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News of the Weird: Week of 12/05/24

Great News

Two months after Rayne Beau, a Siamese cat owned by Benny and Susanne Anguiano of Salinas, California, went missing during a trip to Yellowstone National Park in Wyoming, the 2-year-old cat was reported found by the Placer SPCA shelter in Roseville, California — some 800 miles from where the cat had gone missing. USA Today reported that the Anguianos had tried for several days to locate Rayne Beau, but were finally forced to leave the cat behind when their reservation ran out on June 8. But on Aug. 3, a voicemail from the shelter claimed that the cat had been located and identified via microchip, and the Anguianos were reunited with Rayne Beau. “He was really little, all skin and bones. He was in starvation mode,” Benny said, but the cat recovered quickly. [USA Today, 9/19/2024]

Great Art?

A work of art at the LAM museum in Lisse, the Netherlands, was mistakenly thrown away by an elevator technician in late September, CNN reported. All the good times we spent together by French artist Alexandre Lavet appears to be two empty beer cans, but, the museum said, it is really “meticulously hand-painted with acrylics, with each detail painstakingly replicated.” The work was displayed in the facility’s glass elevator shaft, and when a technician came in to work on the lift, he helpfully pitched it in the trash. “He was just doing his job in good faith,” said Sietske van Zanten, the museum director. The cans were later recovered, cleaned, and returned to display, albeit in a different location. [CNN, 10/8/2024]

What’s My Fetish?

Jesse Johnson, 28, was arrested on Sept. 24 in Gilbert, Arizona, after three instances in which he allegedly spied on women’s feet as they vacuumed their cars, AZFamily reported. Police said Johnson’s M.O. at the Super Star Car Wash in Gilbert was to park next to a woman’s car at the vacuum station, then slide underneath her car for a few minutes before climbing back out. One victim said she felt “very violated and I’ve been having nightmares.” It’s not the first time Johnson has been caught lusting after feet: Court documents revealed that he had been cited at least four times in Nebraska, and that he had touched a woman’s ankle in a grocery store. He admitted to authorities there that he “is sexually attracted to women’s feet” and “at times, can’t control his sexual desires.” Johnson was charged with three counts of voyeurism and three counts of disorderly conduct and held on $10,000 bond. [AZFamily, 9/26/2024]

Creepy

In late September, Derek Johnson, owner of JVI Secret Gardens in Donelson, Tennessee, was alerted by an employee that someone was walking around the garden center wearing a clown mask, WTVF-TV reported. But Johnson was not about to physically confront the creepy clown, whom he could see on surveillance video. Johnson clicked on his security system’s speaker, but before he could say anything, the clown backed off: “I’m leaving.” He left behind a propane tank and a saw blade that he had picked up to steal. “This is a sweet little garden center,” Johnson said incredulously. Police are investigating. [WTVF, 9/27/2024]

We Regret To Inform You …

Tizi Hodson, 70, of Lincolnshire, England, sent off an application in January 1976, hoping to become a motorcycle stunt rider, the BBC reported on Oct. 5. Recently, the letter was returned to her with a note: “Late delivery by Staines Post Office. Found behind a draw(er). Only about 50 years late.” “How they found me when I’ve moved house 50-odd times, and even moved countries four or five times, is a mystery,” Hodson said. “I was so disappointed because I really, really wanted to be a stunt rider on a motorcycle.” Instead, her life’s work has included being a snake handler, horse whisperer, aerobatic pilot, and flying instructor. “It means so much to me to get it back all this time later,” she said. [BBC, 10/5/2024]

Send your weird news items with subject line WEIRD NEWS to WeirdNewsTips@amuniversal.com.

NEWS OF THE WEIRD
© 2024 Andrews McMeel Syndication.
Reprinted with permission.
All rights reserved.

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Fun Stuff Metaphysical Connection

Metaphysical Connection: Holiday Temperance

Photo: Vvictori | Dreamstime.com

The ancients certainly seemed to know what they were doing when constructing the zodiac wheel. They placed the mutable, fiery sign of Sagittarius in the middle of the holiday season. Those born under the astrological sign of Sagittarius are thought to be optimistic, adventurous, curious, and independent. And these traits translate well into how many Americans spend their holidays.

As a fire sign, Sagittarius is passionate and drawn to new ideas, philosophies, and travel. Sagittarius is represented by the centaur — a half-human, half-horse creature — often carrying a bow. Also referred to as “The Archer,” Sagittarius uses a trusty bow and arrow to dream big and aim high. 

In tarot, each zodiac sign is associated with a major arcana card. Sagittarius is associated with the Temperance card in tarot, card number 14 of the major arcana. The Temperance card refers to the blending, moderation, and tempering of disparate elements to achieve a balanced whole that is greater and more harmonious than the sum of its parts. The Greek philosophers, beginning with Socrates, spoke of four natural virtues: prudence, or virtuous use of the intellect; temperance, or virtuous regulation of the emotions; fortitude, or virtuous effort of the human will; and justice, the result of the combined virtuous activity of the other three.

Both Sagittarius and the Temperance card are constantly striving for a more enlightened state of being. The angel in the tarot card here demonstrates this by slowly pouring the liquid from one golden cup into another, a culinary process called “tempering.” Similarly, Sagittarius accomplishes this by exploring the far reaches of both the physical and philosophical worlds to expand on or “temper” what is already known. The angel’s red wings represent blood or life, while the triangle on her dress means spirit, but it is also the elemental symbol for fire. 

