Category: The Last Word

Categories
Opinion The Last Word

Memphis Is My Boyfriend: Testing Season

Online resources can help. (Photo: Patricia Lockhart)

’Tis the season for testing! While the weather is warming and most of us are eager to get outside, it’s a different season for our tweens and teens. I’m the grateful mom of four — an 11-year-old girl, twin 13-year-old boys, and a 16-year-old boy. This spring, they’re all facing end-of-year assessments. My middle schoolers are preparing for TNReady (TCAP), while my high schooler is tackling AP Exams, ACTs, and more. These tests are crucial for their next steps in education. Since hubby and I know the trajectory we want for their educational future, their performance matters. So we aim for balance during the testing season: work hard, play hard.

Get them tutoring or homework help

Parents, if you know that math isn’t your thing, don’t you go undoing all that hard work the teacher put in by trying to teach your child “how you did math 20-plus years ago.” While the procedural steps of mathematics haven’t drastically changed, the conceptual learning of math has. So leave it up to the professionals. My high schooler is involved with math that contains more letters and angles than numbers. Since there is nothing I can do to help him, I rely on outside resources. Check out tutoring or homework help at your school or local library. The Homework Hotline is still going strong! You can either get help with homework or free weekly tutoring at homeworkhotline.info. My favorite online resource is Khan Academy. It’s filled with standards-aligned content for a variety of subjects. What I love most are their “how-to videos” for math. Khan Academy is great if your tween/teen already has a foundation about a subject, but just needs more practice.

Ease up on them at home

During the testing season, my hubby and I absorb all the chores and cooking. Typically, everyone in the house has chores they are responsible for, including the parents. We find it best to consistently model the expectations rather than only voice them. But during testing, hubby and I divide the chores among only us. The kids simply come home and have a little down time before reviewing the next day’s testing subject. We do ask them to be considerate and clean up after themselves as much as possible.

We also absorb all the cooking responsibilities. Just like the chores, everyone is responsible for cooking a healthy meal at least one night a week. But not during testing season! For three to four weeks, hubby and I cook every meal. Yes, it adds more to our plate after a long workday, but our future goals are not hinged upon our performance on one test. So we do whatever we can to ensure that our kids have space for rest and review. 

Extracurricular activities

Last year, we made a huge mistake. We removed extracurricular activities from the schedule during testing season. No ballet practice. No video games. No random outings. After school, the kids were instructed to come home, do nothing, then study a little bit. While they were okay for the first few days, energies began to increase because they did not have a creative outlet. 

It didn’t take long for the lack of creative outlets to shake things up. Activities like ballet, gaming, and random outings weren’t just fun pastimes — they were little mood-boosters and motivators. Creative outlets gave them a way to let off steam, express themselves, and come back to their studies feeling refreshed. Without them, all that extra energy had nowhere to go, which only led to bickering and boredom. 

I’m a huge fan of the Memphis Public Libraries. They have a ton of activities for tweens/teens to get involved in. Dungeons & Dragons, music labs, videography, Drumming 101, chess, crafts, and so much more! If you’re looking for a creative outlet for your tween/teen, check out the activities at the Memphis Public Libraries.

Testing season can be tough, but it doesn’t have to be miserable. A little balance goes a long way! From tutoring help and lightening their chores to letting them enjoy their favorite activities, it’s all about setting them up for success. And, once again, don’t sleep on the Memphis Public Libraries — they’ve got tons of cool programs to keep kids inspired and refreshed. At the end of the day, we’re just here to cheer them on and help them do their best! 

Patricia Lockhart is a native Memphian who loves to read, write, cook, and eat. By day, she’s an assistant principal and writer, but by night … she’s asleep.

Categories
Opinion The Last Word

This Time It’s Personal

Trump’s federal cuts affect Americans, far and wide. (Photo: Cpenler | Dreamstime.com)

Yesterday, my wife and I took my infant son to his one-month pediatric checkup appointment. He got a glowing report from his wonderful doctor, but a month ago, that outcome was anything but certain.

Some 20 or so hours into my brave wife’s labor, the hospital staff realized that our son was having serious and potentially deadly fluctuations with his heart rate. They tried every intervention possible while I ran through the pain-coping techniques I had learned in our birthing classes.

Suddenly, there were at least half a dozen medical professionals in the room. They stopped explaining what they were doing, but their eyes told me everything I needed to know. My brave wife, whose birth plan had changed three times in a handful of hours, was rushed to an emergency “crash” C-section while a nurse took me to get into scrubs. The time apart from my best friend, my beautiful, caring, courageous wife was the most terrifying few minutes of my life. 

Soon, a nurse took me into the operating room and I was able to hold my wife’s hand during the procedure. I would swear that the surgery took hours, but our family, who were waiting outside, all said it was the fastest C-section they had ever waited on or heard of.

After 26 hours of labor, my son was born via crash C-section. He was (and is!) healthy, and he recovered from the difficult labor quickly. My wife was safe, too, for which I will never stop being thankful. After a few days, we were allowed to go home to begin our journey as a family.

