There are ordinary sleazy years, and then there was Memphis 2006.
Between high-profile investigations of political corruption, drug dealers, and strip clubs, there was enough blue material to offend — or satisfy — just about everyone. And most of it was set out in graphic detail in trials, tapes, indictments, and affidavits of men and women behaving badly. It was like having Ludacris, Johnny Knoxville, and Borat over for drinks at Kathy Griffin’s and turning on a tape recorder.
In fairness, not all of this happened in 2006. Some of it happened last year or the year before and just became public this year. Let’s just say that Memphis, recognized this year as one of America’s most violent and least healthy cities, has a leg up on more laurels in 2007. Test your knowledge with this little news quiz.
When Rickey Peete said “That’s a good picture” to Joe Cooper, he was talking about: A) the “4K” Joe was writing on a piece of paper; B) Jackass; C) Jackass Number Two.
“Another shocking aspect of Tunica Cabaret’s criminality is the role of management in the perpetration and obfuscation of the crimes,” said a criminal affidavit. Most unspeakably shocking, however, was: A) the sex show featuring a daisy chain of naked girls on the dance floor; B) the guns and drugs in plain view; C) the food service.
“Nobody brings me funny stuff.” So said: A) Willie Herenton; B) Roscoe Dixon; C) Flyer editor Bruce VanWyngarden.
“I did not feel strong enough about it to fight about it.” Who said it? A) a MATA official explaining revisions to the FedExForum garage; B) Joe Frazier before getting in the ring with Willie Herenton; C) Herenton after realizing Frazier was drunk.
“‘Can you get us a contract with the state of Tennessee?’ I said, ‘Well, shit, we may have to just create some law.'” This comes from A) Andrew Jackson’s biography; B) the state constitution; C) Tim Willis posing as a representative of E-Cycle Management.
“Joe ain’t the big juice. The big juice is Lois DeBerry, John Ford, Roscoe, and Kathryn Bowers. That’s your heavy hitters right there.” Juiceless Joe would be A) Joe Cooper; B) Joe Towns; C) Joe Frazier.
The statement “You don’t come out of the Senate with 17, yo shit don’t fly” is: A) what Barry Myers told E-Cycle Management; B) written on John Ford’s old business card; C) so true.
Who got in big trouble for repeatedly saying “nigger”? A) government witness Barry Myers; B) domestic terrorist and white racist Van Crocker; C) comedian Michael Richards.
Watusi, Don Juan, and Sticky areA) nicknames of men indicted last week on federal gun charges; B) real names in obituaries in The Commercial Appeal;C) guys who hang with Lavender, Trinity, and Kitten at Platinum Plus.
“Free popcorn and tacos at the bar” is: A) a secret warning that undercover cops are raiding strip clubs; B) the holiday special at Huey’s; C) seven words you will never hear at FedExForum.
When he said “I’ll drum up seven or make somebody walk out,” Edmund Ford meant seven: A) City Council members; B) dead bodies for his struggling mortuary; C) years of prison time if convicted.
“They were all smoking marijuana in the kitchen of the Tunica Cabaret, where Vega and Youngblood were cooking food for customers.” This sworn statement should alarm: A) the DEA; B) the vice squad; C) the health department.
Who said, “I have done this world wide, and this is the wildest I have ever seen,” and “That’s the best show I’ve ever seen in my life”? A) an MPD officer working undercover at a strip club; B) a Grizzlies fan; C) a reporter who covers the City Council.
Before he said “Throw me one of them stacks, man,” Roscoe Dixon was: A) watching a 400-pound wrestler on television; B) calculating the odds that Tim Willis was working for the FBI;C) concocting his alibi.
Happy &***@#!! New Year.