The angel’s feet are also symbolic of the eternal pilgrimage or spiritual journey. By showing one foot in the water and the other on the shore, we are reminded that our greatest wisdom lies in the art of balancing. The iris flowers are indicative of the Greek goddess Iris who provides the link between the gods and humanity, acting as a messenger and using rainbows to travel. Like Sagittarius, she travels from one end of the world to another, building upon something that is bigger and brighter than herself.

Temperance is the card of acceptance, where the cycle of life and death, passion and division, and all other oppositions find unity for a shared cause. It unites the masculine with the feminine, keeping us in balance when situations require strength and endurance, or tenderness and compassion, depending on the moment. This card speaks of personal and spiritual growth, one that leads us toward the point of self where we understand how inner conflicts and troubles lead to certain reflections and problems in the outer world. Its symbolism is one of the alchemy of life, and it is significant in a reading, for it represents the point where we get answers needed to change the course of fate or influence our life to change what is needed.

As we glide through Sagittarius season, we are reminded of the Temperance card. Temperance is all about striving for balance — which can often mean taking the middle road. To a Sagittarius, the middle road is almost never enticing. Yet it is not always a compromise, but another solution that can combine both extremes. 

As a mutable fire sign, Sagittarius is bold and confident. Fire is not naturally a mutable element, so Sagittarius is already operating in oppositions. It’s through the alchemy of temperance that we can learn about balancing these oppositions. 

Our lesson for this season is to find balance in opposition. How can we learn to accept and mold the outcome into something more desirable? With Mercury in retrograde in the sign of Sagittarius, we may need to be more detailed in our projects and more understanding when things don’t go as planned. Embrace the optimistic energy of Sagittarius and pivot with the challenges. 

Emily Guenther is a co-owner of The Broom Closet metaphysical shop. She is a Memphis native, professional tarot reader, ordained Pagan clergy, and dog mom.

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Astrology Fun Stuff

Free Will Astrology: Week of 11/28/24

Dario Bronnimann | Unsplash

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Renowned composer Mozart had a sister nicknamed Nannerl. During their childhoods, she was as much a musical prodigy as he. They toured Europe doing performances together, playing harpsichord and piano. Some critics regarded her as the superior talent. But her parents ultimately decided it was unseemly for her, as a female, to continue her development as a genius. She was forcibly retired so she could learn housekeeping and prepare for marriage. Is there a part of your destiny, Aries, that resembles Nannerl’s? Has some of your brilliance been suppressed or denied? The coming months will be an excellent time to recover and revive it.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Do you know if you have any doppelgangers, Taurus? I bet you will meet one in the coming weeks. How about soul friends, alter egos, or evil twins? If there’s no one like that in your life right now, they may arrive soon. And if you already know such people, I suspect your relationships will grow richer. Mirror magic and shadow vision are in the works! I’m guessing you will experience the best, most healing kind of double trouble. Substitutes and stand-ins will have useful offers and tempting alternatives. Parallel realities may come leaking through into your reality. Opportunities for symbiosis and synergy will be at an all-time high. Sounds like wild fun!

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Humans have been eating a wide range of oranges since ancient times. Among the most popular type in modern times is the navel orange. It’s large, seedless, sweet, juicy, and easy to peel. But it didn’t exist until the 1820s, when a genetic mutation on a single tree in Brazil spawned this new variety. Eventually, the navel became a revolutionary addition to the orange family. I foresee a metaphorically comparable development in your life during the coming months, Gemini. An odd tweak or interesting glitch could lead to a highly favorable expansion of possibilities. Be alert for it.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Cancerian, you are a finalist for our “Most Resourceful and Successful Survivor of the Year” trophy. And if you take a brief trip to hell in the next two weeks, you could assure your victory. But wait! Let me be more exact: “Hell” is an incorrect terminology; I just used it for shock effect. The fact is that “hell” is a religious invention that mischaracterizes the true nature of the realm of mystery, shadows, and fertile darkness. In reality, the nether regions can be quite entertaining and enriching if you cultivate righteous attitudes. And what are those attitudes? A frisky curiosity to learn truths you have been ignorant about; a brave resolve to unearth repressed feelings and hidden yearnings; and a drive to rouse spiritual epiphanies that aren’t available when you’re in the trance of everyday consciousness.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): In my astrological opinion, you need and deserve big doses of fun, play, pleasure, and love. Amusement and enchantment, too. As well as excitement, hilarity, and delight. I trust you will schedule a series of encounters and adventures that provide you with a surplus of these necessary resources. Can you afford a new toy or two? Or a romantic getaway to a sanctuary of adoration? Or a smart gamble that will attract into your vicinity a stream of rosy luck? I suggest that you be audacious in seeking the sweet, rich feelings you require.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): December will be Home Enhancement Month for you Virgos. Get started immediately! I’ll offer tips for how to proceed and ask you to dream up your own ideas. 1. Phase out décor or accessories that no longer embody the style of who you have become. 2. Add new décor and accessories that will inspire outbreaks of domestic bliss. 3. Encourage everyone in your household to contribute creative ideas to generate mutual enhancement. 4. Do a blessing ritual that will raise the spiritual vibes. 5. Invite your favorite people over and ask them to shower your abode with blessings.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Libran songwriter and producer Kevin MacLeod has composed over 2,000 pieces of music — and given all of them away for free. That’s why his work is so widespread. It has been featured in thousands of films and millions of YouTube videos. His composition “Monkeys Spinning Monkeys” has been played on TikTok over 31 billion times. (PS: He has plenty of money, in part because so many appreciative people give him free-will donations through his Patreon page.) I propose we make him your inspirational role model in the coming weeks and months, Libra. How could you parlay your generosity and gifts into huge benefits for yourself?