One week after our son’s birth, my wife and I learned that we had lost our jobs thanks to President Donald J. Trump’s federal cuts. Though neither of us works for the government, we did work with federal agencies. My wife, who had been promoted based on merit mere months earlier, was recovering from major surgery, learning to be a mom, and suddenly needed to find a new job. She had worked for a lovely company doing work that I can describe only as “good.” She has helped scientists and researchers fight cancer, fight coastal erosion by saving native sea grass, and helped environmental and data scientists communicate with each other and with the Indigenous community. 

As for me, well, it was contract work. I had recently taken the plunge and begun my own copywriting, editing, and marketing company. Until I lost that one big client that helped make the dream possible. I’m not stressed about myself though. My family is healthy; I’ve found work before, and I will again. But I do worry about all of the workers at our national parks and the National Institutes of Health and the National Science Foundation who have dedicated their entire adult lives to the dream of making the U.S. a healthier, safer, greener place. 

It’s easy to think of Trump’s measures as affecting only a faceless horde of bureaucrats in Washington, D.C., but no human being is faceless. No one is without dreams, a history, a rich inner life. These are our countrymen, and they’re real people who will really suffer. 

The former federal workers who are doubtless scrambling to find employment and feed their families are, of course, only the tip of the iceberg. Immigrants, documented or otherwise, who are detained by ICE agents are people guilty only of being from somewhere else, of dreaming of a better life. They probably had more hope for the U.S. than I do, but that hasn’t helped them when plainclothes agents handcuff them, often without providing the necessary legal documentation. 

And then there is the trans community, specifically, and the LGBTQ community in general. Did I mention that the doula who taught our birth classes is trans? That they are easily the kindest, most generous human I have met in years? That they helped my wife feel safe before confronting the biggest and most frightening unknown a pregnant person can experience? Of course, they’re not the first trans person I’ve known, nor is their kindness the reason why that community has my support, but this column isn’t about sense and reasons. I’m desperately trying to humanize these issues, to put a face to the headlines. Again, these are people. Americans. Often brave people who work harder than I can imagine, who work to help others more vulnerable than themselves. To demonize them for political gain is nothing short of callous cruelty I’m not ashamed to call evil. 

During the Covid pandemic, the previous iteration of the Trump administration soft-launched eugenics, to little outcry from the American people. Collectively, we decided that we didn’t mind if the old and vulnerable paid the price for our weekend brunches, our vacation trips. Trump is back, emboldened by a so-called mandate from voters. The message is clear: As long as the economic wheels keep turning, no one in power cares if they’re greased with the blood of the vulnerable. 

I don’t want my son to grow up in a nation devoid of empathy, where might makes right. So I’m asking you — begging you — to care. 

Jesse Davis is a former Flyer staffer; he writes a monthly Books feature for Memphis Magazine. His opinions, such as they are, hope we can find some way out of this mess. 

Categories
Opinion The Last Word

Let’s Do Something About Youth Overdoses

Overdoses in Shelby County almost tripled between 2017 and 2022. (Photo: Tloventures | Dreamstime.com)

Overdoses have been the third leading cause of death in youth under age 20 since 2020, and a vast majority of youth overdose deaths are unintentional. Over 60 percent of youth aged 10 to 19 who overdose do so at home, more than two-thirds of the time a bystander is present, and less than one-third of the time someone gives the overdosing teen the life-saving overdose reversal medication naloxone. Overdose deaths have increased rapidly, not only among 15- to 24-year-olds but also 10- to 14-year-olds across the United States. Concerning amounts of fentanyl in the drug supply make even experimenting with one pill deadly. 

Here in Memphis, overdoses have taken the lives of many of our friends, colleagues, patients, and loved ones. Overdoses in Shelby County almost tripled from a rate of 22 per 100,000 in 2017 to 65 per 100,000 in 2022, and Shelby County suffered the highest number of fatal overdoses across Tennessee counties between 2020 and 2022. But we have decided to do something about the overdose epidemic in our backyard.

We are the Youth Overdose/Opioid Taskforce (YOOT), a group of Shelby County residents made up of clinicians, social workers, educators, students, behavioral health professionals, and other concerned citizens from Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, Pagan, and other religious backgrounds. Some of us work in harm reduction, and some with the justice system. About 8 percent of us are high school students under 18. Around two-thirds of us have tried some kind of illicit drug (including cannabis) at some point in our lives, and more than a fourth of us have lived experience using opioids illicitly. About 80 percent of us have seen a loved one, friend, or ourselves struggle with substance abuse, about a quarter of us have witnessed someone overdose, and about half of us have a family member or friend who has experienced an overdose. About one in six of us have experienced an overdose ourselves. 

All of us want to make a difference in this space. 

We have been coming together every few months since January 2024, sharing space, mutual respect, and understanding with one another and putting our superpowers together. Using our diverse expertise to reflect on national, Tennessee, and Shelby County data, we discussed the root causes behind this overdose epidemic, and 48 of us voted on a list of priorities to address among the root causes. We have broken into subgroups to move forward in developing and implementing evidence-based strategies to reduce the amount of young people who die from unintentional overdose in this community. 

Our current top priorities to address are:

• Insufficient youth-focused, accurate education about drugs

• Self-medicating untreated mental illness 

• A lack of supervised, fun, safe spaces for youth

We encourage you to take up the call to action to address any of these priorities, whether in partnership with us or on your own. We must not, as a community, turn a blind eye to this epidemic. Join us in the fight today to save the lives of young people we love. 

