Summer Kienitz works a 9-to-5, just like you and me. But during her off-hours, she morphs into her alter ego: The Cake Villain. Her aim? “Conquering the world one delicious, adorable cake at a time.” (Muahahahahahaha!!!)
You may have unwittingly (or wittingly???) furthered the Villain’s mission by purchasing her treats during last fall’s Broad Avenue Art Walk. The Villain also does custom-cake designs.
On Saturday, April 12th, the Cake Villain will be setting up a battle station at SideStreet Burgers in Olive Branch. Her weapons will include brownies with sweet whiskey creme drizzle and candied bacon crumbles and caramel and brown sugar monkey bread cups. There will be fudges as well, including white chocolate macchiato, mint Oreo cookie, and whiskey pecan. The blitz occurs from noon to 5 p.m. (or until the stockpile is depleted).
The Villain recently took a break from plotting and scheming to answer some questions from Hungry Memphis.
Every great villain has an origin story …
I grew up in rural Northern California, born to unassuming civilian parents. I left the small town as soon as I could escape it and went on to get a Bachelors of Science degree in biochemistry in the bay area. It was there, bartending my way through college in a proper Metropolis, that I realized the desserts I made for parties had a profound effect on people. Bartending gave me insight in to unique flavor combinations and chemistry gave me the ability to make the recipes work. I had found my calling.
But, the thought of bringing another squeal-inducing, fluffy pink cupcake in to the world made my head hurt and I slowly came to terms with the fact that I was to belong to the dessert dark side. A Cake Villain. The sleepy citizens of the world cannot be trusted to ask more of their dessert. And so, from a sea of mind-numbing cupcakes, it is my duty to rise up and rule over them all in a new future filled with boozy fudges, outlandish cake designs, and bacon! Bacon on everything I can possibly put it on!! Muahahahahahaha!!!
[jump]
About this conquering the world thing … what’s your M.O.?
The one thing that always brings the weaker villains to justice is predictability. If I’m always making the same thing, the citizens get bored, and I no longer have funding for my brilliant plots of world domination…it’s a tale as old as time. My WMDs (Weapons of Much Deliciousness) are constantly changing. One week I’m making fudge flavors like key lime pie or dark chocolate cherry with red wine reduction, the next I’m making brownies with salted caramel and candied bacon crumbles or peanut butter cups the size of your face. Basically, there is no limit to the type of confections I will lure you with.
But, no matter how innovative The Villain gets, you must always remember your evil roots. So, I still do designer cakes whenever I get the chance.
On Saturday, you’re setting up a “battle station” in front of SideStreet Burgers in Olive Branch. Is that fair? It seems Mississippians would be the easiest of easy pickins.
Fair? Fair!? Dessert-based world domination is not fair! Is it fair that my shark broker lied to me and they can’t actually live on candy alone? My shark food bill is outrageous! Is it fair that DeSoto County has gone relatively undisturbed from cake villainy for decades? I think not.
No villain strikes the same location every time — again … predictability. Those that are loyal on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter (@thecakevillain) do get a brief forewarning as to where I will strike next, however. I also have an entire Evil Logistics Department that can package and ship special orders anywhere.
You mention you’re currently funding black licorice ray guns “because we can think of nothing more evil”? Really? Not even Circus Peanuts?
Oh man, Circus Peanuts? That’s a good one. You’ve got promise as an evil sidekick or something. If this journalism thing doesn’t work out, you’ve got a place in my evil empire.
Let’s say you do conquer the world. Then what?
I hear Bora Bora is nice this time of year.