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): According to my grandmother, I have such a mellifluous voice I should have pursued a career as a newscaster or DJ on the radio. In eighth grade, my science teacher admired my work and urged me to become a professional biologist. When I attended Duke University, my religious studies professor advised me to follow his path. Over the years, many others have offered their opinions about who I should be. As much as I appreciated their suggestions, I have always trusted one authority: my muses. In the coming weeks and months, Scorpio, you may, too, receive abundant advice about your best possible path. You may be pressured to live up to others’ expectations. But I encourage you to do as I have done. Trust your inner advisors.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): I invite you to get a head start on formulating your New Year’s resolutions. January 1st is a good time to instigate robust new approaches to living your life, but the coming weeks will be an even better time for you Sagittarians. To get yourself in the mood, imagine you have arrived at Day Zero, Year One. Simulate the feeling of being empty and open and fertile. Imagine that nothing binds you or inhibits you. Assume that the whole world is eager to know what you want. Act as if you have nothing to prove to anyone and everything to gain by being audacious and adventurous.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): There was a long period when many popular songs didn’t come to a distinct end. Instead, they faded out. The volume would gradually diminish as a catchy riff repeated over and over again. As you approach a natural climax to one of your cycles, Capricorn, I recommend that you borrow the fade-out as a metaphorical strategy. In my astrological opinion, it’s best not to finish abruptly. See if you can create a slow, artful ebb or a gradual, graceful dissolution.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): When he was young, Aquarian musician and sound engineer Norio Ohga wrote a critical letter to the electronics company now known as Sony. He complained in detail about the failings of their products. Instead of being defensive, executives at the company heeded Ohga’s suggestions for improvement. They even hired him as an employee and ultimately made him president of the company at age 40. He went on to have a stellar career as an innovator. In the spirit of the Sony executives, I recommend that you seek feedback and advice from potential helpers who are the caliber of Norio Ohga. The information you gather in the coming weeks could prove to be highly beneficial.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): What would your paradise look and feel like? If you could remake the world to suit your precise needs for maximum freedom, well-being, and inspiration, what changes would you instigate? Now is an excellent time to ponder these possibilities, Pisces. You have more ability than usual to shape and influence the environments where you hang out. And a good way to rouse this power is to imagine your ideal conditions. Be bold and vivid. Amuse yourself with extravagant and ebullient fantasies as you envision your perfect world. 

Categories
Fun Stuff News of the Weird

News of the Weird: Week of 11/28/24

Awesome!

Reach for the stars, kids! And by “stars,” we mean “wheelbarrow.” John Loghry of Saylorville, Iowa, made his dream come true when he set a new world record — for the fastest motorized wheelbarrow. WeAreIowa.com reported that Loghry’s vehicle reached 57 mph at an event on Sept. 21, beating the previous Guinness World Record of 47 mph. A local sheriff’s office helped Loghry confirm the speed with a lidar gun, as required per Guinness rules. “He’s been very determined on doing it,” said Loghry’s wife Jeanne. Members of the local community came out to watch the attempt, so Loghry, a veteran, ended up using the event to raise money for the Wounded Warrior Project. He said he hopes he can inspire others to pursue their dreams, even the wacky ones: “If you think you can do it, try it,” he said. [WeAreIowa.com, 9/21/24]

Great Art

Residents of Everett, Washington, must be feeling so much better about themselves following the installation of the Affirmation Station, My Everett News reported on Sept. 25. Artist Timothy C. Flood of Colorado installed the sculpture, which looks like a pedestrian crossing sign, but instead delivers audio and text with messages like “Hey, you’re doing a great job” and “You are strong.” On the post is a sign inviting the viewers to press a button, which activates the sign. [My Everett News, 9/25/2024]

Whatever’s Handy

When a British surgeon couldn’t find a scalpel, the BBC reported on Oct. 1, he reached for the next best thing: the Swiss Army knife he normally uses to slice up fruit for his lunch. The news organization has not identified the surgeon, who was operating on a patient at the Royal Sussex Hospital in Brighton. While the surgery was reportedly an emergency — the patient survived, thankfully — internal documents indicate that the surgeon’s colleagues found his behavior “questionable” and that they were “very surprised” he was unable to find a more conventional surgical tool. Dr. Graeme Poston, an expert on clinical negligence and a former consultant surgeon, told the BBC: “It surprises me and appalls me. Firstly, a penknife is not sterile. Secondly, it is not an operating instrument. And thirdly, “all the kit [must have been] there.” [BBC, 10/1/24]

There Goes the Neighborhood

You can’t take it with you — which means you should be very careful what you leave behind. KSBW-8 reported on Sept. 30 that a real estate agent in Salinas, California, got a real scare when, while preparing the home of a recently deceased man for an estate sale, they discovered a 2.5-foot-long high explosive anti-tank (H.E.A.T.) rocket among the man’s belongings in a closet. As the neighborhood was evacuated to a radius of 500 feet by the Salinas police, a neighbor, Rebecca Rodick, interacted with an officer on scene: “He showed me the X-ray of the missile, which is really wild. He said, ‘See how it’s all dark? That means there’s a lot of stuff in it.’” The Monterey County Sheriff’s Explosive Ordinance Unit successfully removed the rocket from the residence without incident. [KSBW-8, 9/30/2024]

Makes Sense

Kody Adams of Oklahoma was due for a court appearance in Pawnee County for a hearing on car theft charges on Sept. 27. So when Adams couldn’t bum a ride from any of the patrons at a gas station in Stillwater, some 30 minutes away, KOCO News 5 reported that he improvised by commandeering an unoccupied LifeNet Emergency Services pickup and driving it to Pawnee. An Oklahoma Highway Patrol trooper caught Adams after he had ditched the pickup and was entering the courthouse. “The trooper did make sure he made his court case,” said Preston Cox of the OHP. Adams was then transported to Payne County and booked on new charges. [KOCO News 5, 9/27/2024]

Send your weird news items with subject line WEIRD NEWS to WeirdNewsTips@amuniversal.com.