Connect with us for future updates about meetings and events: TikTok @yootmemphis; Facebook @YOOT Memphis; Instagram @yootmemphis; Remind: text @yoot901 to 81010; email yootmemphis@gmail.com; text (901) 860-4589.

Resources:

• If you or your adolescent are experiencing a mental health or substance use crisis, call or text 988

• Tennessee Naloxone Program (provides confidentially mailed naloxone, a medicine that rapidly reverses opioid overdose)

• Regional Overdose Prevention Specialists (provide naloxone as well as education on how to administer)

• David Fuller: david@memphisprevention.org | (901) 484-2852; Tony Hampton: tony@memphisprevention.org | (901) 484-1649

• TN Statewide Crisis Line: (885) CRISIS-1

• TN Redline (provides referrals to addiction treatment for substance use disorder, can help you figure out where to go, including treatment information for people 18+ years old): (800) 889-9789

Substance use treatment options for youth under 18 years old:

• Outpatient Treatment — Young person sleeps in their own bed at home and goes to treatment during 1 or more days of the week. Some *with asterisks* offer evidence-based substance use medication management (e.g. buprenorphine/naloxone for opioid use disorder), some do not. Ages accepted by facilities vary but all accept some patients under 18.

○ IAC Associates*: (901) 746-9438

○ Le Bonheur Adolescent Health Clinic*: (901) 287-7337 [Starting 4/1/25]

○ Recovery Associates*: (901) 590-4106

○ Urban Family Ministries: (901) 323-8400

○ Charlie Health Intensive Outpatient (all online)*: (866) 805-2001

○ Bradford Intensive Outpatient (all online): (866) 805-2001

● Inpatient/Residential Treatment — Young person sleeps at the facility (some offer evidence-based substance use medication management (e.g. buprenorphine/naloxone for opioid use disorder)*, some do not)

○ Memphis Recovery Center: (901) 272-7751

○ Parkwood: (662) 895-4900

○ Compass: (901) 758-2002

○ Lakeside: (901) 370-1324 *(case-by case-basis, depends on the psychiatrist)

Categories
Opinion The Last Word

Memphis Is My Boyfriend: Spring Break Survival 

Ice cream — and food in general — keep the tweens and teens happy. (Photos: Patricia Lockhart)

Soon, flowers will bloom, painting the landscape with vibrant colors. The sun will shine for more hours, casting a glow over the freshly repaired potholes. Birds will sing cheerful melodies, and people will cruise through the city blasting GloRilla. But something else is stirring: spring break!

I’m a mother of four wonderful teens/tweens — an 11-year-old girl, twin 13-year-old boys, and a 16-year-old boy. And nothing is more exciting than the arrival of spring break. A full week with nothing pressing to do! But with tweens and teens, it hits differently. If you plan too much, they’ll complain. If you plan nothing, they’ll complain. Making sure your teens enjoy their break is a delicate balancing act. So, here’s a Teen Spring Break Survival Guide that will help you stay sane while keeping your teens (mostly) happy! Follow this foolproof (okay, semi-foolproof) plan:

• Limit your fun activities to one per day. 

Don’t overfill your teen’s schedule. While they may enjoy what you plan, let’s be real, teens love one thing above all else: being left alone. Pick activities carefully. We’re heading to Monster Mini Golf in Cordova, where they can enjoy glow-in-the-dark minigolf. And if they’re feeling extra adventurous, they might choose to play laser tag, too. (Keyword: choose — forcing extra fun is a crime in Teen Law.) More than one activity is overwhelming; less is boringggg.

• Involve lots of food.

At least one activity should involve food. My kids love to activate their “summer stomachs” during breaks. They have first breakfast, second breakfast, brunch, lunch, snacks, dinner, dessert, and a late-night snack. We are currently vibing on Jay’s Coffee & Cuisine in Millington. Everything on their menu is delicious. We’ve tried their shrimp and grits, chicken and waffles, french toast, pancakes, and fries. Jay’s fries are out of this world! They are the BEST FRIES IN MEMPHIS. Period! Jay’s also serves lattes, syrups, and teas. I’m currently loving their lavender matcha latte.

• Leave them alone.

Arrange at least one day where you don’t call their name. Yeah, I said it! Need a glass of water? You’re going to have to get it yourself. Can’t find the remote? Try looking under the couch cushions or in the refrigerator. Who knows where they put it. For a full 24-hour period, require nothing of your teen. Nada. Zilch! Just like you get tired of hearing Mom, Mama, Bruh, they also get tired of being called to do tasks. Trust me: It’s peaceful on both sides.

• Let them sleep.

Do not wake them before noon. My teens stay up all night watching ’90s sitcoms and playing video games. Waking them up before noon is like poking a hormonal grizzly bear — only do it if you want a moody teen stomping through the house. Plus, the later they sleep, the fewer hours you have to entertain them. So while they rest, I’ll head to Hopson’s Espresso Print Coffee Shop in Bartlett. They’re a new coffee shop with the best butter cookies this side of the Mississippi. My go-to is the English toffee latte — just the right temp and taste. During spring break, I’ll be there playing my Nintendo Switch.

