Bacon Bits
Last week, crummy criminal Martene Stewart called 9-1-1 to report that her purse was snatched by employees at SuperLo Foods as she attempted to run out of the store with a purse full of stolen bacon. Stewart was subsequently arrested for theft of property under $500.
Almost Famous
Curry Todd may have lost his seat in Tennessee’s General Assembly, but the long-legged former legislator is taking a final victory lap in the media. In her end-of-summer roundup for MTV, political writer Jaime Fuller wrote about how Todd was caught on video stealing opponent Mark Lovell’s yard signs. Todd’s sign story was also described as a “monthly favorite” in a compilation of weird news stories assembled by Bloomington, Illinois, newspaper, Pantagraph.
Verbatim
“I did it, yeah, if they put it back up, I’ll do it again. That’s blasphemous … I’d much rather have God happy with me for something I did, even if it puts me in jail,” confessed “Naked Jesus” sign thief Pat Andrews, as quoted by Local Memphis-24. Yeah, sure, Andrews’ God-math failed to adjust for the 8th Commandment and all, but at least he didn’t bear false witness. He didn’t approve of Heartsong Church’s “Naked Jesus” signs, so he just pulled a Curry Todd and took them. The text-only signs advertised sermons about a strictly Biblical Christ.