NEWS OF THE WEIRD
© 2024 Andrews McMeel Syndication.
Reprinted with permission.
All rights reserved.

Categories
Fun Stuff Metaphysical Connection

Metaphysical Connection: A Holiday Retrograde

Mercury retroshade has begun. Can you tell? (Photo: Pixabay)

n my last column about the Odin’s Eye asteroid, I listed all the planets and asteroids in retrograde. Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, Jupiter, and Chiron, respectively. We can now add Mercury to that list. Mercury retroshade has begun. Can you tell?

Retroshade is what astrologers and astrology enthusiasts call the two-week period leading up to and following a Mercury retrograde, where the planet is slowly moving back into its “normal” position. Mercury is the fastest moving planet in our solar system and goes retrograde three to four times a year. The retroshade period can bring clarity and finality to circumstances, but it can also be harsh. Some say that during this time, people may be more irritable, unfocused, or prone to misunderstandings and conflicts.

Mercury went retrograde in August and took a backward spin through the astrological signs of Virgo and Leo. This time, it will happen in the sign of Sagittarius. And this Mercury retrograde will be the last one for this year. We’ll take all the reprieves we can get. Our upcoming retrograde officially begins on November 26th and lasts until December 15th. However, we still have the retroshade after it’s over, making the effects last until January 3rd. 

Mercury is thought to rule over our communication, travel, and commerce. When it is in retrograde, we can often expect miscommunication, disagreements because of miscommunication, hiccups with travel plans, and inconveniences with technology. Retrogrades, especially Mercury retrogrades, often throw speed bumps in our way to make us slow down, reflect, and readjust for the next phase. 

Sagittarius, one of the zodiac’s fire signs, is thought to be a bit of a free spirit. This sign is known to be passionate and energetic while being open-minded, curious, loyal, honest, and enjoying travel. Those with prominent Sagittarius placements in their chart are likely to feel the effects of this Mercury retrograde more than others, but retrogrades affect us all. 

With Mercury retrograding in the sign of Sagittarius, you might find it difficult to move forward on your higher-minded goals due to mix-ups, slowdowns, or simply a lack of mental momentum. If you are doing any Thanksgiving traveling or planning trips for later in the season, you’ll want to triple-check your itineraries and leave wiggle room for delays, as Mercury retrograde is especially likely to interfere with transportation and timing while it’s in this worldly and wanderlusty sign.

These are not new concerns when it comes to Mercury retrograde. Anytime we have one, we need to be mindful of communication, plans, and technology. For the last Mercury retrograde of 2024, the biggest complication is the timing. The retrograde kicks off just before Thanksgiving and will butt up against the Yuletide holidays — the busiest time of year. 

Forewarned is forearmed, and that is always the best advice when it comes to a Mercury retrograde. Don’t wait until the last minute to buy your Thanksgiving food. The demand is already going to be higher than usual for certain grocery items, so don’t make things more complicated by waiting too late. Talk with your loved ones about a gift budget, and try to keep the spending to a reasonable level. Many of us love buying presents for our loved ones and seeing their joy when they get something nice or something they really wanted. We can still give meaningful gifts without breaking the bank or splurging on that one really expensive gift. 

With Mercury retrograding through Sagittarius, we might feel more generous this season with our gift giving. Sagittarius is all about loyalty, style, and being free, which can get us into enough trouble during the holidays without Mercury interfering. Just be mindful of your budget (you’re going to have to pay the credit card bills soon) and try to have a bit of restraint while shopping. Because we are dealing with this fiery Sagittarius energy, don’t overcommit to holiday plans. Sagittarius makes everything seem like fun, but we can’t reasonably do it all. 

As usual, Mercury retrograde is a time to slow down, be patient and understanding, and appreciate what you have. 

Emily Guenther is a co-owner of The Broom Closet metaphysical shop. She is a Memphis native, professional tarot reader, ordained Pagan clergy, and dog mom.

Categories
Fun Stuff News of the Weird

News of the Weird: Week of 11/21/24

A Load of Bologna

U.S. Customs and Border Protection shuts down smuggling attempts on a daily basis, but what its officers caught on Sept. 23 at the Presidio, Texas, port of entry wasn’t the usual contraband. While inspecting a vehicle being driven into the U.S., CBP personnel discovered 748 pounds of Mexican bologna. The New York Post reported that 40 rolls of the deli meat were hidden in a number of suitcases throughout the vehicle. CBP Presidio Port director Benito Reyes Jr. said in a news release that “the concern with pork products is that they have the potential to introduce foreign animal diseases that can have devastating effects to the U.S. economy and to our agriculture industry.” The driver, an American citizen, was issued a $1,000 civil penalty; the bologna was destroyed per USDA regulations. [WHAM-13, 9/28/2024]

Kung Faux Panda

As the old saying goes, if it (sorta) looks like a panda, but walks, barks, and pants like a dog … it’s a dog. Canoe.com reported that a Chinese zoo in the southern Guangdong province has admitted what many had already guessed: that its “pandas” were actually dogs with their fur painted. Some zoo visitors used social media to share photos and videos of the critters doing very un-pandalike things, such as panting, barking, and wagging long tails. Commenters had a field day: “It’s a PANdog,” one wrote, while another called it “the Temu version of a panda.” Once the posts went viral, zoo officials admitted they had painted two chow chow dogs. Some visitors have since demanded refunds. [Canoe.com, 9/20/24] 