• Find something for you to do.

While they’re gaming, sleeping, eating, or doing anything but taking a shower, find something for you to do. Catch up on your favorite shows. Take that nap. Or get that project done you’ve been putting off. I plan on remodeling our backyard. I might even add a couple of chickens. Better yet, I’ll just go to the library. The Raleigh Library in, of course, Raleigh has an attached walking track. The outside area also has a huge, shaded seating area. 

• Ice cream is still magical.

No matter how old they get, my kids will always cheer when I say Sugar Ghost Ice Cream and Bubble Tea. Located on Broad, they have the only ice cream I eat religiously. And naturally, my kids love it, too. Ice cream has a way of melting the hard edges off teenagers. It’s really just magical how a sweetened dairy product can bring their inner child out. 

Spring break with tweens/teens is all about balance — just enough plans to keep them entertained, plenty of food to keep them happy, and the freedom to sleep and do their thing. Whether we’re mini-golfing, eating at Jay’s, or simply enjoying some well-earned quiet at Hopson’s, the key is embracing the frenzy and the calm. And while they’re living their best lives, I’ll be sipping lattes, playing my Switch, and maybe even getting those backyard chickens. 

Patricia Lockhart is a native Memphian who loves to read, write, cook, and eat. By day, she’s an assistant principal and writer, but by night … she’s asleep.

Categories
Opinion The Last Word

Investing in Memphis Wisely 

201 Poplar (Photo:Thomas R Machnitzki | Wikimedia Commons)

Our city and county face a difficult yet pivotal decision: how to allocate our limited resources in a manner that not only meets urgent needs but also sets the stage for long-term prosperity and safety. With mounting pressure to build both a new jail and a new hospital, it is imperative that we evaluate every option to maximize public benefit without burdening taxpayers or risking unnecessary expenditures.

At the heart of the hospital debate is the existence of a private, not-for-profit facility — Methodist University Hospital — which currently operates under capacity. Meanwhile, plans for the new community trauma center, Regional One Health Medical Center, call for development on the site of the former Commercial Appeal building. This site is also a potential toxic waste dump that would require extensive and expensive environmental remediation. With these realities in mind, one must ask: Is constructing an entirely new hospital the wisest use of public funds, or is there a more strategic, fiscally responsible alternative available?

Memphis City Council member Jeffrey Warren (Photo: memphistn.gov)

A promising and forward-thinking solution is to merge the proposed Regional One Medical Center with Methodist University Hospital to create a single, robust University Medical Center. This unified entity would leverage the significant strengths of each institution. The UT Health Science Center — our largest state medical school — already plays a vital role in the operation of both hospitals. By consolidating these institutions, we can enhance medical training, streamline services, and ultimately ensure that residents receive the highest standard of care. A unified system would facilitate better coordination of specialized services, reduce redundant administrative overhead, and eliminate unnecessary duplication of costly infrastructure.

Adding to the strength of this proposal is the fact that I have received an overwhelming number of supportive comments from multiple medical administrators and physicians. These experts, with firsthand knowledge of the challenges and opportunities in our healthcare system, have commended the wisdom of merging our resources. Their endorsements underline a shared vision for a more efficient, responsive, and innovative healthcare delivery model that can better serve our community’s needs.

Moreover, this strategic merger would free up funds by avoiding the exorbitant costs associated with building a new hospital on a contaminated site. The savings could then be redirected to another critical area: modernizing our county jail at 201 Poplar Avenue. The current jail facility is not only outdated but also fails to meet the operational requirements of both law enforcement agencies and the broader justice system. A modern, secure, and efficient jail would not only bolster public safety but also facilitate improved rehabilitation and support programs, benefiting both inmates and the community as a whole.

Relocating the jail would also bring significant economic and developmental advantages to Downtown Memphis. The existing facility, along with its aging adjacent structures, has long stifled the potential of our central business district. By moving the jail to a more suitable location, we would unlock new avenues for economic growth and revitalization. This move could attract fresh investments, stimulate local businesses, and create a more vibrant and welcoming urban environment for residents and visitors alike.

Before any irreversible decisions or costly demolitions — such as tearing down the old newspaper office — are made, it is crucial that a thorough investigation is conducted. To that end, I urge the County Commission, the hospitals involved, and the university administration to form a dedicated committee. This committee would be tasked with a comprehensive review of the merger proposal, weighing the benefits against potential risks, and ensuring that every aspect is carefully considered. Such a measured approach would prevent hasty expenditures and safeguard our community’s financial health while ensuring that we are investing in solutions that offer the greatest long-term returns.

In addition, this proposed committee would serve as a platform for ongoing dialogue between policymakers, medical experts, and community stakeholders. By fostering collaboration and transparent discussion, we can refine our strategy to ensure that the unified medical center not only meets current healthcare demands but is also well-positioned to adapt to future challenges. It is essential that every step of this process be guided by evidence-based insights and a clear understanding of the fiscal and societal impacts involved.

Ultimately, the merger of Methodist University Hospital with the proposed Regional One Medical Center is not merely a consolidation of facilities; it is an investment in a visionary approach to healthcare and public safety. It represents a commitment to fiscal prudence, operational efficiency, and the well-being of our community. By thoughtfully balancing the immediate need for improved medical and correctional facilities with long-term strategic planning, we can create a model of integrated public service that benefits everyone.

