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Does March Madness Have a God?

This from my friend and colleague, Greg Akers, who happens to be the maestro of Contemporary Media’s office pool (friendly wagers only, of course):

“One of the things I’ll be watching this year is if there is a benevolent higher power in the universe or if it’s all just chemical chaos. That all-time-great question will be answered with the outcome of the tournament. If Kentucky wins it all, there is no god. (Or, perhaps god is Worldwide Wes). If Kentucky doesn’t win, it’s evidence that there is a being who is master of all our fates, John Calipari included. Depending upon the fashion in which Kentucky loses, I believe we can even settle upon which variation of god is applicable. Eliminated so far: the god from Exodus (very direct, with plagues and such; would’ve eliminated Kentucky in the first round). Still in play: the god from Genesis (long-term planner), the New Testament (martyrs — maybe Omar Samhan goes after DeMarcus Cousins to get him ejected), Buddha (karmic finale vs. Kansas), Kali (lots of blocked shots), and many others.”

Being the KISS fan I am, I can only hope the God of Thunder plays a role in Kentucky’s march to ruin. We must find faith where we can.

By Frank Murtaugh

Frank Murtaugh is the managing editor of Memphis magazine. He's covered sports for the Flyer for two decades. "From My Seat" debuted on the Flyer site in 2002 and "Tiger Blue" in 2009.