Single-Engine Drama

• En route from Nebraska to Oregon on Sept. 21, a single-engine plane made an emergency landing on Highway 25 north of Cheyenne, Wyoming, Cowboy State Daily reported. Levi and Kelsi Dutton, who were traveling south on the highway when the plane landed in front of them, offered assistance to the pilot, who identified himself as Steve. The pilot calmly inspected the plane’s fuel line before announcing, “I got the tools right here. I’ll just open it up, figure out what’s going on, and get her fixed.” After making the repair, Steve hopped back aboard the plane and, as the Duttons stopped traffic to free up a runway space, taxied south and took off for Cheyenne Regional Airport, where he could do a more thorough inspection. [Cowboy State Daily, 9/21/24]

• Another single-engine plane made news on Sept. 17 when, shortly after taking off from Myrtle Beach International Airport in South Carolina, a door fell off and landed in the yard of a vacant home, WBMF News reported. The pilot and passenger on board were unharmed. Witness Wendy Hodges, who lives next door to the vacant house, hurried home after learning of the incident, and found the intact door in the neighbor’s yard. “It was definitely really lucky that there was no damage or no one was hurt,” said Hodges. “As a matter of fact, there’s a plane flying right now, but I will certainly make sure I start looking up.” [WBMF, 9/18/24]

Missed Their Exit?

WSVN in Miami reported on Sept. 21 that an SUV fell from an overpass on I-95, crashing through a fence below and narrowly missing a bystander — and miraculously, both driver and passenger walked away, apparently unscathed. Those nearby rushed to help, including Mariah Lewis, who offered a knife from her glove box to aid in cutting the driver and passenger out of their seatbelts. “It’s just by the grace of God that the people lived, because I don’t understand how you fall from that high and [live],” she said. Both occupants were checked by paramedics, and the driver was taken to a local trauma center for observation. “It was bad, but it could have been worse,” Lewis said. “I was just telling my daughter I’m so grateful. You’ve got to be grateful for life.” [WSVN, 9/21/24

Send your weird news items with subject line WEIRD NEWS to WeirdNewsTips@amuniversal.com.

NEWS OF THE WEIRD
© 2024 Andrews McMeel Syndication.
Reprinted with permission.
All rights reserved.

Categories
Astrology Fun Stuff

Free Will Astrology: Week of 11/21/24

Dario Bronnimann | Unsplash

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Award-winning Aries filmmaker Quentin Tarantino was born and raised in the U.S. But he has said, “I don’t make movies for America. I make movies for planet Earth.” I applaud his expansive perspective and recommend you cultivate your own version of it in the coming weeks. You will generate good fortune for yourself as you enlarge your audience, your range of influences, and your sphere of activity. It will be an excellent time to transcend previous notions of who you are and what your life’s assignments are. The frontiers are calling you to open your mind wider than ever as you leap to the next higher octave of your destiny.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): “Earth knows no desolation. She smells regeneration in the moist breath of decay.” Author George Meredith said that, and now I’m conveying it to you. Why? Because you’re entering a phase when you will have maximum power to ensure that decay leads to regeneration. My advice: Instead of trying to repress your awareness of what’s decomposing, tune into it energetically. The sooner you embrace the challenging but interesting work to be done, the faster and more effective the redemption will be. Here’s your battle cry: Turn rot into splendor!

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Mercury will be your slippery but sticky companion in the coming weeks, Gemini. Whether or not you believe he is a literal god who abides in the spiritual realm, I trust you will acknowledge that he is a vivid archetype. He symbolizes forces that facilitate communication and promote connection. Since he is constantly traveling and conversing, he also represents boundary-crossing and thresholds. I encourage you to summon his assistance whenever you want to lubricate links and foster combinations. He can help you unify disparate influences and strengthen your network of allies.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Utility poles and telephones poles may seem to be indestructible towers, but they have a limited life span. A prime factor in their gradual demise is woodpeckers. The birds drill holes that over time weaken the wood. Their handiwork allows moisture to seep in, causing rot, and creates access points for small animals to burrow in and cause further disintegration. I bring this to your attention because I want to encourage you to launch a woodpecker-like campaign against any seemingly impregnable structures that oppress and restrict you. It might take a while to undermine their power to interfere with your life, but now is an excellent time to begin.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): As an American, I’m jealous of how many festivals the Japanese people celebrate. By some estimates, there are over 100,000 events every year — an average of 274 per day! They may feature music, theater, dancing, entertainment, karaoke, sumo matches, games, delicious food, colorful costumes, spiritual observances, and parades of floats and shrines. If you are a Japanese Leo, you’re in luck. The astrological indicators suggest that in the coming months, you should take extra advantage of your culture’s revels, parties, and social merriment. If you’re not in Japan, do your best to fulfill your cosmic mandate to frolic and carouse. Start as soon as possible!