Now is the time to think strategically, collaborate extensively, and invest wisely in a future that strengthens our healthcare system, revitalizes our Downtown, and secures a safer environment for all citizens — without imposing new tax burdens. Let us move forward with a plan that reflects both our immediate needs and our commitment to sustainable growth. 

Jeffery Warren is a member of the Memphis City Council, representing Super District 9 Position 3.

Categories
Opinion The Last Word

The Doll and the Don: Contrasting Two American Icons

Dolly Parton (Photo: Laurence Agron | Dreamstime.com)

Like many of this fantastic publication’s erudite and discerning readers, I consider myself a Memphian, not a Tennessean. That is, at least, until Dolly Parton enters the chat. Famed country music singer/songwriter, businesswoman, film star, and philanthropist, Parton’s list of accolades is longer than a country mile, and they’re the rare sort of achievements that have crossover appeal. 

I mention Our Lady of the Wildflowers because I have just signed my newborn son up for Dolly Parton’s Imagination Library, a program funded primarily by the Dollywood Foundation (with some funding from community partners), which provides free books for children from birth to age 5. If that sounds like nothing more than a tax write-off, consider that Parton has said the program was inspired by her father’s struggles reading and that she credits her mother’s songs and stories as an inspiration for her own eventual creative career. Consider also that 21 percent of adults in the United States are illiterate, and a whopping 54 percent of Americans read below a sixth-grade level. According to the National Literacy Institute, low levels of literacy cost the U.S. up to $2.2 trillion per year.

As I write these words, the Imagination Library’s funding is under attack in Indiana. The state’s (Republican) governor, Mike Braun, is looking to defund the program, likely in an attempt to curry favor with President Donald Trump and his gang of cost-cutting cronies. 

“We are hopeful that Governor Braun and the Indiana Legislature will continue this vital investment by restoring the state’s funding match for local Imagination Library programs,” Parton said in a statement released online. “The beauty of the Imagination Library is that it unites us all — regardless of politics — because every child deserves the chance to dream big and succeed.”

It’s hard to argue with that kind of logic, right? 

Wrong. That seemingly American-as-apple-pie statement couldn’t be more out of step with today’s values. Enough of us decided this November that a quick buck and cost-cutting are preferable to an investment in our future. With the National Science Foundation, the National Institute of Health, USAID, NASA, and other critical programs on the chopping block, who has tears to spare for the Imagination Library? 

The current moment seems to me to be summed up thusly: America says it wants Dolly Parton, but it keeps choosing Donald Trump. Though Parton is surely too intelligent ever to descend into politics — and she doesn’t have to, since she’s not desperately avoiding a lengthy stint in prison — she does seem to be the actual best version of everything Trump pretends to be. 

Where Trump claims to be a self-made success, along with his siblings, he inherited a portion of his father’s estate, then valued between $250 and $300 million. Parton, on the other hand, is a real person of the people, one of 12 children raised in a single-room cabin in Pittman Center, Tennessee — her “Tennessee Mountain Home.” She wrote and sang her way to success. Trump’s populist shtick only works if one can suspend disbelief long enough to forget about his gold-plated toilet, his hush payments to porn stars, and his failed for-profit “education center.” As a businessman, his career pales in comparison to Parton’s. Through her Dollywood Foundation, she spends money by the bucketload, investing in poverty relief, in the Imagination Library, in building a cancer treatment center, in the Vanderbilt University Medical Center, and in preservation efforts for the bald eagle — our national bird. She has that money to invest because she’s actually good at business.

Trump’s businesses, on the other hand, have filed for bankruptcy six times. In 2011, the Gold-plated Grifter was quoted by Newsweek as saying, “I do play with the bankruptcy laws — they’re very good for me.” 

Both celebrities — don’t kid yourself; Trump isn’t a politician or a businessman, he just plays one on TV — have augmented their natural appearance (and there’s no reason to judge them for that choice). Trump is famously prickly about himself, though, and completely devoid of a sense of humor. Parton, however, maneuvers through interviews like a dancer on stage, disarming reporters with comments like, “It costs a lot to look this cheap.” She’s funny, and she has a sense of humor about herself. I know who I would rather drink a beer with, and not just because “9 to 5” is one of the best songs ever written. 

There do seem to be strange similarities between the two figures. Is the devil just an angel seen through a scanner, darkly? More than anything else, Parton believes in investing in what she values, while Trump and the sociopaths holding his leash seem intent in strip-mining the once-proud American government and economy for personal gain. 

The moment to choose our hero has already passed. America chose self-interest over sacrifice, cruelty over compassion, petty small-mindedness over creativity. I pray that we get a chance to correct our course, and that we haven’t lost too much when that moment comes. 

Jesse Davis is a former Flyer staffer; he writes a monthly Books feature for Memphis Magazine. His opinions, such as they are, were formed in his early years spent tucked away in the library stacks.

