Dear Bianca,
Last weekend, I celebrated my 26th birthday at a local restaurant. I invited about 20 of my friends, and most of them showed up, including an ex-boyfriend who I’m still friends with. He brought along his new girlfriend.
This guy and I have been apart for a couple of years, and we only dated about two months. We were never very serious, and we ended up breaking things off when we realized the romantic spark just wasn’t there. After the break-up, our relationship naturally shifted into a friendly one.
Things have been fine between us ever since, but he must have told his new girlfriend that I was an ex. Even though she showed up at my birthday party, she gave me the stink-eye all night. Her only words to me were a curt, “Nice to meet you.” Every time I tried to talk to her boyfriend, she shot me the death stare.
I’d like to remain friends with my ex, since he’s a pretty fun guy. But I’m not sure his new lady will allow that. He’s tried to call me a few times over the past week, and I’ve missed his calls. When I’ve called back, he doesn’t answer but I get a text saying he can’t talk while his girlfriend is around.
Should I just write my friend off and hope his new relationship ends soon? Or should I persist despite his bitchy girlfriend? After all, he was my friend first.
— The Old Flame
Dear Old Flame,
It sounds like this new girlfriend has your old buddy whipped. Unfortunately, some women can’t stand the idea of their partners being friends with the opposite sex, especially when those friends are exes.
It’s possible that your friend’s girlfriend has been cheated on in the past, and she’s dealing with serious trust issues. But since this relationship is new, she really should give him some slack and see if he’s trustworthy before she starts controlling who he can talk to.
If you can ever get your friend alone, you should let him know how his girlfriend treated you at your birthday party. Explain that you don’t want to lose him as a friend, but you’re not willing to put up with his girlfriend’s attitude. From there, the ball is in his court. He needs to tell his girlfriend to back off. If she continues to control his friendships, the relationship probably won’t last long anyhow.
If she agrees to give him some space, you should try to arrange a lunch or go out for drinks with her. Let her know that you have absolutely no romantic interest in her boyfriend. She’ll probably appreciate a one-on-one talk, and might learn to trust you.
Got a problem? E-mail Bianca at bphillips@memphisflyer.com.