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): The Flintstones was an animated TV comedy show broadcast in the U.S. from 1960 to 1966. It was colossally silly and wildly popular. It portrayed cavemen and cavewomen living suburban lives in the Stone Age with dinosaurs as pets and cars made of wood and rocks. The chirpy theme song for the show was stolen from a piano sonata written by the classical composer Ludwig van Beethoven. In the coming weeks, Virgo, I invite you to steadily carry out the opposite of that conversion. Transform what’s daft or preposterous into what’s elegant and meaningful. Change superficial approaches into righteous devotions. Move away from trifling diversions and toward passionate magnificence.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Even if you’re not a professional writer, I invite you to compose three lyrical messages in the coming days. One will be a psalm of appreciation for a person who enchants your imagination and inspires you to be your best self. Another will be a hymn of praise that you address to yourself — a gorgeous, expansive boast or an outpouring of gratitude for the marvel and mystery of you. The third salutation will be an address to a higher power, whether that’s God, Goddess, Nature, your Guardian Angel, Higher Self, or Life itself. If you can find it in your brave, wild heart to sing or chant these exaltations, you will place yourself in close alignment with cosmic rhythms. (PS: In general, now is a fantastic time to identify what you love and express your feelings for what you love.)

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): The Greek term pharmakon has a complicated set of meanings: scapegoat, poison, remedy, and recipe. According to my astrological analysis, all of these could soon be operative in your life. One surprise is that a metaphoric “poison” you are exposed to may ultimately serve as a remedy. Another curiosity is that a scapegoat may reveal a potent recipe for redemptive transformation. A further possibility: You will discover a new recipe for a very fine remedy. I’m not certain exactly how the whole story will unfold, but I’m betting the net effect will be a lot of healing.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): The Museum of Broken Relationships is in Zagreb, Croatia. It collects castaway objects left behind after intimate relationships have collapsed. Among its treasures are love letters, wedding rings, jars of bitter tears, stuffed animals, feather-filled quilts, and matching sweaters. Inspired by this sad spectacle, I invite you to create a very different shrine in your home: one that’s dedicated to wonderful memories from times of successful togetherness. Making this ritual gesture of hope and positivity will prepare you well for the potential relationship growth available for you in the coming months.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): It’s the Soul Retrieval phase of your long-term cycle, Capricorn. Have there been people, either alive or dead, who wounded or pirated parts of your treasured essence? Have you experienced painful events that weakened your connection to your inner riches? The coming weeks will be an excellent time to undertake meditations in which you carry out repair and restoration. You will summon curative agents whenever you reclaim lost and missing fragments of your soul. Be aggressive in seeking helpers who can synergize your own efforts.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): The Wistaria Vine in Sierra Madre, California, is the world’s biggest blooming plant. Spread over an acre, it weighs 250 tons and teems with over 1.5 million blossoms. I propose we regard it as your inspirational symbol for the coming months. Why? I expect you will be more abundantly creative and generative than maybe ever before. Your vitality will overflow. Your vigor will be delightfully lavish and profound. Homework: Start planning how you will wield and manage all that lushness.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Piscean playwright and songwriter Robert Lopez is the only person to have won all four of the following awards more than once: Oscars, Tonys, Emmys, and Grammys. He was also the youngest person to have won all four. I propose we make him your inspirational role model in the coming weeks and months. According to my astrological analysis, you are primed to ascend to new levels of accomplishment in your chosen field — and to be acknowledged for your success. Think big! Then think even bigger. 

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Astrology Fun Stuff

Free Will Astrology: Week of 11/14/24

Dario Bronnimann | Unsplash

ARIES (March 21-April 19): You may be on the verge of the breakthrough I prophesied a while back. Remember? I said you would be searching for the solution to a boring problem, and on the way you would discover a more interesting and useful problem. That exact scenario is about to happen. I also predict that the coming weeks will be a time when you tame an out-of-control aspect of your life and infuse more wildness into an overly tame part of you. I will speculate on one further stroke of good fortune: You will attract an influence that motivates you to be more passionately pragmatic about one of your key dreams.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): It’s time for some friendly warnings that will, if heeded, enable you to avoid problematic developments. 1. An overhaul in your self-image is looming; your persona requires tinkering. 2. Old boundaries are shifting and in some places disappearing. Be brave and draw up new boundaries. 3. Familiar allies may be in a state of flux. Help them find their new centers of gravity. 4. Potential future allies will become actual allies if you are bold in engaging them. 5. Be allergic to easy answers and simplistic solutions. Insist on the wisdom of uncertainty.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): To honor and celebrate your melancholy, I’m turning this horoscope over to Gemini author T. H. White and his superb formulation of the redemptive power of sadness. He wrote: “The best thing for being sad is to learn something. That is the only thing that never fails. You may lie awake at night listening to the disorder of your veins, you may miss your only love, you may see the world about you devastated by evil lunatics, or know your honor trampled in the sewers of baser minds. There is only one thing for it then — to learn. Learn why the world wags and what wags it. That is the only thing which the mind can never exhaust, never alienate, never be tortured by, never fear or distrust, and never dream of regretting.”

CANCER (June 21-July 22): A Massachusetts woman named Andrea Martin loves chickens so much she treats them as family. A few years ago, she took pity on one of her favorites, a young bird named Cecily, who had been born with a damaged tendon in one of her legs. Martin arranged to have the limb amputated. Then she made a prosthetic device on a 3D printer and had it surgically grafted onto Cecily’s body. Success! The $2,500 cost was well worth it, she testified. I propose we make Andrea Martin one of your role models for the coming weeks. May she inspire you to take extra good care of and shower bonus blessings on everyone and everything you love. (PS: This will be really good for your own health.)