Categories
Opinion The Last Word

The Missing Ingredient in Our National Dialogue

Lucas Trautman (Photo: Bob Bayne)

In a group therapy session this winter at the Oxford Treatment Center, two individuals — one a military veteran, the other a civilian deeply skeptical of the military — sat across from each other. They shared the same space, but the emotional distance between them was vast. Each felt the other embodied everything they feared or resented about the world. The veteran saw in the civilian a person who didn’t understand the sacrifices he’d made. The civilian saw in the veteran a symbol of a system that had caused harm. Yet, through shared vulnerability and open dialogue, a remarkable shift occurred. Over time, they began to see beyond their differences and discover the common humanity that bound them together. Connection trumps division, every time. And this same principle applies not only in therapy but across our increasingly polarized society.

As a psychiatrist, medical director, and complex emergencies operator, I’ve spent over two decades working with individuals in crisis, seeing firsthand how relationships can transform even the most entrenched perspectives. One of the most striking lessons I’ve learned — often in high-pressure situations where the stakes couldn’t be higher — is that when we take the time to truly understand each other, even the deepest divides can be overcome. I’ve experienced this in the Central Plateau of Haiti during the cholera epidemic, where aid workers, government officials, and community members — despite their differing priorities — came together to save lives. In these intense moments, I learned that relationship was the bridge, even when the world seemed to be on the edge of collapse.

This principle is glaringly absent in our current media landscape. Algorithms, designed to provoke outrage, have woven a narrative that promotes division at every turn. The result? We find ourselves more polarized, angrier, and increasingly unable to see the humanity in those we disagree with. But there is another path. When we engage in face-to-face dialogue, when we have conversations grounded in mutual respect, the walls of division begin to crumble.

Consider the diverse group of veterans and civilians I’ve had the privilege of working with. These individuals — some from vastly different backgrounds, some having lived lives that could not seem more divergent — eventually found common ground. Over shared stories, common experiences, and even the same love for certain foods, their dogs, or childhood memories, they began to see each other not as “other,” but as human. The differences were still there, but they were no longer insurmountable. Instead, the connections they formed allowed them to thrive, both as individuals and as a group.

In this fractured moment in history, we are bombarded by voices that encourage us to dig deeper into our entrenched views. We’re told to pick a side — but at what cost? That cost is the loss of connection, of shared humanity. And the reality is, the differences that feel so stark on our screens are often far less significant in person. We’ve been led to believe that our ideological divides are so vast, but when we meet each other face-to-face, we often find that the space between us is not as wide as we thought.

It’s crucial to acknowledge that some differences will never disappear. People will always have deeply held beliefs, some of which may never align. But perhaps the true challenge is not to change the minds of others, but to see that the cores of our humanity — our desires for love, respect, and belonging — far outweigh the ideological labels we’ve attached to each other. We are not defined by our differences. Rather, we are united in our shared experiences, in the joy of connection.

Research consistently supports the power of in-person dialogue to break down barriers. Whether in controlled settings or informal spaces, people who engage face-to-face are often able to hear one another in ways that digital interaction simply can’t replicate. They begin to see past the headlines, the algorithms, and the echo chambers that seek to keep us apart.

As someone who has witnessed the effects of isolation and division — both in the context of addiction treatment and in conflict zones around the world — I can say with certainty that human connection is the antidote. Whether we are talking about veterans and civilians or Democrats and Republicans, we all share the same essential need: the need to be understood, to be seen. Let’s choose connection over division, dialogue over outrage, humanity over algorithm. In 2025, this is perhaps the most courageous choice we can make. 

Lucas Trautman, MD, MPH, ABPN, is a board-certified psychiatrist, medical director at Oxford Treatment Center, and contributor to the BBC, Washington Post, and Vice News, specializing in mental health and addiction treatment.

Categories
Opinion The Last Word

‘January Tests’ and February Revelations

Maybe the real time for resolutions is February. (Photo: Ocusfocus | Dreamstime.com)

We start our resolutions in January, when the supposed start of the new year begins. It seems appropriate to do so: a new year, a new life. 

Many folks opt for a “dry January” where they abstain from alcohol. It’s another one of those things that makes sense when you consider how the end of the year is all about feasts and festivals. We gather together on Thanksgiving to gorge ourselves. And then, a few weeks later, there’s Christmas with the flowing eggnog. Somewhere between Christmas and New Year’s, many drink as much alcohol in the cabinets as they can. Some drink as if the world is about to end (and they’re not entirely wrong — end of one year, start of another). It’s no wonder folks want to take a break from the beverage.

Others resolve to work out more this year, and they swear they will, trust them. But, sure enough, by mid-January, those weights grow cobwebs. Personally, I gave up on resolutions in favor of what I call “January Tests,” where I spend all of January doing one thing differently. Usually, it’s something healthy. This year I gave up caffeine. It was the toughest month because of it. But I noticed my anger levels lowered and my sleep schedule normalized. I may wake up early, but not quite refreshed. I spend the entire day in a haze and want to take so many naps. Maybe I’m too tired to be passionate and that’s why my anger levels are so low.

Inevitably, I look forward to February every year because it means that I can return to my natural self, my true primitive goblin form. But I have never looked up what February truly means. I always just saw it as the second month of the year, and the shortest. 

