’t seem to get any of my jokes. So when she called the next day, I didn’t answer.
She called again a few hours later and three times the next day. I finally answered and made up some lame excuse about losing my phone. Then I set up another date, against my will. It went horribly and she kept throwing herself at me, like she wanted to get laid. I resisted despite my male urges.
I think I’m too nice. I don’t know how to reject someone. Should I start ignoring her calls again? How can I make her go away without telling her I don’t like her?
— Scared to Reject
Dear Scared,
You are a big ol’ wuss, and you’ve dug this hole way deeper than you should have, though I’m proud of you for not sleeping with the woman, despite her not-so-subtle invitation.
You’re right that the easy way out would be to stop answering her calls. But truly persistent types (and it sounds like she is) may not give up. I once gave my number to a random person that I’d just met and instantly regretted it. I only answered his calls once or twice and then started hitting ignore. That was two years ago, and he still calls at least once a month.
But “do as I say, not as I do” in this scenario. That guy just wanted friendship but this woman obviously wants more. Ignoring her calls may cause her to get all stalker-like on you. Not to mention that since this woman is a friend of a friend, chances are, you’ll run into her again.
The best approach is to tell her truth. You don’t have to mention her flaws, just tell her she’s not your type. Suck it up and explain that you’ve been meaning to tell her this but were afraid of hurting her feelings.
She’ll be hurt, no matter what, but the hurt could be far worse if you allow this relationship to linger any longer.
Got a problem? E-mail Bianca at bphillips@memphisflyer.com.