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Once a year, the city of Seoul in South Korea stages a Space-Out Festival. Participants compete to do absolutely nothing for 90 minutes. They are not allowed to fall asleep, talk, or check their phones. To test how well they are banishing stress, burnout, and worries, their heart rates are monitored. The winner is the person who has the slowest and most stable pulse. If there were an event like this in your part of the world sometime soon, Leo, I’d urge you to join in. I expect the winner would be a member of your astrological tribe, as you Leos now have a high potential for revitalizing relaxation. Even if you don’t compete in a Space-Out Festival, I hope you will fully cash in on this excellent chance to recharge your spiritual batteries.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): My favorite Virgos love to learn. They are eager to add to their knowledge. They have a highly honed curiosity that is always percolating, continually drawing them towards new comprehension. On the other hand, some of my favorite Virgos are inefficient at shedding long-held ideas and information that no longer serve them. As a result, their psyches may get plugged up, interfering with their absorption of fun new input. That’s why I recommend that you Virgos engage in regular purges of your mental debris. Now would be an excellent time for one of these sessions. (PS: The futurist Alvin Toffler said that a key to intelligence is the ability to learn, unlearn, and relearn. I invite you to act on that counsel.)

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): I endorse Libran tennis star Serena Williams’ approach to self-evaluation — especially for you right now. She testified, “I’m really exciting. I smile a lot, I win a lot, and I’m really sexy.” I’m convinced you have the right to talk like that in the coming weeks — so convinced that I suggest you use it as a mantra and prayer. When you wake up each morning, say what Williams said. When you’re asking life for a sweet breakthrough or big favor, remind life why it should give you what you want. Feel free to add other brags, too, like, “I’m a brilliant thinker, a persuasive negotiator, and a crafty communicator.”

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): You are entering a phase when you can acquire more mastery in the arts of self-care and self-sufficiency. I hope you will become more skillful in giving yourself everything that nurtures your emotional and physical health. Have you gathered all you need to know about that subject? Probably not. Most of us haven’t. But the coming weeks will be a favorable time to make this your main research project. By the way, now is also an excellent time to kick your own ass and unbreak your own heart.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): My father was a big fan of the military. As a young man, he served as a lieutenant in the army and for a time considered making that job his career. I’m the opposite of him. I keenly avoided becoming a soldier and have always been passionately anti-war. I bring this subject to your attention because I think now is an excellent time for you to get clearer than ever about how you don’t resemble your parents and don’t want to be like them. Meditate on why your life is better and can get even better by not following their paths and ways. There’s no need to do this with anger and blame. In fact, the healthiest approach is to be lucid, calm, and dispassionate.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): At age 49, James Patterson retired from his job as an advertising writer. Until then, he had produced a few novels in his spare time. But once free of his 9-to-5 gig, he began churning out books at a rapid pace. Now, at age 77, he has published over 305 million copies of 200-plus novels, including 67 that have been #1 New York Times bestsellers. Would you like to make an almost equally memorable transition, Capricorn? The coming weeks and months will be an excellent time to plan it and launch it.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): The Breakfast Club was an iconic 1985 film about teenagers coming of age. Critics liked it. At the box office, it earned 100 times more than it cost to make. Aquarian director John Hughes wrote the screenplay for the 97-minute movie in two days, on July 4th and 5th of 1982. I predict that many of you Aquarians will have a similar level of productivity in the coming weeks. You could create lasting improvements and useful goodies in short bursts of intense effort.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Ben & Jerry’s is a wildly successful ice cream maker that sells its products all over the world. Its founders are two Pisceans who met in seventh grade. Over 45 years since they launched their business, they have become renowned for their wide variety of innovative flavors and their political activism. When they first decided to work together, though, their plans were to start a bagel business. They only abandoned that idea when they discovered how expensive the bagel-making equipment was. I suspect that you are near a comparable pivot in your life, Pisces: a time to switch from one decent project to an even better one. 

Categories
Fun Stuff News of the Weird

News of the Weird: Week of 11/14/24

Awesome!

Student volunteers were helping out with an archaeological dig in Eu, France, when one of them found a small glass bottle inside an earthenware pot, United Press International reported. Inside the bottle was a message, written in January 1825, from one “P.J. Feret, a native of Dieppe, member of various intellectual societies.” Feret was carrying out excavations at the same site and left the message for future explorers. “It was an absolutely magic moment,” said Guillaume Blondel, head of the town’s Regional Archaeology Service. Local records revealed that Feret was a well-known archaeologist of his time. Blondel said such finds are rare: “Most archaeologists prefer to think that there won’t be anyone coming after them because they’ve done all the work.” [UPI, 9/24/2024]

It’s Good To Have a Hobby

Joshua Kiser of Breinigsville, Pennsylvania, was looking for something to amuse himself during the Covid shutdown in 2020 when he came across an idea: “I stumbled upon a picture of the eccentric man posing with a gigantic top hat on his head,” Kiser said, referring to Odilon Ozare, who set the record for World’s Tallest Hat in 2018. Kiser thought it would be easy to surpass Ozare’s 15-foot, 9-inch hat, but it wasn’t until this year that he managed to engineer one, at 17 feet, 9.5 inches, that could withstand a walk of the required 32.8 feet while wearing it. United Press International reported that his final, winning design incorporated lightweight guttering and a Philadelphia Eagles trash can that “looked about the circumference of my noggin.” [UPI, 9/26/2024]

Freaky

A 27-foot-tall puppet in the shape of a seated baby was installed in the center of the town of Rochdale, England, the BBC reported on Sept. 25. The baby, named Lilly, with a mouth and eyes that open and shut, was part of a council project to encourage schoolchildren to talk about the importance of the environment. Ostensibly, the kids spoke to Lilly; their conversations were recorded and broadcast from the baby at an event on Oct. 24 at Hollingworth Lake Nature Park. But townsfolk weren’t warming up to Lilly, calling it “the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen.” One said, “It’s creepy with its eyes shut, never mind open.” No telling how school-aged kids reacted to it. [BBC, 9/25/2024]