In Roman times, neither January or February were observed. It was simply “those winter months” that folks bore through. But when they did observe these two months, they named them after two major observances. January was for Janus, the god of passageways and doors, which is appropriate. February, on the other hand, was named after the ritual of Februa, or purification. The festival of Februa occurred on February 15th, around what we now call Valentine’s Day, and consisted of various purification rituals and offerings. A man clad in goat skin would strike women who wished to conceive, a barbaric-sounding practice. It reminds me more of those “birthday punches” that friends would deliver in school (with one to grow on).

The Romans aren’t the only ones to see February as a welcoming of a new world. The ancient Irish celebrated (and today’s Irish still celebrate) the top of February as the festival of Imbolc. Catholics celebrate it as St. Brigid’s Day, Brigid being the old goddess of pagan Ireland. Brigid represented both spring and the arts, with many revivalists calling her “patroness of poets.” The saint named after her is seen as the “Mary of Ireland,” even more so as one of the three patron saints of Ireland (after Patrick and Columba). Some debate her historicity, but all agree that both the saint and the deity represent the same thing: a new life and an awakening of the new world.

One important ritual attributed to St. Brigid’s Day (February 1st) is the hanging of Brigid’s crosses. They symbolize the protection of the saint and welcome a new, clean year. A fresh start. These reed-weaved crosses resemble Native American dream catchers, Latin American Ojos de Dios, and other Indigenous charms. Just like those charms, these crosses are meant to be hung over doorways or beds to work properly.

I know it seems like my ADHD is acting up, but these associations are going somewhere. I’m sure that the more research I do, the more cultures I examine, I’ll find the same thesis: February represents new life, change. We always celebrate January as the start of a new year, but maybe it’s the habits we stick with until February that actually define who we will be each new year.

One of my previous “January tests” had been giving up soda all of that month. And, sure enough, I cannot drink soda as much as I used to. I find myself craving water much more. For some who celebrate a “dry January,” I’ll bet many end up drinking less or staying sober the rest of the year. I’ll bet that those who stick with their exercises, though they may lose that fervor, start going on more walks or doing more push-ups.

I’m not saying it’s useless to try to change. But maybe my conclusion is that real change takes time and growth — and, perhaps, the willpower to get slapped by a goat-man. Whatever you choose to do, spend February collecting yourself and finally getting rid of the previous year’s dribs and drabs.

You had a whole month to prepare. 

William Smythe is a local writer and poet. He writes for Focus Mid-South, an LGBT+ magazine.

Categories
Opinion The Last Word

Memphis Is My Boyfriend: A Teen’s Take on Dating

Sometimes all teens want is for someone to listen. (Photo: Courtesy Patricia Lockhart)

I’m a mom of four teenagers. An 11-year-old girl, twin 13-year-old boys, and a 16-year-old boy. And that 16-year-old is … DATING! This is a scary moment for me. Mostly because I know what “dating” looked like for me at 16. (We read and we don’t judge.) Nevertheless, I thought that this would be a great opportunity to hear about dating and Valentine’s Day from the perspective of a teenager. And now, here’s what my son has to say!

For teenagers, Valentine’s Day is a chance to celebrate your relationship, no matter how long you’ve been dating. As you have probably seen from most teenage rom-coms or from social media drama, Valentine’s Day can also be messy. 

In high school, there are tons of unique relationships and several types of couples. Some teens have been dating for only a few weeks, while others are approaching year three! There are some teenagers who struggle to start relationships because of their sexuality. Others struggle to keep relationships just because their partner loses interest and leaves them on “read.” Or some parents prohibit their teens from dating at all. Even if a couple may seem like they are going strong, it can come falling down.

Either way, dating and Valentine’s Day is a pivotal point for teens. Wherever they may be in their dating scene, here are a couple of things to keep in mind as a parent:

• Support your teen: You may not like who they’re dating, but support your teen and make sure they are doing well in their relationship. 

• Don’t embarrass your teen: It can be easy to bring up their flaws or messy habits, but it doesn’t feel good when you are getting embarrassed in front of your girlfriend or boyfriend.

• Offer advice, but don’t lecture: Talking down to someone and talking to them are two different things. You want to make sure that you are talking to teens about their relationship. Be wary of lecturing without giving them an opportunity to be active in the conversation. 

• Listen: Sometimes all teens want is for someone to listen. They may not even want advice, just someone to listen to their situation and understand them.

Luckily, I am in a healthy relationship. We have known each other for years and started dating only five months ago. My partner has to be one of the most enthusiastic and energetic people I have ever met. Whether it comes to the situationships in season seven of The Rookie or her cases at youth court, she always brings her energy to the table (unless she is hangry). Also, seeing her smile just brightens my day. I’ll never forget that. But here are a couple of points that I have learned from other successes and failures that I use to guide my relationship. Teenagers, take a pic of this:

• Communicate your boundaries: Make sure that you both are looking for the same or similar things in a relationship. Let them know up front what’s a “no-go.”

• Respect each other: Everyone deserves respect. In person and online!

• Consent, consent, consent: Ask permission for everything, even hugging and kissing.

• Don’t lie to your parents. Just be open and up front. They’re going to find out anyway. 

Now that we’ve got that out of the way, here are my plans for my very first Valentine’s Day.

I plan on taking my partner to Ciao Bella Italian Restaurant. Both of us are huge fans of Italian cuisine. With us being teens, we must factor in our parents. We aren’t fully independent, and we can’t just go sneaking out the window to a dinner date. So of course our parents will be there, but hopefully at a different table.

