Headline News
This week’s coveted best headline award goes to The Commercial Appeal for “Burping, flatulence are facts of life that can be managed.” The CA’s wind-breaking feature described farting as a great equalizer that affects us all regardless of “wealth, age, or gender.” The helpful article noted that gas is sometimes burped and/or belched and often “released through the anus,” aka “flatulence through the rectum.”
The author goes on to explain that cheese, which most people cut between 13 and 21 times a day, can be brought on by carbonated beverages, drinking through straws, talking while eating, chewing gum, sucking on candy, or even “loose-fitting dentures.” We smell Pulitzer!
Neverending Elvis
Your Pesky Fly has run across a lot of weird Elvis stories in his time, but this is a first. According to London’s Daily Mail, Jo Collins of Reading, Berkshire breaks out in a cold sweat and has to “run away and hide” whenever she hears Elvis songs due to what the tabloid variously describes as an “allergy” and a “phobia.” Too bad for Collins, she works in a bar, and Elvis-loving patrons love to play the jukebox.
Bottomed Out
Natasha Stewart, better known by her adult entertainer name Pebbelz da Model, has finally been sentenced for her role in the death of Karima Gordon. Presuming an appropriately sized prison uniform can be obtained, Pebbelz, known on the club circuit for possessing a bottom so large it belongs in the NC-17-rated sequel to Pacific Rim, will serve seven years in prison. Gordon, impressed by Pebbelz’s famous assets and wanting to build on her own back 40, paid da Model $200 to introduce her to the man who lethally injected her trunk with “concrete-like” junk. According to reports, Stewart was “blinded by this substance called silicone” and expressed remorse. “I’m so deeply sorry,” she was quoted as saying. “All I ever wanted to do was help.”