Overreaction

A 58-year-old Simcoe, Ontario, Canada, woman, Wendy Washik, was taken into custody on Sept. 1 and charged with assault with a weapon, the CBC reported. The charges stemmed from an incident at a backyard party when Washik, who was playing with a child, accidentally shot a neighbor with a water gun while he mowed his lawn. Washik said she apologized repeatedly, but the “victim” “wouldn’t listen to me and … was screaming at me.” She said police “didn’t ask me a single question. They didn’t ask to see the water gun.” Washik was due in court on Sept. 24. [CBC, 9/13/2024]

Bright Idea

A Florida man (of course) was rescued late on Sept. 23 after he apparently attempted to swim across the Detroit River from Windsor, Canada, to Detroit, CBS News reported. The U.S. Mail Boat J.W. Westcott II was launched after hearing of the swimmer, who was using a life ring to help support himself. “There’s a very strong current, and the water temperature is about 73 degrees right now,” said Capt. Neil Schultheiss. “Even with the life ring, he was struggling.” The boat picked up the swimmer after about 10 minutes of searching. Crew members said he seemed disoriented and under the influence. “He just kind of kept pacing around the front deck, saying, ‘Is this boat U.S.? Are we going back to the U.S.?’” Schultheiss said. He was transferred to an EMS unit. [CBS News, 9/24/2024]

Send your weird news items with subject line WEIRD NEWS to WeirdNewsTips@amuniversal.com.

NEWS OF THE WEIRD
© 2024 Andrews McMeel Syndication.
Reprinted with permission.
All rights reserved.

Categories
Fun Stuff News of the Weird

News of the Weird: Week of 11/07/24

Least Competent Criminal

When 33-year-old Ravesh Rabindranauth attempted to steal a Corvette in a Miami Beach, Florida, parking garage on Sept. 17, he encountered a little trouble, Local10-TV reported. He got stuck inside the car, which is where its owner, Julio Solano, found him. “Can I get out?” Rabindranauth asked Solano as Solano recorded the incident on his phone. “No, you can’t get out. We’re calling the police.” Solano said the car’s security system wouldn’t allow the thief to start the car or escape. “He didn’t know about the manual door release under the seat,” Solano said. Rabindranauth was held at the Turner Guilford Knight Correctional Center on $2,500 bond. [Local10, 9/18/2024]

Crème de la Weird

Literally. Sean Edward Uribe, 35, was arrested on Sept. 12 in the wake of two incidents over the summer at Miami clothing stores, The Smoking Gun reported. During the first encounter, at a Ross Dress for Less in June, Uribe allegedly used a medical syringe to squirt a substance on the back of the shorts of a juvenile as he recorded with his phone, police said. Witnesses alerted store employees and the victim as Uribe fled the scene. In late August at a Marshalls store, Uribe allegedly struck again, this time targeting an adult woman to “spray an unknown substance on the victim’s left buttocks area,” police said. When Uribe was taken into custody, he confessed and said the liquid in the syringes was moisturizing lotion. Then he called his father, as police listened, and instructed him to go to his house and remove hard drives. “Put them under lock and key,” he said. Officers got there first and seized the drives, along with loaded syringes. So far, he’s been charged with battery on a child, two misdemeanor battery counts, and tampering with evidence. [The Smoking Gun, 9/19/2024]

The Golden Age of Air Travel

A Scandinavian Airlines flight from Oslo, Norway, to Malaga, Spain, was diverted to Copenhagen, Denmark, on Sept. 18 after a mouse crawled out of a passenger’s in-flight meal, the BBC reported. Jarle Borrestad, who was sitting next to the passenger whose meal harbored the rodent, told the BBC that people on board remained calm, but he put his socks over his pant legs so the mouse couldn’t crawl up his leg. Oystein Schmidt, SAS spokesperson, said such events happen “extremely rarely”; passengers were transferred to another plane and went on their way. [BBC, 9/20/2024]

Oops

On Sept. 24, as the Kamloops, British Columbia, city council met in the council chambers, someone zooming in online queued up a pornographic video clip while sharing their screen, the CBC reported. The council’s public participation segment of the meeting allows people to ask questions or comment on agenda items, but Councilman Bill Sarai said Tuesday’s incident was the final straw for him. “It’s really swayed far, far away from what it’s meant to be,” Sarai said. He wants to eliminate the public portion of the meeting and ask the public to interact through email or in-person meetings. [CBC, 9/25/2024]

Awesome!

In November, Stack’s Bowers Galleries in Boston will offer an extremely rare three-pence coin from 1652 for auction, CBS News reported. The coin, which was minted in Boston at the Hull Mint, was purchased from a shop in the Netherlands. It is one of only three known coins like it, one of which was stolen and hasn’t been seen since. Store manager Stanley Chu expects it to fetch well over $1 million. [CBS News, 9/20/2024]

Overreaction

Socorro Camacho, 54, died in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, on Sept. 23 after getting into a dispute with another man over a song played on a jukebox, WSVN-TV reported. The argument started in the wee hours at Antojitos Mexicanos restaurant when Camacho insulted the other man over his song choice, witnesses said. The insulted man “pulled his weapon and started shooting,” Mauro Bonilla said. Fort Lauderdale police are investigating and trying to identify the gunman. [WSVN, 9/23/2024]

NEWS OF THE WEIRD
© 2024 Andrews McMeel Syndication.
Reprinted with permission.
All rights reserved.