During dinner, I’ll present her with gifts. I know her pretty well. But I cannot afford front row seats to the next WWE Smackdown. And after the holiday season, my accounts aren’t overflowing. But fortunately, I love to make homemade/crafty gifts. I’ll be making an assortment of cards and flowers with a custom blanket that has her favorite celebrities on it (Eric Winter, Melissa O’Neil). In addition to that, I will be making a spray-painted sweatshirt with designs from Michael Jackson and Roman Reigns, a couple more of her favorite celebrities. 

Valentine’s Day as a teenager is a mix of excitement, nerves, and learning experiences. Whether it’s a first date, a longtime relationship, or just navigating the highs and lows of young love, it’s a time of growth. Remember, as parents, it isn’t your role to control the journey but to support, guide, and — most importantly — listen. 

Patricia Lockhart is a native Memphian who loves to read, write, cook, and eat. By day, she’s an assistant principal and writer, but by night … she’s asleep. Her son Aiden Lockhart is dating now!

Categories
Opinion The Last Word

An Ode to Ice Cream Sandwiches

Your personal ice cream sandwich can help you cope. (Photo: Anjelagr | Dreamstime.com)

With a fork and a knife, Hunny Blunt cuts into the summertime dish with glee. “There’s nothing better,” she declares, “than a rich and flavorful ice cream sandwich from the Lamplighter Lounge.” It’s the Monday night drag show, a new staple of the Midtown scene. Hunny, the grand duchess of the ball, carefully consumes her post-dance treat and seems positively glowing in her cocktail dress and oversized ’do. “I think I’m just about ready to face the world again,” she quips, strutting back to the stage for round two of a performance.

For many folks, these drag nights are their own “Neapolitan ice cream sandwich,” a way to unwind from the traumas of a rough workweek. There are many more nights like these at Lamplighter too: karaoke on Thursdays and comedy on Wednesdays, sometimes a burlesque show during a Thursday karaoke. On weekends, there’s always a band playing: Rosey if you feel swamp-witch rage; Data Drums for those into the introspective and atmospheric. You name it, they’ll drop it on your plate on any given day.

Personally, though, I’m having trouble trying to think up my own “ice cream sandwich.” There are so many things that I feel help me stave off those moments of depression, to pluck out those seeds of doubt. But nothing is really sticking. So I reached out to some locals and friends to ask what they would call their own “ice cream sandwich.”

A dear friend of mine who works for MIFA, Sumi Montgomery, said hers would be “either hiking in nature, or getting a new tattoo. I’m even planning my next tattoo for after the holidays.” Unlike her, I have only gotten one tattoo: a literary symbol on my ankle. It made me pass out (who knew the ankle was the worst spot to get a first tattoo?), but I did feel a rush of adrenaline and dopamine after. “That’s the thing though,” she clarifies. “After all that pain, you’re left with something beautiful. I see them as marks of transition.”

I can agree with her first option. She and I have hiked along the Wolf River Greenway and around her area of Harbor Town before, and afterwards I felt not only reinvigorated, but also relaxed. Nature can be a great way to reconnect and recenter ourselves. But, still, I felt like I needed something more. Maybe there is something I’m missing that could be my “ice cream sandwich.” So I reached out to local socialite and librarian Ralley Taura. 

She told me that when she feels like the world is crashing down on her, she cleans her house. “Organizing a spot in my house that has stressed me out relaxes me,” she elaborates. “And I listen to an audiobook while I clean. There’s nothing like compete inundation with something like that to make every worry melt away.” I sometimes find myself feeling much better after a good house cleaning. But still, it doesn’t quite fit me, I feel. So I continue searching.

A colleague of mine, Erica Qualy, runs a local vintage shop, Tako’s Treasures. She has been doing so for almost a decade, crafting an ecologically and environmentally friendly brand. Her “ice cream sandwich” is, in fact, “thrifting. It has always been a form of therapy for me. I’m a big believer in gratitude and turning that into an activity.” 

But sometimes that’s not enough. So she gave me another, more philosophical answer as well: “I remind myself to trust the universe. Looking back on the times where I felt my life was falling apart, it turns out things were actually falling into place.” What wise words to remember.

Finally, I reached out to local political figure Noah Nordstrom for his take on what he hopes folks can cling onto in this rising political tide. His response? “I lean into my family and community when it feels like everything is coming down. Hosting events or fundraisers brings me a sense of peace and stability.” 

And I couldn’t agree more. Community events are the lifeblood of a society. Noah himself proves to be a passionate community leader, especially after giving his all in the recent Representative election. He continues that good fight, as you can see in the infamous Memphis-Shelby County Schools board video. Passion like his is what I hope to channel these next few years.

Everyone needs a way to unwind, especially during the coming four years. It is now more important than ever to seek out our community and immerse ourselves in culture. Go to shows and support your local musicians and artists.

There is nothing better than these little moments, in spite of what may happen. I hope to find my own ice cream sandwich soon to combat the dread. My fork and knife stand at the ready. 

William Smythe is a local writer and poet. He writes for Focus Mid-South, an LGBT+ magazine.